“Simplicity, clarity, singleness: these are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy.” – Richard Halloway
The minimalist life holds benefits for all.
Numbers of parents think a minimalist lifestyle is simply out of reach because they have children—as if the two are somehow incompatible. But that is not the case. As I explain in Clutterfree with Kids, the principles of minimalism are completely within reach no matter how many children you have or where you live.
And not only is minimalism completely possible with children, it is a lifestyle filled with benefits for them! Since becoming minimalist, I have been continually amazed at some of the lessons my two young children have learned. Over the past years, they have learned:
- That we don’t need to buy things to be happy. We own far fewer things than we did years ago. We purchase far fewer things than we did years ago. Yet, we are far happier than we were years ago. Go figure.
- That we don’t need to live life like everyone else. Even though they are not quite old enough to understand all of the intricacies of our minimlist life, they completely understand that we have made a decision to live different than most people in our neighborhood. Our lifestyle has given them permission to live a counter-cultural life.
- That we live within our means. Although our children are not balancing our checkbook, they do hear us speak often about debt, the joy of not being in it, and our desire to stay out of it.
- That we think carefully about our purchases. Because we believe in giving them ample opportunity to find/grow in their interests, we still need to buy things like toys, school supplies, art supplies, and sporting goods. We just think through our buying decisions more carefully. This is an invaluable lesson for children to learn as they get older. We no longer buy something just because we have the money, we buy things because we truly need them.
- That we gladly share with others. Since we became minimalist when they were young, they have grown up watching us donate many of our belongings to others. They have seen generosity in action.
- That clutter is a drag. They have seen how minimalism creates a home where clutter is scarce. And when it does show up, it can be quickly remedied—and usually is.
- That we love spending time with them. Our minimalist home has allowed us the opportunity to spend less time purchasing, cleaning, organizing, and sorting things. We have gladly replaced that time managing stuff with spending time with them.
- That we are in control of our stuff. Not the other way around.
Minimalism with children is entirely possible. However, it does require a little more effort, a little more thoughtfulness, and a lot more patience. As you embark (or continue) on the journey, here are some practical steps to consider:
1. Explain your decision. Your children are thinking human beings. Therefore, no matter their age (our son and daughter were only 5 and 2 at the time), sit down and explain your decision to them – include the reasons why you are choosing to become minimalist and the benefits you are hoping to receive from it. And because teenagers typically jump to far-reaching conclusions, assure them that your decision does not mean you are no longer going to buy anything… it just means you are going to intentionally think through your purchases in the future.
2. Begin minimizing your possessions first. Minimize your personal belongings first and your shared family belongings second. It would be unfair to ask your child/teenager to thoroughly adopt the lifestyle until you have done it personally. Also remember, you will learn valuable lessons when you remove your personal clutter – valuable lessons that will put you in a better place to help your son or daughter navigate their journey.
3. Remove the items they do not use first. Minimalism is about paring down to only the essentials. It is about removing the things in our life we don’t need so we can focus on the things that we do. And while most homes are filled with things that are not needed, they are also filled with things that are not even used. Start there. You can begin by removing the clothes they no longer wear, the toys they no longer they play with, and the other things they no longer use. That’s an easy first step. As you begin there and talk them through the process, they may begin to naturally start asking themselves the question, “How much of this other stuff do I really need anyway?”
4. Focus on the positives. As you begin to see the benefits of minimalism in the life of your children/teenagers, point them out and focus on them. Just because you are observant enough to notice them, doesn’t mean they see it quite as readily as you. Does their room appear tidier? Do they spend less time cleaning? Is it easier to find things? Can you notice less stress or less distraction? Are you more relaxed as a parent? Encourage each other with the positive benefits that you notice.
5. Treat them to fun experiences. One benefit of minimalism is that you spend less and have more time on your hands – so you should have some extra disposable income and the time to do something with it. Use it to create fun, family experiences. Do something new that everyone will enjoy. Take a trip to the beach, the amusement park, or a weekend in the city. You don’t need to spend all of your new found savings on one trip (especially if you are trying to get out of debt in the process), but a practical experience that highlights the benefits of your decision can go a long way in helping your children understand your minimalist decision.
6. Choose your purchases carefully going forward. You will still need to buy things going forward. Children will outgrow their clothes, their toys, their school supplies, and their sporting goods. They are not going to stop growing and developing. You are absolutely still going to buy things going forward… you are just going to put more thought into your purchases than you did in the past. Replace “Do I want this?” with “Do I need this?” And help your son or daughter ask the same question. It’s one of the most important lessons they will ever learn.
7. (A word about gifts). We have taken the approach of still allowing our relatives the opportunity to buy gifts for our children. It is an expression of their love. They desire to show their love by giving gifts and our children feel loved when they receive them. We did not want to take that away from our family. However, we have tried to communicate with our family ahead of time and offer them a suggested gift list of things they need prior to birthdays and holidays.
8. Be patient. Be patient with your family. Offer them plenty of time to adjust to minimalism rather than being pushed into it. Minimalism is a lifestyle that needs to be believed in and adopted. Show them plenty of patience. And after all, if it took you 30 years to adopt the lifestyle, it would be foolish to assume they will fully adopt it in 30 minutes… or even 30 days.
Let me assure you. Minimalism is completely achievable and beneficial for you and your family.
mon green says
This is a great article. We are in the process of handing our large house over to my sister and her kids and paring down everything enough to move us and our 2 kids into a 30′ bus. Its a hard one though, even though we have always owned very few things, and own less by the day, i still find myself designing and redesigning because I am worried about having enough living space and storage for food etc. If only there was a list of bare minimums to survive that I could start with and build up to our needs
Jen says
So I LOVE this! I am looking into minimalism and I’m really excited to get my family started and to have a clutter free home! So my question right now is what do you do with kids clothing? We have TONS of kids clothing… We have 3 boys, soon to be 4 boys so we usually use a lot of hand me downs. Which results in having lots of boxes of clothes in the garage of clothes that will fit them later or that did for them and will fit younger ones.. But it’s not neat and is quite stressful to keep up with. What do you recommend? Organizing them or just giving them away and buying clothes as they are needed? I just don’t know what to do with all the clothes! Lol
Michelle says
We have tubs of hand me downs given to us. What we do is organize by size, and keep 5-6 winter outfits and 5-6 summer outfits of each size. We trust that as things wear out, we can replace them or that more hand me downs will come along. All the rest get passed on to others that may need them. One winter coat, and one windbreaker/light jacket per size. Also, no need for tons of shoes. One pair of tennis shoes, one pair of winter boots, one pair of sandals. One pair of dress shoes, if you wear them regularly. With only 10-12 outfits, at least 2-3 sizes fit in a storage tub. So, there should not be a ton of tubs needed to store the clothes. 3-4 tubs would likely store all the clothes needed. For an infnt, I would keep 8-10 pajamas per size, as that is what mine wore almost all the time, and then 3-5 cute outfits. 2 blankets are generally enough as well. Do you have 12 blankets and hundreds of outfits? Pick a handful of favorites, and gift, donate or sell the rest.
Majah says
Thank you!!!! I always struggle with how much to keep for children and infants as I am hoping to have another soon. I have some wonderful things from my first child that I don’t want to have to re-purchase especially as my circumstances changed financially since then. That list is super useful!! Thank you!!!
sesil says
I found that for me what worked best was limit their outfits to 9 (shirt/pants) i have a washer so its easier to do a load a day to keep up with everyones needs. Vacuum sealed bags are great also fo storage. You should look in your neighboor hood if any store can give you credit for your extra clothes so you can buy some more when needed.
Aladdin79 says
That is a great idea! The clutter with kids stresses me out. I love the idea of paring down the clothing. I tend to hoard hand me down clothing but then get stressed over it when I switch out clothes at the end of a season. Thanks for the tip!
audrey says
I actually give one gift per child at Christmas and have for years. I don’t feel like I’m depriving them. We enjoy our family time instead. It’s pretty awesome.
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michelle lyden says
I am extremely new (2weeks) to this way of thinking and i am finding it the most liberating thing i have ever done. I live in UK and our kids are awash with material stuff as is my partner and I. We have an 11yr old and 18mth living in a two bedroom flat. I have started the slow process of clearing out bag by bag. I’m spending about 30mins each day and jst sorting charity, sell, recycle. I have been dropping little quotes each day into my conversation with my family and i can see my partner coming around to this also. He is a ‘keeping up with the jones’ type of person so it will take more effort to get him fully on board but i am confident that he will and he will feel the same as me when he does. I appreciate all the comments above and it has gave me loads of tips on how to keep the kids wanting to a minimum or atleast how to deal with it when they come.asking. I cant wait to have a clutter free home and mind and i will enjoy getting there and being liberated each time another bags/box leaves our home for good.
delana says
I appreciate this article because you DO HAVE KIDS!! So often the ones that give advice on living with kids are the ones that don’t have any. I have five kids ages 8-19. I have always homeschooled (which requires a lot of books, like it, or not). My 19 year old works full-time, and my 18 year old is a college commuter. To say we do not need more stuff or square footage than a single person or a couple without kids is ridiculous, but I have been drawn to “less is more” since I got married 21 years ago. It can be a constant battle because of well-meaning friends and family. My family does NOT get it. When I try to suggest certain gifts I am accused of depriving my kids or asking for things because it is actually me that wants them and not my kids. We live in a small house with very little storage space, and we all have hobbies so we really have to keep on top of things. We have always lived on one, lower than average income. When I had three little ones you could definitely recognize the minimalism when you walked in the door. It’s gotten a little trickier with five kids all growing older. Anyway, I appreciate your website, and would love to hear from anyone out there that is minimalist and has a large family.
Marta Clark says
Great article! We practiced minimalism when our children were young because we didn’t have any money. As someone already said, a pile of cloth diapers, a few cotton baby blankets, half a dozen sets of clothing, and a car seat were our only purchases for baby #1. A few months later we bought a cheap stroller. I have always been amazed at people who, expecting their first child, remodel the house, buy a huge vehicle, and then fill house and car with special furniture and toys. What stress!
Fast forward a dozen years–Our favorite way of dealing with teenagers is to give them a set amount of money and let them make their own choices within their budget. The way we put it to our oldest son (who loves expensive toys and nice clothing): “Here is what we plan to spend on clothing for you this year. The money is now yours. The choice of what you buy and what you wear is yours. If you need new jeans, it’s your choice whether to get one pair of designer jeans or five pairs of cheap jeans.” The system worked fabulously. From that point on, we never had a single hideous scene in a store where we were trying to force our choices on him, and he was begging for something we weren’t willing to buy. He was motivated to prowl the clothing stores (we were living in Milan, Italy at the time) to find bargain clothing that he really liked at a price he could afford.
His younger brother took an entirely different approach to his clothing, and bought almost nothing. His wardrobe consisted of T-shirts he got from sports teams and hand-me-downs, and a couple sets of the types of shirts and slacks required by his high school. (The kids had laundry baskets in their bedrooms and did their own laundry from ninth grade on, so keeping his tiny wardrobe clean was his problem, not mine.) He asked his grandparents and other family members for clothing for birthdays and Christmas, so he didn’t have to spend his money. When he had to shop, he went to Goodwill.
Their sister was somewhere in between. She mostly spent her money on specialty clothing for her favorite sport–horses–and bought top of the line things for that, but little else.
In summary–minimalism is about making choices, which is something we LEARN to do. Children need to learn this skill well before they leave the nest. With children, minimalism isn’t something that the powerful parents should impose from outside, but should involve the children to the greatest extent possible at their present age.
A scene that lingers in my memory is the vision of standing in our oldest son’s dormitory the day he arrived at the university. As a continuation of loosening the tethers throughout high school, we had a very clear understanding with him of how much money we would contribute, and how much he was responsible for, which included all his discretionary spending for the year. Around us kids were wheedling their parents for money for this, that, and the other, and parents were badgering those same kids to make sure they did this, that, and the other. We stood there with our son, chatting pleasantly. He was about to be on his own, and he felt up to the task. We were letting him go, and knew he was ready.
Bonnie says
Marta, I love your attitude. I realize your comment is a couple of years old but I really wanted to comment on it. I loved your statement that minimalism isn’t about the parents imposing on the kids. I think this is so important to realize. I would never just go through my kids stuff and decide what *I* think is important for them to get rid of. They need to have a voice even if I don’t agree with their choices.
I’m looking more into this at the age of 55 but I’ve had 55 years to reach this choice and I don’t know if my kids will be on board but that will be their choice. Thank you for your great insight.
Jess says
Since discovering the minimalist lifestyle months ago, I’ve put great effort into downsizing my own belongings while putting in just as much effort NOT to push my decision onto my husband and young daughter. I know my husband won’t get rid of anything, especially if I push. So I don’t, and it’s funny because he has gotten rid of more things since I’ve stopped pushing. And my daughter, who is four years old, has joined in as well; wanting to donate some of her things, too. I was so proud. Until the little old bus helper lady sent my daughter home with a few toy catalogues (does she not have grand kids to give them to?), because “it’s Christmas” and now my daughter is back on the “I want, I need everything” train. Damn. I was almost there.
But it’s just a small road block. At first I was annoyed, but then realized what is the difference between those stupid newspaper inserts compared to the commercials on our tv? You can’t hide from it. So, now when my daughter brings home a toy catalogue from miss little old bus lady, and she tells me what she wants, I ask her to show me what she doesn’t want, and all of a sudden she’s not so interested in the things she thought she wanted.
Being new to minimalism with kids is definitely a work in progress.