“Simplicity, clarity, singleness: these are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy.” – Richard Halloway
The minimalist life holds benefits for all.
Numbers of parents think a minimalist lifestyle is simply out of reach because they have children—as if the two are somehow incompatible. But that is not the case. As I explain in Clutterfree with Kids, the principles of minimalism are completely within reach no matter how many children you have or where you live.
And not only is minimalism completely possible with children, it is a lifestyle filled with benefits for them! Since becoming minimalist, I have been continually amazed at some of the lessons my two young children have learned. Over the past years, they have learned:
- That we don’t need to buy things to be happy. We own far fewer things than we did years ago. We purchase far fewer things than we did years ago. Yet, we are far happier than we were years ago. Go figure.
- That we don’t need to live life like everyone else. Even though they are not quite old enough to understand all of the intricacies of our minimlist life, they completely understand that we have made a decision to live different than most people in our neighborhood. Our lifestyle has given them permission to live a counter-cultural life.
- That we live within our means. Although our children are not balancing our checkbook, they do hear us speak often about debt, the joy of not being in it, and our desire to stay out of it.
- That we think carefully about our purchases. Because we believe in giving them ample opportunity to find/grow in their interests, we still need to buy things like toys, school supplies, art supplies, and sporting goods. We just think through our buying decisions more carefully. This is an invaluable lesson for children to learn as they get older. We no longer buy something just because we have the money, we buy things because we truly need them.
- That we gladly share with others. Since we became minimalist when they were young, they have grown up watching us donate many of our belongings to others. They have seen generosity in action.
- That clutter is a drag. They have seen how minimalism creates a home where clutter is scarce. And when it does show up, it can be quickly remedied—and usually is.
- That we love spending time with them. Our minimalist home has allowed us the opportunity to spend less time purchasing, cleaning, organizing, and sorting things. We have gladly replaced that time managing stuff with spending time with them.
- That we are in control of our stuff. Not the other way around.
Minimalism with children is entirely possible. However, it does require a little more effort, a little more thoughtfulness, and a lot more patience. As you embark (or continue) on the journey, here are some practical steps to consider:
1. Explain your decision. Your children are thinking human beings. Therefore, no matter their age (our son and daughter were only 5 and 2 at the time), sit down and explain your decision to them – include the reasons why you are choosing to become minimalist and the benefits you are hoping to receive from it. And because teenagers typically jump to far-reaching conclusions, assure them that your decision does not mean you are no longer going to buy anything… it just means you are going to intentionally think through your purchases in the future.
2. Begin minimizing your possessions first. Minimize your personal belongings first and your shared family belongings second. It would be unfair to ask your child/teenager to thoroughly adopt the lifestyle until you have done it personally. Also remember, you will learn valuable lessons when you remove your personal clutter – valuable lessons that will put you in a better place to help your son or daughter navigate their journey.
3. Remove the items they do not use first. Minimalism is about paring down to only the essentials. It is about removing the things in our life we don’t need so we can focus on the things that we do. And while most homes are filled with things that are not needed, they are also filled with things that are not even used. Start there. You can begin by removing the clothes they no longer wear, the toys they no longer they play with, and the other things they no longer use. That’s an easy first step. As you begin there and talk them through the process, they may begin to naturally start asking themselves the question, “How much of this other stuff do I really need anyway?”
4. Focus on the positives. As you begin to see the benefits of minimalism in the life of your children/teenagers, point them out and focus on them. Just because you are observant enough to notice them, doesn’t mean they see it quite as readily as you. Does their room appear tidier? Do they spend less time cleaning? Is it easier to find things? Can you notice less stress or less distraction? Are you more relaxed as a parent? Encourage each other with the positive benefits that you notice.
5. Treat them to fun experiences. One benefit of minimalism is that you spend less and have more time on your hands – so you should have some extra disposable income and the time to do something with it. Use it to create fun, family experiences. Do something new that everyone will enjoy. Take a trip to the beach, the amusement park, or a weekend in the city. You don’t need to spend all of your new found savings on one trip (especially if you are trying to get out of debt in the process), but a practical experience that highlights the benefits of your decision can go a long way in helping your children understand your minimalist decision.
6. Choose your purchases carefully going forward. You will still need to buy things going forward. Children will outgrow their clothes, their toys, their school supplies, and their sporting goods. They are not going to stop growing and developing. You are absolutely still going to buy things going forward… you are just going to put more thought into your purchases than you did in the past. Replace “Do I want this?” with “Do I need this?” And help your son or daughter ask the same question. It’s one of the most important lessons they will ever learn.
7. (A word about gifts). We have taken the approach of still allowing our relatives the opportunity to buy gifts for our children. It is an expression of their love. They desire to show their love by giving gifts and our children feel loved when they receive them. We did not want to take that away from our family. However, we have tried to communicate with our family ahead of time and offer them a suggested gift list of things they need prior to birthdays and holidays.
8. Be patient. Be patient with your family. Offer them plenty of time to adjust to minimalism rather than being pushed into it. Minimalism is a lifestyle that needs to be believed in and adopted. Show them plenty of patience. And after all, if it took you 30 years to adopt the lifestyle, it would be foolish to assume they will fully adopt it in 30 minutes… or even 30 days.
Let me assure you. Minimalism is completely achievable and beneficial for you and your family.
Claire says
I’m struggling with this because I’m the only adult in the house who wants to be more minimalist. So for example if my children get money for a birthday I want to put it in their savings until there’s something they really want. My partner wants to take them to the toy shop to let them choose something. And then of course they want everything they see and end up buying anything without carefully thinking about how much play they’ll get from it. He thinks I’m mean for not letting them spend the money on whatever they want. Similarly if I ask them to go through toys or books and select some they no longer need that makes me mean.
My older children are old enough for me to know that the toys/games etc will naturally reduce as they get older so I don’t really stress about how much my younger children want to keep at the moment but I’d still like to minimise the amount being brought in to keep it to a semi manageable level of toys.
Sam says
Try explaining why you want less stuff. For me, it’s causing me stress and making me not enjoy living in my house as much as I could. After a long day, I would love to be able to EASILY put my shoes away and sit on the couch. I get aggravated when I have to move things out of my way to even sit down. I also can’t stand when I can’t find something and I think that will happen less if we have less clutter to look through.
I’m realizing that just because something CAN fit doesn’t mean we have to keep it. If its too hard to spend 30 seconds to put it away than why should we keep it? “I” need space in my house too.
Explain how something makes YOU feel vs saying THEY need to change. Hopefully your family will try and compromise.
I’m a beginner too so here we go :)
Dale M. Crist says
Very nice article, exactly what I needed. Very useful post i really appreciate thanks for sharing such a nice post.THANKS
Ayse says
What would you recommend about Minimalism as your kids grow? My husband and I want to stay in our home that only has 3 bedrooms and our hope was to always have 3 kids. He worries that once we have another child, we will have outgrown the house because our oldest (boy) may be 8-9 years old before the 3rd child may arrive and his question is, “How do you ask a 15 year-old to potentially share a room with a 7-8 year old?” What would be your advice? I keep thinking, there are plenty of families all around the world that don’t have the luxury of putting every child in their own room and people make do with what we have, it can’t be as bad as he’s making it sound. Am I on the right track? I really want us to live below our means and we plan to pay off our house as early as possible, in the next 9-10 years. He worries that having another child could derail our plans to make this house work for us long-term. Really appreciate all your work in sharing your passion of living simply!
Camille says
Hi! I was the 2nd of 5 kids in a 4 bedroom house. My two brothers always shared, and my sisters and I rotated who had their own room. That meant I was 15, sharing with my 8 year old sister at one point :). There was occasional conflict but for the most part it was just understood that that’s how it was. Just make sure to observe boundaries and give your teenager space other ways. I think especially having minimal toys and stuff in the room will help too, so there’s not a fight over clutter! Good luck!
Camille says
Hi! I was the 2nd of 5 kids in a 4 bedroom house. My two brothers always shared, and my sisters and I rotated who had their own room. That meant I was 15, sharing with my 8 year old sister at one point :). There was occasional conflict but for the most part it was just understood that that’s how it was. Just make sure to observe boundaries and give your teenager space other ways. I think especially having minimal toys and stuff in the room will help too, so there’s not a fight over clutter! Good luck!
Reema Sahay says
Hi, I am from India. This was the first blog on Minimalism that I chanced upon about 2 years back. Your story resonated with me. I did not want to spend all my free time into cleaning and organizing. From that day to this, I have taken small steps into Minimalism. Of course, there’s a long way to go but it all happens organically.
I have been reading this blog for a long time. Today, I just decided to thank you for inspiring others.
Lyn says
Here’s a good tips resource for helping teens sort through their wardrobes. In my experience being supportive and first being a role model in one’s own minimalism is essential to getting our teens onboard. https://stylerevivalist.com/2016/06/09/7-steps-to-guide-a-teens-closet-clean/
Michael Boyink says
There’s a whole community of families simplifying and downsizing out there. For some it’s just a way of life. For others it’s a process they go through in order to move into a new life – one of fulltime RV travel, living fulltime on boats, moving into tiny houses, or into big city apartments. We have links to all of their blogs in the resources section on our website: https://ditchingsuburbia.com/resources
Shari says
I think that it might be easier with young children but when you are starting with your teenagers and you live in a upper-class town with fancy people and fancy things, it is very difficult for kids to not want to “be like everyone else”. I think a good parent resolves to do what they believe in and allow their teenagers to make their own decisions. It’s teaching by example not forcing your will on them. You attract more flies with honey! ;)
Amy Sproles says
We downsized and as a result have a lot of clutter. We are getting the clutter out. My kids are learning the joy of having less. It is a slow going process, but it will be worth it.
Marie-Helene says
I have a question: how can I get my 5 year-old daughter to donate the toys she doesn’t use or has outgrown? She falls apart every time we suggest donating anything, but she has so much she can’t even find everything she has! We are very generous people and, having lots of things, we give and donate regularly and are not attached to things. I want to declutter but don’t want to traumatized her either! She seems to find reassurance in things… Any tip?
Bonnie says
I realize this is a very late reply but honestly I would leave it alone. I have 3 kids and you I’ve found that it is better to honor them where they are at. Each kid is different. Some are more attached to their stuff than others which is simply a difference in temperament. I’ve seen some parents simply go through their kids stuff and give it away without consulting them or asking them at all. I think this is very disrespectful. I would never just start tossing my spouse’s stuff out because I decided I wanted the minimalist lifestyle. That would be a sure way to create resentment and probably distance him away from the lifestyle forever.
I would simply wait and eventually she will on her own want to donate some things. Every once in a while, you can simply say I’m going to the thrift store or having a garage sale. Would you care to donate anything and if she says no, just accept it. It will change as she gets older. Right now, however, she likes her things and that is okay. Just remember her feelings matter and honoring her choices is just as important as the adults.
Mary Eileen says
Beautiful answer! Your child is fortunate to have you as a parent.
Michelle says
If they are things that are not used, I gather them after the children are sleeping, and tuck them away in a box. After a month or two, if they have not been missed or asked for, then I donate them. If they are asked for, then I give them back. I also cull clothes that are too small or torn or stained while doing laundry. It is an easy time to get rid of items not fit to wear any longer.
Wendy says
That is what I do too, Michelle! It works really well. If I asked them (5 and 3), they’d insist on keeping everything!! This way, I noticed what they never play with, and tuck it away to see if it is missed. 95% of the time, they never ask for it again.
Emma says
When my kids are at school I go through their things and take out the stuff that they don’t even use anymore and they do t even know it’s gone. And if they do see a smaller and smaller amount over time I explain to them it was broke a or had a year or even that some other kids didn’t have any toys and they usually agree that it is ok to get rid of the stuff. And most of the times start to declittwr themselves and bring me bags of toys. The feeling of giving to those who have less makes them happy now.
Aladdin79 says
Just an idea…..let her lead the cleaning process. 1) Suggest to her that she has many toys and that she could donate some of them to help out less fortunate kids. I did this after learning about a family that lost all their belongings in a fire. I sent my then four year old’s toys and outgrown clothing to the fire loss family’s three year old in an effort to give back in our community. (Disclaimer: It was right before Christmas and my child was NOT into it so be forewarned ?.)
2) Only donate things she chooses. Give her the decision making power. They are HER things so when you come in to clean and choose what to donate, it violates her sense of control and is probably fueling the tantrum/meltdown. Start small and just have her choose which toys to part with so her things are not disappearing without her knowing about it. Think of it from her vantage point. Mom is taking away MY stuff. If you do it when she is away, like I used to do, this may make it worse. If her toys mysteriously vanish while she is at Grandma’s, for instance, she will become wary the next time she visits Grandma. Definitely leave it up to her and let it all be her idea. You may be surprised what she picks to part with when she chooses to declutter. I usually am when my six year old helps declutter her toys.
3) Really build it up to get her on board. Maybe take her to a hospital, homeless or battered women’s shelter, Goodwill drop off location, or the fire department and she could could see where the items will go (not if that would traumatize her further obviously ?). I have found with my girls that this gets them more excited to donate. It gives young kids a concrete/tangible idea of what is happening with their belongings and may help win over your daughter.
4) Let her pick three things to donate the first time. Start very small to get her on board. Then, have her select the items and take them to the donation drop point with you. If you really talk it up and get her excited, it may help to eliminate the meltdown. Maybe? Hope this helps!