“To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.” ―Josh Billings
Children learn more from watching their parents than from listening to them—more is caught than taught.
As parents, this puts great weight on how we conduct our lives. It requires us to be intentional about how we live. It requires us to self-reflect and evaluate if our lives match our words. And it requires us to be intentional about identifying the lessons we hope our kids will take from us.
Here then, as my two children get older, are the 35 Things I Hope They Will Say About Their Dad.
They represent the 35 most important lessons I hope they will learn from my life.
1. He loved us. I could see it in his words, his face, and his actions.
2. He loved our mom. And was always faithful to her.
3. He was honest. Both to us and to others. I never remember him telling a lie.
4. He was spiritual. He valued things bigger than this world and kept his eyes open for them.
5. He worked hard. He understood the value of a hard day’s work and wasn’t afraid of it.
6. But he always came home on time. He worked hard at his job. But he knew when to quit for the day.
7. He cared about people more than money.
8. He was a good friend. He taught me what that meant in a world that doesn’t.
9. He helped others. He looked for opportunities to serve—especially those who couldn’t help themselves.
10. He was generous. With his home, his money, his time, and his energy.
11. He made us laugh. It was always fun to spend time with him.
12. He loved to read. He read for work, for pleasure, and for self-improvement.
13. He loved life. He cherished all the moments of life—the big ones and the little ones.
14. He always had great hope. His hope was new, it was alive, and it was lasting.
15. He had our best in mind. We were disciplined, but it never felt motivated by anger, only love.
16. He was proud of us. He told us often.
17. But he pushed us to improve. He parented out of love and a genuine desire for us to succeed.
18. He saw the best in people. And sought to learn from them.
19. He loved his family. He cared for his parents and loved having everyone together.
20. He was always good to mom. His love for her provided a healthy model for my family.
21. He had a smile every morning. Each day provided a wealth of opportunity. And he chose to greet it with a smile.
22. He lived within his means. We were taken care of. We did fun stuff. We had nice things. But he knew where to draw the line.
23. He was unselfish. Life was always about more than getting the most for yourself.
24. He was wise. He had a healthy grasp on people, life, and situations.
25. He was quick to forgive. He knew that he had been forgiven much. And was quick to offer that same grace to others.
26. He didn’t let culture dictate his beliefs.
27. I knew I could count on him when I needed him. Anytime, day or night.
28. For some reason, I couldn’t get away with lying to him. He demanded honesty and I respected that. He could read me too well.
29. He was always asking about my friends. He wanted to know everything he could about the people I chose to spend time with.
30. He knew how to rest. He knew when and how to take time refreshing his body and soul.
31. He dreamed big dreams for me. Even when I didn’t believe in myself, he did.
32. He loved eating meals together.
33. He treated his body well. He knew the importance of keeping his body healthy—not for vain reasons, but to remain effective to this world as long as possible.
34. He loved his job. He worked hard at his job not because of the money, but because he believed in what he did.
35. He knew the difference between want and need.
And with this many life lessons to teach my children, I better not waste a single day—including this one.
Tara says
This is striking and beautiful. I hope my kids will say the same things (aside from my being mom rather than dad), and also – “She made us her first priority.” There are good and bad for that, but it’s my choice.
Matthew Riedemann says
These are great. Thank you.
Megyn @ MinimalistMommi says
Such a great list–will definitely be sharing with The Hubs. I think my only addition would be, “He taught me to be independent.” He allowed me to do things for myself and didn’t coddle me. :)
Beth says
Exactly Megyn, that would be my only addition as well. A great list!
Lorilee @ Loving Simple Living.com says
such a great list! …. many things in there I love and still am working on. Thanks!
kate says
you are so great that I cant see how you can have kids like this
Martin says
Delurking to say thank you for this. Very good reminder.
Anna says
This is absolutely beautiful Joshua! I can totally say all these 35 things about my dad and I just know your kids will say these about you too! :)
Jen says
Joshua, just wanted to say as a wife of an amazing husband who strives to be all of the things you listed for our six children… these are the important things out of all the clutter of life. I loved the comparison of “He worked hard, but he always came home on time.” It says so much to our kids when they know dad is pulling up in the driveway at a certain time.. and then he is THEIRS! :) They watch the clock, they plan for him, they say things like, “I can’t wait till dad gets here”… and they know they are important enough to want to come home to. My husband does an incredible feat of switching between job mode and home mode… and it makes such a difference in our home to have him present when he is present. I know my husband has been encouraged by your blog… thanks for the motivating articles. You are influencing men for the good! Thanks!
Sarah says
I would add one more, “He was human.” My own father missed a few points on your list, and ultimately there were some lessons I would later realize were not good ones, but overall I know my father was a good man who was doing the best he could with the hand he was dealt. This helps me forgive him for the times he fell short.
joshua becker says
Sarah, I absolutely love the addition! Thanks for mentioning it. So true.
Nate says
As a father, I’ve missed a few myself! But I’m comforted by the fact that when my kids look back at my missteps, as long as #1 is good (He Loved Us), the missteps will be forgiven.
Alban Brice says
Will be glad to heay such word from my kids-to be too.
Grerat post Joshua!
Really love it!!!
Mike says
Love it, bro. I feel like I could have typed this list myself. This is what I want for my kids, as well. Thanks.
joshua becker says
Thanks Mike. The lessons are pretty timeless. It was a fun and healthy exercise to sit down and write them out.
Sustainable PF says
Couldn’t agree more Mike. Fantastic list Joshua.