“If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them as half as much money.” —Abigail Van Buren
Toys. Sometimes, they feel like they are everywhere… like a never-ending army in a never-ending war.
Personally, over the past two years, we have taken intentional steps to minimize the number of toys in our home. Sometimes we feel like we are winning the battle, other days we feel like we are losing. But I did want to begin a conversation by offering some of the practical tips we have used to help minimize the number of toys in our home. Hopefully, you’ll have some helpful tips to add as well. And perhaps, we can encourage one another in the seemingly, never-ending battle against toy clutter.
To be fair, the exact “ideal number” of toys will vary from family to family (if there even is one). But hopefully, each of these tips will be helpful to those of you who know the ideal number is certainly less than you have today.
1. Be convinced that less is better. As with any minimalist (or simplifying) project, it always begins with a heartfelt belief that less is better and desirable. I’m assuming if you have read past the title of this post, you already believe this to be true when it comes to toys. But if not, take a moment to read, Why Fewer Toys Will Benefit Your Kids.
2. Fewer toys is different than no toys. Toys can be educational and play an important role in a child’s development. Just to be clear, I’m not advocating no toys, I’m arguing for less.
3. Analyze your own motivation for purchasing toys. Most children don’t buy toys for themselves – somebody else does. If there are too many toys in your home, start with yourself. Why are there so many toys in your home? A healthy look at your own motivations may go a long-way in solving this problem.
4. Choose quality over quantity. You and your children will benefit more from toys that are chosen for their quality (in workmanship) and purpose (playability) than for their sheer quantity. And just like everything else in life, too many toys will always distract from the truly important ones.
5. Purge often. Most likely, you need to make a clean-sweep of your childrens’ toys right now. Removing the “low-hanging fruit” (toys that are no longer used) is a great place to start and shouldn’t take too long. Put the clean, unused toys in boxes and donate them to a medical center, nonprofit organization, local church, homeless shelter, orphanage, school, or Goodwill. Simply discard the dirty or broken ones. Then, stay on top of the clutter by purging on a regular basis and going beyond the low-hanging fruit.
6. Set a confined, physical space for toys. Whether it is a container, a shelving unit, or a closet, set a confined physical space for your children’s toys. Once the space is full, there is no room to add more toys. Help your children understand that principle by clearly marking the boundaries. If they want to add (think holidays and birthdays), they’ll need to remove first.
7. Limit your purchasing with a budget. If you budget for other categories in your life (groceries, clothing, entertainment), you already understand how this principle helps keep your spending and consumption in check. If you don’t, start today by setting a monthly/yearly budget for toys. Enforcing a predetermined budget amount will help in limiting your toy purchases.
8. Don’t give into fads. Just like clock-work, toy companies will generate a new “toy-fad” every few months by artificially generating a cultural buzz. If done well, this artificial buzz will become mainstream in the culture and no longer feel artificial. But it is. And it will always pass. You don’t need to give in just because every other parent is.
9. Keep a healthy, realistic attitude toward toy companies and toy stores. They may tell you that their main goal is to help or educate your child, but often times they are driven most by their bottom line.
10. Avoid duplicate toys. Instead, require your children to learn the invaluable life lessons of sharing, generosity, cooperation, and compromise.
11. Find a local toy library. Consider borrowing toys rather than purchasing them.
12. Watch less television. Consider the fact that marketers are brilliant at shaping the desires of men and women, young and old. Now, imagine giving them hours each day to shape your children’s minds too… and you’ll quickly realize that you don’t stand a chance. Make sure to limit the screen time for your kids.
13. Don’t give in to temper-tantrums at the store. Every time you give in to a temper-tantrum at the store just to avoid a scene, you embolden your child to do it again. They quickly learn how to manipulate you. Don’t worry about the scene that is taking place in public. Wise parents in the store will respect you for not giving in – and the foolish ones will learn a valuable lesson.
14. Equip your children to make wise choices. Involve your kids in the purging process. Help them make decisions about which toys should stay and which should go. This will serve them well into adulthood. After all, don’t you wish your parents had forced you to learn that skill?
15. Teach them to value other activities. Although all kids have natural tendencies towards certain endeavors, expand their mind by regularly introducing them to new activities that don’t revolve around toys.
16. Limit your toys too. Kids will always learn more from example than words. If your life is caught up in always needing to own the latest fashion, technology, or product on the market, theirs will be too. And it would be unreasonable to expect anything less.
Keeping fewer toys will never be easy. It will always require thought and intentionality. But it will always result in your children learning to value who they are more than what they have. And that always make it worth the effort.
Kristen | gezellig*girl says
Before you box things up to donate to Goodwill or the Salvation Army, many locations will no longer take donated toys and/or stuffed animals — something I wish I knew *before* I schlepped three boxes of stuff over there.
joshua becker says
That is true. Good point, Kristen. I almost put an asterick next to the Goodwill suggestion, but decided instead to list a variety of alternatives with Goodwill listed near the end.
Jules says
I had the same thing happen to me. My Goodwill does accept unopened or packaged toys (toys that are used but still have original packaging), a fact that doesn’t escape the notice of my two sons. I feel like such a grinch when I tell them no (they are 3 and 6) but they really don’t need another toy so I stick to my guns.
p.s. I suppose it speaks volumes that every time we visit Goodwill there is always a selection of new/unopened toys.
Amelia says
One thing we did at a recent birthday party was to have a book exchange. Each child brought one book and they exchanged it for another book. Everyone went home with something new, the birthday girl was happy and there were no less toys in the world.
I put toys in a box if they haven’t been used in a couple of months and if my daughter finds the box and pulls out toys we keep them for a little while longer, if not, they leave the home. It’s a good process.
Fern says
I don’t have kids (teenager!), but just noticed that nobody’s mentioned the old one of keeping some toys in a box in storage. After a few months, rotate the toys and the kid gets ‘new’ toys that are exciting again.
Mae says
I’ve heard of neighborhoods, moms’, and church groups that rotate toys amongst themselves.
Samantha says
This article has come at the perfect time. In the past few days I have noticed how many toys there are to be picked up in the evening, and they aren’t even toys that were played with, just tossed aside to get to other toys. It is definitely time to purge the toys here. (Especially because my son’s 3rd birthday is right around the corner.)
Q says
Thank you for writing this! I’ve recently started bookmarking things I want to buy my son for Christmas and his birthday (guh, his b-day is a few weeks after Christmas, last year it looked like a toy store in our house – I hope to avoid a repeat this year), but I bookmarked this post as well, and saved it alongside the gift list. Great reference point to keep me in check. ;)
I do have some toy purging to do, but I always feel guilty, because most of the toys that are to be gotten rid of were gifts from well-meaning family members. I fear for what they will say when they come to visit and ask where is that hunk of plastic they bought him. My husband and I don’t buy him much in the way of toys, we really do subscribe to the belief that less is more, and prefer quality over quantity (great points you mentioned), but other people don’t see it the same way. The fact is, my son will play with the cheap plastic gifts for a few days…then go right back to the classic, well-made toys he truly loves and plays with day-in-and-day-out. I guess I just struggle with relatives thinking I’m ungrateful if I get rid of the toys they bought him, even if he’s not using them. I have mentioned to family that we prefer wooden/natural material toys, things that don’t need batteries, etc., but nobody seems to care. What is your advice for dealing with this?!
Stephanie says
That is exactly why I prefer to giftcards & cash. Every parent is different! Some parents like cheap plastic toys, others like natural toys, some don’t want to buy gender stereotyping toys, etc. I know it is a difficult subject to broach but I would either have a gift registry setup and make it known or like Lauren does, state “no gifts please” on invitations.
I know there are bound to be toes that will be stepped on. One year my grandmother gave a large donation to a charity instead of buying everyone a Christmas gift. At the time, I didn’t understand and so I was an upset little kid. My mother just made it worse by saying how unthoughtful she was by not giving us kids some toys instead of turning it into a teaching moment about those who were less fortunate. Can’t make everyone happy! :)
kl says
Hi, we actually give out clear instructions on what we’d like. Name of the game or the construction set, or what items of clothing are getting too small. Don’t just give them broad spec, give exact wishes. Those are harder to ignore.
Happy Annie says
Sometimes partygoers ask me what kinds of toys my kids would like (which is very thoughtful). Others do not and we always end up with some great toys and some not great ones. Within a month it’s easy to see which ones are played with and which ones are not. The ones that don’t make the cut go into a box at the top of the closet. If six months go by and the toys are not missed they go to charity. I have never worried about anyone asking where a specific toy is six months later. If your friends and family actually do that then just be honest and say that when it got to the point there were too many toys a generous gift was made to the local shelter. If they get mad, so what. One helpful hint is to invite fewer people to the b day parties. My kids invite just a few friends and usually receive about 5 gifts from friends and one each from me, dad and sibling. Hope something in here is helpful for you!
Lauren says
I have a 2 1/2 year-old son and I have been very successful in keeping the toy clutter under control. No TV definately helps. My son doesn’t know who any of the Disney/cartoon characters are and hasn’t been exposed to much advertising (he does however recognize McDonald’s when we drive by, which is weird, because we’ve never been there). We have included “no gifts please” on his birthday invitations and our family/friends know that I don’t like plastic toys or anything with batteries. When our son does receive a gift we don’t want him to have, we leave it out for awhile (you have to, if he’s seen it) and then after he loses interest, out it goes. I think books are great presents. As for consumable gifts for kids… movie tickets, passes to a play/water park, petting zoo, etc. would probably be used and appreciated.
Everlasting Designs says
We have the “one in – one out” rule at our home. When a new item comes into the house my son must surrender an old one of his choice. We are still working on the “equivilent concept” (one giant remote controled car does not equal a matchbox) but at least SOMETHING leaves the house. This is also quite difficult with special needs kids – particularly when we use small toys for a reward system (as does his school).
Maybe Brandon’s whisky idea has merit – for us – not the kiddo!
Mae says
We do the same thing at our house. I have a 4 year old and a 3 year old. They already know the rule of “toys in = toys out.” I make them choose. There’s always quite a bit of negotiation but they’ll do it and I’m quite proud of them. When asked where they go, I’ve already started explaining to them the concept of those less fortunate.
I will admit that I do sneak away junk toys that they’ve gotten from the dentist’s office, McDonald’s (yes, I confess that we do go there once in awhile and I don’t always give in to them wanting a Happy Meal toy), giveaways at fairs, etc.
Jana says
I am always fighting the toy battle. I purge toys almost daily. My 3 children still have plenty of toys, and right now as I post this, they are all playing with a laundry basket.
krista says
This comment made me laugh!! It’s all too real… my 3 kids do the same. It’s the non-toys that are the most fun!
Sherry H. says
Made me laugh too! Glad I’m not the only one going through the toy issue. My 2.5 yr old has sooooo many toys and things from well meaning family members but oh my gosh I can’t take the clutter!! Money for a savings account is a great thing. And if it comes in a neat box, even better because that truly is where the fun is at for a toddler.
Stephanie says
First, let me give the disclaimer that I have no kiddos. Based on my observations though, my friend’s kids usually get tons of toys from well-meaning relatives and friends of the family. This usually happens at birthday parties and Christmas time. To help eliminate some of the clutter burden to other people in my life, I started doing gift cards and money for the children. Most parents I know have a savings account for their child and they really appreciate one less toy to wrangle out of a box (seriously, if you have helped get a Barbie unwrapped within the past few years, you will know what I mean)!!!
Brandon says
For myself, the past few years I have told everyone I know that I only want edible/drinkable gifts. Thus, I often get a nice bottle of wine or single-malt scotch (my favorite!), or gift cards to restaurants. People get an opportunity to give a gift they know I will like and I get something that won’t clutter my home.
Now, I don’t suggest a bottle of wine for your kid, but I do wonder what might be good “edible” gifts for kids that one could encourage relatives to buy for holidays.
Sedasa says
That’s a brilliant idea, Brandon. I’ll be using it this year for XMAS – thanks!
Miles says
For an edible gift for a child at Christmas time. Think hot chocolate, mini marshmallows, cookies and such. And the old standby – gift card to DQ, Baskin Robbins and other ice creameries.
Marc Rohde says
We have suggested gifts like family memberships to the zoo or childern’s museum or gift certificate for kid themed restaurants like Chucky Cheese. These obviously take no space but also encourage more active family time.
Marc Rohde says
Also consider consumable gifts like craft items (paper, crayons, coloring books). Teach the kids to not become attached to the art work and only keep their favorites so you don’t end up with clutter from the output of their efforts.
You may end up with the next Van Gough if you encourage creative endeavorer.
Bethany says
Good idea! I love the idea of getting gift cards to restaurants, wine, etc so my husband and I are able to go on dates rather than all the junk we get from family. Ugh.
Henny says
We love to give and receive consumable gifts, especially art and craft things (girls about 5-10 seem to love these, particularly). One thing to bear in mind is that if you give edible gifts to kids some parents (I’m one, I admit!) are pretty strict on the sugar intake. Of course occasional treats are one thing, but if everyone gives candy etc, suddenly it starts looking like Halloween! One great gift a friend gave my kids was a gift card to a frozen yoghurt place – moderately healthy treat, and an experience we could all share :)
Becca says
As the mother of two small children and LOTS of “well-meaning” relatives (grandpas, grandmas, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) – many of whom gift our children low-quality toys – I have taken to requesting that for birthdays and Christmas gifts our relatives donate to our children’s college funds instead of giving them clothes or toys.
We are picky about what toys our children play with (and how many they have), and we get plenty of clothes from hand-me-downs from friends/family.
It is really hard to live the minimalist lifestyle with children – simply because they NEED so many things (diapers, wipes, clothes, etc etc etc) BUT I think there are simple steps you can take to stay as true to minimalist as possible – not buying all the gizmos and gadgets they sell at the baby super store. Including toys.
Children are GREAT at imagining things. Don’t take their natural ability to imagine away from them by providing them with too many “one purpose” toys.
Thank you for this post, and this blog!
kl says
Hi, we have a second kid coming up and have the same problem with stuff. Luckily, we haven’t needed to spend much money (almost all clothes are hand-me-downs or bought by relatives but the stuff is still plenty.
We don’t really care if the stuff is a present. We have a couple of plastic bags stuffed with unnecessary toys in the closet, to keep the amount clearer, and we’ll give them away after we know if there’s something the newcomer will like. We do think it’s ok to give tangible gifts, but they need to be carefully considered and not too many. Also, our 2-year old does not yet understand the gift concept so it’s ok to ask for clothing for Christmas from well-meaning grandparents.
We have kept an eye out for stuff the kid might like. For Christmas, we’ll ask (or get) one wooden construction set that he loved at his uncle’s and another wood block game that he learned to play over summer. Books and jigsaw puzzles are fine as well, they are fun and last a long time (and don’t take the space). Currently, he mostly plays with wooden blocks from my childhood, a baby doll given by grandparents (I think he really understands that we’ll have another baby soon) and cars (his father’s old ones). Cardboard boxes, Christmas cards, and pen and paper are also fun. Or plastic containers. Our son has one large cardboard box (also used for playing) that contains toys he’s currently using and quite a few of them are actually discarded household items. When we don’t need something or it does not work anymore, and if he shows interest, we let him play with it and finally just toss it. Makes clearing clutter less sentimental as the stuff has one good final use :)
Bethany says
Yes! We have savings accounts for our children, and love to get money for them instead of gifts. When I was growing up, my grandparents would send money to my parents, who would then pick out one really good gift for each of us, and the rest was for our savings accounts. Sure cuts down on the clutter!
Brandon says
Fantastic article! I have a 6 1/2 month old baby (my first) and the clutter drives me insane. I try to be minimalist, but my wife isn’t always on board. Ugh. I have 5 friends who have also recently had babies, so I’m sure they’ll enjoy me sharing this with them.
mom of 3 says
A 6.5 month old needs very very little in the way of toys! Board books are fantastic (That was my downside – we had 100’s of them but my kids loved to listen to stories and honestly it gets boring reading the same ones over and over). With our first I think we had a ridiculous amount of plastic monstrosities (exersaucer, pushing toys, pulling toys, ride-on toys, those mat things that they lay on and bat the toys on (my youngest is 2 – I should know what they are called but we ditched it after the first one). My oldest as a baby/toddler had such a ridiculous amount of “stuff” toys/books/etc… and the reality was we didn’t need most of it. My third by contrast has some high quality simple toys that he loves without all of the “stuff” and he is happy. His favorite toys at two are a guitar with real strings (the play ones just irritated him b/c they weren’t real), basic wooden blocks, a decent drum (made for a toddler/child music class), duplo blocks (legos for 2 – 4 year olds), markers/crayons, etc… He did get a lot of random toys (pretend cell phone, pretend iPad (we have real ones but we don’t do electronics for a while with kids) but he seems to gravitate toward the real toys. The play cell phone/iPad etc… type toys hold his interest for a day or two then get left in the baskets/bins forever.
We keep purging but I think this stuff magically reproduces. We have a basement playroom that is used daily and has a disgusting amount of toys but the reality is they don’t play with most of them so they just sit. We keep donating more and more but can never seem to get ahead. The one thing that is fantastic in our basement that I won’t ditch is a small-single child trampoline with hand bar to hold on to. It’s great for winter when they get cabin fever – “hey, who can jump 500 times?” for the older kids and just fun for the 2 year old. Everything else except legos, play kitchen stuff, doll stuff, and art supplies can pretty much be hauled out of their toy room and not missed.