Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Sandy Kreps of Modern Simplicity.
One cold, drizzling night in January, I stood on the street watching in disbelief and shock as my house burned. We had just moved into our house three months prior, and we still had a garage full of boxes waiting to be unpacked.
My family was safe, but my beloved pets were lost, as were the majority of our worldly possessions.
In the following months, friends shyly joked I was taking my love of simplicity to the extreme as we struggled to rebuild our lives with the blank slate we had been presented with.
As I shared our struggle on social media, I was inundated with stories from all over the world of how others had coped with rebuilding after a loss, whether it was a fire, a flood, a tornado, a hurricane, a burglary. We weren’t alone. I found comfort in that truth. And even more so in the stories of those who chose voluntary simple living after the tragedy:
A single mom in Louisiana told me that after losing her home in a tornado, she and her daughter moved into a tiny house on her parent’s property in Alabama. She couldn’t be happier.
A widow in Salt Lake City shared with me that following the tragic death of her husband, she moved from their large home of 40 years to a smaller 2-bedroom condo in order to free up resources to spend more time with kids and grandchildren now scattered throughout the country.
A married dad of three in Kansas shared that after a flood wiped out his home and his business property, his family downsized from a 4,000 sq. ft. home into a 1,100 sq. ft. home, and he started working from home. He said the relief he feels from simplifying his family’s lifestyle far outweighs the grief he felt when the flood stole their stuff.
A married couple from my hometown in Texas told me that after losing their expensive condo in Galveston in a hurricane, they chose a cute little bungalow in Dallas. They replaced only the items they needed, living a minimalist lifestyle so they could spend their resources traveling to do mission work in Africa.
Losing everything forces you to evaluate your lifestyle and your needs. In the days following the fire, while we bunked down at my husband’s parents’ house, I found I needed very little. A few clothes and a pair of shoes. Some toiletries. Clothes and school supplies for my kids. A new computer so I could work again. Few other things seemed necessary.
While I hope you never need these tips, I want to share with you a few things I’ve learned from my experience losing everything, as well as tips I’ve gotten from others who’ve lost it all.
Tips for Simplifying After a Tragedy
• First, get yourself and your family safe. Don’t worry about anything except the basics: shelter, food, clothing. Those needs are primary, everything else can wait. Your family (especially if you have young children) will need your strength and protection.
• Let yourself mourn. You can’t recover until you mourn what you lost—whether that’s a loved one, a pet, the loss of your sense of safety, the loss of physical stuff. Get counseling if you need. This is a major life change, and it’s going to take time to heal. Treat it as such.
• Make use of donations. In the days following the fire, neighbors dropped off clothes and shoes for my sons, clothes for me and my husband, small kitchen appliances, books, toys, even home decor. We were so grateful for these items—they bought us time before we needed to spend money replacing items. Use what’s given with a grateful heart, knowing that for those items that are just not quite right, you can pass them on to others who need them after you’re back on your feet.
• Don’t be in a hurry to replace physical stuff. Yes, you’re hurting, but try to take a few moments to dream. This is your chance to put together a new life from the ground up (literally). What does that look like? Write it down. Define the vision of what you want your rebuilt life to look like. Lose all your clothing? Maybe it’s a good time to put together that capsule wardrobe you’ve been thinking about. Lose your books? Maybe it’s a time to switch to a digital library. Lost your home? Maybe it’s time to downsize into something smaller and better suited to your new lifestyle.
• Let people help you. One of the most surprising and most amazing things that happened after the fire was the outpouring of love and support from family and friends, even strangers. Cards and donations from coworkers and clients, Scout groups, friends, neighbors, readers of my blog, even the local donut shop. I have never felt so humbled, blessed, and loved in all my life. A woman in Walmart handed me the last $20 in her wallet after overhearing us talk about the fire while purchasing clothes and supplies to send my kids back to school. These outpourings of love lifted us while we struggled with our loss, and they made us even more aware of the needs around us that we could fill once we got back on our feet.
• Replace items as needed. Once you’re stabilized and have the resources, start replacing items you lost, but don’t rush it. Replace things as you need them, and be choosy about it when you can. Pick things built to last, items you love and will use regularly. Don’t buy just to buy. Try replacing things on an as-needed basis—even borrow when you can until you’re sure you need to buy the item for permanent ownership.
• Never forget to be grateful. It’s very possible that the worst thing that has ever happened to you has just happened. But you’re still here, and people love you. Be grateful. Thank God for your blessings. Point your mind toward the good and the abundant, and place your expectations toward building a life even better than you had before.
I was surprised that I didn’t mourn my stuff so much as the loss of “safety” I had felt—I doubt I’ll ever leave the house again without wondering if it’ll be there when I return. My heart still aches for my lost pets, the only real loss from that night that hurt. But I’m still here, my husband and children are safe, and thanks to insurance, we have the means to rebuild.
Now we’re rebuilding our house carefully and intentionally—trying to decide what to replace of all that was lost.
Life is good, despite tragedy. And we’ve been given a new start to live a simpler lifestyle.
***
Sandy Kreps helps people cut through the chaos of modern life and find a simpler path. She writes regularly at Modern Simplicity. Get her free e-book, 101 Ways to Simplify Your Life, here.
I dont want to face such a huge tragedy, I become vcery scared after thinking these type of tragedies.
I’ve never been through such a tragedy and I am sorry you had to endure it. However, I have moved a number of times without the funds or space to just take everything with me.
I think, sometimes, we don’t realize how little we really need (space and things) until we live without.
“With the walls of my house burnt to the ground I have a better view of the moon.”
—Bashō
I like the replace items as needed. On my last trip abroad I only took a small bag, and after months of being away, when I got home, I didn’t remember most of the things in my closet. I donated them soon thereafter. Felt like lifting of a weight. Sorry for the grief of losing real things of importance that you can’t buy back.
Thank you Chris!
Hey everyone – do yourself a favor and check out Everplans. It’s a tool that securely keeps documents, passwords, medical info, etc. in a cloud account in the event tragedy and/or incapacity of any kind occurs (and no, I don’t work for them). It beats storing things on a flash drive that can be lost, stolen or destroyed in a fire. I’m using it and I have a lot of friends using it. Sometimes you can get a free version but otherwise, it’s reasonably priced.
Saving things to the cloud definitely helps. My computer was backed up to the cloud, and all my important files (like my books — I’m an author!) were saved to the cloud, so that’s one worry I didn’t have!
Wonderful Post Sandy. I had to make a move I didn’t expect and I, too, learned there was grief involved. Thank you for making people aware.
Thank you Sandy!
Tragedy comes uninvited and making decision wisely help to recover from it easily and faster.
:)
Sandy,
What a wonderful article and I’m sure others who have had physical losses will resonate with it. I am sorry for the loss of your pets. The loss of lives is the only thing that is irreplaceable. Thank you for sharing so many tips that will be helpful to others and will also let them know, they are not alone.
Thank you Anne!
There needs to be time to get past these things for sure, but they really do make you re-think your outlook and re-consider what you need in your life to be happy. A well written article!
Thanks Patrick!
Let yourself mourn. Oh so important!
So glad to hear SO many surrounded you with love and support. Thanks for sharing your story and this great advice.
Thank you Danielle!
I enjoyed reading this note. I too am sizing down. One day I googled ‘the abundant life’ and this site popped up. I am in the process of selling my home and moving to an apartment. This site helped me to get motivated to get rid of a bunch of ‘stuff’ that I had been holding on to that served absolutely no purpose. I gave away loads of clothing, shoes, kitchen stuff, furniture, etc. that had just been handing around and not getting used. I love receiving the emails that remind me to ‘purge’ things from my life that have absolutely no value.
Congrats Jackie!
this made me cry, so thoughtfully said, sometimes peoples pain is raw and we can easily forget how they feel etc, home is a place to feel safe and covered, i have learnt alot today from your words and the previous post from Joshua about waiting, and gratitude and thinking of others less fortunate in their need, thank you to both if you for your posts love Jacqueline xxx
Sometimes adversity brings unexpected clarity about what’s really important in our lives. Thanks for an impactful post.
Thank you John!
We lost nearly everything when our home flooded in 2012. Unfortunately, we had only lived there a few months and did not have a local support network in place… and much of our family and friends avoided speaking about it. It has taken the last 5 years, and two cross-country moves, to feel enough distance from that event to where I rarely think about it anymore. It was a tough life lesson and the beginning of our own downsizing and minimalizing. Thank you for your article and best wishes to you and all who face a similar journey.
I’m so sorry Katrina! I hope your new lifestyle brings you joy!
Excellent post Sandy. Some great ideas. We are trying to downsize. So pray for us to sell this house – please.
Blessings
Janis
Thank you Janis. Prayers for your home to sell.
My family and I went through Superstorm Sandy. While my little
cottage was for the most part spared, it was the total loss of
my neighbor’s homes that was the hardest. My one eighty plus
year old neighbor lost her entire home, it eventually floated down
the lagoon to reside in front of my home. It was heart wrenching
to witness her having to start all over at that age. We faced many
emotions after that storm, sadness, anger, and even moments of
laughter. In the end, I want a very simple life, with only the basics.
I have learned that we do not own anything, we come into this world with only our soul, and that is all we leave with, be grateful
for the things that truly matter in life. God Bless.
I’m so sorry for your neighbor’s home! That’s so sad. Prayers that she has settled in to a new, simpler lifestyle. So many emotions when you lose your home — it’s all so unbelievable.
We also survived a total fire loss of our dream home and contents and family pet but are grateful to be alive and that the firefighters were able to save a property! We had replacement insurance and intended to rebuild, however to rebuild our 32000 square foot waterfront home would have increased our property taxes 17,500 per year and overvalued the new building at 1.5 million! We would have been living just to pay the bills and good luck trying to sell it if you had to, or wanted to! We decided that it wasn’t the house that was important as the place, so we have an 9×12 bunkie that sleeps five and a 950 square foot garage/kitchen,outhouse and sauna!We now pay only 2000 per year taxes and little insurance, have less chores, more money and enjoy our new view and property as we spend more time enjoying the outdoors! It will never be the same and nor would we ever try to make it the same! It’s been a blessing in disguise! Once we accepted the change and made lemonade out of lemons, life became a whole lot easier! I agree with everything said and thank you for sharing and helping others!
:) Love this!
We recently suffered economic losses due to a flood. The damage hit our bank account, but worse, it hurt my sense of security for the future. We were preparing our home so that we could age in place, but the possibility of future floods is very real. In our neighborhood, 17 houses were condemned and, in the aftermath, two of our neighbors passed away from serious illness. To say the least, our sense of community has been shaken.
All of this makes the economic loss seem like the least of our worries. Instead of replacing all that was lost, I am concentrating on getting back a sense of security. Helping the other families through their losses is part of this. Looking for another place to live, one that is not in the flood plain is another. Tragedy changes life. Your suggestions, especially letting yourself mourn, are invaluable.
I’m so sorry Kristien! Yes, that loss of security is very, very real. Not many people understand that unless they’ve felt that loss. I don’t think I can ever leave the house again without worrying whether it’ll be there when I get back.
We had the same experience with a fire the day after Christmas 2014. We lived in a rental home for a year while ours was rebuilt. Little did we know that it was the beginning of our minimalist journey. After living with less for that year, we over replaced those things we lost and are now in the process of thinning down. One of the biggest lessons we learned is that you don’t have stuff. Stuff has you. To have less is to be unburdened. Everything said in this article resonates with us. Who would have thought losing everything could be such a blessing.
Exactly Brian! Stuff has you. I love that. My husband was in a rush to replace things I felt we could live without, but it’s a journey we have to take together. We’re still in our rental and hope to be back in our rebuilt home in 7-8 weeks.
I hope people will realize how important your first tip is before tragedy strikes. I lost a good friend and mentor during a recent hurricane when he risked his life to gather some possessions and drowned. What he was trying to “save” could have easily been replaced. His precious life could not. I bet his family would give have given up a thousand possessions to the floodwaters have him alive instead.
Annie, I’m so sorry about your friend. Yes, the only loss I truly felt that night was the loss of my pets. The “stuff” didn’t mean anything to me — which surprised me, to be honest. The stuff can be replaced, lives cannot.
Funny how sometimes a tragedy can lead to more happiness. A forced simplification of life. I often wonder why we as humans need to be forced to make the changes that will lead to more happiness.
I am currently in that boat. I live in a home that is too big for my family of 3, but cannot pull the trigger. I moved in 9 months ago. I keep telling myself that at the 2 year mark (once I wont have to pay capital gains tax and hopefully the home has increased in value), that I can pull the trigger and downsize.
I know it will lead to happiness, but I suspect I worry what my family will think.
I completely understand that. Before the fire, we had just moved states and “simplified” but still had way too much. The fire has forced us to simplify in a way I wish I could have without the trauma. Keep plugging away at it — it really is freeing to be with less.
I have lived through a house fire and loss of 2 cars-we got out alive and it was pretty awful for our 3 kids losing their toys and also lost family treasures. The beauty of it was we got a new home, we did not replace a lot of our stuff and our family life went on without anymore drama. We are so grateful for all that we have and have tried to help others when we can.
After the loss of my son from a motorcycle accident (4 long yrs ago) I’ve found myself on a pathway to minimalism. Things don’t matter anymore at all. I’ve simplified my life a bunch and there is more work to be done. This is not my home and the things off this world have no hold on me anymore. I’m looking ahead to eternity where life will be infinitely better! Looking up, jill
My condolences Jill! You’re so right — eternity matters most.
I’m so sorry Jolie! It has been so rough on our kids too. Glad to hear you’re recovering well.
This was very powerful. Isn’t it amazing how God can use tragedy to give you something better than you ever imagined? Thank you so much for sharing. Hope, love, blessings.
I think that the love is the force more powerfull. It helps us to be humans.
Good day Linda.
Thank you Linda! God is good!
Your optimism and positivity is fabulous.