Note: This is a guest post from Courtney Carver of Be More with Less.
If you are trying to simplify your life, you might start with decluttering and paying off debt, or reducing busyness and discovering how you want to spend your time. Those are the things I focused on in the beginning too.
As I removed things that didn’t add value to my life, I found more opportunity to notice other things that didn’t add value to my life.
I want to remove the things that remove me from my life. So in January, I decided to stop drinking alcohol for a while. You can read the whole story here.
7 Things I Noticed When I Stopped Drinking
1. I sleep better without alcohol.
I never really believed that drinking helped me sleep better even though those rumors were out there, but I didn’t realize how little it took to disrupt my sleep. Even just one glass of wine (ok two, I rarely had just one) would interrupt my sleep.
2. I drank more in social situations because I felt uncomfortable.
As an introvert, attending conferences, parties, and other events made me feel uncomfortable. I’m not shy, but I’m not very outgoing or comfortable in big groups. Drinking helped me to be more extroverted, but that’s not who I am.
I remember feeling relieved at a friend’s wedding a few years ago when they weren’t serving alcohol. I know if they had, I would have indulged to feel more comfortable, been overly social, exchanged phone numbers with people, made plans and then would have woken up regretting those decisions.
3. When I was drinking, I was ignoring my core values which made me feel sad and guilty.
My core values include honesty and authenticity. It’s been important to me over the last decade to connect with my heart, become the real me, and trust myself.
When I was drinking, I could feel the real me slipping away after a few sips. I’d become more outgoing and eventually I’d think or say things that I would never think or say sober. The next day I’d feel bad about what I may have said, not to mention the hangover I was nursing.
P.S. The older I got, the harder the hangover.
4. Other people’s stories inspired me to examine my relationship with alcohol.
Long before I stopped drinking, I read memoirs about people who stopped drinking. Some lost everything before they realized alcohol was the problem and some had less dramatic journeys (like mine). Even though there were differences, there were similarities too.
And because people I admire like Brené Brown, Gretchen Rubin and my sister shared their stories about giving up alcohol for different reasons, I considered it for myself. Sharing our stories; what we know and what we’ve learned helps us and others.
5. People’s reaction to my not drinking says nothing about me.
When people hear I’m not drinking, they are mostly supportive and either curious or defensive. The reactions range from letting me know they’ve questioned their drinking to defending their relationship with alcohol. See the comments here for example.
If you feel defensive, know that I’m not sharing my story because I question your drinking. I’m sharing it because I questioned mine.
While no one has specifically confronted me about why I quit, I can imagine that they may be wondering if I had a problem with alcohol. I did. It wasn’t the hit rock bottom kind of problem but alcohol became a problem for me, one I didn’t want to deal with anymore. What people are thinking isn’t usually based on my relationship with alcohol though, but theirs. It’s just how we work.
6. Maybe it doesn’t matter what you call it.
The reason I didn’t stop drinking ten years ago is because I thought, “If I don’t have a problem, I can keep drinking. If I’m not an alcoholic, I’m good.”
I’d take the quizzes and seem to be in the clear. I’d compare my drinking to people I knew who I thought did have a problem, and my drinking looked ok.
But maybe I was asking the wrong question. Maybe instead of comparing my drinking and asking, “Am I an alcoholic?” I should have been asking, “Is alcohol adding value to my life?” or “Does alcohol make me the best version of me?”
7. Life is simpler without alcohol.
The similarities between simplicity and sobriety are fascinating. Both lead to less decision fatigue, better health, less spending, and deeper connections.
I noticed these things and other benefits listed here about 100 days after I stopped drinking. That’s when I decided to quit for good. I didn’t intend to stop drinking permanently but I could not ignore the benefits. I can’t dismiss how well I sleep, how good I feel, and how much more free and more me I am without alcohol. And the goodness of life without alcohol continues to reveal itself.
Am I an alcoholic? I don’t think so but it doesn’t really matter to me. I didn’t need that label to stop, to realize that alcohol did not add value or goodness to my life. Alcohol removed me from my life and I removed alcohol so I can show up for my life.
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Courtney Carver writes about living and dressing with less at Be More With Less. You can also connect with her on Instagram. Registration for Courtney’s online course, Soulful Simplicity, is currently open.
I put in 16 days clean & sober. Except for coffee. I had a little kick-start because I got Covid & then I took Paxlovid for 5 days. A dry January was my goal. I thought a small bottle of vino, those tiny ones they sell in 4 pacs would be my experiment with booze. Just had one & I could feel it. My three goals to “controlling” alcohol consumption are 1- special occasions 2- plan on non-drinking days & 3- limit intake. I will praise my ability to sleep much better without alcohol! Also, my mind seemed to be more alert & focused. I guess some people use weed, gummies, or even micro dosing mushrooms to help get off booze. But, I’m not really into those techniques. In my opinion, alcohol is the #1 depressant to medicate yourself. I wish you luck ???? if you’re trying to quit drinking. I say, stay busy, stay busy! If you don’t buy it you can’t drink it! You can’t do anything if someone supplies it. Just say No right? I remember my friend said, you get a lot done when you don’t drink… as he puffed on his joint. Lol. Seriously, I pass any left-handed force in your direction to help us be happy & successful! ????????????
I’ve been sober curious for quite sometime now, I would run into people and say hey we should get a drink? sometimes the reply was oh I don’t drink,
How do you do that I would think to myself.
Lately on the weekends I just drink too
much not enough to be completely out of control but enough to not sleep well and be very tired the next day.
Last weekend on a Sunday I had to lead a lecture and introduce the speaker. I was so hung over I had a panic attack while reading the intro.
I’ve been to toastmasters given many presentations over the years and conquered this fear a long time ago.
I read binge drinking can cause temporary anxiety, panic attacks and depression.
I’m extremely healthy with my diet and I exercise 6 days a week. The signs are everywhere for me to take the dry plunge.
I saw Jane Fonda recently during an interview, she said she doesn’t drink anymore, she wasn’t an alcoholic so to speak she just didn’t enjoy the morning after anymore ‘” hello”. Said she doesn’t like being half mast for entire day, said she doesn’t know how much longer of this life she has and she wants to enjoy every second of it and be present.
Today is Sunday one week since my last drink an entire weekend without a drink. I can’t remember when they happened I’m such a regular heavy drinker on the weekends and I’m bursting at the seams with energy I can’t wait for my Monday morning workout at 5:00AM!
I don’t know if it’s permanent or not maybe I’ll now limit myself to two or stop completely. No pressure
The future looks brighter that’s for sure
I was meant to read this….thank you. It’s been 6 days ( afternoons) since I’ve had any alcohol.
I was afraid to stop, because I thought I’d suffer terrible withdrawal symptoms…but I did stop anyway. I too enjoy wines…but I can’t justify my health nor finances to imbibe. I’m still on edge, but drinking water and green teas, and eating better…it helps that my circle doesn’t even notice! I feel good.
That’s amazing , keep going , you can do it ! You will begin to see the health benefits soon I’m sure .
That’s amazing , keep going , you can do it ! You will begin to see the health benefits soon I’m sure .
Good for you!!!
I have never found it a problem quitting. The issue for me always was limiting myself. If I have a glass of wine i want the bottle. A can and I want the 6pack. Best advice seems to suggest folk like me just need to quit entirely, so I have. Best of luck to everyone else.
I have never found it a problem quitting. The issue for me always was limiting myself. If I have a glass of wine i want the bottle. A can and I want the 6pack. Best advice seems to suggest folk like me just need to quit entirely, so I have. Best of luck to everyone else.
Great read.
I too quit drinking about 5 months ago, as it was making me mean when I was drunk. I was not or am not an alcoholic, it was habitual. Surprisingly, I didn’t have any withdrawal symptoms.
Unfortunately my meanness separated me and my fiancé and her kids. This week I am sending them individual letters of apology, and only pray I can rekindle the relationship.
I really enjoyed this. This post has been up for a while and people just keep sharing inspiring stories. The struggle is real. Last night I felt such a battle for my sobriety. I drank too much too fast like usual and nothing was accomplished today. I’m getting old. Drinking is getting old. Bars aren’t even vibeing with me anymore. I just want to be home with my kids. I cant imagine being an introvert alone. I love people who hate drinking. They love me sober more. That should be enough. I love myself more when I’m sober too.
Hi Daniel,
I know exactly how you feel. So you have to read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. I did and I haven’t drank or even wanted to drink in over 2 weeks. I know that doesn’t sound like a long time. But the fact that I don’t even want to drink is huge for me. I really like myself now and feel so much better. Please read this book. I think it will change your life.
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I remember reading this post in 2019 and thinking, hmm, I kind of agree but it’s a personal choice and I love wine. In the past 3 years, we’ve learned so much about how alcohol is bad for us, even in moderation, even wine, even when we love it. I had to face facts and force myself to stop drinking to preserve my health. Thanks, Courtney, for broaching the topic then, and now.
What a fantastic article! Thank you so much for sharing as it really hits home with me. I’m on day 64 of no alcohol and feel so great!
Thank you for your directness and honesty. I had Covid a month ago, lost taste and smell for several of those weeks following the Covid. I decided the alcohol would no longer be good during my illness, since I could not taste that $$$ bottle of wine, or Manhattan, or, or, or…….This made me stop and take a look at my consumption of alcohol. I live with a sober husband of almost 27 years, next month. We’d talk and he would say that he didn’t think I had issues with it, but my body/mind/spirit had another story! Today is day 33 with no alcohol, and I am sleeping much better, my face doesn’t look as stressed out, my clothes are fitting better, and my mood has greatly improved. I no longer worry about if there were an emergency and I had to drive somewhere, would I be ok to drive. A few of my friends are distancing right now, and I think it was an eye opener for them, as I’m usually where the parties happen, and perhaps they are uncomfortable with the whole idea of not drinking. Since I can only speak for myself, I am happy with my decision to stop. I’ve replaced my evening alcohol with teas, sparkling waters with a lime or lemon, or good old water! It is working well for me and I plan to continue down an alcohol free path, one day at a time.❤️
Growing up in a family where drinking was acceptable might have been the major reason why i became a pretty heavy drinker at only age 19, but at 21, i realized that my future self was going to suffer a great deal if i did not opt for a sober lifestyle. I’m happy that I’ve made the decision to quit, and a sober personality if a super fun one.
woby
The next day brain fog or whiskey headaches stop me from consuming any alcohol although I agree that being in social places there is sometimes a pressure or more likely a habituancy that goes on. Some of my friends are quite responsible and react to this by saying they are either have a medical problem and have to drive home. Just a new way to be with guests and be happy
Really good article
I don’t drink any alcohol
I am also pretty minimalist by most people’s standards
I used to enjoy the odd glass of wine with a meal then I had children
My older son was ill in the night as a baby with breathing difficulties and I took him to hospital where he required a nebuliser
I have never drunk again, I don’t want to be under the influence and not wake up to a sick child or need to drive to hospital
I do also love being physically fit and run most mornings and I like to be feeling as bright and breezy as possible first thing (I’m getting older too)!
I had a similar experience. Anything that would impair my ability to take care of a loved one has to be eliminated.