Note: This is a guest post from Courtney Carver of Be More with Less.
If you are trying to simplify your life, you might start with decluttering and paying off debt, or reducing busyness and discovering how you want to spend your time. Those are the things I focused on in the beginning too.
As I removed things that didn’t add value to my life, I found more opportunity to notice other things that didn’t add value to my life.
I want to remove the things that remove me from my life. So in January, I decided to stop drinking alcohol for a while. You can read the whole story here.
7 Things I Noticed When I Stopped Drinking
1. I sleep better without alcohol.
I never really believed that drinking helped me sleep better even though those rumors were out there, but I didn’t realize how little it took to disrupt my sleep. Even just one glass of wine (ok two, I rarely had just one) would interrupt my sleep.
2. I drank more in social situations because I felt uncomfortable.
As an introvert, attending conferences, parties, and other events made me feel uncomfortable. I’m not shy, but I’m not very outgoing or comfortable in big groups. Drinking helped me to be more extroverted, but that’s not who I am.
I remember feeling relieved at a friend’s wedding a few years ago when they weren’t serving alcohol. I know if they had, I would have indulged to feel more comfortable, been overly social, exchanged phone numbers with people, made plans and then would have woken up regretting those decisions.
3. When I was drinking, I was ignoring my core values which made me feel sad and guilty.
My core values include honesty and authenticity. It’s been important to me over the last decade to connect with my heart, become the real me, and trust myself.
When I was drinking, I could feel the real me slipping away after a few sips. I’d become more outgoing and eventually I’d think or say things that I would never think or say sober. The next day I’d feel bad about what I may have said, not to mention the hangover I was nursing.
P.S. The older I got, the harder the hangover.
4. Other people’s stories inspired me to examine my relationship with alcohol.
Long before I stopped drinking, I read memoirs about people who stopped drinking. Some lost everything before they realized alcohol was the problem and some had less dramatic journeys (like mine). Even though there were differences, there were similarities too.
And because people I admire like Brené Brown, Gretchen Rubin and my sister shared their stories about giving up alcohol for different reasons, I considered it for myself. Sharing our stories; what we know and what we’ve learned helps us and others.
5. People’s reaction to my not drinking says nothing about me.
When people hear I’m not drinking, they are mostly supportive and either curious or defensive. The reactions range from letting me know they’ve questioned their drinking to defending their relationship with alcohol. See the comments here for example.
If you feel defensive, know that I’m not sharing my story because I question your drinking. I’m sharing it because I questioned mine.
While no one has specifically confronted me about why I quit, I can imagine that they may be wondering if I had a problem with alcohol. I did. It wasn’t the hit rock bottom kind of problem but alcohol became a problem for me, one I didn’t want to deal with anymore. What people are thinking isn’t usually based on my relationship with alcohol though, but theirs. It’s just how we work.
6. Maybe it doesn’t matter what you call it.
The reason I didn’t stop drinking ten years ago is because I thought, “If I don’t have a problem, I can keep drinking. If I’m not an alcoholic, I’m good.”
I’d take the quizzes and seem to be in the clear. I’d compare my drinking to people I knew who I thought did have a problem, and my drinking looked ok.
But maybe I was asking the wrong question. Maybe instead of comparing my drinking and asking, “Am I an alcoholic?” I should have been asking, “Is alcohol adding value to my life?” or “Does alcohol make me the best version of me?”
7. Life is simpler without alcohol.
The similarities between simplicity and sobriety are fascinating. Both lead to less decision fatigue, better health, less spending, and deeper connections.
I noticed these things and other benefits listed here about 100 days after I stopped drinking. That’s when I decided to quit for good. I didn’t intend to stop drinking permanently but I could not ignore the benefits. I can’t dismiss how well I sleep, how good I feel, and how much more free and more me I am without alcohol. And the goodness of life without alcohol continues to reveal itself.
Am I an alcoholic? I don’t think so but it doesn’t really matter to me. I didn’t need that label to stop, to realize that alcohol did not add value or goodness to my life. Alcohol removed me from my life and I removed alcohol so I can show up for my life.
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Courtney Carver writes about living and dressing with less at Be More With Less. You can also connect with her on Instagram. Registration for Courtney’s online course, Soulful Simplicity, is currently open.
Ann Hendershot says
I love this article. I, too, don’t have a problem with alcohol but choose not to drink because I don’t like the feeling I get even after one where I feel it starts taking me away from reality. Also, you can’t help but ignore what it does to your body inside and how you feel when you wake up. Some of the adverse affects for me were sinus congestion, headache, tiredness, grumpiness, all of which I do not have if I don’t drink. For me, it’s a no brainer, I definitely am a better person w/o it. Thanks for posting this great article.
Mona says
I feel that this is a very individual story some may relate but most people may actually enjoy a really good glass of wine after a hard day, toddler tantrums or a tragedy. I for example study and love wines and have a special relationship to alcohol. I still do sleep very well, enjoy social situations, occasions.
I find it’s not minimalistic to remove alc I think it’s a very profound question of life, personality and health. There are more aspects to it than determining if it’s useful in each one’s life. I find sometimes minimalism tries to radically remove aspects of our life, when there wasnt an issue with it and some positive effects. My minimalism journey is different, but that is the part where everyone evaluates this for their life. So far, Im however glad to have come in touch with minimalism.
Lee says
I’m sure this wasn’t your intention but I felt your response came across quite defensive.
I think the author did a good job writing this in a way that wasn’t pushy or implying that everyone should stop drinking to better their lives or be more minimalistic. If wine enriches your life (which it sounds like it does), that’s wonderful.
Becky says
This is a great article. I can relate to the introvert part and alcohol making you more vocal than you want to be at parties. Good for you on making this choice for yourself.
Kim Ferguson says
I love this article and thread! Would love to know of sober Facebook groups for people that aren’t problem drinkers but gave it up for other reasons!
Amy says
Hi Kim, you might want to check out Jolene Park (Healthy Discoveries) she has a great Ted Talk about what she calls ‘grey area drinking’. She talks about other ways to manage our nervous systems besides alcohol. It helped me a lot because it wasn’t about being ‘an alcoholic’. I just celebrated one year of being alcohol free today!
Lois Reynolds says
Congrats on taking the time to examine and know yourself…so many of us don’t want to see the reality….I have taken the time and do not drink anymore…I had a big problem with alcohol and now it gone…whoopee….best days of my life since before the day I took away the real me by using alcohol to enhance my “personality”…I notice lots of the comments on here were from people who really did not have an alcohol problem…..and could speak with pride about their lives….not so for those of us who have had a problem…shame and guilt usually keep a person from admitting the problem until they face themselves and reality and get sober truly…..I fortunately have lived through my bad choices which is a miracle in itself and I am a grateful sober person at this time….I loved everything you learned and taught us about how alcohol can take away the joys and light of life….thanks again for sharing your heart and soul….
Sallywentsailing says
I couldn’t agree more. This article along with the one about why she quit drinking came at the exact time I needed it. Recently I’ve been examining my relationship with alcohol and every other day tell myself that I need to stop drinking and feeling like crap and then every other day I tell myself it’s okay because I don’t have a problem. Why can I make good life choices about everything else but end up drinking at night? And spend all day thinking about how I’m going to get to the store and restock. Her thoughts are so open and honest and I felt like I was reading my own mind and seeing my own experiences. To actually know that somebody else dealt with the exact “issues” I currently am made a big impact. I ordered the book she discussed in the other article and took down my wine rack. The last two bottles I put up in a cabinet so I know they are there but aren’t in plain sight. I feel like I am defined by my drinking and nobody believes me when I say I’m not gonna anymore, even y husband “oh I’ve o my heard that a million times for it to last two days” “or until we go out again”. I’m not putting a time on it this time, I’m just doing like when I decided to go vegan. Hopefully I can make this stick.
Linda Sand says
Congratulations! I am proud of you!
SM says
Last year my husband and I tried to reconcile after a difficult split. He has been a heavier drinker in more recent years. I found that I was drinking more than I ever had in order to try to have a good time and bond with him. I also noticed that I would drink so he wouldn’t because it kept him from drinking the hard stuff. I missed out on so much. We split permanently in January and I pretty much stopped drinking. I might have ONE beer on occasion now. I go out but don’t drink when I’m out since I’m single. It was very enlightening to look at the drinking. I wasn’t an alcoholic according to the definition. But it definitely wasn’t a healthy relationship. I’ve lost weight too since I stopped drinking and feel so much better. Feel so much better about myself too. What a great way to start my single life at 50!
Peggy Thiele says
I quit 10 yrs. ago, started dabbling in it again and finally realized that alcohol is a waist of money! Nobody is a good drinker.. Without drinking.. I can drive anywhere anytime, stay up late, read a book when I want, FREEDOM….to do anything at anytime! Hangovers are such a waist of a day! uck, no thank you!
Heath Melrose says
I might be in the minority of commenters on here since I drink wine. I have had my highs and lows on the journey, including a couple of days last year I’d like to do again. I also do the Daniel Fast 2-3 times a year and cut it out altogether for periods of time. But I recently moved to a new country without my friends and acquaintances and comfort zones, and I am certainly drinking less here and reflecting more on all the “why” parts. My wife rarely drinks, and here it is just the two of us getting settled in new city, jobs, language, everything. Spending quality time here alone with her has been amazing, whether wine is opened or not.
JL says
I don’t drink and never really have other than a few times in my life. When I was a teen, my mom spent every day in bars and came home drunk every evening. I thought people who spent their days in bars were some of the most pathetic people I’d ever met and felt nothing but pity for them. As a result, I never developed a taste for alcohol and avoided drinking. My husband will sometimes have a beer and my adult children make and drink beer and wine, but I still don’t have any desire to join them. It makes me sad that so many women make their social lives a big deal about all the wine and beer they drink. I really don’t think I’m missing out on anything.
Pat h says
Basically I agree with all these observations. When I was about 28 ;( now retired), the church I went to asked people in certain childrens ministries to sign a pledge as to set an example. I kept to it . One friend when pressured to drink asked how many drinks to be under the influence. Answer might have been 4 and she replied she didnt want to be 25% under the influence. It didnt affect my career very much but recently at a completely different denomination drinking occurred at all social occasions and made me feel uncomfortable. I saved a lot of money and heart ache over the years.