Note: This is a guest post from Courtney Carver of Be More with Less.
If you are trying to simplify your life, you might start with decluttering and paying off debt, or reducing busyness and discovering how you want to spend your time. Those are the things I focused on in the beginning too.
As I removed things that didn’t add value to my life, I found more opportunity to notice other things that didn’t add value to my life.
I want to remove the things that remove me from my life. So in January, I decided to stop drinking alcohol for a while. You can read the whole story here.
7 Things I Noticed When I Stopped Drinking
1. I sleep better without alcohol.
I never really believed that drinking helped me sleep better even though those rumors were out there, but I didn’t realize how little it took to disrupt my sleep. Even just one glass of wine (ok two, I rarely had just one) would interrupt my sleep.
2. I drank more in social situations because I felt uncomfortable.
As an introvert, attending conferences, parties, and other events made me feel uncomfortable. I’m not shy, but I’m not very outgoing or comfortable in big groups. Drinking helped me to be more extroverted, but that’s not who I am.
I remember feeling relieved at a friend’s wedding a few years ago when they weren’t serving alcohol. I know if they had, I would have indulged to feel more comfortable, been overly social, exchanged phone numbers with people, made plans and then would have woken up regretting those decisions.
3. When I was drinking, I was ignoring my core values which made me feel sad and guilty.
My core values include honesty and authenticity. It’s been important to me over the last decade to connect with my heart, become the real me, and trust myself.
When I was drinking, I could feel the real me slipping away after a few sips. I’d become more outgoing and eventually I’d think or say things that I would never think or say sober. The next day I’d feel bad about what I may have said, not to mention the hangover I was nursing.
P.S. The older I got, the harder the hangover.
4. Other people’s stories inspired me to examine my relationship with alcohol.
Long before I stopped drinking, I read memoirs about people who stopped drinking. Some lost everything before they realized alcohol was the problem and some had less dramatic journeys (like mine). Even though there were differences, there were similarities too.
And because people I admire like Brené Brown, Gretchen Rubin and my sister shared their stories about giving up alcohol for different reasons, I considered it for myself. Sharing our stories; what we know and what we’ve learned helps us and others.
5. People’s reaction to my not drinking says nothing about me.
When people hear I’m not drinking, they are mostly supportive and either curious or defensive. The reactions range from letting me know they’ve questioned their drinking to defending their relationship with alcohol. See the comments here for example.
If you feel defensive, know that I’m not sharing my story because I question your drinking. I’m sharing it because I questioned mine.
While no one has specifically confronted me about why I quit, I can imagine that they may be wondering if I had a problem with alcohol. I did. It wasn’t the hit rock bottom kind of problem but alcohol became a problem for me, one I didn’t want to deal with anymore. What people are thinking isn’t usually based on my relationship with alcohol though, but theirs. It’s just how we work.
6. Maybe it doesn’t matter what you call it.
The reason I didn’t stop drinking ten years ago is because I thought, “If I don’t have a problem, I can keep drinking. If I’m not an alcoholic, I’m good.”
I’d take the quizzes and seem to be in the clear. I’d compare my drinking to people I knew who I thought did have a problem, and my drinking looked ok.
But maybe I was asking the wrong question. Maybe instead of comparing my drinking and asking, “Am I an alcoholic?” I should have been asking, “Is alcohol adding value to my life?” or “Does alcohol make me the best version of me?”
7. Life is simpler without alcohol.
The similarities between simplicity and sobriety are fascinating. Both lead to less decision fatigue, better health, less spending, and deeper connections.
I noticed these things and other benefits listed here about 100 days after I stopped drinking. That’s when I decided to quit for good. I didn’t intend to stop drinking permanently but I could not ignore the benefits. I can’t dismiss how well I sleep, how good I feel, and how much more free and more me I am without alcohol. And the goodness of life without alcohol continues to reveal itself.
Am I an alcoholic? I don’t think so but it doesn’t really matter to me. I didn’t need that label to stop, to realize that alcohol did not add value or goodness to my life. Alcohol removed me from my life and I removed alcohol so I can show up for my life.
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Courtney Carver writes about living and dressing with less at Be More With Less. You can also connect with her on Instagram. Registration for Courtney’s online course, Soulful Simplicity, is currently open.
Mary says
Thank you. Inspiration for all.
Laurie says
I love this too. I have been playing with the idea of not drinking alcohol anymore as well. There is alcoholism in my family and I see the destruction it does to families. I want to be a positive role model in this area. I’m looking forward to the many benefits! Thank you for sharing.
Alman says
I saw the advertising for “One year no beer”, or something similar, on Facebook, and thinking I was drinking too much, I said I should try this, but on my own, without any program, go cold turkey. It’s been half a year minus 4 days without alcohol, am half way through, not drinking every day wasn’t very hard, but I also haven’t noticed any difference, physically, mentally and socially. People cheer me up, most of them telling me that they couldn’t do this. In the beginning I was sleeping better, but now I am at the same level like before (measured via Fitbit). Before stopping I was drinking about 6 half-a-liter beers per evening, way above the the accepted limit, my liver and my stomach have definitely seen the difference, but the medical tests I did do not show a very big improvement (am 36 years old). Will continue with this for the next 6 months, am curious how drinking again will feel like, maybe I will stop for good if I do not see any difference between drinking and not drinking, it will be worth doing it in the long run.
Shirley Henderson Colee says
Sometimes people can do the ‘water wagon’ indefinitely. But when they return to drinking, they will overdrink. It’s toxic to your body except the ears.
Amber says
This post came at an interesting time. I very rarely drink alcohol. I hate that feeling of not being in control of myself. But I will once in a while have a glass of wine.
Last night I had a glass and stayed up until midnight. At 7:00 am when my son decided he wanted breakfast and cartoons, it felt like I was trying to raise the dead to get me on it feet. That feeling is horrible.
So I’ve decided to toss the rest of the wine bottle and forgo drinking.
It’s just not worth it for me anymore.
Lois Reynolds says
glad you tossed it….don’t pick it back up….it doesn’t get better …it gets worse with time….
ES says
I am the mother to 2 kids (siblings) adopted out of E Europe both of whom were profoundly negatively affected by their bio mothers alcohol abuse. At least one of these kids exhibits many symptoms of Fetal Alcohol exposure. Once these kids became a permanent part of our family I remember very clearly thinking that I would no longer drink (not a big drinker anyway). I had such a strong conviction that I needed to be an example of another kind of mother, one who didn’t drink.
Laurel Bishop says
Courtney,
I agree in every aspect. Thank you for sharing.
Michelle Cady says
Excellent article. Alcohol does not help me live my best life yet. You’ll find me drinking club soda at business cocktail hours and loving it! Yes, I’m weird but comfortable in my own skin.
Amanda says
Written so well! My sister and her husband stopped drinking years ago when he had a problem. One of her friends insists that my sister should still drink, since she didn’t have a problem and she was ‘more fun’ when she drank. It seems sad that people (in their 40’s!) can’t accept other peoples decisions and try to apply peer pressure (“Just have one. He’s not with us tonight.”).
Betsy says
My father was a big drinker and it had a major effect on our entire family. I remember as a child thinking I would never allow myself to overindulge when I was old enough to drink alcohol. It turns out I never did but when I had a glass of wine or beer I realized there were side effects as you said. I made the decision several years ago to just give up alcohol. I don’t stand in judgement of people who do but I’m surprised that I still hear older adults boasting about their intake. I thought that ended in one’s 20’s. I enjoy your blog. Thank you Courtney.
Susan says
Excellent article. A couple of years ago, my new year’s resolution was to stop drinking for 6 months, which I did. What is sad though is I was out with a friend during that time. We went for drinks where I told her I was on a sabbatical from drinking for 6 months. First thing she said is, “well, I would never do that because I don’t have a drinking problem”. I never said I had one, and was somewhat insulted by her comment. I just reiterated it was my choice and did say it had nothing to do with thinking I had a drinking problem. Her “I don’t have a drinking problem” statement comes from a person who has 3-4 beers and adds a shot of vodka to each of those beers. Interesting the comments friends will make, it made me re-evaluate my friendship with her.
Sally says
I love your article. I’m one of those folks who did have a problem with alcohol and anything like it. I quit 35-1/2 years ago. I get the same benefits you listed, plus more. You don’t have to be an alcoholic to quit drinking! Good on you!!