“Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.” —Margaret Lee Runbeck
Happy people know that happiness is a choice. They know it is not a reaction to present circumstances. Instead, happiness is an available decision despite them. They have removed the thinking that waits for everything to be perfect before joy in life is experienced.
On the other hand, unhappy people are always searching for happiness. They believe happiness is reliant upon the acquisition of something new or something different. They are constantly chasing, but never attaining. Often times, they search for it in all the wrong places.
Consider this list of 9 Places Unhappy People Look for Happiness.
1. In their next purchase. For too many, it has been ingrained into their thinking the proper way to attain happiness is to find it in their next purchase. As a result, joy is sought in bigger houses, nicer cars, cooler technology, or more fashionable clothing. Most possessions never satisfy. In fact, the joy they bring is entirely fleeting. And those who search for happiness in them are left to chase the next purchase… and the next… and the next.
2. In their next paycheck. Perhaps, Zig Ziglar said it best, “Money won’t make you happy, but everybody wants to find out for themselves.” I know happy people who own less than me and I know unhappy people who own far more. Money is not the secret to happiness. It never has been and never will be. And the sooner we realize this truth, the sooner we can discover the freedom that accompanies no longer desiring riches.
3. In their next relationship. We were designed for relationship and there is great joy to be found in them. But relationship, by its very nature, requires humility and selflessness. And believing there is another person out there that can bring complete happiness into your life is to embark on a journey with no destination… and often with disastrous outcomes. Our relationships become far stronger and more fulfilling when we stop searching for someone to meet our needs and start using relationships to meet someone else’s needs instead.
4. In their next physical enhancement. Healthy bodies and healthy diets are important. I would never speak against their benefit. They allow us to maximize our days and effectiveness. But those who seek happiness in tighter butts, slimmer waists, and larger biceps are looking for fulfillment in physical bodies that were never designed to bring such outcomes. Happy people understand the importance of physical discipline. But they do not base their happiness on their physical appearance.
5. In their next competition. I have come to understand the mindset of competition in our world is based on a faulty premise. It assumes there is a finite sized pie—that one person’s success in life equals one less opportunity in mine. But this thinking is incorrect. The pie keeps growing. And those who seek happiness by ruthlessly beating out another compete only against themselves. In reality, the quickest way to find happiness in your life is to help someone else find it in theirs.
6. In their next job. It is important to pursue work you love in an occupation that contributes good to society and the world around you. This type of work brings fulfillment and promise to our lives. Unfortunately, I fear too many people nowadays are seeking the “perfect” job with high pay, few hours, and no stress. But the perfect job doesn’t exist. Work always requires blood, sweat, and tears—that is what makes it work. Again, those who are continually experiencing disdain in their present career because they think the next one will be perfect, are chasing happiness in the wrong places. While there may be a time for change in employment, there may also be a time for change in your approach to it.
7. In their next escape. Unhappy people seek escape. They believe distraction from their present circumstance is a shortcut to happiness. They often turn to television, addiction, or weekend getaways to numb the pain. But the entertainment always ends, the morning always comes, and the vacation always concludes. Meanwhile, the present circumstances have not changed—they have only been complicated. Happy people recognize their circumstances and do not require escape from them. Instead, they choose to practice peace inside them.
8. In the next person to solve their problems. Blame is a dangerous habit and a very real obstacle to happiness. Shifting the responsibility for shortcomings onto another person or external factor immediately eliminates any need or motivation to change. Instead, the victim remains trapped in a cell they built themselves—waiting for someone else to come solve their problems for them. But every time we blame someone else for our unhappiness, we lose. And in the long run, it keeps fulfillment and happiness just out of reach.
9. In accepting things just the way they are. Happiness can be discovered at any point in our lives regardless of our circumstances. But finding happiness in them does not mean we are complacent in the face of things that can be changed. It does not mean we stop striving or growing or maturing. We do not use happiness or contentment as an excuse for mediocrity. Instead, we walk forward in confidence and discipline to become the best possible versions of ourselves—not just for our own well-being, but for the well-being of others.
Your happiness is based solely on your decision to be happy—and this may be one of the most important life lessons any of us could ever learn.
Judy Kaye says
Be calm, my Dellius, and serene.
However fortune change the scene.
In they most dejected state
Sink not underneath the weight;
Nor yet, when happy days begin,
And the full tide comes rolling in,
Let a fierce unruly joy
The settled quiet of a mind destroy.
However Fortune change the scene
Be calm, my Delius and Serene.
Horace ( I think )
I have not arrived at this point. Will I ever? I doubt it. I try to be thankful for what I have little or great. Practice kindness especially towards myself. This too shall pass both the good and not so good. Too much cannot be said about gratitude. If you can’t change a situation can you change how you look at the situation? That may be the only thing you can control.
Jim Yarko says
I married my second wife about 12 years ago after a first one that I cannot believe that I tolerated as long as I did. For the record, I did the exact opposite that many men do in finding their second spouse. My first wife was ten years younger, thin and bleached-blond and has breast implants (although, in the interest of full disclosure, she did not get the implants until she was leaving her next husband). My second wife is a number of years older than I am and has a few extra pounds. She was also the best “intimate spouse” that any man could ever want.
After less than three years of marriage, everything changed completely. She was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer with an anticipated 18-20 months to live. She remains alive and alert after 10+ years and 272 doses of chemo. Our income has dropped from 6-digits to a low 5-dight range. Obviously, due to health reasons, certain aspects of our relationship have changed dramatically.
I don’t bring this up to elicit any form of sympathy or action on anyone’s part. Our marriage is as strong as ever despite every thing that has happened. It just goes to show what can happen if your values are well-grounded and based on what is truly important.
Even though I bear the severe scars associated with that which I consider to be extreme abuse by my first wife, I did not become secluded from humanity. Perhaps the best way that I can explain my current situation is that, despite the fact that the physical and romantic reasons that I married my current wife changed dramatically as a result of her diagnosis, I always tell anyone who asks that marrying her was the best decision that I ever made, which it certainly was.
The moral of this true-life story: A good life and respective thereof is in your hands more than anyone else.
Live well.
Jim
Brian says
A good list, still in the spectrum of being human many many of us have a predisposition to experience psychological suffering disproportionate to joy. Sad but true… still life satisfaction can be found even if pleasure isn’t our natural internal response.
Gloria Jean says
Excellent article! I really needed to read this, thank you. I am focusing on choosing to be happy-NOW!
Joann Fox says
Everything you post is very true. Well said and very sad. The fact that you or anyone that has commented has not mentioned the only one that can fill the hole in our soul to bring true genuine happiness is Our Lord Jesus Christ. Without him true happiness Will never be found.
cindy says
AMEN
least months says
It’s much easier to understand when you put it that way!
Lezlie Rucker says
Spot on….love this page. So glad I found it. I have been working on simplifying for a while now and the more I get rid of the better I feel and it does get easier as you go. Love all your great tips and advice. Thanks!
Megan says
I will share this with my Ethics class; we are discussing confidence, beginning with the influence the media/society has on our very definition. This will be a nice follow up!
Ash says
Love reading your posts! They all ring so true and are very relevant to our current western society. I use to buy myself things with my credit card as a treat when I felt down, it was exciting for a minute until the guilt set in and the credit card statement came. Now I buy what I need. I use to think I was a failure as I don’t have a newer car like everyone else although my car is neat and runs well and I use to think my currently unrenovated home was an embarrassment. I have now learnt gratitude, my home is filled with my family and is cosy. I was searching for happiness in the wrong places.
Sunny says
Great list! I used to do all of that just to make myself happy, but not anymore. Now, I know what true happiness is. Actually, not really, but I’m learning to be happy without all that materialistic things.