“Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.” —Margaret Lee Runbeck
Happy people know that happiness is a choice. They know it is not a reaction to present circumstances. Instead, happiness is an available decision despite them. They have removed the thinking that waits for everything to be perfect before joy in life is experienced.
On the other hand, unhappy people are always searching for happiness. They believe happiness is reliant upon the acquisition of something new or something different. They are constantly chasing, but never attaining. Often times, they search for it in all the wrong places.
Consider this list of 9 Places Unhappy People Look for Happiness.
1. In their next purchase. For too many, it has been ingrained into their thinking the proper way to attain happiness is to find it in their next purchase. As a result, joy is sought in bigger houses, nicer cars, cooler technology, or more fashionable clothing. Most possessions never satisfy. In fact, the joy they bring is entirely fleeting. And those who search for happiness in them are left to chase the next purchase… and the next… and the next.
2. In their next paycheck. Perhaps, Zig Ziglar said it best, “Money won’t make you happy, but everybody wants to find out for themselves.” I know happy people who own less than me and I know unhappy people who own far more. Money is not the secret to happiness. It never has been and never will be. And the sooner we realize this truth, the sooner we can discover the freedom that accompanies no longer desiring riches.
3. In their next relationship. We were designed for relationship and there is great joy to be found in them. But relationship, by its very nature, requires humility and selflessness. And believing there is another person out there that can bring complete happiness into your life is to embark on a journey with no destination… and often with disastrous outcomes. Our relationships become far stronger and more fulfilling when we stop searching for someone to meet our needs and start using relationships to meet someone else’s needs instead.
4. In their next physical enhancement. Healthy bodies and healthy diets are important. I would never speak against their benefit. They allow us to maximize our days and effectiveness. But those who seek happiness in tighter butts, slimmer waists, and larger biceps are looking for fulfillment in physical bodies that were never designed to bring such outcomes. Happy people understand the importance of physical discipline. But they do not base their happiness on their physical appearance.
5. In their next competition. I have come to understand the mindset of competition in our world is based on a faulty premise. It assumes there is a finite sized pie—that one person’s success in life equals one less opportunity in mine. But this thinking is incorrect. The pie keeps growing. And those who seek happiness by ruthlessly beating out another compete only against themselves. In reality, the quickest way to find happiness in your life is to help someone else find it in theirs.
6. In their next job. It is important to pursue work you love in an occupation that contributes good to society and the world around you. This type of work brings fulfillment and promise to our lives. Unfortunately, I fear too many people nowadays are seeking the “perfect” job with high pay, few hours, and no stress. But the perfect job doesn’t exist. Work always requires blood, sweat, and tears—that is what makes it work. Again, those who are continually experiencing disdain in their present career because they think the next one will be perfect, are chasing happiness in the wrong places. While there may be a time for change in employment, there may also be a time for change in your approach to it.
7. In their next escape. Unhappy people seek escape. They believe distraction from their present circumstance is a shortcut to happiness. They often turn to television, addiction, or weekend getaways to numb the pain. But the entertainment always ends, the morning always comes, and the vacation always concludes. Meanwhile, the present circumstances have not changed—they have only been complicated. Happy people recognize their circumstances and do not require escape from them. Instead, they choose to practice peace inside them.
8. In the next person to solve their problems. Blame is a dangerous habit and a very real obstacle to happiness. Shifting the responsibility for shortcomings onto another person or external factor immediately eliminates any need or motivation to change. Instead, the victim remains trapped in a cell they built themselves—waiting for someone else to come solve their problems for them. But every time we blame someone else for our unhappiness, we lose. And in the long run, it keeps fulfillment and happiness just out of reach.
9. In accepting things just the way they are. Happiness can be discovered at any point in our lives regardless of our circumstances. But finding happiness in them does not mean we are complacent in the face of things that can be changed. It does not mean we stop striving or growing or maturing. We do not use happiness or contentment as an excuse for mediocrity. Instead, we walk forward in confidence and discipline to become the best possible versions of ourselves—not just for our own well-being, but for the well-being of others.
Your happiness is based solely on your decision to be happy—and this may be one of the most important life lessons any of us could ever learn.
Michael says
I think one issue in the replies to this statement are the oversimplifying of what it means to be “happy.” While happy can be a momentary thing, like hearing the answer to a knock-knock joke, I think the term is being used differently here. Happy, here, is not so much a momentary emotional response to stimuli as it is an endearing contentment with life, a joyful approach to the day’s activitivies, and a playful attitude toward circumstances that present themselves. Certainly clinical symptoms like depression can affect one’s ability to experience the momentary happiness, and this effect can last years. But it not so much that bad things that make us sad can and do happen, but how we choose to think about them, and subsequently respond to them. This is sort of the “glass half full” idea. Appreciating even the smallest “good” things can make enduring many of the overtly “bad” things easier– and the resulting contentment may be that Happiness that is referenced here.
Ale says
I think that happiness is in part a choice. – you have to choose to change certain habits that drag you down – but if it was just so easy to decide to be happy and then be it, there would be a lot more happy people in the world. Happiness is within you, yes, but is a journey as you have to find what is it that makes you happy. Your own definition of it. I also know that when you suffer from depression, as much as you “choose” to be happy ia not as easy. Happiness takes courage, courage to make the choice to change things that are taking you to the unhappy road vs the happy one. It is a journey and takes practice, so people need to stop looking for the quick fix, drive-thru solutions
Jennifer says
Yes! Exactly
Ejike John says
I do not make the mistake of thinking that the happiness I seek in someone or somewhere.
I find happiness in me because I believe that I can only make those around me happy when I am happy.
What I am trying to say in essence is, the happiness you seek is in you.
ren says
I see people running from one activity to the next. Couples who can’t stand to be home together, so they are always on the move as a distraction to ignore their issues.
Families dragging kids into all types of sports, til everyone is at point of exhaustion.
It’s become an addiction to see how much stuff a family can be involved in.
I am happy to see my family, get home after work and just recharge batteries. Now that winter is approaching, I hibernate even more.
Sonya says
Great observations. I disagree on the idea that happiness is something that occurs through thinking it into existence – no and this idea is especially dangerous for people suffering from depression or anxiety. Happiness is as much a physical experiential state as it is a mental state, and our obsession with obtaining happiness as a society regardless of situations leads to suppression of genuine feelings which are important- things like grief, mourning, fear, anger. Instead I recommend turning towards these feelings with curiousity, and accepting these feelings rather than trying to fight them. Fighting feelings that are these leads to all kinds of disease and just makes things worse. Other than this reservation I totally agree with you that happiness is not to be found in any of these pursuits you list above! Love you work
nakset says
Thank you so much for saying this Sonya it hurts greatly when I wish to feel elated or happy or even content and even with many hours of meditation or yoga everything still feels impossible and empty . I suffer from bpd and I become so unbelievably happy and feel amazing then my life crashes down even as I insist to myself I must feel happy again and stay positive. But embracing that I feel bad has been more productice.
servantofGOd says
If you are unhappy, why not ask help from God? He is generous and will surely help you.
Novena to Saint Claire
Pray whether you believe or not and promise to publish or circulate.
Ask for 3 favours: 1 business and 2 impossible.
Say 9 Hail Mary’s and the following prayer for 9 nights in front of a lighted candle,
God of mercy you inspired St. Claire with the love of poverty by the help of her prayers. May we follow Christ in poverty of spirit and come to the joyful vision of your glory in the kingdom of heaven. We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ your son who lives and reigns with the Holy Spirit, One God forever and ever. Amen
Akarsh says
I don’t think I m unhappy but I certainly know that something is wrong with me. I hate evenings. I get all moody and skip studying…As I am a first year medico this is becoming a serious problem with me…can anyone help?
Dr K.S says
Hello Akarsh
When you feel moody. Stop thinking and feel the emotion in your body. You could team up with a buddy and try emotrance or EFT.
It will relieve your mood instantly. After some practice, you can work by yourself.
You could also try studying early morning. And leave the evening for your most preferred hobby. say music or football… that will balance right and left brain.
Don’t take the whole blame on yourself. Many first year medicos have felt rotten facing the crazy system.
Also check out ‘within’ that you are following your passion and not doing medicine for external reasons.
dr k s
Myra Hogan says
I am hopeless at studing in the evening I have to get up early if I am going to study ????
Will Broomfield says
“Happy people know that happiness is a choice”. Seriously, i mean no disrespect but what on earth are you talking about? As if somehow joy equates to wisdom. I have been both intensely happy and intensely sad, that kind of statement is something only naivety can explain, it simply isn’t true. Your moods are not necessarily a choice, although people can do things to help themselves. So aggravating…. there are many things in life that are tragic, as well glorious. Don’t pretend to know what others are thinking
Steph says
You have it backwards. Joy doesn’t bring about wisdom, more like the other way around. You know what brings about wisdom? Reading. Research, knowledge. Life is full of ups and downs we all know that, and there’s isn’t just one mood to permenantly be in… That’s just foolish. I am a happy positive person. Doesn’t mean I never feel sadness or anger. That wouldn’t be human. We have a broad range of Emotions. And the fact is if you never knew all the other emotions how would you ever know when you are ‘happy’? I think you missed the message of this whole article. I choose happiness, I wasn’t always this way. But it took time (because we’re always growing and changing and not always mature enough to learn the lessons perhaps the first time around) and it took knowledge to get here, being a happy person. Truly the more I learn about all things that are important to me (minimalism being one of many!) the happier I become. And thank you for this Website Joshua, it’s just what I needed to find! :-)
Steph says
Forgot to add… This Website is what The WORLD needs to find!!
Ron D. says
Joshua,
You are spot on. My ex-girlfriend tried to tell me this, but I didn’t listen. Why do women get it way before men?? Or am I just a stubborn ass? Maybe God has something to do with it since women bear the children. Do mothers teach them, or is it in their x chromosomes?
Lost in Texas.
Kairu says
Everyone has their time buddy sometimes men get it quicker sometimes women do. I (woman) guess situations and circumstances lead us to this realisation. Meditation, self awareness, acceptance and self growth have led me to this and no more blame. No more blame!
Mick says
Well I don’t know if women get it before men because my ex was searching for happiness within our relationship. She goes after men and relationships to findhappinesss. She thinks that relationships create happiness and relies on the relationship to be happy in her life and when she is unhappy because of her own problems and inner Demons she blames the relationship. I am a very spiritual person and I tried to explain this to her many times but she would never listen. When you focus on the negatives that surround you then your life becomes negative. There were aspects in our relationship that could have done with Improvement and they could have easily been resolved but she chose to find the negative in the situation and do nothing about it. Happiness can only be found Within.
Lama Surya Das says
Most people are searching for happiness outside of themselves. That’s a fundamental mistake. Meditation opens the door to genuine happiness. Meditation improves our mind, health and brings more happiness. Happiness is something you are and it comes from the way you think.
Kuntimaddi Sadananda says
You have zeroed in on the problem.