“Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.” —Margaret Lee Runbeck
Happy people know that happiness is a choice. They know it is not a reaction to present circumstances. Instead, happiness is an available decision despite them. They have removed the thinking that waits for everything to be perfect before joy in life is experienced.
On the other hand, unhappy people are always searching for happiness. They believe happiness is reliant upon the acquisition of something new or something different. They are constantly chasing, but never attaining. Often times, they search for it in all the wrong places.
Consider this list of 9 Places Unhappy People Look for Happiness.
1. In their next purchase. For too many, it has been ingrained into their thinking the proper way to attain happiness is to find it in their next purchase. As a result, joy is sought in bigger houses, nicer cars, cooler technology, or more fashionable clothing. Most possessions never satisfy. In fact, the joy they bring is entirely fleeting. And those who search for happiness in them are left to chase the next purchase… and the next… and the next.
2. In their next paycheck. Perhaps, Zig Ziglar said it best, “Money won’t make you happy, but everybody wants to find out for themselves.” I know happy people who own less than me and I know unhappy people who own far more. Money is not the secret to happiness. It never has been and never will be. And the sooner we realize this truth, the sooner we can discover the freedom that accompanies no longer desiring riches.
3. In their next relationship. We were designed for relationship and there is great joy to be found in them. But relationship, by its very nature, requires humility and selflessness. And believing there is another person out there that can bring complete happiness into your life is to embark on a journey with no destination… and often with disastrous outcomes. Our relationships become far stronger and more fulfilling when we stop searching for someone to meet our needs and start using relationships to meet someone else’s needs instead.
4. In their next physical enhancement. Healthy bodies and healthy diets are important. I would never speak against their benefit. They allow us to maximize our days and effectiveness. But those who seek happiness in tighter butts, slimmer waists, and larger biceps are looking for fulfillment in physical bodies that were never designed to bring such outcomes. Happy people understand the importance of physical discipline. But they do not base their happiness on their physical appearance.
5. In their next competition. I have come to understand the mindset of competition in our world is based on a faulty premise. It assumes there is a finite sized pie—that one person’s success in life equals one less opportunity in mine. But this thinking is incorrect. The pie keeps growing. And those who seek happiness by ruthlessly beating out another compete only against themselves. In reality, the quickest way to find happiness in your life is to help someone else find it in theirs.
6. In their next job. It is important to pursue work you love in an occupation that contributes good to society and the world around you. This type of work brings fulfillment and promise to our lives. Unfortunately, I fear too many people nowadays are seeking the “perfect” job with high pay, few hours, and no stress. But the perfect job doesn’t exist. Work always requires blood, sweat, and tears—that is what makes it work. Again, those who are continually experiencing disdain in their present career because they think the next one will be perfect, are chasing happiness in the wrong places. While there may be a time for change in employment, there may also be a time for change in your approach to it.
7. In their next escape. Unhappy people seek escape. They believe distraction from their present circumstance is a shortcut to happiness. They often turn to television, addiction, or weekend getaways to numb the pain. But the entertainment always ends, the morning always comes, and the vacation always concludes. Meanwhile, the present circumstances have not changed—they have only been complicated. Happy people recognize their circumstances and do not require escape from them. Instead, they choose to practice peace inside them.
8. In the next person to solve their problems. Blame is a dangerous habit and a very real obstacle to happiness. Shifting the responsibility for shortcomings onto another person or external factor immediately eliminates any need or motivation to change. Instead, the victim remains trapped in a cell they built themselves—waiting for someone else to come solve their problems for them. But every time we blame someone else for our unhappiness, we lose. And in the long run, it keeps fulfillment and happiness just out of reach.
9. In accepting things just the way they are. Happiness can be discovered at any point in our lives regardless of our circumstances. But finding happiness in them does not mean we are complacent in the face of things that can be changed. It does not mean we stop striving or growing or maturing. We do not use happiness or contentment as an excuse for mediocrity. Instead, we walk forward in confidence and discipline to become the best possible versions of ourselves—not just for our own well-being, but for the well-being of others.
Your happiness is based solely on your decision to be happy—and this may be one of the most important life lessons any of us could ever learn.
Happiness is simple and is always in our heart. Sometime it can be just the fact that my cat comes to sit next to me and we don’t need to say anything. Sometime it can be a walk in a forest for 30 minutes before work.
You are so right! Inspiring comment of the day <3
From my experience and counseling women for many years, I believe that one must first perform a self-analysis. Find out your true wants, needs, joys, etc. and shed the external influences of culture, religion, and family that has defined happiness for you. For example, the American culture says that the pattern of university, career, marriage, home purchase, children, acquisition of material goods, and a 2 week vacation at a resort with planned activities will bring you happiness. The result of this pattern is a society on prescribed drugs, in debt, dysfunctional families, a high rate of divorce, and an overabundance of self-help books that do not help. The key is knowing oneself and finding your path in this world. This leads to happiness. A happiness that remains within even when you encounter adversity. It protects you from feelings of helplessness and teaches you to endure and have patience through difficult times. It teaches you to not be overcome by negativity, but to appreciate all the positive things in your life, thus maintaining your happiness.
Hello
What if you can’t figure out what your wants and needs are ? x
There is only the pursuit of happinessappiness, as full-time happiness is unattainable. You can experience happiness, but it is a temporary feeling that soon passes and you find yourself back in the pursuit. Human beings are unique in that we have evolved beyond the endless pursuit of sheer survival, and with that comes a restlessness “we perceive as unhappiness” that other creatures and our ancestors could not relate to, as their lives are consumed with survival. We have simply experiencing an event in time that is unnatural. That is why Zoo animals always look bored and unhappy, because beyond survival…none if us are wired to always be happy :-)
It’s so true! I’m absolutely agree, especially about Zoo animals.
You nailed it. Life is about survival. We all choose to do this in our own way.
Great stuffs, and wise words. Thanks!
SO much smarter than the original post (which was fine, but well trodden ground). It’s amazing how much can be written and discussed with no real clarity until you look at behavioral problems through an evolutionary lens.
Nothing against the religious folks. Whatever works for you works.
For me, considering my unhappiness as the result of my success in surviving is the first actual progress I’ve made in this journey.
One quibble: Survival isn’t a given for humans. And for those for whom that struggle is real, the happiness question is very different. For those of us who have achieved stability in shelter, food, and health and can be reasonably confident it will continue for most of life (whether through privilege, luck, hard work, or a mix,) these words are so helpful.
Failing to experience happiness cannot be blamed entirely on ones inability to exercise discipline in controlling ones thoughts. We are all complex beings with unique genetic makeups and early environments. People have to take responsibility for their lives, I agree. But there are people who no matter how much they try to change find it incredibly hard to overcome the hand they’re dealt. I’d like to believe the damage done in childhood and dysfunctional inherited personalities can be changed, but it’s hard to. This life is cruel, competitive, and unfair. We cannot put blinders on and ignore it. Don’t be so quick to put the blame on people who might not have got as good a roll as you.
I have been seriously depressed when I was only 6 years old. Asking my mom why I’d have to live because I was lost. Now I’m 17 years old and I am terrified. Since I was 16 I am feeling very unhappy again and it became so bad that I have been considering suicide or just running away. And I have no idea why. I have a good house and a great family. I would never want to leave them but I have a feeling that this year would be fatal for me. I’d like to find an answer but I guess there isn’t. I am so scared, I don’t know what is going on.
Please talk with someone. I feel sad that you feel this way your so young. I wish I could help you. Do you have a close friend you could talk with ? Let someone know how you feel. Tell god how you feel he cares about you. Please reply I care and your family and friends love you.
I think you’re in state of depression. It’s not the state of mind, it’s deseas! You should talk about it to your family and go to see a doctor. Don’t be denayal! Ask for help!
Happiness is a fleeting and changing emotion. No one can be “happy” all the time, just as no one can be angry all the time. Being contented is what we are truly seeking, a sense of relief, of belonging, of being valued, of knowing ones “place”. It brings about a sense of satisfaction, which is what people are looking for in the behaviors that outline their “unhappiness”, compulsive shopping, addictive behaviors, cheating on a loved one and so on. By no means should you not strive for goals & bettering ones self, but it does mean finding satisfaction in the moment, comtentment where you are.
I am so unhappy because I can not worrying about my son of 50 he is lonely has no one hard for him to me women I am always a little obsessed with this I want him to be happy and I want him to enjoy his life when I do see him happy I am over joyed and then I have good days so he drinks and gets depressed then I get depressed for 30 years this had been a problem some times I would rather
Her die than face things I cannot change a very sad mother
Your son has to find his own way as you do too. Life is hard – no doubt about it – but you cannot be responsible for anyone else’s happiness but your own. Your son has to figure out that drinking is not the way to happiness. A sober life style, pride in what he does for a living along with an independent life style will make him much more attractive to the opposite sex. Perhaps a full physical exam would help him – there could be a problem easily identified and solved, i.e. thyroid, early diabetes, etc. Good luck
Re: “Our relationships become far stronger and more fulfilling when we stop searching for someone to meet our needs and start using relationships to meet someone else’s needs instead.”
I struggle with this statement because I spent 22 years putting my now x-husband’s needs first and it ended up in divorce when he had an affair and then turned around and said , “I was too nice and I should have taken a stance instead always being understanding.”
I was devastated. Don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.
He said that to you to shift his guilt don’t take his word for it he’s the one who has been dishonest in your relationship .Taking any comment from him would be a mistake .just realise that he didn’t have the love to give .Now you have an opportunity to meet someone who does
where do I start? My husband got cancer 2 1/2 years ago, chemo, surgery, removing his bladder and penis, radiation. My son’s hearing loss was discover 2 years ago, he has adha and worse of all, now ten, he is extremely defiant. My daughter left to college about 2 years ago, I got breast cancer last year, bilateral mastectomy and radiation a couple of moth later my husband died January 11th this year. I’m tired, still trying to be happy. It’s just that some days it is too much. I know happiness is inside you but…
Oh Andrea I’m so sorry. On top of everything you’re going through, please don’t also feel guilty that you can’t summon any happiness right now. The unhappiness this article refers to is of the “dissatisfied” variety, not real pain. The suggestions here don’t remedy the grief and trauma you’re undergoing. Stronger help is needed. I hope you find it.
Oh Andrea – I’m so sorry! There is a time for grieving too. Stress is detrimental to health and you certainly seem to have plenty of it! I hope you’ll find some help for you and your son. Praying for you! MaryO
This writer is spot on about happiness. And the article is so clear…and he has only scratched the surface…for what he alludes and directly points at is an infinite journey of life and inner peace and discovery…a journey with no real end….Happy states are the blessing of no struggle with life but rather being in the now and always staying in the now until your real self just replaces all the old confusion..