Editor’s Note: My friend Jessie is a mom of two in Seattle. When we were neighbors, she once raved to me about how Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project, had impacted her. So recently, I asked Jessie to share how, four years after reading it, the ideas in Gretchen’s book continue to influence her life. After hearing her response, I asked her to write something up that I could share here. This is what she wrote:
Have you ever noticed how we always seem to put off happiness?
Although I never thought about it consciously, that was me. In fact, I used to operate like a lot of us do.
For example, maybe you’ve heard yourself saying or thinking the same things I did:
- “When this is done, I’ll be happy.”
- “When I own that, I’ll be happy.”
- “When I weigh less, I’ll be happy.”
Like most of us, I behaved as if happiness was a destination at which I’d one day arrive.
But The Happiness Project changed my thinking. While reading it, I realized that I could choose happiness, and live into it, in any moment I chose. As I started taking control of my thoughts and actions, and implementing some of the practices in the book, I have become much more satisfied with my life.
I hope you hear that as good news, because there really are practical things we can do each day to increase our happiness.
Some of the actions I discovered were obvious good choices: “go to sleep earlier,” “exercise better,” “enjoy now,” “sing in the morning.” And others, for me at least, were counterintuitive at first: “tackle a nagging task,” “enjoy the fun of failure,” “don’t gossip,” “give something up.”
Personally, adopting the mantra “enjoy now,” has made one of the biggest differences in transforming my thinking. Today I take pleasure in gradual progress, and not just the moment of crossing the finish line. I’ve even developed my own ‘Jessie Commandment’: “Today is my favorite day.” I say it so often nowadays my neighbor made me a mug with the saying on it :)
Even more significantly, the happiness project experiment affected my entire family.
Many of the resolutions in the book have turned into habits in our home. The “one minute rule” and the “evening tidy up” are implemented in my home daily. If a task can be done in under a minute I won’t postpone it. And almost every evening I take ten minutes and walk around the house tidying up. As the book points out, putting things in order is very calming which helps with my sleep and mornings are more pleasant when there is order—both affecting my happiness and that of my family.
Once I realized how I could manipulate my happiness by doing certain things like clearing clutter, acting lighthearted, getting more sleep, or reacting only with love, I started really focusing on these things daily and they have become part of me and happiness definitely followed.
And don’t forget about having fun!
People who have fun are twenty times as likely to feel happy. That truth really struck me. Now, I actively seek fun and find fun as often as I can. As Rubin discovered, it’s okay to be silly and it’s good to go off the path and do the unexpected. These are key sources of happiness.
- Throw water balloons with your kids.
- Visit the roller skating rink together.
- If one family member has to work, surprise him or her with lunch.
- Share popsicles with your neighbors.
Choosing happiness is about both actions and attitudes. No one is happy if they don’t think of themselves as happy. I knew what I needed to do: laugh more, be kinder, stop being critical, be cheerful. But sometimes, even if I knew the action I should take, my attitude was not aligned. So, even if I didn’t FEEL like it, I ACTED like it. And my feelings would eventually catch up!
Every day you can choose happiness. Today can be your favorite day!
By the end of the book Gretchen Rubin had showed me the desire to change was meaningless if I couldn’t find a way to make the change happen. I knew I had to build my happiness on the foundation of my character, and really understand Jessie. I had to recognize what makes me happy, not just what I thought would make me happy or what makes other people happy.
Happiness is very personal. This happiness project put me in control and with a greater feeling of control I gained happiness. On a daily basis I appreciate my life right now just as it is and that makes me happy. I know I am in control and I know what to do.
When we make intentional small daily choices, happiness begins to follow. It was true for me, and I believe it can be true for you, too.
***
Jessie’s experience is not unique. Gretchen’s book has been a big hit because so many people who develop the kind of happiness habits she suggests do discover that they enjoy their lives more.
To learn more about happy living, you can check out Gretchen’s recent article in Simplify Magazine. Or read her NYT Bestselling book yourself: The Happiness Project.
Nicolette says
I have been so guilty of waiting for happiness to happen in the past. This winter though, I had a family emergency that made me reevaluate how I approach every day. Now I try to list off things that I appreciate every morning and if I start thinking negatively, I stop and reset my mindset and facial muscles. Fun fact if you smile long enough, it tricks your brain into releasing endorphins!
Nicolette
Jeffrey Pillow says
Not long ago I took a walk with my son. As simple as the act was, it was nonetheless a moment of enlightenment for me.
As I watched him by the water doing what little boys often do, I realized this is happiness..
Happiness as I learned is not a state of becoming as we often frame it. Happiness is a state of being. Happiness is available in most every moment, big or small.
For anyone interested, I linked to this post in my name.
Gloire says
Hello,
I really enjoyed reading your article, and I have been trying to live an authentic, balance, truthful life. Unfortunately, I can tell you life is very miserable, lonely, and isolated. I am a single female with no siblings, no families and no meaningful friendships. Several years ago, I decided to clean out my circle of friends because after an injury, I realised who my friends were. I had been always there for them, but after my accident they weren’t available to even visit me at the hospital.
I feel like a outcast, I moved to a new city where the majority of the people have no values, no morals, and unable to know the difference between right from wrong. I am not perfect however, I have some core values, and principals that I would not compromise for anybody.
I am having a nervous breakdown because I cannot understand why people do what they do, cheating, lying, screwing…everyone and they get away with it. I feel like I am living in a different planet, and the only person suffering is me. After reading your article, I realized there are maybe few like minded people who think like me, but I am from Canada, and you are from the United States how do ones meet similar mind in the same city?
Brenda Hale says
Find a church that has great worship music and a message that speaks to you. I’ll pray for you :)
sun says
And volunteer somewhere! Keep trying, and you will stumble upon some like-minded friends or at least wholesome people you enjoy spending time with, and they may introduce you to more like-minded friends!
Elizabeth says
Go to the public library and ask at the reference desk if they have a list of local interest groups. For example, MahJong groups, quilting groups, travel groups, star gazing or bird watching groups, book study groups…Pick one that interests YOU and join! After a move, I found the best of friends in a quilting group.
Eve says
We are not continually happy. Happiness comes in moments. So treasure those & try to create more. A day is made up of moments of time so buy or pick those fresh flowers for your table every week. Smile a lot. Listen to others. Really listen. Be kind to everyone you meet. That rude cashier may have a sick child at home.
I gave a Christmas gift to someone I barely knew and she cried. She was so touched because her husband and children didn’t remember to give her one. It was the only gift she had received.
You never know who needs your kindness and pleasing others is happiness for us, isn’t it? I felt happy all day.
krista O'Reilly-Davi-Digui says
I’m a big fan of Gretchen Rubin and happiness research in general. I’ve needed it! Mostly what stands out to me in this is how baby steps count. We can show up curious, glean from others, practice new habits and tweak them to fit who we are, and slowly but surely craft the life we want.
My mantra for this year is “Don’t try so hard; just enjoy yourself.” And out of that came a desire to take more risks – in business mostly. Reach out to other women, collaborate, step into my vision if I can’t see all the details and know I may “fail”…just have fun.
Lottie says
Really interested in this book. I definitely have been victim to the idea if I way less I would be happier!
Angela @ Setting My Intention says
I really enjoyed that book too Jessie! My word of the year has been “spark joy” and one of things Ive had to do is grow in awareness of what brings me joy and what brings joy in others around me. We can lose sight of thise things in the “daily grind”
Amy@MoreTimeThanMoney says
I love the one minute rule. It’s such a great procrastination buster. I’m very messy by nature, the one minute rule encourages me to tidy as I go. Coupled with decluttering, no more dreaded “tidy the house” on my to-do list = happier.
Dads Dollars debts says
Great write up! One of the things that decreases physician burn out is not putting off today’s work until tomorrow. The one minute rule exemplifies that in so many ways.
I can’t reiterate how important a change in mindset is. 1 month ago I realized I was being negative at work and home. Things were going south and all because of my mind set. I made an active choice to change this and in less than a month my stress is lower and relationships better.
Belina Villanueva says
Love the Simplify Magazine. I look forward to all the simplify tips to live my life in the Present moment and live simply -that is my clarity. Namaste.
Esther says
Wow, I like this post. One of the very many things that make me agitated lately is my finances. I think to myself, if I can just stop living from paycheck to paycheck, I’d have to a happier life.
Other times, I am angry that I don’t earn from my blog like I want to, so I think to myself, if I can just earn some more cash from my blog.
I have been going through a lot of articles on happiness and found one more, which is this one, on Bloglovin’.
I am blessed.