Gratitude is important. Gratitude causes us to no longer desire a different life. Instead, it invites us to make the most of the one life we already have.
It calls us to recognize and celebrate the good. And in a society that works so hard to distract us from our blessings, the importance of gratitude cannot be overstated.
This is an important week as we set aside an entire day specifically for thanksgiving. May each of us make the most of it as we celebrate our blessings and thank those who have made it possible.
But this year, I have been challenged by a new question. What if, rather than just asking, “What do I have to be thankful for?” we also began asking, “What do I want to be thanked for?”
I first heard the question posed by a good friend of mine during a conversation we were having about important life decisions. He phrased it this way, “I just keep asking, ‘At the end of my life, what do I want to be thanked for?’” He then began listing some of the things he wishes his family would be able to say to him and about him.
I immediately found his question to be highly profound and uniquely clarifying. It is worth taking the time to arrive at an answer:
At the end of your life, what do you want to be thanked for?
The question calls us to make specific decisions about legacy and values—and it challenges our assumptions that our lives will unintentionally arrive at them. It causes us to align our practice with our principles. And that is what makes it so important.
Also, since our conversation weeks ago, I have discovered the question has almost limitless potential.
What if I changed the question just slightly? What if, rather than “At the end of my life, what do I want to be thanked for?” I asked myself, “At the end of this week, what do I want to be thanked for?” Or even more specific, “By the end of the day, what do I want my co-workers/spouse/children to thank me for?”
This question could influence my life on an almost hour-by-hour basis.
For example, I have a friend who is a local highway patrolman in the Phoenix area. He once told me that his goal with every traffic stop is to receive a thank-you from the driver of the vehicle by the end of the conversation. “Look,” he said, “nobody is ever happy about being pulled over. But I’ve found that most people, if you treat them with respect and kindness, will take notice. And you’d be surprised how many end our interaction by saying, ‘Thank you officer’. That’s always my goal.”
What if that became our desire as well? What if we entered every interaction with another human being asking ourselves, “At the end of this conversation, what do I want them to thank me for?”
Almost always, I think, we would arrive at the answers of:
- I want to be thanked for being loving and attentive.
- I want to be thanked for being encouraging and a positive influence in their day.
- I want to be thanked for making a small difference in their life.
How might those motivations go on to affect the expression on our face, the words that we choose, or the attention that we give? It would be profound.
Again, there are countless opportunities to apply this thinking. I’d like to offer one more:
At the end of Thanksgiving day, what do you want your family to thank you for?
Then, ask yourself: What atmosphere do I need to create for that happen? What conversation do I need to have? Or what good can I offer that somebody closest to me needs the most this Thanksgiving weekend? The question could prove to be impactful, regardless of your family dynamic.
This Thursday, express as much gratitude as possible. But take some time in the midst of your thanksgiving to ask yourself more than, “What do I have to be thankful for?” Ask yourself, also, “What do I want to be thanked for?”
And then, go make it a reality.
Tony W says
Gratitude releases stress as you mindfully slow life down to realize you have a lot to be thankful for every day.
Amanda says
What a wonderful change of perspective. It truly made me want to change a few pieces of my everyday life. Thank you for the great post. Happy Thanksgiving to you & yours.
Melia says
Thank you, Joshua, for the beautiful way you turned the perspective of thankfulness around to lead to action in my life – it can be passive, and you have made it active. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
Danielle B says
I really appreciate this view of Thanksgiving. It’s such a small change that can yield huge results. I work in a service field and this is always my goal. I was reading and thinking, yeah yeah I’ve heard this before but I won’t gain anything from this because I already do it. Then it hit me right in the middle of my forehead when you talked about what we want our families to thank us for. I tend to treat my family less than optimally because I trust them, they’re safe, etc. etc. But when I think about it, in previous years, they have probably been more stressed after interactions with me. This year, I want my family to thank me for my gentleness and my love and compassion. Thank you for this. I absolutely needed this change of thinking.
JH says
That is going to be my goal with my family too – for more gentleness, love and compassion! Thank you Joshua, for presenting this in a new light!
Jill says
Such wise words. This article reminds me of the day that I had to return nearly a cart full of items to Wal-Mart purchased for my daughter’s wedding – which had been called off… and I was heart-broken. Because of the quantity of returns, I apologized to the woman at the Customer Service desk. Her response was so very kind. It still makes me cry when I think about the kindness, patience, and grace that she extended that day. She made all the difference that day.
Linda Catherine Robinson says
Thank you, Joshua, for demonstrating once again how profound a simple idea can be. I am reminded of a favorite quote: “I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.” ~ Rabindranath Tagore. Happy Thanksgiving.
justine says
Thank you for an inspiring post!
MrRicket says
Thanks for reminding me of how blessed I really am. Life is so plentiful and generous and yet we just want more!
Cheers
MrRIcket
Felicity says
I’m going to see if we can sub in this question at our Thanksgiving table this year. Clarifying and useful for sure.
Jacqueline Jaggers says
I work with 55 seniors and 26 fellow workers of which I will make contact with this week. I have a new zip in my step as I set out to see who else comes into my week. What a great reminder to set my focus on giving to them.
I have smiles and hugs and compliments and many acts of service to give away starting today! Thank you for another awesome article. Joshua your quest is helping me!