“If you make a habit of buying things you do not need, you will soon be selling things you do.” —Filipino Proverb
Our experiences hint at it. Studies confirm it.
Buying things won’t make us happy.
The pursuit and purchase of physical possessions will never fully satisfy our desire for happiness. It may result in temporary joy for some, but the happiness found in buying a new item rarely lasts longer than a few days. Researchers even have a phrase for this temporary fulfillment: retail therapy.
There are many reasons buying stuff won’t make us happy.
9 Reasons Buying Stuff Won’t Make You Happy
They all begin to fade. All possessions are temporary by nature. They look shiny and new in the store. But immediately, as soon as the package is opened, they begin to perish, spoil, or fade.
There is always something new right around the corner. New models, new styles, new improvements, and new features. From clothes and cars to kitchen gadgets and technology, our world moves forward. And planned obsolescence makes sure our most recent purchase will be out of use sooner rather than later.
Each purchase adds extra worry to our lives. Every physical item we bring into our lives represents one more thing that can be broken, scratched, or stolen.
Possessions require maintenance. The things we own require time, energy, and focus. They need to be cleaned, organized, managed, and maintained. And as a result, they often distract us from the things that truly do bring us lasting happiness.
Our purchases cost us more than we realize. In stores, products are measured in dollars and cents. But as Henry David Thoreau once said, “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” We don’t buy things with money, we buy them with hours from our lives.
We discover other people aren’t all that impressed. Subconsciously (and sometimes even consciously), we expect our newest purchases will impress other people. They will notice our new car, computer, jacket, or shoes. But most of the time, they are less impressed than we think. Instead, most of them are too busy trying to impress you with their newest purchase.
Someone else always has more. The search for happiness in possessions is always short-lived because it is based on faulty reasoning that buckles under its own weight. If happiness is found in buying stuff, those with more will always be happier. The game can never be won.
Shopping does not quench our desire for contentment. Contentment is never found in the purchase of more stuff. Our overflowing closets and drawers stand as proof. No matter how much we get, it’s never enough.
Experiences make us happier than possessions. All research points to the fact there are far more effective way to find happiness: enjoying life-changing experiences, for example.
And 1 Thing that Might
Adyashanti, the American-born spiritual teacher, offers a theory as to why the acquisition of new possessions provides only a temporal feeling of happiness. He explains it this way:
When we make a purchase and/or get what we want, we are temporarily happy and fulfilled. But the reason for happiness is not because we got what we wanted, but because for a brief period of time, we stopped wanting, and thus we experience peace and happiness.
On the topic of buying stuff, his thoughts are helpful. And I have repeated his theory dozens of times in private conversations. Of course, the natural conclusion of this thinking is to limit our desires and wants—to find peace and happiness by not wanting.
But for me, this conclusion falls short.
The goal of minimalism is not to remove desire entirely from my life. Instead, the goal of minimalism is to redirect my desires.
There are valuable pursuits available to us: love, justice, faith, compassion, contribution, redemption, just to name a few. These should be pursued with great fervor. But far too often, we trade the pursuit of lasting fulfillment for temporary happiness. We can do better. We can dream bigger.
Redirect your desires toward lasting pursuits. Find happiness there.
You will never find the right things looking in the wrong places. (tweet that)
Thanks for the reminder. I find myself drawn to both minimalism AND shopping, alternately! Part of the process of becoming more minimalist, I guess. I buy less, and choose more thoughtfully than I used to, and resist items, but retail therapy still works for me far better than I would like … mostly window shopping, of course, the thrill of the chase … and habit. I’m slowly making changes, such as doing my grocery shopping away from the big mall/shopping centre, so less temptation from other stores, and more time for more meaningful things in life. I think part of our problem is a lack of other physical things to do in the suburbs, especially if the weather outside is not great – it’s just too easy to go shopping.
Fiona: I am same way, but mainlu go for end of season clearance going on now, with major markdowns. Then I pull out older stuff and donate to various group homes in my area twice a yr. Can’t understand why people store unwanted stuff and stash it somewhere and forget it. If stuff is not being used, it’s passed on in usable cond.. I don’t care to compete with anyone, since I live a non social life (retired) and have hobbies (reading and computer) at home. We are outdoor types and do hiking, bicycling, going to local parks, gardens, etc. I hate house clutter and my style is minimalist/contemporary.
Stating you’re not trying to compete with anyone and you’re living a non social life, and yet ironically being on this site. Knowing the particular name for the lifestyle you’re trying to pursue. That’s odd.
I do this too. :-) But I try to operate by the “one in, one out” rule when I do shop. I also try and ask myself “Do I have something that performs this task already?” Like now, for instance, I really have this new shampoo I want to try, but eesh, I have 2 other sets still in my cabinet. When they’re gone, I will buy the new shampoo. And that is my reward!
There’s the saying “The things you own end up owning you.” and I think there’s more than the proverbial grain of truth in these words. Shopping seems to be the modern mantra reciting a certain formula of freedom and happiness. We kind of justify being part of the “rat race” and tend to clutter our life with things that fill the awkward emptiness…
I also really like the Thoreau, I didn’t know that one before. However, it reminds me very much of the good old Robert Louis Stevenson quote “The price we have to pay for money is sometimes liberty.”…
Thanks again for your morning inspiration Josh and have a good one! :)
As a society, we have managed to convince ourselves that our self-worth and happiness are contingent on what we possess, but this false thinking has driven so many people into insurmountable debt and suicide. – http://msshayera.blogspot.com/2014/02/debt-what-is-it-good-for-absolutely.html
The concept of exchanging your life hours for your purchases really hit a chord with me when I first read about it. I was shocked because I realized just how much time I spent slogging away at work for each purchase, no matter how minor. From then on, figuring out the life hours for each purchase puts things into perspective and I end up not buying most of those items. I also love the idea of redirecting your desires. I direct them towards building more experiences and working towards financial freedom. Thanks for the post!
I’m normally one of the choir you are preaching to. I still am, in the sense that my desires for “more, more, more” have definitely been redirected. But yesterday I did something I rarely do — bought two new books at a bookstore. I took my daughter with me. We had a wonderful time together.
Sure, as soon as I crack open the book, it will begin to look less new. But I bought the book specifically so I could interact with it by marking in it, something I do not do with library books.
I’ve decluttered a bunch of books out of my home and I’m glad I did. But it is very important to me to stay pliable and open to experiences. If I pursue minimalism too drastically, with my temperament, I can get extreme in my thinking.
I didn’t buy these books because I was looking for happiness. Nor was I under any illusion that buying them was going to make me a happier person. But the whole experience, including especially sharing it with my daughter, was a lovely thing.
I love what josh is doing and I appreciate this resource. I just thought of respond today with how this honestly struck me.
Susan, I like what you said. It sounds like buying those books is going to be a gratifying experience for you because you will read them and take the time to mark them up.
I’ve bought my share of things that didn’t deliver, but more often I’ve bought great things that I didn’t take the time to sit down with. It wasn’t that the stuff was inherently unsatisfying, it was me, not reading the instructions or developing skill with it or not learning all the features. So sometimes it’s lack of patience and motivation that causes us to flit from one new thing to the next.
We tend to be “minimalists” in terms of purchases, but book buying is not where I practice minimalism–and since you are a parent (as I am) they really are special for many reasons (as you’ve shared).
Book are not merely a product they encapsulate new and old ideas, morals, history, and imagination (just to name few). They are not only a source of entertainment but are also a source of enlightenment. I am an English teacher and for my own children I know that books will provide them with a better life and homes that are “literacy rich” homes (simply meaning you’ve got a whole lot of books available) are homes where children do better academically regardless of household income.
We do use our library cards a lot, and I’ve been known to donate books we have outgrown to reduce clutter. However, I make sure that we have good literature available 24/7 in our home library–accessible to little fingers and growing minds everyday.
I think minimalism is reducing what is not important and giving honor to what is important.
Susan, your books added a piece of happiness to your life that day and it took a few dollars to do it, and they will continue to bring you happiness I bet. Resources are best spent on what makes us happier, and on some days money does lead us to happiness–we just can’t believe money can provide it everyday–that is where I think society takes a tumble. Thanks for sharing:)
Books are friends, you can never have too many. Some are more valuable than others,
Love your comment John. So true.
Susan, every time you look at that book, you are not only going to enjoy the book itself again and again, you are going to relive the wonderful time you had with your daughter that day. Isn’t it great that when your life takes on a minimalist attitude, you have the time to enjoy such things without the clutter.
“Redirect your desires toward lasting pursuits. Find happiness there.”
So easy and yet so difficult.
Your arguments about why buying stuff won’t make us happy are absolutely right I think. Nevertheless, when we don’t follow the direction of happiness that is given by society and that most of the people seem to follow, the question is: What does make you happy? What is such a “lasting pursuit”? A question I am still ultimately stuggling to find the answer to. Quick happiness is achieved easily, but long-term happiness is so difficult!
After two years in dabbling and applying minimalism in my life, I am beginning to realize that the happiness doesn’t lie in giving things up or wanting more things. At first I really thought if I downsized, I would find my happiness. After all, so many people that advocate for minimalism are. What I didn’t immediately realize was that the direction in which happiness is sought for is redirected. Just as you mentioned—passion, love, compassion, etc., are the things to consume in our lives for a more fulfilling one. Thank you for sharing this.
And then there are Jesus’ famous words on the subject: “There is more happiness in giving than in receiving…” Food for thought.
Another great post! To me these are all true and the 2 that have stood out to me for a long time are “Our purchases cost us more than we realize”, that price is time and we don’t get time back. Time away from those we love, time away from doing what we enjoy. And also “Experiences make us happier than possessions” which is connected to the first one, to me. If for example I say no to desired, unneeded purchase I get to say yes to to being with loved ones, yes to gas $ for volunteering my time doing something with more personal meaning, and growth. Yes to the things that bring me joy, happiness and a sense that hopefully I’m helping others.
Hi Josh, retail therapy and buying for happiness won’t work. If we are basing our worth, our happiness or our fulfillment on purchases, there’s a problem.
But buying stuff in and of itself isn’t bad if we have a healthy approach to it. I purchase things to make my life easier, more comfortable or help me improve myself in some way. I take time to make the decision, research it and then make the purchase. And only when I absolutely need to. Last year, I probably bought 2 pieces of clothing – not for the sake of happiness but out of necessity (and comfort!)
How about a middle ground – mindful buying for comfort/practicality?
Like you, I now only buy things when I absolutely need to, or at least I try to. Having said that, from what I read I didn’t sense the feeling that he’s saying that people should stop buying things altogether or that buying stuff itself is a bad thing. He’s just saying that don’t try to pursue happiness through buying and acquiring material things. So I think buying things out of absolute necessity is definitely okay.
Heck I just spent $64 dollars to mail a box that weighed 34 lbs! What’s in the box?
Namebrand shirts , some still has price tags , reminded me of how mindlessly i used to
buy stuff. As if in a trance programmed to buy more, more, more! I shipped it away so that someone else will find those clothing items useful. Because somewhere along I forgot the reason why i needed all those shirts. I am awake now, i am no longer in a trance.
While I agree with you on the whole and certainly with the drive of consumerism to buy, buy, buy, I have to add one caveat. That is by buying or creating art one need not hedonically adapt to stuff. I have four beautiful bookcases and store a fabulous collection of books I love, both for inormation and enjoyment. I also have a collection of five hand made Persion rugs. It doesn’t matter how often I walk through my sitting room I always smile when I look at my books and rugs. I’ve been enoying them daily for more than a decade now and I don’t stop enjoying them. I also enjoy the results of my embroidery. Its not quite good enough to be considered art, though it is certainly quality craft and made into household products of both beauty and usefulness. So buying to make one feel better, no. But buying carefully chosen products you really enjoy can and does improve my day to day quality of life.
Agreed, keep the treasures, and ditch the rest.
Perfectly brilliant! Thank you. You help me get it…
So true. I truly believe that when we make changes to remove something in our lives, we need something else to fill the hole that is left behind. Redirecting ourselves towards love is a high calling. In the yogic tradition that is Bhakti. You have a Bhakti heart Joshua. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Christina
Thanks for these tips. I have made my life so simple, that made so liberated and free. I am not jealous anymore with the gadgets and new things of my co-workers. Sometimes I hate shopping malls already. I wish there are more libraries than shopping malls. The only habit that is so life-changing for me is reading books especially self help books. And another habit too is reading articles in http://www.becomingminimalist.com. I even would like to go back to the primitive life of early people. Simply good. I still have gadgets. The gadgets in my possessions are the most important and they are lasting decades with me. Nowadays, I have no interest with any gadget except Kindle E-book reader and Headphone for my music. Thanks Sir Joshua.
Brilliant post Joshua! I love the last bit on 1 thing we can do better! I love the reminder that we CAN do better!!! I know this to be true. Dreaming bigger already with heart wide open! With love and gratitude, Heather
Well hello Joshua, I am certainly guilty of retail therapy and as you point out the long term issues it creates far outweigh the temporary joy of the attainment.
Rather we should redirect our thoughts to what we have rather what we don’t, for instance does the car we have meet our needs? If so then what is driving us to stretch ourselves for the latest model, peer pressure or our own ego that links the ability to purchase with success.
igor
I embrace the whole idea of minimalism but am struggling with the decision of when to retire from my career of 25 years. Financially it is a no brainer. If I stay another five years I will have considerably more money for the rest of my life, but I am turning 60 and would like to be able to do some of the things I’ve always wanted to do before sickness or age prevents me from doing so. If I retire now I know we won’t starve but I’m afraid I will wish I had more money for travel, etc. I keep wavering back and forth on this decision. Help!
My dad took a early retirement at 60yrs. He lived to 68 yrs. The eight yrs. were wonderful! We never know how long we have.
I think the fifth point about things costing us more than we realize is a real eye opener. I’m from India and here people spend huge on weddings. I know weddings are an important part of anyone’s life, but spending more than you can earn in 2-3 years time is just being careless. It’s almost a tradition here and is carried out even if the family in question is concerned about their financial health.
This is very true. That’s why I’m embracing living in simplicity
First off, I enjoy the site however I would like to make a comment.
It’s interesting to note most of your articles are about minimalism, in itself that isn’t a bad thing. But it seems your desire to accumulate possessions and buy things has just been replaced by your obsession with being a “minimalist”. All the writing appeals to people because your not actually fixing the problem, it’s all about buying things, things, getting rid of things. I don’t understand how minimalism needs books, guides, support groups and blogs such as this. Minimalism should be lived and not talked about 24 /7. It’s good to occasionally remind people of the benefits, but when it takes over our time when we spend time being minimalists, it’s just a waste.
The point – Stop buying what you don’t need, buy only a few things you really want, keep a tidy, clean organised house, get rid of things you don’t use, wear, need or want. Stop focusing on the lack of physical possessions as something to be PROUD of, and start actually focusing on the personal triumphs.
Don’t let minimalism REPLACE consumerism, and become and obsession. Learn to truly let go, and you will be more than just surface happy ( the true message of fight club which people keep quoting as if it’s actually something to live by ) . Focus on your loved one, your children, your job, your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and sexual health. Then you can celebrate the fruits of being a minimalist, rather than just celebrating and obsessing over how you only have 2 forks.
I agree. Many take it too far for too long. People here and on other minimalist sites I have looked in on talk constantly about ‘purging’. That gives me the creeps. Buy buy buy and then purge purge purge in some never ending loop. I am on here and so are you so I guess we have some culpability but I like to look for inspirational thoughts to help people in my small informal downsizing ‘business’. I work for baseball tickets and nice dinners out never for cash. My name gets passed along by friends of friends of friends!
Downsizing and reordering your priorities about the relationship of stuff versus experiences is definitely a process but one that should not always involving ‘purges’. If it does you are not understanding or internalizing the reasons for reducing your ownership of objects. There should be a clear definable end to downsizing. Where you no longer need to revisit sites like these.
That said these sites are wonderful to help people take control over their minds and lives. And Joshua’s is exceptionally good IMHO. There is just an endpoint to the ‘therapy’ or should be….
I have been ecstatically happy for over 20 years, after grown children and divorce.
I own nothing.
I used to say I wanted only what I can put in an airline carry-on bag.
Now, I only want to own what I can carry on to the next life, (i.e. experiences, knowledge, ponderings, reflections, and so on).
To quote a dear friend: “If I were any happier, I couldn’t stand it.”
I had a small relapse yesterday. Believe me when I say I thought of this blog. I cut my impulse spending and stuck to the few things I intended to buy, however, I could have did without. I will keep my long-time favorite perfumes, but I will buy no more (I tell myself).
A work in progress!
I have donated a good portion of my unused shoes, clothes, books, perfumes, jewelry, and hair products/tools in the past 5 weeks. But I just don’t feel like this journey is over. I crave more open space. I do enjoy the challenge of spending less, and if I make a purchase, it must be of quality.
Thank you for the inspiration
P.s.
I would also like to say that my minimalism journey is not only about becoming more frugal and opening up a once cluttered environment, but it is progressively changing who I am for the better. My overall perspective on what it means to live and what life has to offer…or rather, what I have to offer within this life. It takes baby steps, and I am beginning to see my faults. Now that I can see, I can begin to correct :-)
Lisa, I feel very much the same way.
Oh gosh. yes. I had a moment of turmoil where I didn’t know if I was being frugal, stingy or just really aware if this object would be a good tool in my daily life.
This is a good list to hold against the decision making process though. Thanks!
Last night at my Toastmasters meeting I was the chairperson, and my chosen theme for the evening was “Simple Living/Minimalism”. I was able to share many of the ideas that you wrote about in this article (and others you’ve posted).
Moved to a cabin in the mountains.Retired.Few people understand that we are happy to have escaped the race to collect material possessions.Forgot what it was like to hear crickets at night & be able to see a million stars in the sky.The sound of a train far away in the distance.
I got rid of my big 4 bedroom house and we moved into a very nice cottage with 2 bedrooms. We lived in an expensive suburb and now we are living on a small farm outside the city. We plant all our veggies here and have borehole water which is clean from flouride. I sold my expensive cars and bought old classic cars where I can do repairs myself. One of them is a cute VW Beetle. I got rid of all my suits and expensive clothes. Yeah, maybe it sounds weird, but it is so private here that I sometimes get out in the sun without any clothes and enjoy the sunshine on my skin. We are more healhy and we spent less on medication the last year. Life is good!
Thanks for publishing this article. After decades of believing that owning the best car, the largest house, the newest gadgets and NOT being able to afford them, I tried switching my mindset to not pursuing those material things. I instead focus on experience. I am into mountain biking. As with any other sport, it is also plagued with advertisements and promises that if you buy the latest model of this or the best of that, your experience will be elevated to new heights. I do not subscribe to that. Instead, I buy things that are in the middle, balancing cost with performance. And I apply that to other areas in my life too.
Interesting article. Yes, like many I too lived much of my life caught up in the “mindless” consumerism. Thinking that buying things brought me joy and satisfaction as well as bragging rights. This was so during my marriage to. Much of my lustful stuff was around home electronics and of course automobiles. I had to get a NEW car every 3-4 years and with electronics it was a treadmill of nonsense, especially with the advent of online shopping and eBay etc. I did not think much as I bought stuff online that I as an impulse wanted but in reality I did not and if I’d have THOUGHT before clicking to buy I’d probably not buy much of the crap. I know this as much of the electronics crap was soon just resold by me once the novelty wore off or I figured that I really did not want it nor appreciated it.
This consumerism spilled over into other areas of life too.
BUT! in the last 6 months or so I had an epiphany. I finally saw what I was doing and sat down one day to go through my credit card statements. I keep this in files and actually pulled out 10 years worth and added up all the stuff bought, some of it was of course good purchases and even needed but much of it was just stuff bought for buying sake. I added up interest owed and payments made. I almost fell out of my chair at the numbers. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not a shopaholic per say but obviously I bought enough crap over these 10 years to have my eyes opened.
ENOUGH! I said. And like a shut door I have now going on 6 months STOPPED buying any crap I don’t need nor do I really want. It’s like a breath of fresh air. I pledged to myself that I will only buy things I need and shop for them very well. If/when I buy things I may want or desire I have to HARD SELL it to myself and have to HAVE THE CASH SAVED! This has me now only buying stuff I truly appreciate and enjoy, or only things I really may need. My bank account as a result has swelled with monies saved now and it’s now become a game and a pleasure to see my account grow.
CASH ON HAND EQUALS FREEDOM FOLKS!
CREDIT EQUALS OBLIGATION!
Credit should be used wisely and only on things needed or that can pay off for you in the future. Things should be well thought about before buying on credit.
I’m not a minimalist, but reading up on such stuff has seen me reshape my life and now I want to have cash saved, improve my investments and live life more for experiences first and then things acquired second.
I wont deprive myself but I no longer just chase the mindless consumerism tail.
Basically, live within your means. That’s the moral of all of this. If you can’t afford it, if you have to make sacrifices to get what you want then that thing is not within your emans.
It’s okay to want things because otherwise, what would be the point of doing all our hours toiling.
emans = means. Sorry.
One of your best posts ever… If only we could learn these lessons earlier in life !
I agree with you Elaine… but as they say “Better late than never”. I think if I would have read this 10 years ago I would not have been interested in taking on this lifestyle of paring down, purging and buying less. I believe it is all God’s timing in our life and I was directed to find Joshua and his postings just at the right time in my life. I have only started this process over the last 6 months and know that it is an ongoing process. I won’t tell you that I do not like to shop… because that would not be truthful, but when I do go I am very selective and I question myself with each purchase. Even this year at Christmas I did not like seeing “extra stuff’ coming into my house as I had just cleaned out some drawers and closets and really like finding things so much easier now. I have a long way to go to get where I want to but it things did not happen overnight and I am just being patient and do my decluttering when I have time as there are a lot of ‘experiences” I don’t want to miss out on!! I always get something out of each post and write down what mean the most to me!!
Right on Josh!
It is sad that we live in a world that uses economic growth instead of societal happiness as the gauge of success. What we use to measure success is amplified in the pursuit of it. This results in corporations that spend more money on marketing the junk they are selling, than they do on producing the products!
As a results billions of people (starting at childhood) are brainwashed to believe that the purchase of this garbage is the key to their happiness. Nearly every television commercial portrays a consumer wearing a glowing smile. Now we have entire cultures that have bought into this belief system, that only results in happiness for the narrow fraction of society profiting from it.
It makes me happy to see that there are people like you fighting to help the world understand the true path to genuine happiness.
I used to buy too much of the same thing. I got into buying men’s heavy sterling silver necklaces and pendants. Now I have numerous necklaces that I never wear. With sterling silver it is the art you are buying not the weight. Then I bought numerous men’s diving watches. Now very few men even wear watches. Now for about three years I have not done any shopping at all. I realized I was a spendaholic and stopped. I feel much better and now gain happiness from nature and reading. Buying thing you don’t need only makes people unhappy and broke.
Wrong statement…! This type of thinking makes a person miser and cannot live the life to fullest. If you don’t purchase what you like and hoard money, then you will feel miserable and guilty in later life and think that i could have purchased when i had time. Remember you get to live only once so live your life to fullest. Buy your desired things if you have money and please share to others also. Don’t be miser or minimalistic as this site says.Remember nature has abundance life.You choose your desires.
Very good read indeed. Thank you
To me, minialmizing means keeping what i treasure, enjoying it, by letting all the things i don’t need anymore. Less things means less to clean, more room to enjoy what I love.
This is probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. It’s not that deep.
Do you honestly think people who use retail therapy buy things to impress others? No, they buy things to keep themselves happy, to keep bad thoughts away and the new purchase brings with it a momentary sense of excitement and happiness. It’s obviously not a good thing if it starts taking a toll on your wallet but if a small unnecessary purchase every now and then can keep someone from thinking their life is empty and meaningless then I say: Go for it! Treat yourself! Don’t listen to these stupidly deep posts that try to shame you and call you a materialist. Your feelings are more important than what some people with superiority complex think.
Not everyone has the luxury to be this philosophical and look down on people who are just trying to cope.
I think this is only true if you buy things for the wrong reasons. But if the things you buy are based on their utility and value to you, and if they really do provide the utility you expected, then buying things will reduce the time or energy you spend accomplishing your goals, which can make you happy.
True that. Every aspiring musician knows that buying the first instrument (or a new one that is more suitable for their current level) is the purchase that makes them happy for years to come.
How can you sell things that you need when it is food? Isnt it that when you are running out of cash you instinctively sell the things you do not need in the first place. That is a dumb proverb haha.
I come back to this post anytime I feel the need to remind myself why I should not purchase that item. Do I really need it..? That’s the question. But there is nothing wrong with treating yourself to something nice once in a while. Life is too short. Just don’t fill that life up with endless crap that you do not need.
Hi, I couldn’t sleep and so I started surfing the web regarding “buying things you don’t need” and came across this blog. In the last few months my purchasing or just shopping/looking for things to buy as increased to the point I know it could become a problem. The reason is, I know, deep down if I “just buy that ring” everything will be okay and I will be happy. I did just that today and after only a few hours the “buzz” of the purchase has gone but I was back online searching for other items which I may not even buy. The issue can be the searching or shopping for items without actually purchasing them as the buying of them itself. It is frustrating as I am a reasonably intelligent person and know that what I am doing is pretty stupid. I am not buying expensive items, just stuff I don’t need. It is masking other underlying issues there the issues we all need to address, its just knowing what they are and where to start…..
are you me? you literally just typed my exact thoughts.
Hello, just like you Ann, I too often buy things I don’t really need, especially clothes and jewellery. It has to stop, but I just can’t help myself at times it’s getting beyond a joke. How many pieces of jewellery does one person need I keep asking. I do feel down a lot of the time, I have no real social life to speak of, and I guess when I buy the jewellery and clothes, that I don’t need, I at least for a while feel ‘happy’, but it’s fleeting and foolhardy. When my Mother became ill about 4 years ago, I became her main carer, we don’t go out much and I think this hasn’t helped my obsession with buying online, it gives me something to hold onto. I am in recovery, in that I am limiting myself to only one item per month, sometimes two, but that’s my limit. I’m a very joyful person and have many close friends and family. I am also blessed to be in good health, so all things considered I have a lot to be thankful for. I just pray and ask God for guidance when I feel the urge rising within me to tap on the eBay application. It’s hard but getting easier. I’m trying to focus on things that matter. Of course jewellery matters! But not at the expense of everything else. Family, friends, good health and the love of our Heavenly Father are all we really should want.
Hi Valerie
I am a 65 year old male, have been unable to work for the past five years due to health problems, now I’m officially retired. The problem is I like shopping on Amazon, I can’t get by a day without checking their website to see what I can buy next. It used to be cell phones, then computers, my latest obsession is safety Razors, I decided I wanted to get back into wet shaving and started buying Razors, brushes, shave cream, soap, aftershave. I now have nine Razors! Five containers of different soaps and creams, and three shaving brushes, I’m always Looking for the perfect shave, I estimate I have spent about $1000 on shaving gear. It just seems I need to keep buying things to make me happy. As someone else said buying material things never makes you happy, you always want one more thing, it’s like taping sandwiches to your body, trying to satisfy your hunger. I’m going to spend more time reading my bible, getting closer to God is a lot more satisfying.
actually, buying things can make you happy, if you buy the right things. Books for instance, they give endless pleasure. and things that are beautiful to look at. they are among life’s pleasures.
I used to think like you do as well, but then I realized something important: that is its not the things themselves that make us happy, but the experiences and feelings they bring us that do. Take books for example, it’s the knowledge and information within the pages that matter, not the physical books themselves. Same with art and other beautiful things. You don’t need to purchase and own them to appreciate their beauty. Another thing is, even books or art you treasure deeply now will eventually lose their charms as time pass because we keep changing and growing as a person, so is our interests and preferences. Yes there will probably be things that you’ll cherish forever, but those things are way fewer than you might think.
Thanks for this wonderful post. I have learned from personal experience that no amount of physical possession and achievement can earn one a lasting happiness. There will always be a great moment of happiness as soon we get whatever we desire, but after a while that same thing we treasured so much would start becoming irrelevant as soon as we see something else worth having.
The key to happiness to me is contentment
I learned first hand that material possessions will not make me happy. I learned this after busting my hump for over a decade to build up a great paying career. I hated the job, but it was great pay so I bought things trying to make me happy. It never worked and I left that job and stopped buying nonsense. Now my problem is that I don’t want to work a job I hate since the currency I earn is basically useless. It just pays bill to exist. Not much of a life is it? I’m never doing something I hate for money ever again. Been unemployed for almost 3 years and I’m getting close to ending my life. I never expected the truth about life to suck this bad. TL:DR: I’d rather be dead than be a slave.
Frederick,
Reading your post made me really sad, I felt I needed to reply. I know how you feel to be doing something you hate just to earn a good wage. Straight from school we are guided to get ‘good jobs’ which actually just means jobs that pay well – even if they make us miserable. I don’t know what I could say to help you, but I really hope that you find some kind of happiness soon. For me the things worth living for are natural, I think the world is a beautiful place and I feel privileged to be able to enjoy nature. I’ve decided to leave the UK to live somewhere more simple, perhaps somewhere in South America or Asia. I don’t know what I’m going to do and I don’t really care, I just know I don’t want to keep experiencing the mundane routine of earning money to get the next smartphone etc.. I think I’ll be happier somewhere where the most valuable things cost nothing.. I hope you find something that can fulfil your life, perhaps even something as simple as a new line of work that you actually enjoy rather than do for the money
Hi Frederick,
I believe happiness is to have a plan, and to have certainty of being healthy, having shelter and food. I used to live in a so-called paradise island, but managed politically and economically in a terrible way. I also used to think that material possessions would make me happy, but living now in Canada and having almost everything I wanted, I now realized that living in a politically stable and economically secure first world country is what gives me the piece of mind to be happy. I see many people wanting to give up their jobs and lives to move to a so called island paradise in some shitty country, thinking that they can live forever swimming in a beach and eating coconuts and avocados. Once the euphoria of the new place is gone, then they want to move back to an orderly society. So you see, to me, happiness is having a plan for the future and pursue it with relative piece of mind and in good company.
Please know you are loved. You have a purpose. I wish you well & will keep you in my prayers.
Recently I did one of The most expensive investments of my life: I bought myself one day more freedom per week. So now I have all wednedays for me, my kids and all The Things I always wanted to do. Best decision ever. I love my job, but now even more ????
I just came across this site, and it so speaks to me and confirms the conclusions I have recently come to myself. Like others have commented, I “know” better but I don’t “do” better. If I tell myself “no more shoes!!” suddenly I am obsessed with jackets. Or swimsuits. Or bras. Or jeans. As soon as I acquire that thing that kept nagging at me, that I ‘had to have’, something else popped up – or I’d just online shop until a new obsession took hold. Then I’d comparison-shop for the best or cheapest version. Seems I can’t stop. I came to realize it is about what you focus your attention on! What you focus on gets magnified. We must be the gatekeepers of our EyeGates! I have realized this is like ANY form of addiction: It nags at you until you cave in and say “ok, just one more…” then you feel the relief of having acquired…then the guilt and condemnation of not needing it, having way more than you need! Then the compulsion to do it again, so soon! Never content, never satisfied. I always swore I would never be addicted to anything, so I’m shocked to realize – shopping has become an addiction! Like anything, the more you practice it, the more of a habit it becomes. The “too much stuff” has started to cause me anxiety and stress! I recently moved, and it is overwhelming to look at all the boxes yet to unpack and have not place for the “stuff” inside. I’m consignment-shopping, donating, and garage-sale-ing much of it already, and am grateful I stumbled across this site to confirm and support my new resolution to simplify once again.
This has helped me so very much . Yes, I’m home a lot . The only thing I enjoy is ordering more clothes, more shoes, more jewelry I will never wear . It’s very depressing . I must stop .
You buy more things , then you need a place to store them ,, you have so many “” THINGs “” you don’t even know what you own.
Thank you for your blog. I am struggling with my husband really deeply. He has an addiction to buying stuff. It started with clothes, shoes, husker items, and moved up to trucks, cars, 4 wheelers, go karts, dirt bikes, and boats. It is a huge issue because we have 6 kids to support and do not make a lot of money. When I tell my husband we can’t afford to make a purchase he gets angry. Very angry. He says the meanest things a human can say, gets violent, threatens bodily harm to me even while pregnant and has even followed through on those threats a few times. He also threatens to make me miserable every day for the rest of my life if I do not give in, or threatens divorce. I realized this is bigger than him not getting his way when I stood my ground and told him no for the first time. He became very ill and couldn’t sleep or go to work. He has never called into work before even when he’s been sick with a virus, or a severe migraine. It clicked, he is having a withdrawal. This is just like a drug addiction. There’s not a lot of information I could come across about this but your blog is helpful to this situation. Please keep my husband in your thoughts and prayers to overcome this addiction.
Both of my parents are hoarders, it’s been a lifetime of “stuff”. I don’t have anything to do with either of them now. Too bad their stuff was more important. I have stuff – it’s loved and used and on display. It does make me happy, but realize this – it’s stuff. It will never replace reading to my son, or sitting at the supper table each day with my family. I won’t care what price I paid for a vase on my death bed, but I will care if my loved ones are with me.