“Work to the point your idols become your peers.” —Unknown
Today, I turned 40. It feels weird—especially because it seems like only yesterday I was in my 30’s.
Every so often, it seems, life presents us with opportunities to look back and reflect: the birth of a new year, the death of a loved one, or a milestone birthday.
And on this day, I cannot help but look back and consider the men and women who have helped shape me into the person I am today.
Some of my mentors chose me. But not in every case:
When I was 25 years old, I was offered jobs at two uniquely different organizations. I remember them well. While the general job description was similar between the two, the work environments were entirely different.
My first job offer was in Princeton, NJ. The organization was large—millions of dollars of income each year. Their reputation was impeccable and the dollars were not in short supply. I was offered a healthy salary, once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, floor tickets to the New York Knicks, even admission into Princeton University for graduate work. Our final interview occurred at one of the finest steak houses in the area. The professionally polished leader of the organization sat across from me—and offered his best sales pitch.
Days later, I was offered a job in Menomonie, WI. The town was populated by 20,000 hard-working men and women, a unique blend of farmers and professors. The organization was small—5 employees at the time. Based on typical measures of worldly success, they offered me very little. In fact, our final interview took place around the modest kitchen table of the organization’s leader. To this day, I have looked into the eyes of very few men with more humility, more love, or more commitment to others than this man. The food was pleasant and the conversation rich.
I was only 25 years old. Just starting out. And the decision could not have been more difficult.
The final decision was made 3 days later. My wife and I had numerous conversations with trusted advisors and mentors—some formal, some informal. And then, on a Tuesday night, we went out for dinner to determine our future.
All the details I do not recall, but I do remember one significant factor that ultimately determined our fate more than any other:
I asked myself repeatedly and intentionally, “What type of man do I desire to become? Who would I rather look like when I am 40?”
What would cause a 25-year old man and his young 21-year old wife to choose humility and service over money, prestige, and reputation? I’ll never know. But we did. And we have never regretted the decision.
It is interesting to me as I sit this morning to reflect on my life, that this single decision would resonate as one of the most significant. I can think of little else.
I have a loving family for which I am eternally grateful. I have a wife who selflessly loves others and remains steadfast in her faithfulness and patience for me. My life story features the names and stories of countless mentors who have invested themselves into me and saw far more potential than I ever did.
There are so many things I could dwell on today, but I choose instead to think of one decision above all others.
Maybe because, it was in that moment, I chose the type of man I wanted to become. And I decided to choose humility over the fleeting pleasure of worldly prestige.
Perhaps more than anything else, it is the men and women we choose to set-up as role models and idols that determine the course of our lives. (tweet that)
If we envy those with money and vast personal possessions, these are the people we will emulate.
If we look up to those who live their life in the pursuit of pleasure, pleasure will become our prize.
If we envy those who model selfish abandon for power and prestige, this too, will become our greatest pursuit.
But we get to decide. And if we want, we can always choose humility and selfless concern for others—even in a world that doesn’t. And then, we can surround ourselves with men and women who model it for us.
This, then, can become true of us. Our idols can become our peers.
Tammy says
Sounds like you chose Menomonie, WI. “Me No Monie” Wisconsin is real close to where I live and is a very nice small college town where my husband and I go to see the dachshund races every year.
Michael says
I really enjoyed this post. George Harrison, in his song ‘Any Road’, sings “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road’ll take you there.” It’s a paraphrase of the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland. I’m 37 and this is one of the things I struggle with, professionally. I know what kind of person I want to be, and I think I’m doing what I can to achieve that, but your work takes up an enormous part of your life, so if you’re not satisfied it’s something you’ll constantly question and look to change. At least, it is in my case. My point is that if you don’t know what you want to achieve, or which direction you want to go, it can be hard to know which first step you need to take for change. But sometimes, like in your situation, you can hopefully at least figure out which choice will take you _away_ from what you want out of life.
Nic says
Dear Joshua.
First of all: happy happy birthday. I wish you all the riches that you desire…which we all know are not monetary ;)
I, myself, have been early on “against the grain” of what is popular and living this side recently a lot more intentionally….and i am one of your simple year participants next year…..
I have a question that i am not sure if it comes out right (i am not English native), but here we go: what would you say was the biggest parental influence for you in order to turn out such a 25year old?
I am a new mom and other then being a general role model of lifestyle…. I want to encourage my boys to be courageous to go against mainstream perception of richness. I, personally, am putting a strong emphasis on having good and strong work ethics and the appreciation of skills (especially manual ones).
Ginny says
I can’t wait to get home tonight and read this to my 12 year old son, who is also celebrating his birthday today !
Sandra Pawula says
Happy birthday, Joshua! This is truly a profound story and what a momentous decision in your life. I’m so delighted you chose the path you did and are bringing us all the goodness and wisdom that has ensued in your life.
Spiderwebz says
Congratulations Joshua!
Joyce Kaiser says
Wonderful post Joshua.
“Work to the point your idols become your peers.” The perfect words to one of my goals.
Thank you. I hope you make it a Wonderful and Happy Birthday ~
Beth says
Thank you for sharing this wisdom with the world. We live in a VERY wealthy community where the overtime is abundant and the pursuit of stuff is embraced and encouraged. We are trying to share a different way with people and your posts are how we are using social media to get people thinking.
Happy Birthday!
Teri Clifton says
Wow. This so very simply says it and retweeting your quote below is an easy decision. Grateful.
“Perhaps more than anything else, it is the men and women we choose to set-up as role models and idols that determine the course of our lives”
Michelle says
Happy Birthday Joshua. Loved your post.
joshua becker says
Thanks Michelle. It seems like only yesterday I was… oh wait, I already used that joke.
Sylvia says
Everyone of us, regardless the age, has the “it was like yesterday” feeling..:) and maybe it was…:)
Bob Pepe says
Joshua… Today I turn 50…. and believe me, it goes fast…. faster everyday…… Happy Birthday and thanks for making feel even older… Just kidding..
I agree with every word!!!
Tena Green says
Happy Birthday Joshua. And we are fortunate you decided to become a humble man. Thank you.