Dear Mother/Father/Grandparent of a Minimalist,
I should probably start with a quick introduction. My name is Joshua. I’m 38 years old. I live in Peoria, AZ with my beautiful wife and two wonderful kids. For most of my life, I lived a relatively-typical suburban existence. But then something changed, I decided to become a minimalist.
For me, the change happened one Saturday afternoon while cleaning my garage. My driveway began to fill up with physical possessions that needed to be cleaned and reorganized. Meanwhile, in the backyard, my son played alone kindly asking me to play with him.
At one point, I commented to my neighbor about all the time and energy required to maintain my house and my belongings. She replied, “Well, maybe you don’t need to own all this stuff.” I remember the comment like it was yesterday. I looked at the pile of junk in my driveway… I glanced at my young son alone in the backyard… and in that moment, I realized my possessions were not bringing me joy. Even worse, they were distracting me from the things that did. A minimalist was born.
Today, I wanted to write you a letter.
Someone you love dearly has recently made the same decision I made years ago. They have decided to intentionally live with fewer possessions. And now, they are forwarding this article to you because they would like to further explain minimalism and their decision.
Likely, there are a few things they’d like you to know:
1. Minimalism may be counter-cultural. But the lifestyle is not new—neither is the appeal. For thousands of years, people have been intentionally choosing to simplify their lives and live with fewer possessions. Minimalism is not new, nor is it a fringe movement. Material possessions have always failed to satisfy the deepest longings of our heart. And it is great to see in our world today, simplicity becoming more and more popular.
2. Minimalism is highly customizable. People embrace minimalism for any number of reasons: travel, entrepreneurship, the environment, or simply so they can focus more time on the things that matter most. Regardless of the motivation behind the decision, minimalism will always be applied uniquely. It has to be. We all enter at different stages in life with different passions. As a result, minimalism has no hard-and-fast rules. We are all going to apply it a little bit differently.
3. We are experiencing many life benefits living with less. We may try to convince you. Apologies in advance for any lack of patience. Minimalism offers countless life benefits. Almost immediately, we find more time, energy, focus, and money for the things that bring lasting joy into our lives. We spend far less time shopping, organizing, cleaning, and rearranging. We find greater opportunity to pursue our greatest passions. It’s fantastic! And because we love you, we are going to try and convince you of the same. Apologies in advance for anything we say that is not motivated by love, grace, and patience.
4. This could be a passing fad for your son/daughter, but it’s probably not. Certainly, there are some people who choose to embrace minimalism for only a passing season. But most people I know choose to embrace it for the rest of their lives. It’s just a better way to live.
5. Removal of the things you have given is not a rejection of you or your love. One of the most-asked questions I receive comes from people who are afraid of offending someone by getting rid of something that was given to them. There is a fear that removing it will result in hard feelings by the original giver. Most likely, this includes things you have given to your son, daughter, or grandchild. Some of them are going to be sold, donated, or thrown away. Rest assured this is not a rejection of you or your love in any way. Instead, it is based solely and entirely in their pursuit of living with less. Please do not take it personally.
6. Kindly reconsider the gifts you are going to give. Minimalists find great joy and intentionality living with less. We have worked hard to remove the clutter from our home and life. And it probably took far more physical and emotional energy than we realized when we first got started. But now, we fear the slippery-slope of accumulating clutter and allowing consumer-based happiness to creep back into our lives. You can help by reconsidering the gifts you give them and their kids. Minimalists are not against gift-giving. We really do appreciate them. But we enjoy experiences over possessions, quality over quantity, and needs over wants. We hope you will respect that decision.
In conclusion, your son/daughter has decided to simplify their lives. They have decided their lives are far too valuable to waste chasing possessions. You ought to be very proud of them. This is good news.
Sincerely, Joshua Becker
Image: Glyn Lowe Photoworks
Joy @ Joyfully Green says
Very well said–I especially appreciated the last two items about not taking it personally if gifts have been removed, and reconsidering giving gifts in the first place. For so many people, giving stuff = showing love, when in reality, time, affection, and attention are so much more precious.
Mercy says
My husband and I have adopted minimalist principles and began our journey to owning less about two years ago. We’ve purged more from our home and lives than I ever thought possible and I’m still not done. We continue to enjoy many comforts and beautiful things – the difference is we can now enjoy them so much more! :)
Last year, around my birthday, I sent a “Gift Wish list” to my closest friends and family. I jokingly reminded them of our new lifestyle and boldly offered suggestions for what we’d love to receive from them in the future, should they be in the gift-giving mood.
1) YOU! Let’s go for coffee, have lunch, or simply hang out and chat for an hour.
2) I love Jar candles (autumn and seaside scents are my favorites)
3) coffee! We have one of those 1 cup at a time coffee makers so a sampler pack of coffee will always be a welcome gift!
To my surprise, every single person on my list let me know how much they loved receiving the wish list and some even sent me a list of their own. It made my birthday and Christmas time so much more joyful! The gifts we requested were either experience based or consumable so it’s a win for the giver and the receiver!
Angela says
Great idea Mercy!
Laurie says
Love this!
Freedom | Rethinking the Dream says
I was thinking more about this and I came up with a number 7.
7. You are still part of our life. You might be wondering how you fit in now that we’ve gone minimalist. Minimalism doesn’t mean we want fewer people in our life or that we want less contact with our friends and family. It’s quite the opposite actually. We are minimalizing stuff in our life so that we can make room for the things, activities, and people that bring us joy. This includes spending time with the ones we love. We want to visit, we want to have wonderful conversations, and we really want to include you in many fun activities and events. You are part of our life now as you always have been; nothing has changed in this regard.
Linn says
I’m here for the inspiration and waiting for the day that I’m finally ready to take the big step… Being a minimalist attracts me, but it’s a process and I’m letting it take some time.
I love the way you have written this, especially the ‘experiences over possessions, quality over quantity, and needs over wants’, because that really sums it up and yes – I agree to it all!
Gina says
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I have been trying to find a way to tell our families about our desire to live minimally and have struggled. This note along with a few sentences of our own words will be a perfect way to start an open and honest conversation with our families. I still don’t expect the conversation to be easy or any more well received but this is a great opener. Much appreciated!
smallfry says
I just forwarded this to my parents and to my husband so he may tell his parents. Love it and I hope it helps them see why we are doing this and will hopefully inspire them to do something like it.
SptBike says
At 59, and after a messy and hostile divorce… I have seen the light… My wife left the state with her ‘valued’ possessions and left me with 5,300 sq. ft of house with a collection of ‘stuff’ after a 26 year marriage. I’m so over consumerism. It hurts me to buy anything new now… knowing that I wasted, not only personal resource, but environmental resources to manufacture ‘stuff’ I have rarely used. I now strive for a life of simple elegance. I will live and travel light. Having this discussion with my mom, who recently celebrated her 91st birthday, she admitted that she spends countless nights awake worrying about all of the ‘stuff’ I will have to dispose of upon her passing. She understands, and has help me, focus on heritage and the ties to the past, without the burdening of the ‘stuff’. Every piece of family heirloom that I retain, has a rich and deep story that I cherish, and I am grateful to add it to my load, and have accepted a few, but important item to my ‘back-pack’. Let family know, it ‘they’ who are important… Not the ‘stuff’ in the garage, the closets, under the bed, in the cabinets and in the many many drawers in the typical suburban house. I want to be comfortable; I want heritage; I want to be proud of the possessions that I retain, but most of all… I want to be light and free of material possessions that don’t add real and sustained value to my life.
Brownvagabonder says
This is perfect – but I am not sure how my parents would react to this. They have always been apprehensive of me becoming too much like what they were like when they were younger. They were poor and living without a lot of luxuries. They want me to have the best life possible, but in their opinion, I am shunning all of that, and choosing to live as they did, simply and without a lot. I hope eventually they can make peace with it, and realize I am happy as I am, without the luxurious cars, and houses they want for me.
Terri says
I think the letter could be more useful with practical tips for how to show love or how to give gifts to grandchildren without violating the minimalist principles. Perhaps they don’t care so much WHY you do it, but don’t know how they fit in? How does a long distance grandparent relate to a child apart from giving objects that the child will connect to the grandparents?
Beth says
Terri, I started doing things like adopt an animal from a sanctuary or zoo for them. They get sent of packet of info and pics of their animal, so they have something cool from the grandparents, but without a bunch of stuff. Plus they are helping an animal. You can also buy a square inch of the North Pole at Xmas time, it comes with a deed, map of where your property is, personalized letter from Santa…try to think more in terms of unique and you can come up with some great ‘things’ that don’t include a bunch of clutter.
Stacey says
This is wonderful and couldn’t come at a better time. I tried to explain my journey to my daughter tonight and wish I had seen this earlier. I will be sending it on to her. thanks!!