Dear Mother/Father/Grandparent of a Minimalist,
I should probably start with a quick introduction. My name is Joshua. I’m 38 years old. I live in Peoria, AZ with my beautiful wife and two wonderful kids. For most of my life, I lived a relatively-typical suburban existence. But then something changed, I decided to become a minimalist.
For me, the change happened one Saturday afternoon while cleaning my garage. My driveway began to fill up with physical possessions that needed to be cleaned and reorganized. Meanwhile, in the backyard, my son played alone kindly asking me to play with him.
At one point, I commented to my neighbor about all the time and energy required to maintain my house and my belongings. She replied, “Well, maybe you don’t need to own all this stuff.” I remember the comment like it was yesterday. I looked at the pile of junk in my driveway… I glanced at my young son alone in the backyard… and in that moment, I realized my possessions were not bringing me joy. Even worse, they were distracting me from the things that did. A minimalist was born.
Today, I wanted to write you a letter.
Someone you love dearly has recently made the same decision I made years ago. They have decided to intentionally live with fewer possessions. And now, they are forwarding this article to you because they would like to further explain minimalism and their decision.
Likely, there are a few things they’d like you to know:
1. Minimalism may be counter-cultural. But the lifestyle is not new—neither is the appeal. For thousands of years, people have been intentionally choosing to simplify their lives and live with fewer possessions. Minimalism is not new, nor is it a fringe movement. Material possessions have always failed to satisfy the deepest longings of our heart. And it is great to see in our world today, simplicity becoming more and more popular.
2. Minimalism is highly customizable. People embrace minimalism for any number of reasons: travel, entrepreneurship, the environment, or simply so they can focus more time on the things that matter most. Regardless of the motivation behind the decision, minimalism will always be applied uniquely. It has to be. We all enter at different stages in life with different passions. As a result, minimalism has no hard-and-fast rules. We are all going to apply it a little bit differently.
3. We are experiencing many life benefits living with less. We may try to convince you. Apologies in advance for any lack of patience. Minimalism offers countless life benefits. Almost immediately, we find more time, energy, focus, and money for the things that bring lasting joy into our lives. We spend far less time shopping, organizing, cleaning, and rearranging. We find greater opportunity to pursue our greatest passions. It’s fantastic! And because we love you, we are going to try and convince you of the same. Apologies in advance for anything we say that is not motivated by love, grace, and patience.
4. This could be a passing fad for your son/daughter, but it’s probably not. Certainly, there are some people who choose to embrace minimalism for only a passing season. But most people I know choose to embrace it for the rest of their lives. It’s just a better way to live.
5. Removal of the things you have given is not a rejection of you or your love. One of the most-asked questions I receive comes from people who are afraid of offending someone by getting rid of something that was given to them. There is a fear that removing it will result in hard feelings by the original giver. Most likely, this includes things you have given to your son, daughter, or grandchild. Some of them are going to be sold, donated, or thrown away. Rest assured this is not a rejection of you or your love in any way. Instead, it is based solely and entirely in their pursuit of living with less. Please do not take it personally.
6. Kindly reconsider the gifts you are going to give. Minimalists find great joy and intentionality living with less. We have worked hard to remove the clutter from our home and life. And it probably took far more physical and emotional energy than we realized when we first got started. But now, we fear the slippery-slope of accumulating clutter and allowing consumer-based happiness to creep back into our lives. You can help by reconsidering the gifts you give them and their kids. Minimalists are not against gift-giving. We really do appreciate them. But we enjoy experiences over possessions, quality over quantity, and needs over wants. We hope you will respect that decision.
In conclusion, your son/daughter has decided to simplify their lives. They have decided their lives are far too valuable to waste chasing possessions. You ought to be very proud of them. This is good news.
Sincerely, Joshua Becker
Image: Glyn Lowe Photoworks
Vivienne says
I am just beginning to embrace a lifestyle change to being minimalist though its tough because my husband and kids aren’t motivated. Over the past year I have been de-cluttering our house without too much problem but its a slow process and I can’t downsize things that husband and kids want to keep. For me it started with our finances, getting organized with a budget and a plan to get out of debt. The turning point being the realization that we waste a lot of money on stuff we don’t need and can’t afford. The first step I made was to be aware of my shopping habits. I stay out of huge stores like Wal-Mart where the temptation to buy is huge because something is on sale even though we don’t need it. Its a very slow process but I am starting to notice a difference. There are less piles on the floor, in the closets, in drawers, cupboards and surfaces. I can find things when I need them. Our finances are on track and we have paid off 25% of our debt. Best of all I sleep better at night and for now I am happy that my kids are noticing the positive difference that having less has made.
Crystal says
Becoming a ‘minimalist’ has been one of the best things to happen to me and my family. It has been a process over about 4 years now. We’re still improving. Just last weekend we did another purge. The small filing box was reduced to a folder (originally a large 3 drawer cabinet), and the bookshelf is down to one row of books (from probably 4-5 large bookshelves). It has been tough with 2 small kids … feeling like we don’t want to deprive them, but still keeping true to our philosophy, but we’re learning what works for us. Everytime we move (about once a year so far) we think ‘great! This move is going to be so easy!” And then after we move we think “We need to get rid of more stuff!” So its a process! But my house is SO easy to clean now, and the kids actually don’t need much to be fulfilled and happy. Life is good!
soy candle says
You completed various good points there. I did a search on the subject matter and found the majority of folks will agree with your blog.
jasmine says
I have always been a very organized person i have loved getting rid of things for the sake of space. my parents are getting older and i have purged as much stuff on my own that i could before it became a struggle to get Them to start doing it. I worry that if we can pull to gether and do it it will contiune to be stressful . They have given me jewlery that i cant get rid of because they bought it for me because i dont wear much of it because of my job i hope one day they will understand its the though that counts and i will still have the memories of the things they did for me not the things they gave me.
Angela says
I not only want to send this to my family, but our friends as well!
Wonderful post – thank you for sharing!
Kelly says
Thank you so much for this post! My husband and I recently found ourselves on the minimalist path and I have yet to try to explain it to my family. I worry that they will be offended when we give away things they gave us or that they will feel like we are rejecting the lifestyle they have chosen. I absolutely don’t feel like the way they live is wrong. It is just wrong for me. I will definitely be sharing this post!
Lisa says
We have become minimalists over a number of years, each time we move house with less and less (and to a smaller and smaller house).
Your comment about gift-giving is one we have thought over extensively. We struggled with this for a long time. Family would give us things and we didn’t know what to do with them. I’d feel burdened with something that I didn’t want and went directly counter to my efforts to own very little. They resorted to giving us gift certificates with notes such as “I was going to get you something but I knew you’d just sell it on Kijiji…” So we were making it difficult for others, and coming over as ungrateful at the same time. One day, I suddenly realized there was no need to be this way. We now rejoice at all gifts given to us and genuinely thank the giver. Why? Because a) There’s no point stressing over things, especially something like being given a gift! b) Gifts we don’t want are GREAT for re-gifting. We keep a spot for this in the house, and it helps us avoid shopping for gifts, and saves time, c) We can often enjoy the gift for a while and then pass it on, and d) By changing our attitude, we preserve the goodwill between people that goes with giving. This is not a time for a lecture or for imposing our own morals on others. There are more appropriate times for that, and we believe our own actions will speak the loudest as we practise minimalism in our daily lives.
I think our families have noticed that we have changed regarding gift-giving, and I think it has made it easier for all of us at times of celebration.
You describe the best gifts as experiences. This word is useful – we have been using “consumables” with family, which makes them think we’re greedy and asking for food. I do explain that many non-edibles also fall into this category (think candles, incense, soap, etc.), but using “experiences or consumables” is a lot better. The best gift I received from my Dad was a donation in my name of bedkits to Africa.
Beamarshall says
And after a certain amount of time/living you come to realize you have more than enough clothes/dishes/furniture to last the rest of your life; so you start sharing the extras..via gift of heirloom china to the children, or excess tools to those starting out in life/marriage, or via Goodwill/shelter/donation center. I still struggle with clearing out books and fabric.. but when I go I’m sure they’ll be useful to somebody.
Zuzanna says
Wish my parents could understand english. Our basement is sooo cluttered and messy and I argue with them so often, fighting and trying to convince. They have 5 similar things of one kind and milion unuseful items which destination is unknown. I have to say they are much more minimal :) since I became to live far from most of my past consumer needs. But I still work on them. So thanks for help with this article
Victoria says
Thank you, Joshua, for your blog and ideas you`re sharing. I find them very inspiring and I think I can start my way to minimalism too step by step. Actually I had this philosophy for a long time when I was a teenager but now I really know that it is the most appropriate lifestyle for me to have more freedom and to enjoy every moment of my life.