“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” —Booker T. Washington
‘Tis the season for accumulation.
Over the next several weeks, new possessions will enter homes at an alarming rate. The new possessions will arrive in stockings, gift bags, gift wrap, and envelopes. And the new products will come in various forms: electronics, clothes, books, toys, jewelry, gift cards, video games, decorations, DVD’s, and cookware. In America alone, over $600 billion dollars will be spent on retail goods during the months of November and December.
Some gifts will meet legitimate needs. But most gifts during the holiday season are purchased to satisfy wants: another new doll for your daughter, a new video game system for your son, or a K-cup coffee maker for the parents. Worse yet, many of the gifts we give will satisfy neither needs or wants—instead, they will only satisfy an obligation.
When the gift opening is done, new toys will clutter kids’ rooms and new clothes will clutter our closets. Gift cards will line our pockets and holiday cards will decorate our refrigerators. New gadgets will be shoved into cupboards. And new electronics will be plugged into available outlets all around our homes.
Our houses will fill up with more and more accumulated stuff. Then, the weariness will begin to set in. It always does.
Possessions bring about that effect on us. They clutter our physical space and steal our mental energy. They take time to clean and manage and organize. We worry about them getting broken or dirty or lost. They cost us financial opportunity. The accumulation makes our home feel cramped or too little or designed without enough storage space. Eventually, our possessions wear out or go out of style. And in the end, they never bring as much joy to us as they do the models on the packaging.
We will spend $600 billion dollars during this holiday season. But in the end, we will be no happier than we were before. We will only be more tired, more burdened, and more distracted from the very things that do bring us joy, purpose, and meaning.
There is more joy in owning less than can be found in owning more. And it is far better to donate than accumulate.
Meanwhile, there are countless charitable organizations all around the world meeting very real needs. These charitable organizations are providing food and shelter to those without any. They are delivering clean water to entire villages without supply. They are protecting battered women and offering needed supplies to expectant mothers. They are placing orphans in loving families. They are offering educational assistance to those who need it most. And they are offering new opportunity for those who have had it taken from them.
These very real needs are all around us. They are across the ocean. They are in our cities. They are in our neighborhoods. And they live above us in our apartment buildings.
The act of donation is a win-win situation. For those with too little, needs are met. And for those with too much, freedom is discovered in our homes and in our lives.
It is time to shift our thinking on this issue. We have spent too many years and too many holidays chasing accumulation. But the accumulation of retail goods has not brought contentment or joy or purpose. It has not delivered on its promise. We have satisfied our wants, only to be left wanting more.
In the coming days, seek to break the cycle of accumulation in your life and in your home. Embrace the joy of donation by giving away your unneeded possessions. And discover again, It is better to give than to receive.
Many people seem to find the idea of donating to a cause impersonal or unsatisfying for both the giver or recipient, but I’ve found it can be an incredibly joyful act to delve into the recipient’s life and figure out what’s really important to them (or might tickle their funny bone or make a great story to share, etc) and then take on the challenge of finding something that matches. It scratches my shopping itch, allows me to demonstrate to someone that I really do know them, which so many material gifts utterly fail to do anyway. Paired with a card and a *small* gift that ties in with the donation–ex: a holographic whale sticker from an independent artist for whale conservation or a box of speciality chocolates for org that works to promote biodiversity on cocoa farms–it makes it personal, meaningful and fun.
Well said!
Some of the happiest and most hospitable people I’ve ever met are the Filipinos my wife and I have served during the decade we have run our charity here in Davao City. These are people who would be considered desperately poor by USA standards, but that doesn’t dim the high-wattage smiles on their faces.
My parents took “vows of poverty” during their wedding in the early 50’s. They vowed to not live above their means and to always help those who needed it. My many siblings and I grew up in a home filled with love and fellowship, conversation, politics, debate, philosophy, discussion, literature, humor and overall chaos. We had no car or TV, no separate bedrooms, no gifts or parties for birthdays. At any given time there were other people living with us, from a Haitian seminarian who could find no one to rent him a room, to the son of a wealthy family who was kicked out and disowned by his parents when they discovered he was gay. We often received charity gift baskets at Christmas, because people saw us as “poor”. These baskets were promptly gifted to our neighbors. We had lavish, homemade decorations on our Christmas tree and an abundance of wonderful, home cooked food. We each received gifts of knit mittens, scarves and hats and maybe a used pair of ice skates! I like to gift people with practical things including new tires for a car for a single mother who must drive to get to her 2 jobs; pay for a thorough housecleaning for an elderly couple raising their grandchildren; asking the mother of a disabled child what would help her to raise her child, and then providing it; teaching a group of siblings how to garden and helping them set up a veggie garden: buying a Christmas tree and decorations for a family who couldn’t afford one.
You sound like a guardian angel ? May God Bless you and your family… I know you’d be an angel in my eyes at least ???
You’re doing a great job thank you
So just some thoughts…… I love this article and it has a great message….it is something to read and use as a tool to think about for your own life and your own household. What I think is so sad is all the negative comments on here on how other people choose to celebrate. Many people like to give gifts during the holiday season. It is a way they celebrate you as a person or even how they may show their love. By all means you can tell others that you would rather be gifted memories or time doing things (tickets to museum, etc)…but to get angry over what people give you or your children seems like an ungrateful attitude towards the gift of giving. I am trying to simplify my life–but that will look different to me as it will look differently in every household. There really are no “rules” per say. For Christmas, you can keep your house all white with one plain tree and nothing else, or you can have a house with a decked out tree and meaningful gifts below it. You can also give gifts as well as donate to a charity. Who says you can’t do both? I think the point is the motive behind what we keep and what we spend our money on. I believe the real key word is just being more mindful. For Christmas, I choose to give my children some gifts that do include toys that they like. I don’t go crazy. I do a whole month of spending time together doing fun family things that don’t cost me money (going on walks, driving around to see the Christmas lights, drinking hot coco, etc). We also donate, do operation Christmas and a Secret Santa gift for a neighbor. If you want to forgo gifts all together or only get your kids 1 gift each or whatever it is that you choose to do to simplify in your household-that is fine, but really, we really need to stop analyzing what generosity, mindfulness and simplicity for other households should look like. This wise saying really speaks volumes, “You don’t have to have an opinion where you don’t have responsibility”.
Laurie, you shared a good word. Love this article. Love your comment. I don’t have time to read all the other comments under this article right now, but your response seems right on.
My siblings and I have all had financially difficult years so we gave each other the gift of not spending money. I find that I’m also relieved, having just finished a two year downsizing project, not to get stuff. And I had the joy of giving most of the decorations I’d accumulated in our local Buy Nothing group. Now I have a little tree and only the ornaments I love. This is a year I really needed some peace and simplifying has given me that.
I totally agree! This is why I started the organization Charity Run – http://www.facebook.com/charityruncincy. We find local charities in need of items most of us have around the house & are no longer using, hold a mini drive for the items, then make the “run” to drop off the items. Joshua, you have been a true inspiration for this work. Thank you.
Last year I was (as an adult!) scolded by my parents for not purchasing a gift for my sister’s boyfriend, who I’ve only met twice. Family drama aside, your point about gift giving out of obligation vs. want/need makes so much sense. To keep the peace, I’m now obligated this year to spend money I could use elsewhere to buy a gift that will be meaningless and generic, and will undoubtedly be relegated to a closet for a year or two until it’s donated.
Buy them both tickets to something they would both enjoy (a museum or art gallery, if your budget doesn’t allow for a concert or play), or gift certificates to a movie, or a dinner at a restaurant they like. That way there will be nothing to shove to the back of the closet and you have validated their relationship in the eyes of your family.
I’m guess-estimating that 500 lbs of excess are leaving house this weekend….charity, recycling TV, giving away. My old computer stand sat on curb five minutes and someone picked it up.
Giving local made wines, cheeses, and coffee from local shops. Shopping local.
Just heard new year toy store opening in small town, hoping to find a durable educational fun toy for grandson. Sooo many toys today are plastic junk…and more than ever promoting more shopping…drives me crazy…
My immediate family still draws names. However, we make a donation in honor of the person’s name that we drew, either their favorite charity or one that we think they would appreciate a donation made to. I love this. NONE of us need MORE stuff. We have too much, and others have nothing. The past few Christmases that we have done this are my favorite and most memorable. ‘Tis truly better to give than to receive!
Thank you for another great post! I started my own efforts of living with (in?) less stuff, but with high quality tools / items that I will not have to replace for my life time, or at least 20 years etc, a couple of years ago. It has been going well so far. (Still there are many things that I need to reduce in my house that have been more source of clutter than being useful) The gift giving, however, was always something I was not too comfortable knowing I would be increasing the receiver’s clutter. For my mother and sister I started to send fresh flowers. My mother is an avid gardener and flower arrangement master and she loves it. My sister is a hoader so giving her stuff is no good, but she loves receiving beautiful flowers. My husband accumulates every tools and old stuff from his parents (; ;), so I only give him what he can use or don’t have. But, xmas gifts of donation sounds really wonderful idea! I also want to add, buy something that we need or happy to receive (such as flowers) from a local business.
The grandkids get one toy each. They have a list made up ahead of time for their birthdays. For Hanukkah, each gets 8 little stocking stuffer type gifts- a new box of crayons, drawing pencils, etc. I buy my things at a resale store which benefits abused women, Salvation Army and Goodwill. Another great source of things is rummage sales and garage sales. To my friends I give houseplants which I grow from cuttings of my other houseplants. I find containers during the year and start my cuttings over the summer. I also like to give dish gardens and in the past I gave terrariums. The containers are all second hand.