“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” —Booker T. Washington
‘Tis the season for accumulation.
Over the next several weeks, new possessions will enter homes at an alarming rate. The new possessions will arrive in stockings, gift bags, gift wrap, and envelopes. And the new products will come in various forms: electronics, clothes, books, toys, jewelry, gift cards, video games, decorations, DVD’s, and cookware. In America alone, over $600 billion dollars will be spent on retail goods during the months of November and December.
Some gifts will meet legitimate needs. But most gifts during the holiday season are purchased to satisfy wants: another new doll for your daughter, a new video game system for your son, or a K-cup coffee maker for the parents. Worse yet, many of the gifts we give will satisfy neither needs or wants—instead, they will only satisfy an obligation.
When the gift opening is done, new toys will clutter kids’ rooms and new clothes will clutter our closets. Gift cards will line our pockets and holiday cards will decorate our refrigerators. New gadgets will be shoved into cupboards. And new electronics will be plugged into available outlets all around our homes.
Our houses will fill up with more and more accumulated stuff. Then, the weariness will begin to set in. It always does.
Possessions bring about that effect on us. They clutter our physical space and steal our mental energy. They take time to clean and manage and organize. We worry about them getting broken or dirty or lost. They cost us financial opportunity. The accumulation makes our home feel cramped or too little or designed without enough storage space. Eventually, our possessions wear out or go out of style. And in the end, they never bring as much joy to us as they do the models on the packaging.
We will spend $600 billion dollars during this holiday season. But in the end, we will be no happier than we were before. We will only be more tired, more burdened, and more distracted from the very things that do bring us joy, purpose, and meaning.
There is more joy in owning less than can be found in owning more. And it is far better to donate than accumulate.
Meanwhile, there are countless charitable organizations all around the world meeting very real needs. These charitable organizations are providing food and shelter to those without any. They are delivering clean water to entire villages without supply. They are protecting battered women and offering needed supplies to expectant mothers. They are placing orphans in loving families. They are offering educational assistance to those who need it most. And they are offering new opportunity for those who have had it taken from them.
These very real needs are all around us. They are across the ocean. They are in our cities. They are in our neighborhoods. And they live above us in our apartment buildings.
The act of donation is a win-win situation. For those with too little, needs are met. And for those with too much, freedom is discovered in our homes and in our lives.
It is time to shift our thinking on this issue. We have spent too many years and too many holidays chasing accumulation. But the accumulation of retail goods has not brought contentment or joy or purpose. It has not delivered on its promise. We have satisfied our wants, only to be left wanting more.
In the coming days, seek to break the cycle of accumulation in your life and in your home. Embrace the joy of donation by giving away your unneeded possessions. And discover again, It is better to give than to receive.
About Joshua Becker
So just some thoughts…… I love this article and it has a great message….it is something to read and use as a tool to think about for your own life and your own household. What I think is so sad is all the negative comments on here on how other people choose to celebrate. Many people like to give gifts during the holiday season. It is a way they celebrate you as a person or even how they may show their love. By all means you can tell others that you would rather be gifted memories or time doing things (tickets to museum, etc)…but to get angry over what people give you or your children seems like an ungrateful attitude towards the gift of giving. I am trying to simplify my life–but that will look different to me as it will look differently in every household. There really are no “rules” per say. For Christmas, you can keep your house all white with one plain tree and nothing else, or you can have a house with a decked out tree and meaningful gifts below it. You can also give gifts as well as donate to a charity. Who says you can’t do both? I think the point is the motive behind what we keep and what we spend our money on. I believe the real key word is just being more mindful. For Christmas, I choose to give my children some gifts that do include toys that they like. I don’t go crazy. I do a whole month of spending time together doing fun family things that don’t cost me money (going on walks, driving around to see the Christmas lights, drinking hot coco, etc). We also donate, do operation Christmas and a Secret Santa gift for a neighbor. If you want to forgo gifts all together or only get your kids 1 gift each or whatever it is that you choose to do to simplify in your household-that is fine, but really, we really need to stop analyzing what generosity, mindfulness and simplicity for other households should look like. This wise saying really speaks volumes, “You don’t have to have an opinion where you don’t have responsibility”.
Laurie, you shared a good word. Love this article. Love your comment. I don’t have time to read all the other comments under this article right now, but your response seems right on.
My siblings and I have all had financially difficult years so we gave each other the gift of not spending money. I find that I’m also relieved, having just finished a two year downsizing project, not to get stuff. And I had the joy of giving most of the decorations I’d accumulated in our local Buy Nothing group. Now I have a little tree and only the ornaments I love. This is a year I really needed some peace and simplifying has given me that.
I totally agree! This is why I started the organization Charity Run – http://www.facebook.com/charityruncincy. We find local charities in need of items most of us have around the house & are no longer using, hold a mini drive for the items, then make the “run” to drop off the items. Joshua, you have been a true inspiration for this work. Thank you.
Last year I was (as an adult!) scolded by my parents for not purchasing a gift for my sister’s boyfriend, who I’ve only met twice. Family drama aside, your point about gift giving out of obligation vs. want/need makes so much sense. To keep the peace, I’m now obligated this year to spend money I could use elsewhere to buy a gift that will be meaningless and generic, and will undoubtedly be relegated to a closet for a year or two until it’s donated.
Buy them both tickets to something they would both enjoy (a museum or art gallery, if your budget doesn’t allow for a concert or play), or gift certificates to a movie, or a dinner at a restaurant they like. That way there will be nothing to shove to the back of the closet and you have validated their relationship in the eyes of your family.
I’m guess-estimating that 500 lbs of excess are leaving house this weekend….charity, recycling TV, giving away. My old computer stand sat on curb five minutes and someone picked it up.
Giving local made wines, cheeses, and coffee from local shops. Shopping local.
Just heard new year toy store opening in small town, hoping to find a durable educational fun toy for grandson. Sooo many toys today are plastic junk…and more than ever promoting more shopping…drives me crazy…
My immediate family still draws names. However, we make a donation in honor of the person’s name that we drew, either their favorite charity or one that we think they would appreciate a donation made to. I love this. NONE of us need MORE stuff. We have too much, and others have nothing. The past few Christmases that we have done this are my favorite and most memorable. ‘Tis truly better to give than to receive!
Thank you for another great post! I started my own efforts of living with (in?) less stuff, but with high quality tools / items that I will not have to replace for my life time, or at least 20 years etc, a couple of years ago. It has been going well so far. (Still there are many things that I need to reduce in my house that have been more source of clutter than being useful) The gift giving, however, was always something I was not too comfortable knowing I would be increasing the receiver’s clutter. For my mother and sister I started to send fresh flowers. My mother is an avid gardener and flower arrangement master and she loves it. My sister is a hoader so giving her stuff is no good, but she loves receiving beautiful flowers. My husband accumulates every tools and old stuff from his parents (; ;), so I only give him what he can use or don’t have. But, xmas gifts of donation sounds really wonderful idea! I also want to add, buy something that we need or happy to receive (such as flowers) from a local business.
The grandkids get one toy each. They have a list made up ahead of time for their birthdays. For Hanukkah, each gets 8 little stocking stuffer type gifts- a new box of crayons, drawing pencils, etc. I buy my things at a resale store which benefits abused women, Salvation Army and Goodwill. Another great source of things is rummage sales and garage sales. To my friends I give houseplants which I grow from cuttings of my other houseplants. I find containers during the year and start my cuttings over the summer. I also like to give dish gardens and in the past I gave terrariums. The containers are all second hand.
So thankful to find this blog! People like you are angels among us! I’ve had my iPad since Christmas 2012 and am inspired and fueled by the positive ideas and actions I’ve become aware of because of it. Just another example of the good that comes from receiving. Giving is so important, and love is the driving force. Thank you! Let’s carry on and continue to progress!
Our son gave us iPad & introduced us to this site.
I love, love, love it, so nice to see someone put into words what we all long to hear, to affirm true feelings heart felt.
Thanks for great writings; enjoy!
Geez, I’m glad I don’t have to shop for your family.
“They all know that all the kids have a 529 account.”
This statement honestly made me a little mad- it’s
your choice and/or responsibility to set your kids
up for educational security NOT your family’s.
Return the stuff that brought in “insanity” or donate it
so someone can actually appreciate it sans complaints.
@ SAHMama.
We had our parents and my husband’s older sister and her husband and their kids over today for our youngest child’s first birthday. We also exchanged Christmas gifts. Oh.My.Goodness. Nobody asked us what our kids needed… or liked… or wanted… so we ended up with two duplicate gifts of items we already had, a pair of too-small pjs for our son, some toy car/trucks that he has no interest in, a ginormous work bench toy that will take up a huge amount of floor space, and clothes for the baby that are in a style we don’t care for (body suits; we prefer shirts that don’t snap in the crotch). Also a really big musical activity table for the baby. We don’t like toys that make a bunch of noise. The baby got five baby dolls. INSANITY! They all know that all the kids have a 529 account. They all know the kids enjoy reading. They could have asked what size of clothes the kids needed… and the amount of stuff was completely overwhelming. There were three black trashbags just from the wrapping paper and packaging (we’ll be recycling what we can)- that does not include the non-recyclable garbage parts of the packaging. I think it’s wonderful that they thought of my kids, but they didn’t think enough to ask what my kids need or enjoy. Now I have to deal with the aftermath.
Stuff is a symptom.
Cutting down stuff is a good thing, but only as good as popping a painkiller for a headache or a laxative for constipation.
There are subtler, deeper issues behind this symptom.
I’ve been keeping up with all the comments here and re-reading the initial post. I always stop at BT’s comment and read it over and over again. I believe this is the most profound and significant statement written by anyone. The truth of these words is staggering.
There is an instinctive ring of absolute truth to this. Thank you, BT.
BT: Some of the people I know with too much clutter/ stuff appear to be slackers, lazy, sleep in late types, wasting time on social media, and poor housekeeping for ex: lots of un used books and papers that need to be gotten rid of, closets crammed, excess items in the garage or shed they don’t need. Some have mice because of this. Decluttering is an ongoing project at least twice a year and we may see things that need to be tossed or given away as we go through the house weekly cleaning. These folks spend too much time socializing, running in circles with activity, etc yet no time to clean house.
My family has worked hard over the last year to minimize. We’ve more than halved our possessions. The more I get rid of, the less I fee like I need. However, the constant stuff that keeps coming it is getting tiresome. It’s 100 times worse this time of year.
We live away from family, so presents for the kids from grandparents have been coming in boxes for the last two weeks. It’s ridiculous, but better than previous years. Last night we had dinner at a house packed with junk with more junk packed under the Christmas tree. In hopes of some need being fulfilled, I ate lots of rich food. This is another aspect of consumerism that rears its head…the junk we put into our bodies.
I overate and felt like crap. As a result, I couldn’t sleep. Perusing Facebook I was sickened and depressed by my friends posting pictures of all the stuff they put out that ‘Santa’ was giving to their kids. So much stuff! And what happens after all is said and done? A complete let down. An unrelenting sadness that cannot be quelled by all the stuff in the world. Alas, Christmas day is so depressing.
My kids got very few things compared to others. The big toys don’t work, of course and the kids are back at the basics that are intrinsically rewarding; sports, blocks and art. Where will all this new stuff go in the house? I shudder to think. I can’t wait to get all the boxes out for recycling pick up.
Really, what more do we need than fellowship, good healthy food, time to relax and creative entertainment? My favorite memory of this season will be going to the big library downtown and having a great time with the family there. We were excited about being together and not about the ultimately disappointing Christmas day to come.
May we all be free of the causes of suffering.
Well said. Thank you for your perspective. “May we all be free of the causes of suffering.” Amen!
I helped a family wrap Christmas presents for two young children last night, and pretty quickly from the wrapping paper to the gifts themselves, it felt like a celebration of waste. Yet as much as i want to get people focusing on the horror of inequality and the many ready solutions, taking that idealistic thinking to its conclusion we will solve the gross injustices in the world and we should still have holiday traditions where kids make out like bandits. I don’t have an answer for that, just putting it out there.
But while we’re refocusing our gift-giving mindset on bettering the world, one of the barriers for us giving to charity is lack of information. The charities most able to reach us, in our mailboxes or heaven forfend on our televisions, are frequently not the most effective. I am lucky to have had a very close look at a new, small, and growing organization trying to establish systemic foster care in India (on a model which tries to keep children with the nearest relative possible), and helping out families, and i can vouch (for whatever that counts for from someone you don’t know on the internet) that this organization, Foster Care India, will do good things with your donation: http://fostercareindia.org
Benjamin,
Excellent comment. We can’t have it both ways. I’m struggling with this gray zone where we’re trying to be minimalist, but still partaking in lots of crazy American consumerist activities. One being Christmas! I started being a minimalist because I realized that the more I had, the more someone else went without. Lately, I’ve been thinking about what kind of system allows that to happen. How am I in a position to have more than others? After much thought, I’ve realized I’m on the right side of a wrong system. More thought needed. Thanks for your link, btw.
Benjamin, your comment on giving to charity and lack of information is very important. Thank you! Everyone has to do this using the best tools at their disposal and discerning carefully, but for our family, we have become very familiar with two ministries at our church and three others in our community. The two at our church: the food pantry (open nearly every day) and once-a-month community meals. We give the gift of our time at both ministries, but we also give money to those ministries with the specification that the money is to be used only for purchasing food, so that money goes directly to where it has the most effect. Sometimes we buy or prepare the food ourselves, although with regard to the food pantry, the State Food Bank offers good quality non-perishables at about half the cost of what we could buy at the grocery store. If a necessary piece of equipment has failed (oven/refrigerator), we can help pay for the repair or replacement. The other two ministries in our community help the homeless, hungry, and those trying to move from shelters to apartments with help from the charitable organization. In these cases, we again offer our time packing food, making beds for the homeless shelters, serving food, preparing food, buying and bringing food. We donate needed items (kitchenware, bedding, etc.) to those making the move from the shelter to an apartment. In giving our time to these causes, there is no question that we are helping in a significant manner. In giving money in this way, we know exactly where it is going and it never goes to overhead of any kind, or a middleman, or to the salaries of overpaid CEOs.
You are absolutely correct that information is so very important to charitable gift-giving. The gift of time and face-to-face contact is invaluable. If one has a desire to give money to one of these organizations, please, please take the time to find out where your money is going and how the system works.
While it may be nearly impossible to forego all gift-giving (believe me, I’ve tried), for those of us that give gifts this season you might want to try this: make a choice to donate more to those in need than the total amount we will spend on gifts. In doing so, we can make the world a better place (with the benefit of a tax deduction too :) yet still participate in exchanging with friends and family.
“…freedom is discovered in our homes and in our lives.” The best gift of all!
MarieG lifesimplybalanced.com
One thing I say to myself when I am hesitant to give away
my wretched excess…”what you. own
eventually own’s YOU.!!”
This year we’re focusing on consumables for gifts. We also gave the kids the option of buying a second-hand item if they couldn’t think of a good consumable.
Also when the kids were young, we had them give stuff away they had outgrown BEFORE Christmas “to make room” for the gifts. They were always a lot more eager to get rid of the toys they no longer played with for “making room” than at other times of the year, LOL.
for advent, instead of cramming the hands of my 4 kids with trinkets & sugar (we used to do that!), we asked them to donate their december allowance to buy toys for less fortunate kids. then we got $2 drinks at caribou. we made fudge to give away. we watched holiday movies, & we searched for toys or trinkets to donate, in preparing for what they WILL get.
the amazing thing? i thought they’d fuss with no small toys or sugary treats every day. i thought they’d ask why THIS YEAR IS DIFFERENT.
instead? kids with even blood sugar & creative ideas for craft projects.
I HAD NO IDEA, but now that we’re changed, WE’RE NOT GOING BACK.
thanks, joshua, for giving me permission to entice my children into minimalism, even (especially!) at christmas.
Thank you Joshua for a lovely reminder of what matters this season. As a family our gifts are small and are not surprises but what someone has asked for because they need it. As an example I’m giving my father a hi-viz top and rear view mirror for his bike after he had a major scare last week. I look forward to the following 2 weeks of holidays where I plan to stay home and sort through my stuff (I’m working through a full household in storage) and donate more goods to local groups so I can begin the New Year with a whole lot less.
Thank for your inspiring writing throughout the year, wishing you and your family a very happy holiday season.
Cynthia,
Could you be my kiddos grandmother? I love that you led the discussion to helping others! Maybe you could start Grandmothers Against Overconsumption group–I know some sweet wonderful people that could do well to hear your message (because they haven’t heard mine:).
Have a blessed season!
Christine
7 Ways to Avoid Christmas Clutter
http://awellstockedlife.wordpress.com/2013/11/24/7-ways-to-avoid-christmas-clutter/
I give each of my grandchildren$1.00 for each year of their life and a card for their birthday. One of my granddaughters asked why I don’t give cool gifts. I told her to look around her house. You can barely walk because of all of the stuff,do you really need more stuff? Maybe not. Then we discussed how to help others.
This is the way to do it. Being a minimalist is going to make lots of people angry. If they want to hear what you’ve got to say, great. If they don’t, then we can move on.
My brother-in-law receives lots of requests for monetary donations at this time of year. He collects all those requests until the family gathering then they all sit together and sort them out and people decide which they want given in their name. I think it is a wonderful way of celebrating.
I love it! It has such a ring to it – better to donate than accumulate… I have been giving up the hold that stuff has on me over the past few years, but it is a lifelong journey to stop buying things. I find I like donating time rather than money, as I know where my efforts are ending up that way.. Hopefully, in the future Christmas will signify time with family and friends rather than gifts and stuff.
I hear and gather to myself the spirit of this thoughtful post. I delighted as began to read its important message about the danger of accumulation, and the encouragement to share what we own (but no longer need) through the active support of donation to those who do need. However, I do not agree that all of that flows logically to the closing sentence of the post…
I tire of the easy phrase, “It is better to give than to receive,” bandied about like a mantra with the premise taken for granted as an absolute. It is truly sad that we have thrown the baby of receiving out with the bathwater of consumerism. We have forgotten how to receive graciously and gratefully gifts given with heart and delight (gifts of time and presence… and even tangible gifts!). We have neglected to teach our children how to give genuinely *and* to receive with delight. These are lessons equally important, I believe.
First, thanks to Joshua for an excellent message. It’s painful and embarrassing to read what we Americans are doing during the holidays (and throughout the year). I’ve really come to dread the holiday season and am so thankful that our family gift-giving is very, very minimal, and almost always comes down to giving things that are truly needed.
Every comment to Joshua’s post was meaningful to me, but I had to respond to Nicole’s remark about learning to receive graciously. This is truly important. We talk often about giving, but what happens when someone wants to give to us? We must learn to be on the receiving end of another’s good will or expression of love and to be gracious about it. While my family knows I no longer want gifts for holidays and birthdays, there are times when they just want to buy me something. I’ve let them know the kinds of teas and coffee I like to drink, the types of books I like to read, that it makes me very happy when they donate in my name, etc. But if my daughter on occasion sees a pretty scarf (etc.) that she just really wants me to have, I will not insult her by saying I don’t need it, nor will I give it away two days after she’s gone. I accept it with her love.
And Bill’s comment, “I continue in my ongoing project to reduce what I have and to purchase only what I need” is what minimalism means in my life and it feels wonderful and freeing. It is also freeing to know that there is no “right” way to minimize and if I’m just not ready to get rid of a sentimental gift or family piece, that’s OK.
While it’s true that vast mounds of junk are given each Christmas (and I have received my share of it), I agree with those above that gracious receiving is important. It takes both a thoughtful giver and a grateful recipient to make a successful act of gift giving. There’s a healthy balance somewhere between “gimme, gimme” and “bah humbug, it’s all gonna be clutter”.
On the subject of gift-giving: yesterday, someone, thinking she was being thoughtful, announced that she didn’t want any gifts this year. That’s lovely, but suddenly saying that two days before Christmas meant that a) I had to take her gift back during the holiday rush and b) I couldn’t save the money, because it could only be exchanged. Maybe it would be great to put out the word that announcements of this type should be made early, so as to be truly considerate.
Recently, I walked through my house to look for gifts that I was still using and enjoying years later. It was eye-opening–there were far more than I might have thought. Some of them were things that I wouldn’t have thought to ask for or wouldn’t have bothered to buy, yet they are still adding value. It made for a very different way to see my household.
Aspects of minimalism that need to be addressed if we are to move forward are hurt feelings and our economic system. We need to be careful about how we rationalize consumerism with being a good person. We also need to look at how capitalism is THE cause of this consumerism we’re so sick of.
Thank you for your thoughtful response, Joshua. I love how your examples are so filled with the love between the giver and receiver. There is a necessary caring on each end of the act of giving and receiving, and the receiving can become a gift to the giver. But as Zuma points out, it’s important to truly discern where this cycle becomes unhealthy again.
I believe that remaining aware and intentional in both the giving and the receiving in times of celebration, is a huge step towards that healthy balance, oui?
Beautifully said!
So true. Booker T. Washington’s quotes always hit the nail on the head don’t they? Thank you for a well written and thoughtful post.
It’s great to hear an objectively minimalistic approach to Christmas. It’s true that consumerism is taking over Christmas and many people’s lives. but I’m glad you understand that some material gifts make sense. Many people give novelty gifts that end up as clutter, but there is still a purpose for giving things that people desire, and need. Such as a new tackle box for a friend who fishes. They already have a rusty old one, but that will go to someone who needs a cheap tackle box on craigslist.
I loved hearing you speak at the LIFE 2013 conference, and you’ve really changed my perspective on everything I own. It’s great to hear a realistic, non-radical approach to minimalism.
Seth
As usual, an excellent commentary and reflection for us all as we head into these days. I continue in my ongoing project to reduce what I have and to purchase only what I need – your blog inspires me to keep at it!
I don’t have to worry so much about gifts as we have stopped giving and getting gifts this past couple of years. But my mother in law just passed away and we had to clean out her small apartment. I had spent all summer donating my stuff and was making good progress on it when wham I just got as much stuff back in from her. Can’t wait to get started on the process again. haha. I can remember a time when I would have been pleased to acquire new things but not anymore. It is better to give than receive.
I love your writing Joshua. This piece resonates deeply with me as family members request I pick out *something* for my children. But they want and need nothing…I tell them. How about time with you? Silence. I’d like them to have something to open, they say. It’s made me sad.
On the brighter side, I have a box waiting to be delivered to a local children’s charity. And, my husband has just started taking my oldest two children to the food bank. They are 4 and 8 and do you want to know the best part? The last time they went, I’ve never seen all three of them so happy after coming home from the food bank. They’ve talked about their experience there every single day since and even want to spend their own money on buying food. As a parent, it’s so easy for me to see now that it all starts with us.
This holiday season we’ve spent more time with each other and with cherished friends than shopping and it feels great! Thanks for your writing. Merry Christmas!
I’m in the same situation. I’m donating tons of items in my home but yet people say they are getting things for my child after I tell them she has enough. I said spending time was more important. My daughter who is 6 told me tonight how donating things to others asked her happy. I think including her in the gathering and dropping off process has really made an impact.
**makes her happy, I meant.
Hi Joshua, this couldn’t be more true. It’s rather unfortunate to see that in some parts of the world, group of communities are not even close to having what we take for granted today. This is the perfect time of the year for us to start giving more than receiving and accumulating.
It is said that we should all stop spending on things we don’t need with the money we don’t have. Perhaps we should all stop keeping the things we don’t need and give it to those who need it more than we do.
My brother and his family have just visited today, an early Christmas time together. There were small useful gifts exchanged for the children (family gifts) and charity donations made in leu of gifts for the adults – perfect.
I have to say I’ve been a casual reader of becomingminimalist for over a year now. But as of this holiday season this stuff is really hitting home for me now. After these past couple days following the facebook posts and articles here I feel that this site is the answer to the deep call inside of me to do away with the endless consumerism. I read a discourse or thesis or some grand argument by a brilliant Indian out of Delhi, I wish I still had access to it, but this person painted a picture of humans destroying the planet through endless want and consumerism, mainly how cities and technology will be the end of this planet. It was absolutely brilliant. Anyways I digress. I now consider myself an avid follower of becomingminimalist and am so very grateful for having stumbled upon this site a couple years ago. It’s taken that long to sink in, but I feel the lotus is starting to bloom now.