“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” —Booker T. Washington
‘Tis the season for accumulation.
Over the next several weeks, new possessions will enter homes at an alarming rate. The new possessions will arrive in stockings, gift bags, gift wrap, and envelopes. And the new products will come in various forms: electronics, clothes, books, toys, jewelry, gift cards, video games, decorations, DVD’s, and cookware. In America alone, over $600 billion dollars will be spent on retail goods during the months of November and December.
Some gifts will meet legitimate needs. But most gifts during the holiday season are purchased to satisfy wants: another new doll for your daughter, a new video game system for your son, or a K-cup coffee maker for the parents. Worse yet, many of the gifts we give will satisfy neither needs or wants—instead, they will only satisfy an obligation.
When the gift opening is done, new toys will clutter kids’ rooms and new clothes will clutter our closets. Gift cards will line our pockets and holiday cards will decorate our refrigerators. New gadgets will be shoved into cupboards. And new electronics will be plugged into available outlets all around our homes.
Our houses will fill up with more and more accumulated stuff. Then, the weariness will begin to set in. It always does.
Possessions bring about that effect on us. They clutter our physical space and steal our mental energy. They take time to clean and manage and organize. We worry about them getting broken or dirty or lost. They cost us financial opportunity. The accumulation makes our home feel cramped or too little or designed without enough storage space. Eventually, our possessions wear out or go out of style. And in the end, they never bring as much joy to us as they do the models on the packaging.
We will spend $600 billion dollars during this holiday season. But in the end, we will be no happier than we were before. We will only be more tired, more burdened, and more distracted from the very things that do bring us joy, purpose, and meaning.
There is more joy in owning less than can be found in owning more. And it is far better to donate than accumulate.
Meanwhile, there are countless charitable organizations all around the world meeting very real needs. These charitable organizations are providing food and shelter to those without any. They are delivering clean water to entire villages without supply. They are protecting battered women and offering needed supplies to expectant mothers. They are placing orphans in loving families. They are offering educational assistance to those who need it most. And they are offering new opportunity for those who have had it taken from them.
These very real needs are all around us. They are across the ocean. They are in our cities. They are in our neighborhoods. And they live above us in our apartment buildings.
The act of donation is a win-win situation. For those with too little, needs are met. And for those with too much, freedom is discovered in our homes and in our lives.
It is time to shift our thinking on this issue. We have spent too many years and too many holidays chasing accumulation. But the accumulation of retail goods has not brought contentment or joy or purpose. It has not delivered on its promise. We have satisfied our wants, only to be left wanting more.
In the coming days, seek to break the cycle of accumulation in your life and in your home. Embrace the joy of donation by giving away your unneeded possessions. And discover again, It is better to give than to receive.
Family Pressure says
Last year I was (as an adult!) scolded by my parents for not purchasing a gift for my sister’s boyfriend, who I’ve only met twice. Family drama aside, your point about gift giving out of obligation vs. want/need makes so much sense. To keep the peace, I’m now obligated this year to spend money I could use elsewhere to buy a gift that will be meaningless and generic, and will undoubtedly be relegated to a closet for a year or two until it’s donated.
Janice Franklin says
Buy them both tickets to something they would both enjoy (a museum or art gallery, if your budget doesn’t allow for a concert or play), or gift certificates to a movie, or a dinner at a restaurant they like. That way there will be nothing to shove to the back of the closet and you have validated their relationship in the eyes of your family.
ren says
I’m guess-estimating that 500 lbs of excess are leaving house this weekend….charity, recycling TV, giving away. My old computer stand sat on curb five minutes and someone picked it up.
Giving local made wines, cheeses, and coffee from local shops. Shopping local.
Just heard new year toy store opening in small town, hoping to find a durable educational fun toy for grandson. Sooo many toys today are plastic junk…and more than ever promoting more shopping…drives me crazy…
Samantha says
My immediate family still draws names. However, we make a donation in honor of the person’s name that we drew, either their favorite charity or one that we think they would appreciate a donation made to. I love this. NONE of us need MORE stuff. We have too much, and others have nothing. The past few Christmases that we have done this are my favorite and most memorable. ‘Tis truly better to give than to receive!
Reiko says
Thank you for another great post! I started my own efforts of living with (in?) less stuff, but with high quality tools / items that I will not have to replace for my life time, or at least 20 years etc, a couple of years ago. It has been going well so far. (Still there are many things that I need to reduce in my house that have been more source of clutter than being useful) The gift giving, however, was always something I was not too comfortable knowing I would be increasing the receiver’s clutter. For my mother and sister I started to send fresh flowers. My mother is an avid gardener and flower arrangement master and she loves it. My sister is a hoader so giving her stuff is no good, but she loves receiving beautiful flowers. My husband accumulates every tools and old stuff from his parents (; ;), so I only give him what he can use or don’t have. But, xmas gifts of donation sounds really wonderful idea! I also want to add, buy something that we need or happy to receive (such as flowers) from a local business.
Tina says
The grandkids get one toy each. They have a list made up ahead of time for their birthdays. For Hanukkah, each gets 8 little stocking stuffer type gifts- a new box of crayons, drawing pencils, etc. I buy my things at a resale store which benefits abused women, Salvation Army and Goodwill. Another great source of things is rummage sales and garage sales. To my friends I give houseplants which I grow from cuttings of my other houseplants. I find containers during the year and start my cuttings over the summer. I also like to give dish gardens and in the past I gave terrariums. The containers are all second hand.
Barbina says
So thankful to find this blog! People like you are angels among us! I’ve had my iPad since Christmas 2012 and am inspired and fueled by the positive ideas and actions I’ve become aware of because of it. Just another example of the good that comes from receiving. Giving is so important, and love is the driving force. Thank you! Let’s carry on and continue to progress!
Juanita says
Our son gave us iPad & introduced us to this site.
I love, love, love it, so nice to see someone put into words what we all long to hear, to affirm true feelings heart felt.
Thanks for great writings; enjoy!
Anna D. says
Geez, I’m glad I don’t have to shop for your family.
“They all know that all the kids have a 529 account.”
This statement honestly made me a little mad- it’s
your choice and/or responsibility to set your kids
up for educational security NOT your family’s.
Return the stuff that brought in “insanity” or donate it
so someone can actually appreciate it sans complaints.
Anna D. says
@ SAHMama.
SAHMama says
We had our parents and my husband’s older sister and her husband and their kids over today for our youngest child’s first birthday. We also exchanged Christmas gifts. Oh.My.Goodness. Nobody asked us what our kids needed… or liked… or wanted… so we ended up with two duplicate gifts of items we already had, a pair of too-small pjs for our son, some toy car/trucks that he has no interest in, a ginormous work bench toy that will take up a huge amount of floor space, and clothes for the baby that are in a style we don’t care for (body suits; we prefer shirts that don’t snap in the crotch). Also a really big musical activity table for the baby. We don’t like toys that make a bunch of noise. The baby got five baby dolls. INSANITY! They all know that all the kids have a 529 account. They all know the kids enjoy reading. They could have asked what size of clothes the kids needed… and the amount of stuff was completely overwhelming. There were three black trashbags just from the wrapping paper and packaging (we’ll be recycling what we can)- that does not include the non-recyclable garbage parts of the packaging. I think it’s wonderful that they thought of my kids, but they didn’t think enough to ask what my kids need or enjoy. Now I have to deal with the aftermath.
BT says
Stuff is a symptom.
Cutting down stuff is a good thing, but only as good as popping a painkiller for a headache or a laxative for constipation.
There are subtler, deeper issues behind this symptom.
everlearning says
I’ve been keeping up with all the comments here and re-reading the initial post. I always stop at BT’s comment and read it over and over again. I believe this is the most profound and significant statement written by anyone. The truth of these words is staggering.
nicole says
There is an instinctive ring of absolute truth to this. Thank you, BT.
laura m. says
BT: Some of the people I know with too much clutter/ stuff appear to be slackers, lazy, sleep in late types, wasting time on social media, and poor housekeeping for ex: lots of un used books and papers that need to be gotten rid of, closets crammed, excess items in the garage or shed they don’t need. Some have mice because of this. Decluttering is an ongoing project at least twice a year and we may see things that need to be tossed or given away as we go through the house weekly cleaning. These folks spend too much time socializing, running in circles with activity, etc yet no time to clean house.