There’s an old poem (Miller of Dee) that starts like this:
There dwelt a miller, hale and bold,
Beside the river Dee;
He worked and sang from morn till night –
No lark more blithe than he;
And this the burden of his song
Forever used to be:
“I envy nobody – no, not I –
And nobody envies me!”
“Thou’rt wrong, my friend,” said good King Hal,
“As wrong as wrong can be;
For could my heart be light as thine,
I’d gladly change with thee.
And tell me now, what makes thee sing,
With voice so loud and free,
While I am sad, though I am king,
Beside the river Dee?”
—
As the poem continues, the humble miller explains why he envies no one and how he already possesses everything he wants: a job, friends, family, and bread to eat.
He continues, “I would not change my station for any other in life.”
By the end, the envious king has ordered him to stop singing the lyrics.
“Good friend,” said Hal, and sighed the while,
“Farewell, and happy be;
But say no more, if thou’dst be true,
That no one envies thee.”
The king has so much envy in his heart, he has even begun to envy the man without it.
There is a special joy found in not wanting things. The miller possessed that joy and the king did not. By not wanting more than he had, he had discovered contentment.
Contentment is the state of being satisfied. And the longer our list of “don’t wants,” the more we experience contentment.
What is on your Don’t Want list? And how can you expand it?
Let me offer an example. I have never wanted to own a fixer-upper home. I’m terrible at fixing stuff (Kim would be the first to attest to that fact). Now, there are some people who would love to have a fixer-upper style home, but not me. I wouldn’t know what to do with it. It’s on my Don’t Want List—and always has been.
Also, I’ve never wanted to own a boat. I enjoy being on boats, but I’ve never been inclined to own one. I simply don’t want one, so please don’t gift me one.
I also don’t want a horse, a tractor, a saw table, a car lift, a tuba, a tuxedo, a motorcycle, or a collection of snow globes. Now I suppose there are some people who want some of those things, but not me.
Since becoming minimalist, my “don’t want list” has grown.
- I no longer want a bigger house… too many lightbulbs to change.
- I no longer want to keep up with changing fashions… too much time wasted shopping.
- I no longer want upgraded countertops, worthless kitchen gadgets, or souvenirs from my travels. I don’t want to store them and would rather spend the money on other things.
The longer my Don’t Want List grows, the easier it is to reject empty consumerism and enjoy more contentment (just like the miller of Dee).
So let me ask you. What is on your Don’t Want List? And what can you add to it?
Make a list on a sheet of paper or a Note app in your phone.
Begin with as absurd an item as you need to get started: a rocket ship, a banana farm, a bus, etc. Then, list as many things as you can that you already don’t want.
Next… see what you can add to your list.
Obviously, the more reasonable the items you can learn to not want, the more helpful your list will be. But think of rational reasons to expand your list.
“I don’t want a bigger house; my family is getting smaller.”
“I don’t want a bigger yard; I hate mowing.”
“I don’t want any more clothes in my closet; mine is already too full.”
“I don’t want to buy a new car; I’d like the money for something else.”
“I don’t want a new furniture set; ours works just fine already.”
Hopefully, the longer we live, the more items naturally get added to our Don’t Want List. But there’s plenty of value in sitting down to expand it now, as quickly as we can.
Maria Pinto says
Great post Joshua, and thank you, because it also helped me to laugh a little bit this morning as well. When you think of the things we think we need & it really comes down to very little. It is another trap we can get into or out of.
Nicola says
I don’t want anything that makes my life trickier in any way. I recently had to restart my home from scratch following a house fire. I haven’t bought a dishwasher, a tumble dryer, a microwave or a freezer. Despite what we’ve been told …. these things don’t make life any easier. In fact, they make things trickier. Dishwasher – no one empties it and a pile of dishes appear beside the sink. Microwave – needs to be cleaned and rarely makes a full meal so the microwave AND the hob need to be cleaned. Tumble dryer – I now need to line dry my clothes, which means I have to wash more regularly which means less build up and the need for fewer clothes and fewer hampers etc and I don’t need to clean the filter! I’m all for ease and I don’t want anything that makes my life more difficult.
Crocodile Dundee says
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Chris says
Best gifts for a new mom are:
*Diapers
*Home cleaning services
*If you have a second child, someone to watch the baby while spending one on one time with the older child
Mary in Maryland says
My husband and I often mention to one another how happy we are that we don’t own a second home or a boat or a plane. Actually, we often see something new and exciting and express delight that we don’t want one. I raised several younger siblings and knew when I left for college that I didn’t want children of my own. Although I quilt, I don’t want a long-arm quilting machine. I don’t want more fabric than I have–was sad for the friend ordering fabric by mail while in hospice and opting for overnight delivery because she’d be dead in five days.
Carol Terry says
I laughed when I read that you don’t want a collection of Snow Globes, because I used to have one!
But, thanks to minimalism I was able to let go of them a few years ago.
James Perry says
Material things are what we, as human beings….cherish. When we were younger, there was always something we had to have.. or we would be “miserable”. Our collecting is quite addictive in our youth…and later on…can become hoarding, which is not the same thing. The things I have collected. .and discarded over the years ..are too numerous to mention. I have regretted losing some of those things, and have even attempted to recover some of them! I have never liked clutter…and I think the whole concept of minimalism is great for those who become too attached to things that we have no emotional or sentimental attachment to anymore. The knowledge that we control our material wealth.. rather than it controlling us…brings a great deal of satisfaction and contentment to those who know and understand the difference between collecting and hoarding.
Linda Landine says
What a great idea, I will make a “don’t want” list and plan to look at it say once a month. As a person in their 60’s I agree with Betsy. I don’t want regrets re past purchases so “don’t regret” will top my list.
Jessalynn Jones says
Great article Joshua. I love this idea! I can think of some big things on my don’t want list. For example, I don’t want to buy a house because I want to be able to travel more. I don’t want children right now because this world is nuts. I don’t want fancy stuff because I don’t need to show off to anyone.
I think it’s a great idea to create a don’t want list because it reverses the pattern in which we normally think.
It’s also like sculpting away the extra to define the artwork of your life!
Love it!
Cheryl havens says
Jessalynn. Very well said, your young yet and I hope and pray you always keep those priorities for a very long time, I’m in my mid 60’s. Divorced ( a much happier one) but have a house large yard 2 adult children, daughter has 3 yr old twins and she’s single, so your head aches and responseabilty’s never stop, most of the time I really feeling like running away, so please enjoy your life, before you make any hard commitments, talking with experience.
Mary says
We just returned from a camping trip which is a fabulous opportunity to realize how little you need to be content! Great reminder, Joshua!
Armands says
My “don’t want to” list is longer than “want to”, hence it is easier to maintain the shorter one. though you are giving a good perspective and the reason to revisit the “want to” list and see whether anything can go in the bin (don’t want to list).
Jacqueline says
My list could be pretty long. Some of the “don’t wants” are things I’ve had in the past and would not have again (horse, pool, more than 2000 sq. ft. home).
A few off the top of my head–I don’t want:
– to belong to any clubs.
– noise because l love silence.
– to go to cocktail parties and such.
– to redecorate.
– to take any photographs.
– a second home anywhere.
– to eat any type of flesh, embryo, or excretions from animals, etc.
– to drink alcohol.
– to “collect” anything.
– to explain myself.
Also, I agree with the things Joshua listed–especially the over-hyped “updating” of things that will soon need another update as styles change.
Karen says
I don’t want growing old alone penniless and far from my friends; that’s life. This is so great. ??
Betsy says
The first thing I would like on my don’t want list would be to stop chastising myself for money and time wasted on all the things I THOUGHT I had to have. Now I feel like I could toss it all. With age comes wisdom. Boy is that ever true. Great posting!
Berta says
Betsy, I am entirely with you on this. I have been a spender when I worked in a bank in my 20s and now and then, purge on many clothes I don’t use anymore. Then, we have grown two daughters and lately I see the change and love now sewing crafts and needling, a hobby that comes back with age. It has helped not only on my saving I don’t want to waste in fashion and unnecessary clothing and apparels.