There’s an old poem (Miller of Dee) that starts like this:
There dwelt a miller, hale and bold,
Beside the river Dee;
He worked and sang from morn till night –
No lark more blithe than he;
And this the burden of his song
Forever used to be:
“I envy nobody – no, not I –
And nobody envies me!”
“Thou’rt wrong, my friend,” said good King Hal,
“As wrong as wrong can be;
For could my heart be light as thine,
I’d gladly change with thee.
And tell me now, what makes thee sing,
With voice so loud and free,
While I am sad, though I am king,
Beside the river Dee?”
—
As the poem continues, the humble miller explains why he envies no one and how he already possesses everything he wants: a job, friends, family, and bread to eat.
He continues, “I would not change my station for any other in life.”
By the end, the envious king has ordered him to stop singing the lyrics.
“Good friend,” said Hal, and sighed the while,
“Farewell, and happy be;
But say no more, if thou’dst be true,
That no one envies thee.”
The king has so much envy in his heart, he has even begun to envy the man without it.
There is a special joy found in not wanting things. The miller possessed that joy and the king did not. By not wanting more than he had, he had discovered contentment.
Contentment is the state of being satisfied. And the longer our list of “don’t wants,” the more we experience contentment.
What is on your Don’t Want list? And how can you expand it?
Let me offer an example. I have never wanted to own a fixer-upper home. I’m terrible at fixing stuff (Kim would be the first to attest to that fact). Now, there are some people who would love to have a fixer-upper style home, but not me. I wouldn’t know what to do with it. It’s on my Don’t Want List—and always has been.
Also, I’ve never wanted to own a boat. I enjoy being on boats, but I’ve never been inclined to own one. I simply don’t want one, so please don’t gift me one.
I also don’t want a horse, a tractor, a saw table, a car lift, a tuba, a tuxedo, a motorcycle, or a collection of snow globes. Now I suppose there are some people who want some of those things, but not me.
Since becoming minimalist, my “don’t want list” has grown.
- I no longer want a bigger house… too many lightbulbs to change.
- I no longer want to keep up with changing fashions… too much time wasted shopping.
- I no longer want upgraded countertops, worthless kitchen gadgets, or souvenirs from my travels. I don’t want to store them and would rather spend the money on other things.
The longer my Don’t Want List grows, the easier it is to reject empty consumerism and enjoy more contentment (just like the miller of Dee).
So let me ask you. What is on your Don’t Want List? And what can you add to it?
Make a list on a sheet of paper or a Note app in your phone.
Begin with as absurd an item as you need to get started: a rocket ship, a banana farm, a bus, etc. Then, list as many things as you can that you already don’t want.
Next… see what you can add to your list.
Obviously, the more reasonable the items you can learn to not want, the more helpful your list will be. But think of rational reasons to expand your list.
“I don’t want a bigger house; my family is getting smaller.”
“I don’t want a bigger yard; I hate mowing.”
“I don’t want any more clothes in my closet; mine is already too full.”
“I don’t want to buy a new car; I’d like the money for something else.”
“I don’t want a new furniture set; ours works just fine already.”
Hopefully, the longer we live, the more items naturally get added to our Don’t Want List. But there’s plenty of value in sitting down to expand it now, as quickly as we can.
Judy says
I don’t want clutter in my home or on my walls. I don’t want fake flowers, plants or plastic fruit. I don’t want an abundance of nic-nacs… especially “cute” ones.
Chelle says
I like your style, Judy. I have never liked those things, so the harder things for me to declutter would be the more utilitarian items like clothing or shelf-stable foods.
Accidentally Retired says
Love this. Knowing what you will say “No” to, helps free you up to say “Yes” when its most important.
I won’t:
– be buying individual stocks
– taking on any more debt
– purchasing a rental property
– interviewing for a job
Marcee says
There’s lots & lots of “stuff” to get rid of when living in a home for over 20+ years. Endless job.. To seriously minimize; DO NOT KEEP BUYING!!!! It’s such a big hassle ? when you do. Overwhelming when anyone must downsize. I’ve collected 250 cookbooks over the years. Fancy dishes, glass collections, old very beautiful linen that I do use daily. But really, these days, we buy nothing. Good food of course. No material possessions. Ridiculous to keep doing & spending ? ? ?
Anita Keller says
While I’m grateful to have a roof over my head that is paid for, I don’t want THIS house anymore. I want something lower maintenance. I’m a 17 year caregiver for hubby and I just don’t have the energy to keep up with it all. I’ve walked around my house and know what I want to take with me when I move. It used to be so much and now I’m shocked at how little that I love enough to pay to move. Hubby takes care of the house plants or they’d be gone too. lol
I don’t want another home that requires a lot of maintenance inside or outside.
I don’t want a lot of shrubbery. I’m fine with a pot or two of artificial flowers that don’t need watering and a couple of containers for vegetables.
I don’t want carpet anymore anywhere.
I don’t feel that I need a pantry/freezer full of food like hubby does.
I don’t want to have two cars to maintain anymore but we’re not quite ready to be a one car family yet. Future goal.
I don’t want a yard to maintain.
I don’t want to be the family handyman anymore. While I love DIY projects and the satisfaction they bring. The “have or need to” part of it is different from the choosing to do it part. I want choice.
Marcee says
Oh ,,,,, yes yes ,,,,, I totally ?agree. If we could sell our way-too-big house; it would be wonderful. Got to live somewhere though. Unsure if we have the energy to do it; the selling & finding another place, etc ?
cv says
I think a “don’t want” list can potentially be too long- even a maximalist can have a long list given how much variations of things we have in this world (round neck tee vs v-neck tee; white shoes vs black shoes, etc.). Maybe a good exercise instead is have a “do want” list- to examine it closely to see what type of things you actually desire in life: are they mostly things? experiences? relationships? career satisfaction? May be helpful to have a such a list at the beginning of downsizing, or at the end when one reflects on the journey.
81 down, 19 to go — years that is, not things says
I like this approach.
I’m in the 4th quarter of this game of life and there’s tons of stuff I don’t want; therefore don’t have. A “do want” list containing more than just things will be interesting to compile—and then to work on achieving those that I don’t yet have.
Nick says
I cautiously say that I might have ‘arrived.’ I’ve been a striving Minimalist for a couple of years now, and have added Stoicism to my personal philosophy. I think it was Seneca who said, “Nobody can have everything they want, but we have the ability to not want what we don’t have, and to cheerfully accept what we do have.” Or something like that.
I reflected a lot on that during the pandemic restrictions, and the only thing that I wanted was to go out with my friends. But the reality was that I couldn’t. Period. And now I so appreciate that I can have breakfast or lunch with friends. I want nothing else, and since I have that, I’m very lucky.
Crocodile Dundee says
That’s just beautiful
She is different says
I REALLY enjoyed this article. I have to be honest, I was hesitant to read it because I thought it was going to be just another article telling me to go against the grain- I read a lot of minimalism blogs. Lol
As I skimmed the article, like most times when you write I started at the beginning and began to THINK and ponder on the words. Allowing the sentences to form into meaning of my own lists. The poem struck a chord, I am the queen of my castle. I longed for what I have many years ago, yet I still pursue MORE.
While, there isn’t nothing wrong with enjoying more, the key is enjoyment and not overwhelming emptiness and the emotion of “not enough” when I have so much already.
Your writing always causes me to halt… my food grows cold as I type this because I had to focus on reading and absorbing the wisdom in this post.
I actually love snow globes and received one for Christmas last year and after my grateful comments, I looked at the gifter and said,” I am not adding to the collection for it will take away the beauty of one.” Hopefully they understood what I meant.
I’m still finding my journey of minimalism a tightrope walk with my spouse who loves stuff but I think slowly he will realize all I ever wanted was to live life together, the stuff never mattered.
Thank you for helping to realign and enlighten us.
My No List
No Trendy items, I get tired of donating because I get tired of them or they tear or break.
No difficult budgets- keep it simple to stick to
No overloaded schedules, more time for my hobby
I don’t want stuffed drawers and overloaded boxes, because I want more time…
I don’t want a bigger house, I have no use for it.
I don’t want to eat out so much, our food goes bad at home.
I don’t want to be so busy that I’m busy doing nothing.
I don’t want to be overweight, I can’t do the things I want and wear what I want comfortably.
I don’t want fancy furniture because I would be worried kids would ruin it when they visit.
I don’t want to grieve a life I couldn’t have due to unforeseen circumstances. It’s time to live and be grateful for less.
“No one should be envious of me for I am envious of no one.”- Dee Miller ( I might have misquoted but it’s the jest of it.”)
Mary says
I love this sentence – “I am not adding to the collection for it will take away the beauty of one”. I think of the collections I have downsized while keeping just a few that have the most meaning – Christmas decorations, Christmas village, a huge rock collection, music boxes, snow globes, etc. It’s so tempting to add more, or people continue to give you more as gifts, but it just becomes too much and none of it is special anymore. I have slowly whittled down to my favorites, and those are what are lovingly displayed or put out at the holidays.
Niki Larson says
So timely Josh! I am up to 13 that I wrote just while reading this article. I think I’ll have my husband do one as well, and see if it will help us come to an agreement on what we need to get rid of. With the health issues I have had for about as long as we’ve been married-almost 24 years, I need to simplify things.
We are nearing the end of an 11 year remodel and you would think we would have things figured out. I dislike tile with a passion after I’ve put in both bathrooms and now realize how much effort it takes to clean it. Plus it exacerbates my arthritis pain. Our middle graduates this year and I’ve set a hard deadline to finish all projects before he does. That includes clearing the clutter. I have been reading your articles for a long time now and still have not put it to practice- it’s time! Way beyond time.
God bless and have a great weekend!
Betsy says
Agreed Niki! Every morning I ask myself “why didn’t I pick the shower surround instead of tile” ?
Niki Larson says
Exactly, I would like a solid surface, no built in soap dishes or niches. Like the composite material I have on my countertops.
Martha Gordin says
I don’t want anything that even slightly complicates my wonderful, simple, minimal life! The joy of helping others far exceeds unnecessary stuff.
Sean Moore says
Beautiful.
Eve says
Funny this post should come up but I was thinking just yesterday how there was nothing in life I wanted anymore. Travel, new clothes, fancy meals, new cars, etc. have lost their value.
When my husband of 50 years died in February I realized that I only wanted these things to share with him. I’m content to finish life with just the essentials. We were blessed really because we were minimalists even before we knew what that was.
Nicola says
Dear Eve, I send you love.
Sean Moore says
Love is the most important and powerful thing anybody could ever have.
I’m not sure of whatever person said “If you rely on love for happiness you are a fool”.
But I think the person who said that was a fool.
Di says
I so understand having lost my dear husband this year too. He built me a beautiful little camper caravan as a project when he was sick, our passion was travelling in it and even now it’s so hard to do that without him. Thinking of you x