There’s an old poem (Miller of Dee) that starts like this:
There dwelt a miller, hale and bold,
Beside the river Dee;
He worked and sang from morn till night –
No lark more blithe than he;
And this the burden of his song
Forever used to be:
“I envy nobody – no, not I –
And nobody envies me!”
“Thou’rt wrong, my friend,” said good King Hal,
“As wrong as wrong can be;
For could my heart be light as thine,
I’d gladly change with thee.
And tell me now, what makes thee sing,
With voice so loud and free,
While I am sad, though I am king,
Beside the river Dee?”
—
As the poem continues, the humble miller explains why he envies no one and how he already possesses everything he wants: a job, friends, family, and bread to eat.
He continues, “I would not change my station for any other in life.”
By the end, the envious king has ordered him to stop singing the lyrics.
“Good friend,” said Hal, and sighed the while,
“Farewell, and happy be;
But say no more, if thou’dst be true,
That no one envies thee.”
The king has so much envy in his heart, he has even begun to envy the man without it.
There is a special joy found in not wanting things. The miller possessed that joy and the king did not. By not wanting more than he had, he had discovered contentment.
Contentment is the state of being satisfied. And the longer our list of “don’t wants,” the more we experience contentment.
What is on your Don’t Want list? And how can you expand it?
Let me offer an example. I have never wanted to own a fixer-upper home. I’m terrible at fixing stuff (Kim would be the first to attest to that fact). Now, there are some people who would love to have a fixer-upper style home, but not me. I wouldn’t know what to do with it. It’s on my Don’t Want List—and always has been.
Also, I’ve never wanted to own a boat. I enjoy being on boats, but I’ve never been inclined to own one. I simply don’t want one, so please don’t gift me one.
I also don’t want a horse, a tractor, a saw table, a car lift, a tuba, a tuxedo, a motorcycle, or a collection of snow globes. Now I suppose there are some people who want some of those things, but not me.
Since becoming minimalist, my “don’t want list” has grown.
- I no longer want a bigger house… too many lightbulbs to change.
- I no longer want to keep up with changing fashions… too much time wasted shopping.
- I no longer want upgraded countertops, worthless kitchen gadgets, or souvenirs from my travels. I don’t want to store them and would rather spend the money on other things.
The longer my Don’t Want List grows, the easier it is to reject empty consumerism and enjoy more contentment (just like the miller of Dee).
So let me ask you. What is on your Don’t Want List? And what can you add to it?
Make a list on a sheet of paper or a Note app in your phone.
Begin with as absurd an item as you need to get started: a rocket ship, a banana farm, a bus, etc. Then, list as many things as you can that you already don’t want.
Next… see what you can add to your list.
Obviously, the more reasonable the items you can learn to not want, the more helpful your list will be. But think of rational reasons to expand your list.
“I don’t want a bigger house; my family is getting smaller.”
“I don’t want a bigger yard; I hate mowing.”
“I don’t want any more clothes in my closet; mine is already too full.”
“I don’t want to buy a new car; I’d like the money for something else.”
“I don’t want a new furniture set; ours works just fine already.”
Hopefully, the longer we live, the more items naturally get added to our Don’t Want List. But there’s plenty of value in sitting down to expand it now, as quickly as we can.
Michael Wheeler says
I have to go right along with your list of “I don’t wants” Joshua. Let me start with my initial profession was a banker after college and immediately with into management and lending training. I’d scratch my head wondering why after one adventure with the neighbors John Doe and family wanted to finance the boat and camper. We had so much fun and always wanted these. Well most times it wasn’t as such, the excitement of first time camping boating caught their attention then 1-2 years later, oh we got rid of them, weren’t using them and too much work. So think long term before impulse buying, and be logical. Having had a great career in finance was also my guide to be wiser to the wise and more frugal. Had many clients thank me later for helping them the light of things prior to.
Kodey WhiteWolf says
Great article. I’ve had “stuff”… Not today. Oh still want things …like a newer vehicle 😁. I basically have what I need & comfy. Yes there’s things in life I don’t want &/ or need & I’m good with all that Life is good
SS says
When I was newly engaged my fiancé wanted to get me an engagement ring, he mentioned that he would need to get a loan. We were fresh out of college, we had jobs but no extra money. I said I didn’t want him to take out a loan, but on our 40th wedding anniversary he could buy me a diamond ring. We have been together for 50 years and I don’t want a diamond ring, my wedding band and my husband is what I want.
Chris says
I think a “no longer want” list is actually more appropriate because it shows the growth we undergo on our life journeys. I have things I have never wanted– I have no fear I will suddenly wish to acquire a motorcycle, since I have never wanted one. But I have longed for a convertible because I like what it represents–freedom, warm weather, unencumbered lifestyle. Yet no longer wanting a convertible would show I have made progress on my quest for minimalism.
LJ says
Now our resident tuba has loved out, I definitely don’t want another 🤣🤣🤣 Though I miss its owner.
Seriously, excellent article.
Katie Chan says
Excellent article. It really makes me think about my life now and what the future can hold. Thank you
KAREN MCCUSKER says
yes, yes, yes!
Sally says
For me, decluttering physical stuff follows when I’ve decluttered the mental stuff. I have values and goals that no longer serve me well and I’m decluttering them. Your article made me focus on something that I’m working with currently which is that I no longer want to feel the deep responsibility for other people’s problems. I was a bit stunned on reading your article how clear that thought was in my mind. I’ve now got to apply that as a new value and act accordingly. I was brought up to always be nice and to look after other people and Put Them First. Some people take advantage of that if I let them. It is alright for me to Put Me First.
Debbie says
This resonates with me as well. I need to clear out the “mental stuff”also.
NR says
I turned 30 yesterday and struggled to come up with gift ideas when asked. But coming up with my don’t want list is easy!
– More jewellery when I already have plenty
– More clothes now I have a baby and am only wearing nursing tops and lounge wear anyway
– More kitchen items and appliances
– Home decor
– Gadgets and the latest “new thing”
– Usually I love experience gifts but with a baby I no longer want concert tickets, fancy dinners, etc
– More handbags and purses
– Make up and beauty products
– Perfumes
– Alcohol
– Gift cards
– More baby stuff except the bare essentials
– A second car for the family
– Linen, towels, etc
– Books
– The list goes on!
AJ says
If others are insistent on gift giving, I ask for consumables. Lotion, chocolate, wine, olive oil, spices, etc!
Kelly A says
Enjoy your special time with your baby.
Chris says
Best gifts for a new mom are:
*Diapers
*Home cleaning services
*If you have a second child, someone to watch the baby while spending one on one time with the older child
Anne says
The article and also the comments were very thought provoking. The Lord has blessed me with the simple things I need to survive in this life. My husband, family, a roof over my head and a good job. These bring me love and contentment. Stuff is a problem that keeps me awake at night and causes heartbreak.