This past weekend was 78 degrees and sunny in Phoenix (apologies to friends and family and readers living elsewhere during the winter months). It was also a holiday weekend with schools closed on Monday.
But more important to me, this past Saturday, I drove my 15-year old son to his first official job. He spent 11 hours this weekend reffing games for a local outdoor soccer tournament (holiday weekend, remember).
To me, it looked like a pretty fun experience. Officiating a 4-on-4 soccer match for 7-year old girls isn’t necessarily the pinnacle of stress. But I’m sure he was nervous, nevertheless.
In fact, I know he was nervous. Or at least he was nervous enough to ask me to stick around for his first game.
So I sat down in a chair next to some parents. It was fun watching my son ref. But I had just as much fun observing parents watch their young daughters learn the game of soccer.
Most of the time, they sat quietly in their chairs or they called out instructions, “Go get the ball.” “Kick it the other way.” “Run harder.” You can probably picture it.
Of course, not all parents sat. Some stood. And still others were off pushing a stroller… entertaining a younger sibling… or throwing the football with an older brother. Lots of young parents, as far as the eye could see, supporting and enjoying their kids.
Watching their faces, I vividly recalled a life that once was.
You see, it wasn’t all that long ago, I was one of those parents. My son was younger, learning soccer, and we were the proud parents watching him learn the game for the first time. My daughter also, was once one of the 7-year old girls jumbled up on the field, trying to kick a black and white soccer ball into the net.
But not this weekend. Those days are no more.
This weekend was about watching my son work hard on a job and earn his first paycheck.
Over the years, I’ve spent countless hours, weekends, and evenings sitting in a chair watching my son play soccer. I can remember, at times, being out of town or having to miss a game because of work. I can remember being distracted at some games answering emails or texts. And I can remember, on at least more than one occasion, not really wanting to spend another Saturday afternoon on a soccer field.
But all those reasons to not fully embrace that season of life seem foolish to me now. I don’t have any idea what could have been so important that I thought I needed to be answering emails or texts on my phone. Honestly, I don’t remember any of the emails that I answered or the texts that I sent.
This past Saturday, I wish I could have it all back. I wish I had put the phone away. I wish I had cancelled the work assignment or the speaking engagement. I wish I hadn’t wanted to be somewhere else.
I wish I could go back, just one more time, and watch a little boy learn to play a game he loves so much. I wish I hadn’t missed a single moment of embracing and enjoying fully that season of my life.
I suppose that’s how it is with life. When we’re in a season—whether it be single, newlyweds, young parents, raising teenagers, empty-nesters, retired, or anywhere in-between—the beauty of the season too often escapes us. The burdens and the stresses distract us. And we too easily miss the beauty of the forest because we’re distracted by the trees.
Later that evening, I drove my son back home. We talked about work and officiating and handling coaches and parents. We talked about money—giving, saving, and spending. We talked about sports. And we talked about driving (he gets his permit next month).
Somewhere along the way, he became a young man.
I did my best to resist any distraction that would have taken me away from that car ride. There were important lessons about life he was learning that day and I wanted to be a part of them.
The season of life with my son may have changed. But my opportunity to embrace and enjoy this one has not.
Sam says
Thanks for the reminder! Just beautiful!
MChicago says
Tears in my eyes as I read this…I look back at my daughter’s videos of when she was a baby/toddler and adore them, wishing I had enjoyed her more when she was in that stage of her life. I was a young mom with postpartum, stressed at the thought of raising a child. She is five now and we have decided to have only her and no more children. I have to remind myself to enjoy the moments I have with her as they are fleeting. Thank you for your truth and the gentle reminder.
Kevin McGrane says
Wonderful post, Joshua. As a dad of three adult children, and grandfather of 9, I get it….just don’t let regret be your next distraction. Take today as it comes, one day at a time. Thanks for the post, and your blog. Pax!
Katherine Williams says
This one hit me in the soft mushy places. My husband and I have an 18-month-old baby girl and it amazes me how quickly the time goes. Thank you for this wonderful reminder to stay present and engaged.
Shannon Mitchell says
This article is one that really hit home today. Mich needed and appreciated. Thank you<3
Mary Ann says
That’s a beautiful post, thank you!
Somehow, I need to remind myself over and over again to savor the present and what’s going on now.
As the song goes… “These are the ‘good ole days’.”
Karen says
Oh my goodness! Such a great post Joshua! I had the same sentiments of cherishing the mundane moments of motherhood. One morning last week as I was getting ready for the day, I was feeling annoyed because it was time for the kids to get up for school and they were not up yet. I did not enjoy the morning drama of whining/arguing kids or someone forgetting something and not being prepared, and so on. However, that morning, I thought that when my kiddos are all gone (still have a way to go with the youngest being 4th gr), I won’t have any child to wake up. I wanted to appreciate the mundane moments that we have together and not be irritated by their (or my) imperfections but enjoy working toward building responsibility, better routines, and growing as individuals and as a family. I love this season of motherhood and being a part of my kiddo’s maturity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world!!
Mary Ann says
Karen, I often say similar things to myself, to shake myself out of impatience and annoyance….
For example, when I’m annoyed because my husband once again left the sopping dishcloth festering in a heap in the sink in the summer heat, I think to myself, one day if/when my dear husband is gone, I’ll dearly wish I could see that dishcloth where he left it.
Kamala Karthikeyan says
Thank you so much for this reminder Joshua.
Mara says
Reffing was also my first job, and one I recommend for anyone who loves or has played soccer. It taught me all the things you mention, as well as being assertive (I’m naturally very introverted). Thank you for the reminder about enjoying the season of life. I have a toddler and baby and had a very rough night (again) and sometimes wish I could just get through this stage, but I have heard so many parents in the next stage state how they wish they could cuddle their children as babies just one more time
angie says
What a beautiful read. Really enjoyed this. Thank you.