This past weekend was 78 degrees and sunny in Phoenix (apologies to friends and family and readers living elsewhere during the winter months). It was also a holiday weekend with schools closed on Monday.
But more important to me, this past Saturday, I drove my 15-year old son to his first official job. He spent 11 hours this weekend reffing games for a local outdoor soccer tournament (holiday weekend, remember).
To me, it looked like a pretty fun experience. Officiating a 4-on-4 soccer match for 7-year old girls isn’t necessarily the pinnacle of stress. But I’m sure he was nervous, nevertheless.
In fact, I know he was nervous. Or at least he was nervous enough to ask me to stick around for his first game.
So I sat down in a chair next to some parents. It was fun watching my son ref. But I had just as much fun observing parents watch their young daughters learn the game of soccer.
Most of the time, they sat quietly in their chairs or they called out instructions, “Go get the ball.” “Kick it the other way.” “Run harder.” You can probably picture it.
Of course, not all parents sat. Some stood. And still others were off pushing a stroller… entertaining a younger sibling… or throwing the football with an older brother. Lots of young parents, as far as the eye could see, supporting and enjoying their kids.
Watching their faces, I vividly recalled a life that once was.
You see, it wasn’t all that long ago, I was one of those parents. My son was younger, learning soccer, and we were the proud parents watching him learn the game for the first time. My daughter also, was once one of the 7-year old girls jumbled up on the field, trying to kick a black and white soccer ball into the net.
But not this weekend. Those days are no more.
This weekend was about watching my son work hard on a job and earn his first paycheck.
Over the years, I’ve spent countless hours, weekends, and evenings sitting in a chair watching my son play soccer. I can remember, at times, being out of town or having to miss a game because of work. I can remember being distracted at some games answering emails or texts. And I can remember, on at least more than one occasion, not really wanting to spend another Saturday afternoon on a soccer field.
But all those reasons to not fully embrace that season of life seem foolish to me now. I don’t have any idea what could have been so important that I thought I needed to be answering emails or texts on my phone. Honestly, I don’t remember any of the emails that I answered or the texts that I sent.
This past Saturday, I wish I could have it all back. I wish I had put the phone away. I wish I had cancelled the work assignment or the speaking engagement. I wish I hadn’t wanted to be somewhere else.
I wish I could go back, just one more time, and watch a little boy learn to play a game he loves so much. I wish I hadn’t missed a single moment of embracing and enjoying fully that season of my life.
I suppose that’s how it is with life. When we’re in a season—whether it be single, newlyweds, young parents, raising teenagers, empty-nesters, retired, or anywhere in-between—the beauty of the season too often escapes us. The burdens and the stresses distract us. And we too easily miss the beauty of the forest because we’re distracted by the trees.
Later that evening, I drove my son back home. We talked about work and officiating and handling coaches and parents. We talked about money—giving, saving, and spending. We talked about sports. And we talked about driving (he gets his permit next month).
Somewhere along the way, he became a young man.
I did my best to resist any distraction that would have taken me away from that car ride. There were important lessons about life he was learning that day and I wanted to be a part of them.
The season of life with my son may have changed. But my opportunity to embrace and enjoy this one has not.
Jan says
While I do try to keep myself as present in every season of life as I can, when juggling parenthood with jobs, dealing with family commitments and issues with our own parents, sometimes life becomes the focus over the soccer game or the dance recital.
What I wish for in life these days is simply a little more grace.
Grace to not judge those whose shoes we have not walked in.
And grace to not judge our past selves in the shoes we DID walk in.
Life is hard enough without judgement thrown in.
Be present. Be aware. Be loving.
And sometimes, just give yourself and others a little more grace.
:)
Michael Wireman says
Seasons of life pass. It’s a continual balancing with work and child raising. I spent more time with my kids than my dad did with me and my siblings knowing he missed out, and realized it late.
I watched a lot of lacrosse games in foul weather, knowing this time would pass. My kids are in college now and doing well. My wife and I know we did a good job. Could we have spent more time with them? Sure. I embrace them as they are when they’re home on break, mess and all. Thank you for a beautifully written piece Joshua.
Steveark says
Listen, what you did then was indeed more important then than whatever you think you should have done. And what you did now is what you should do now. It is pointless and misguided to judge the earlier you based on what the older you thinks now. It was all good and your now kids are just fine with it. None of us are required to to have acted in the past based on knowledge we have just now acquired. Great story, good kid, good dad.
Karen Coller says
Thank you so much for expressing honestly these feelings. I too wish I could go back in time and experience my young family of four again, but I can’t, it was so wonderful and I did enjoy such special moments but was also many times distracted. Those distractions probably were important at the time even though now forgotten and maybe the ripple effect of answered emails or friend’s texts are also importantly part of a connected network of friends, family, work that are important and necessary too. Our children need us to be connected to others for our and for their sake too. Thanks so much for your continued commitment to writing about these things.
Patrick O' says
What a wonderful piece Joshua! I played soccer through high school, and when my kids were very young I introduced the game to all three of them. They seemed to like it, and I ended up coaching them in travel leagues as they got into that age.
I started coaching because there were no other parents that really wanted to do it, and very few of them had the playing experience. I kept coaching them though the years because I realized that I was getting to spend quality time with them that I would not have enjoyed otherwise (although there was the stresses of parents/time/etc.).
As my life got turned upside down in an unexpected divorce, the coaching became even more important to me, because I would not have had time with them otherwise. The car rides, practices, games and tournaments with them and their teammates became a treasure to me, as I saw them getting older and starting to grow into young adults.
My older son played two years in college, and does some referee work. My daughter played a couple of years in rec leagues as an adult (and field hockey on a college team), and my younger son played through high school. They tell me of great memories…and I agree. I am glad they have a love for the game.
Had I not been so active in that part of their lives, I would have missed so much – even if I was a typical soccer parent. I would have rarely seen them during my 3 1/2 years of my separation and divorce…as it is now that I am an empty nester. Fond memories :-)
Jenny Young says
We’re empty nesters & have enjoyed every stage of parenting. My husband especially did not let anything distract him from being in the moment & he is still the same….always encouraging me to enjoy where we are & what we’re doing even in the hard things. And being the parent of an adult is so sweet, just as sweet & sweeter in some ways than other stages so far.
Thanks for the reminder.
Sarita says
Mindfulness….
Maja says
Moving… Thank you :-)
Mary says
Yesterday, I heard my youngest daughter’s wistfully comment about her beginning the process of weaning her last child. It startled me when I realized that now it is my season to observe her starting to observe her own season changing. And the wheel keeps turning….
Angela says
Oh have I been there. Actually made me feel a bit sad.
For some reason Joshua I thought your son was about fifteen.
Obviously a bit older than that.
I well remember watching our son play football, I didn’t go every time, it was something his Dad did mostly. Often his slightly older sister came along too.
That little boy is now waiting for his wife to give birth to their first child. She is a few days overdue.
My third grandchild.
Yes appreciating each season is so important.
joshua becker says
He is 15 Angela. You had it right.