Note: This is a guest post from Joel at Joel Zaslofsky.
“The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson
Who comes to mind when you think of someone who’s easily amused?
For me, it’s Stew – a great friend I met in college and still admire. Just about anything you say can be worth a genuine chuckle or hearty belly laugh to him.
As you might imagine, people love Stew. He constantly exudes self-confidence… and he can explain some mysteries of the universe (he’s a physicist after all).
Now, who’s the first person you think about that’s easily frustrated?
I’m imagining another friend of mine, we’ll call him Gary. Gary has a different approach to life than Stew. Gary quickly gets frustrated when things don’t work out the way he wants them to—at work, in sports, or in relationships. I still think Gary’s a great guy… there are just some things that really get him fuming.
Here’s one more question: Between Stew and Gary, who would you rather spend time with?
Probably Stew, right? People who seem to constantly find joy in us and the world around us are almost always more enjoyable to be with.
For that reason, early in my life, I made a conscious decision to live “easily-fascinated.”
Over the years, I’ve seen this decision pay out countless dividends in my life and the people around me. Just as Stew makes others feel self-confident, I’ve tried to do the same. And personally, because of that decision, I am more generous, more grateful, and more valuable to others.
If you’re like most people, you’ve never even heard the term “easily-fascinated,” much less ever considered how the approach to life might benefit you.
Fascinated with Life
Many folks I know are like me, deeply and regularly grateful for their lives. But have you ever wondered where that bubbling spring of gratitude comes from? It often springs from noticing the miraculous all around us.
For starters, consider your existence.
According to this fascinating infographic from Dr. Ali Binazir, the odds that you were uniquely born to your parents at this time (given everything we know about human interaction and reproduction) are basically 1 in 400 quadrillion. Talk about all the stars aligning just right! The series of events that had to unfold for you to even exist are the very definition of a miracle.
I mean, isn’t that fascinating?!
And that’s just the beginning. What about that light switch on the wall next to you? How amazing is it that you can touch a tiny button and the entire room instantly fills with light?! Or clean water flows from your faucet every time you turn it on?! Or planes filled with people are flying over your head right now?! I mean think about… for just a moment… how amazing is the world around us?
And that’s just the manmade stuff! What about giant trees that grow from seeds? Humongous balls of gas (or rock) floating in place in the Universe? Or the wonderful, refreshing flavor of a strawberry? It’s almost too much to behold when you think about it!
Isn’t it too bad that so often we don’t?
Of course, the opportunity of being easily-fascinated extends far beyond the material things around us. This all-too-rare attribute can quickly spread to better appreciate the people around us too.
Because practically speaking, fascination represents a desire to connect, a willingness to embrace discomfort, and the motivation to learn how things like relationships (or physics) work.
We can more meaningfully connect with people when we become absorbed in who they are, why they do what they do, and how they go about their lives. When we get fascinated with others, we become generous with our time, our attentiveness, and become intensely intrigued with how we can help others.
We display our fascination in both conversation and learning.
Being easily fascinated is an important key to increase generosity and embrace your authentic self. But how do we begin to embrace it?
4 Steps to Brighten Life’s Luster
These steps aren’t sequential or in order of importance. So just experiment with one first and move on to another if you get curious:
1. Be fully present in conversation. The first rule of fascination is that it only happens when you pay attention. So put your active listening ears on and ignore the digital or social buzz around you.
I can almost guarantee the person or people you’re talking to are more likely to be awe-worthy than the Internet in your pocket or those other people over there.
2. Embrace your inner multipotentialite. Owning my identity as a multipotentialite (someone with a diversity of interests, passions, and skills) gives me permission to let curiosity blossom into fascination. For example, I allow myself to marvel at (and then experiment with) all the various ways to run my podcasting workflow.
Emilie Wapnick, explains more about this concept in her popular TED Talk that’s been eye-opening for millions of people.
3. Practice saying “How does that work?” and “Tell me more.” This is a rather simple trick. All you do after someone is done talking is either say “How does that work?!” or “Tell me more!” and then let the person keep talking. Your job is to grab on to something intriguing until your series of questions lead to fascination.
4. Experience an idea like it’s the first time. For example: remember your school days when you learned that our bodies are made up of these things called molecules and that those molecules had these things called protons, neutrons, or electrons in them? And that there are quadrillions of these things in and around you at any given moment?
Holy smokes! Wait a minute. How does that work?
It’s Your Turn
It only takes a moment to decide to be present. It costs nothing to embrace fascination and yet it means everything to a friend or loved one to hear “Tell me more about that.”
We’d all benefit from a little more wonder.
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Joel Zaslofsky is the multi-passionate podcaster behind the popular Smart and Simple Matters show and gives away his best resources at JoelZaslofsky.com. He would also love to help you have simplicity your way, at your speed, and with your people through SimpleREV Local – a movement at the crossroads of simple-living and community-building.
Eve says
I learned to slow down and grateful when I realized that there is a third part of life that I had missed entirely as I grew up, my spiritual side. Mind and body I got but it wasn’t until I started reading and exploring the Bible that I recognized what was missing. My connection to God. I know that is almost a taboo subject today but it changed the way I felt about life forever.
I look back Over my life of 74 years and realize that life is getting shorter and I am blessed to be fascinated with the rest to come. I know the future is out there. It will not be over when I die. I can only imagine what eternity is going to be like. Fascinating.
Michelle Russell says
Joel, thanks for a truly fantastic (and important!) post. One thing I find interesting is the way in which you connect fascination with gratitude–two qualities I’d never really associated with each other before. I think it depends how close to home something is . . . while I might not exactly feel grateful for that huge ball of interstellar gas (unless it’s our own sun, of course), I do feel it when I think about the miracles, both little and big, that impact my days more directly. So I guess maybe I did make the fascination=gratitude connection after all, just not consciously. :)
Joel Zaslofsky says
I’ve found, with a lot of help, that gratitude is connected to everything, Michelle.
For example, Joshua gave explained the connection between contentment and gratitude three years ago when he wrote:
“If discontent is the cause of many of our unhealthy habits, contentment is the cure. And if contentment is the cure, gratitude is the pathway to it.” Source: https://www.becomingminimalist.com/thanks-for-gratitude/
Also, positive psychology researchers like University of California, Davis professor Robert Emmons can now quantify the role of gratitude in our longevity and vitality. I mean, how crazy is that?!
I’m excited to see you be a source of gratitude for tons of folks through Enoughist soon. :)
Judy says
This is so refreshing and so beautiful. This is how I live my life :)
Emma - a simple living journey says
Truly listening to truly hear the other person, not so you can make conversation is really an art form I think. People say so much at times, even if their words don’t always express it. To dig a little deeper is always just fascinating.
Thanks for a great post. :)
xx
Tyson Popplestone says
Great point.
For quite a while I’ve loved being told I was good at maintaining conversation (small talk). But I’ve been trying to focus more on what you’ve just pointed out. Really caring what is happening in the life of the person you’re speaking to.
Well said Em
DAVIS-WATSON says
This email came at the perfect time. I found myself feeling like Gary. I am normally a positive out going person but yesterday I aloud people around me to make me lose my focus. today I re write my To- Do list
-Count my blessing
-Experience an idea like it the first time
-Let go what I can’t control
Joel Zaslofsky says
We all have off days. And hey – sometimes even off weeks and months. A little gratitude mixed with fascination is a great way to wake up to the wonders around us, though.
Using a three item daily to-do list helps as well. Did you keep your list to three intentionally or because you were inspired by Joshua’s recent post called Accomplish More with a 3-Item To Do List?
Source: https://www.becomingminimalist.com/to-do/
Here’s my unofficial to-do list today:
– Soak in the inspiring nature of the community around Becoming Minimalist and marvel at how many nifty new folks I get to connect with as a result of it.
Watson -Davis says
Hi Joshua, I always kept a To- Do list it feels good to see my accomplishment at the end of the day.
However, I always had more than three things on the list. After reading Joshua article I cut it down. It works a lot better.
I am putting my best foot forward to become a Minimalist.
Tony W says
Wow! just the other day I was wondering what would the world be like if a meteor did not hit the Earth and wipe out the Dinosaurs and most other life. Yeah I know. My brain wanders sometimes.
Humans probably would not inhabit the Earth like now. I was really wondering if over the millions of years would the reptiles have evolved to be more intelligent than humans and create a better culture than we have today.
They had a head start and many believe we evolved from one celled life. Then there are others that believe that evolution is poppycock! LOL. It all has value and It all fascinates me ;-)
Maia says
Great article, somedays we are more like Gary and others more la stew.
For me is important to be around people like stew because that is the people who remembers me to enjoy life, and I hope that I can do the same for somebody else.
Charmaine says
I just read this after a weekend visit with my two grandsons, who are 6 and 3 1/2 years old. Their outlook toward life is exactly what is being described in this post. Everything else stops as they explore the wonders of a garden slug, watch a purple Popsicle drip on their leg, or look for just the right stone for skipping across the water. To a mom or dad with places to go and things to do, this can be frustrating {as it once was for me}, but now I see it for what it is…a chance to explore, to experience, and to learn about the world and all its wonders. And oh, what joy their childish laughter brings!
Thanks for an uplifting post!
Joel Zaslofsky says
Here’s a relevant note that didn’t make it in the article, Charmaine: I have two sons – Grant (almost six) and Clark (almost three). Perhaps there are more hidden benefits to having vibrant, rambunctious youngsters around you than we though, huh? :)
Love your little ones up, and we’ll do our best to help ourselves and others feel their spirit. Because nothing says “Wooowww” like the look in a child’s eyes as they’re immersed in whatever they’re experiencing.
Kalie @ Pretend to Be Poor says
Beautiful message. It’s so easy to take for granted the “wonder of it all” and especially of the people in our lives. One thing I like to reflect on is how much the people I love have changed in good ways. That doesn’t come easy, and encouraging someone about that and asking them “how did that work?” is a great way to make someone’s day and fascinate yourself at the same time.
Joel Zaslofsky says
I’m dedicating my morning meditation tomorrow to reflecting on how much the people I love have changed in positive ways. That’s absolutely worth wondering about, Kalie, and I encourage other people to do the same!
Arianna says
Your post made me stop everything I was doing: I thought about you wrote a lot. I asked myself if I am Stew or if I am Gary…. What I know is that the world around me, the people surrounding me, the colors, the lights, the languages fascinate me. But going trough periods during which nothing sounds interesting happens as well. I will use the “tell me more” trick and I am sure that it will spice up the worst moments, because learning what´s around us is the trick keeping us alive, happy and interesting!
Aria
https://pandaonavespa.wordpress.com/welcome/
Joel Zaslofsky says
Arianna – I certainly started life as a “Gary-like” person and I can see the same in my oldest son, Grant (almost six). But as the article says, I made a deliberate choice later in life to mostly swap easily frustrated for easily fascinated (not that you have to be one or the other all the time).
You sound like you already have an appreciation for the little things and a mindset that will take you fascinating places. It’s a gift to you and a gift to everyone you encounter.
Maybe you’ll find, like I have, that gratitude and intention flow where fascination goes. And if you want another trick – especially for those tough times when you think, “I can’t possibly find fascination in *this* – have a quick read through this David Cain blog post called How to Become a Luckier Person Overnight: http://www.raptitude.com/2016/01/be-lucky/