“Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.” —John Wooden
According to the numbers, most of us are in debt, hate our jobs, and are busier than ever. To make things worse, the places we tend to search for pleasure take us further away from it.
No wonder the pursuit of happiness has become such a profitable business. To be fair, I am a fan of positive psychology. It reinforces many of the principles of minimalism—namely, that the joy found in material possessions is of rather low quality.
But among all this discussion of happiness, I sense a growing frustration. For many people, happiness is hiding around the corner—something that will hopefully be achieved in the future when the conditions are just right.
This understanding is based on the notion that happiness is discovered when burdens have been removed. The thinking goes: I will be happier when my debts are paid off, when I get a different job, when I finally find the man of my dreams, or when I finally get out of this crummy marriage.
But this is unhealthy and unhelpful thinking. It comes from a vantage point that thinks happiness is conditional—that it can only be achieved when all the stars align just right.
If happiness is only a result of the circumstances around me, it will never be fully realized. (tweet that)
It will always remain just out of reach because this world never allows for perfect circumstances. Our world is populated by imperfect people. And as long as it is, pain and suffering and injustice and the consequences of our own poor decisions will continue to surround us.
The truth is that those who are the happiest are not necessarily those surrounded by the best circumstances. Instead, the happiest people are those who have decided to rethink their perspective.
Happy people focus on the things that bring joy into their lives today. This may come easier for some, but it is impossible for no one.
If you are struggling with the circumstances of your life today—whether it be a trial, a job, a relationship, or something else—work hard to shift your perspective. Do not wait for your circumstances to improve before you discover happiness. Decide instead, to embrace it today.
Try asking yourself these 7 questions to intentionally bring happiness closer:
1. What can I be thankful for? Gratitude is most helpful as a discipline. When things are going well, gratitude is an easy and natural response. Similarly, it serves little benefit—it’s easy to be focused on the good when you are surrounded by it. Gratitude is most helpful and life-enhancing when it is needed most. When you most feel the burden of your circumstance, look around, notice the good, and offer a verbal appreciation of gratitude. It will immediately shift your focus from the bad to the good.
2. Who do I know that loves me? There are few things more affirming in life than the realization that we are known and loved by another—whether that be a parent, a spouse, a friend, a mentor, or a child. Whether they live close or far away, remember their faces. Whether you have spoken with them recently or not, remember their voice. If you are loved, you have all you need for joy.
3. What progress have I made? Many of us get down on ourselves and our lot in life because we feel unaccomplished or unchanged. When we focus too much on the things we wish to achieve, we forget to appreciate the progress we have already made. When you are feeling down, take a moment to remind yourself of who you were before and who you are today. Have you arrived fully? Doubtful. But are you closer today than ever before? Probably.
4. What contribution do I bring? Whether you paint, landscape, manage people, or answer telephone calls to provide customer service, thank you. Your work matters to us. Though you may not always see it, you make our world better and improve our society. Don’t view your job as just a paycheck—after all, there is no dollar amount worth the sacrifice of your life. Instead, view your work as contribution. And be reminded that we are grateful for it.
5. What pursuits bring me the most joy? Where in life do you find your most joy and fulfillment? Your kids? Your work? Your hobbies or passions? Look around to see what makes you most alive. Now go do it more often. Your television isn’t making you happier, neither is staring at Facebook. Divert more of your energy towards the things that breathe life into you.
6. Who can I help? One of the reasons we miss happiness in our present circumstance is we get so focused on trying to achieve it by serving ourselves. But we find our greatest happiness and our greatest fulfillment in serving others. The time to live a happy life is now. And the way to be happy is to make others so.
7. What choices do I have? One thing that can never be taken from you is your power to choose. Remember, we may not be able to change our circumstance, but we can always choose our response to it. To live is to retain the power of choice. Look around. What options still remain? Look hard. There is significant happiness to be found in the simple truth that you can still show up in your own life.
Happiness is not waiting in the future for all your circumstances to be perfect. Happiness is waiting to be discovered today in the middle of them.
About Joshua Becker
This came at a much-needed moment in my week. I have been feeling sorry/sad for myself, having lost most friendship connections to the city I live in through no fault of my own. Be it the pandemic, differences of interests and schedules, or other reasons; having read this, I “brought myself around” to remembering to be grateful, thankful and blessed by the people I do have in my life and to make more time to spend with them. Working on the decluttering of things as well. Thank you so much for your message. And for the positive uplifting comments on this post. God bless.
The thought of always having to run and hurry to live at the speed of light in normal times, it turns out that you have to know how to slow down the rhythm of life to focus on what is most important in life. And # 4 & 5 bring some interesting questions about returning to normal, if there is any like normal life to a large family of 7 of ours. I am mostly on the road at 90% of my times and my partner is on guard at the hospital for many crisis that occurs. We always look forward to the Week End most of the time !n Great post !
This is my favourite post of yours yet. Thanks so much Joshua.
“The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so.” Robert G Ingersoll
One of my all time favourite quotes – so much so I put it on my business cards :) i’m a juggler / children’s entertainer and it seemed to fit.
This really hit the nail on the head for me.
Thank you.
The time to be grateful is now!!
Sure I think of all I yet want to do and see, but we have jobs, food and nice home, internet heehee, healthy kids…
the most important thing I have learned is not to get trapped into thinking like everyone else. Look at the majority of the world’s population, in reality all suffer the same or similar issues and problems, granted some far worse than others. Having been to 36 of our 50 states and to 20 countries, I currently live in South Korea. From what I see, everyone is mostly bogged down with the same negative thinking and have fallen into the trap that more is better if they could some how obtain it. I have been down sizing my life now that I’m an empty nester and retirement is around the corner. Planning, preparation and belief in yourself are a perfect start.
Very well written, all the 7 points are spot on. Thank you
If more people lived like this, it would be an awesome world!
Still an awesome world!!!
Great article!!!
These are what I have been doing since end of last year.
Left high status job that not bring happiness to the people but only to powered people, get rid of 1/3 of clutters in my house, not taking unnecessary responsibilities for my family etc…
Being busy mind in junks filled space was somewhat helped after my mother passed to fulfill feeing of grief. But I think I am ready to create new happy life now. Thank you for sharing!
Great blog. I’ll be adapting these pointers for my 5 and 7 year old.
Just what I have been saying this morning to my husband, think of all the good and positive things we have in life, a roof over our heads, food, clothes, two beautiful daughter that are healthy.
It is hard when life challenges us, to stay positive but just to think of all the good things makes me smile.
Love reading your blogs, they keep me inspired:)
Oh, my! You have just nailed the journey that has taken me from depressed wreck to happy, healthy and lively human being in less than two years. Following this same philosophy, I have halved my anti-depression medication in a little over 2 years – I had been on them for over 15 years previously and I was going absolutely nowhere except backwards.
I especially LOVED this quote:
“Happy people focus on the things that bring joy into their lives today. This may come easier for some, but it is impossible for no one.”
It needs greater highlighting.
Love, peace, happiness, and most of all, gratitude,
Pete
Perfect timing for this Joshua. I find myself constantly trying to work my way up to where I “think” I need to by and rushing the process. I admit I get a bit lost during the journey but have been actively working on building my life around what matters most to me. Mahalo and Aloha
Thank You. I am struggling with grief and it is hard to grab on to positive things around me. I find it imperative to find things daily to be thankful for and to try to help others in some way. This lifts me a little and takes me forward,one day at a time. Your list is an affirmation of my own beliefs. Blessings to you.
Made a trip to the nursing home to visit people tonight. They are so greatfull for just a little visit, a cup of tea and biscuits and to have their finger nails painted~~or just talk to the Man down the hall with an oxygen tube in her nose… don’t walk by as he has a lot of stories to tell, It is a effort to get there but when I leave I am so uplifted to make ‘Others Happy” so many get very little visitors!! Just reach out and touch someone’s life as there are a lot of lonely people out there’waiting for a little bit of Happiness’ you will feel awesome after you did~~I sure am!!!
Interestingly enough is that today I’ve been rather unhappy about my son. He has made some choices and I just can’t get though to him.
However, the same is true for me. I think about my job or circumstances and then I’m unhappy.
Thank you for the pointers!
Jim
#3 really connected with me, thank you. My gratitude to you lifts my day.
This is exactly what I needed to read today, thank you.
One of my favorite quotes is by George Washington Carver – roughly paraphrased it says start from where you are with what you have and make something of it. That message has reminded me not to make excuses – your opening quote reminded me of it again. I’ve always said that only WE are responsible for our happiness and I believe your post supports that belief. Thank you.
Excellent post Josh! I think happiness comes from within. Our quest for happiness is often misunderstood, aiming to find it around us instead. In a way I believe we actually project our feelings onto the things, people and situations around us and pretty much all of them reflect a certain vibe or energy. So we may think we discovered happiness the moment we “see” it, but in most cases it was probably already glowing inside of us waiting for a spark to fully ignite its magic…
I really love your visualization of happiness glowing inside of us, waiting for a spark. Just imagining it makes me feel warm inside. :)
Positive psychology at its finest. It all depends on how you perceive the world around you – it’s the same ol’ principle of Glass half empty/full.
You can see the world as 50% negative or 50% positive – and it’s much nicer on the positive side.
All the incessant noise drives me mad and excessive lifestyles too, things bring temporary fun and joy, but relationships are more important, and thankfulness is a key to a happy life.
Great list, but I’ve got one to add. I’ve found that I feel much more balanced and at peace when I take the time to make sure I’m taking good care of myself. It’s hard to find joy and give back when we’re not meeting our own basic needs.
Wow!! Amazing!! I will definitely be directing people to this website!!! Such great information. Such wisdom!! Thank you:)
I needed this. Thank you.
That last question left me thinking…
I needed this. Thank you so much.
Rethinking my perspective has changed my life. The thing to remember, however, it’s not just a flip of a switch and it’s just on, for good. It’s a daily battle. It’s a daily grind with the voice in my head. It’s a daily grind of doing intentional actions that support my new perspective, my new lens in which I view the same circumstances that had me spiraling out of control, emotionally and physically.
It’s amazing how we can simply see something differently and the impact it has on us; it’s life changing.
Number three really hit home. I was always looking ahead looking for the next big thing instead of focusing on the moment and the things I already have and have accomplished. Sometimes the pace in which we thought we should be achieving things isn’t the speed in which is meant to be pursued. I had issues with this, things weren’t happening fast enough, therefore I was living outside of myself.
Such a great post. We live in such a noisy, highly influenced world we lose sight of who we are because of all of the stuff. This post just cleared a path to simplicity. Love it! Thanks for sharing.
I am in the process of purging excesses, but this is a helpful reminder that my contentment and happiness with my home ought not be tied to a vague future of “having less stuff”…rather to focus on and embrace what makes me happy now (while still streamlining, of course!).
I have gotten stuck in the trap that you speak of – always thinking that my life will be better next week or next month or next year; once I have a new job, or a new whatever.
What helps me is shifting the focus from myself to someone or something else. Instead of thinking about it, I shift my focus onto a course I am taking, or how I can help my mother or brother or partner.
As soon as I shift that focus, the discontentment disappears. But I have to remember to do this as soon as that discontentment creeps in, before I emerge into the downward spiral of worry, fear, and unhappiness.
The first few paragraphs drew me in. Then the questions/points kept me. And then came #7 that really resonated with me. I see so many around me who try and fail to claim being free, but in the wrong things. Or others who think their freedoms are being taken from them. But I’ve always believed that we really are free in one aspect of our being. As you mention, we don’t have freedom to choose what happens around us. In a sense we don’t even have freedom to choose many of our actions since those are a response to how we view things. WE DO have freedom to choose our attitudes! That controls our responses, which in turn controls our actions. And results follow :)
Even in Phil 2:5 we are admonished to “have this attitude” in the middle of the description of how we should view and respond to the world around us.
Hey Joshua (NOT Jason)!
Awesome article, once again. #6 in particular resonated with me a lot! It’s amazing how much happiness we create for ourselves by creating it for others.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
Great list! Since simplifying my life, I’ve focused a lot of effort on seeking a happier life. They seem to go hand in hand. I couldn’t believe how much happier I felt after I got rid of half of my stuff!
It’s a bit addictive….I plan to get rid of more. It’s ironic….the less I have, the happier I am! :)
Less really IS more. It took me many years to come to this realization. You can’t clean clutter and what we own eventually ends up owning us!
Really great reminders. Thank you!
Of course we all want to be happy- we just don’t always realize when we get in the way of ourselves. We mistake comfort and ease for happiness but, as you said, it’s not necessarily about relieving ourselves of burden.
Oh Joshua—your message is God inspired. Thank you.
My very prayer to Him this morning was that I may find happiness in the here and now.