“It is not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game ever starts.” – Addison Walker
This past week I sent an e-mail to a friend. I thanked him for helping me over the years and being a significant factor in Becoming Minimalist’s success. He wrote back, “If I have helped you succeed, I am happy.” It was a short e-mail response, but it communicated an important truth: Our greatest successes in life are often found in helping others succeed. Our most lasting and fulfilling achievements are often earned by helping others fulfill theirs.
This is foreign thinking to a culture that often sees the world as one giant competition. In their mind, there is a set number of winners and losers. And if somebody else wins, that’s one less opportunity for me. But I have come to realize the mindset of competition is based on a faulty premise. It assumes there is a finite sized pie – that one more success in another’s life equals one less success in mine. But quite frankly, this thinking is incorrect.
There is wonderful freedom and grace in realizing the size of the pie is not finite – that in reality, the pie keeps growing. Another’s success does not mean I have less opportunity. In fact, another’s success can actually be my success if I had opportunity to enable, encourage, and promote them along the way!
Consider how helping another achieve success (however you/they decide to define it) results in significant benefits in a number of directions:
- The receiver has reached a far greater potential than they could have on their own.
- The world has been bettered and has been given a life-giving model to emulate.
- The giver is remembered fondly and is often publicly (and privately) thanked for their contribution.
- A stranger is likely to be the recipient of the original receiver “paying it forward.”
- And the cycle begins again.
Now, just to be clear, I am starting with an assumption that our greatest joys in life are rarely found in the relentless pursuit of selfish ambition – that selfish desires always leave us lacking and searching for more. Some may think that line of thinking is too unrealistic, far-fetched, or old-fashioned. They believe that in a dog-eat-dog-world if I’m not looking out for #1, nobody is. But that line of thinking is short-sighted.
Inherently, we know we have been designed to live for something greater than ourselves. Our contribution to this world has to be measured by something more meaningful than the size of our house or the neighborhood where it is located. And our lives are going to find lasting significance in how we choose to live them… and how we enable others to live theirs.
Billy McChord says
Eric, Joshua doesn’t have the monopoly on insightful guidance and I am sure he would be the first to agree., I found your contribution very insightful, thanks for that.
“I didn’t know it was an illusion, working all those hours trying to pay for things that I wouldn’t have time to use.”
Drinka Mercep says
Yes :)
Jeff Slobotski says
Great article Josh and so many good points.
You ought to check out Adam Grant’s “Give and Take” if you haven’t already: http://www.giveandtake.com/Home/AdamGrant – solid read & well recommended from me.
Keep up the great work and talk soon!
Jeff
Eric says
I echo a lot of what’s written here. I had a difficult childhood, one that I needed to find a way out of. I began to believe in the world I saw in commercials. They seemed above it all, in a better place, the happy world of consumer products. I got a business education in university, thinking money was the path to get there. I didn’t know it was an illusion, working all those hours trying to pay for things that I wouldn’t have time to use. They became part of the set of some lost dream that didn’t come true. The consolation prize was that I could win the approval and acceptance of others through my things. Then, I got sick. My income dropped and I had to adjust. That’s when I started to learn what is really important. Things can be a burden, earning the money to pay for them, acquiring them, making a place for them, maintaining them, disposing of them. Moments and people are what I care about. Minimalism is my path now.
Tiffany says
Love this post! I grew up in a very competitive, “it’s you or me…are you moving up or aren’t you” household. That line of thinking left me depressed for a number of years. Competing with others rather than celebrating their successes and joy only serves to steal your own happiness and satisfaction.
I have since learned to think differently and have never been happier. I now celebrate people’s joys and try to lift others up. Sometimes I have to continually remind myself to do this (which I guess is kind of sad), but when I do, I see the real joy in life.
So I guess the next time my family asks me when I’m going to become a REAL nurse (I work with adults with developmental disabilities in a community setting) I will let it brush off my shoulders and know that I am helping others live full, healthy lives, and that’s all that matters!
Thanks for the inspiration!
Tsvi says
Thanks for the article from Tel Aviv.
Patricia Keegan says
what could be more fulfilling than helping others succeed!
Bonnie Jo says
Many thanks for a thought-provoking article. I have forwarded to several friends.
Also, thank you for the website in general. I am enjoying becoming a minimalist and find the ‘load’ I have been carrying in this life is much lighter simply by not feeling the need for things and by redefining what is valuable.
Jarrod Guth says
This is exactly why I come here. Great advice and motivation to correct our “normal” way of thinking.
joshua becker says
And that’s why we love having you come here. Thanks for stopping by Jarrod.
Frank|Modern Monkey Mind says
I’ve had mobility problems my whole life. Stiffness in my legs, poor coordination, etc. Yoga has been like a gift from God. My long term goal is to become a certified yoga teacher. My brother who just graduated law school and is studying for the bar thinks I’m insane, but I’ll let him have his long hours and piles of money. I’d rather make enough to get by, and know I’m making a difference in others’ lives than have piles of money but no life.