“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” —Malcolm S. Forbes
The importance of learning how to be more confident in our lives can not be overstated.
It is, after all, a lack of confidence that causes our lives to be tossed to and fro by the sway of culture. From the very beginning, we see the harmful affects of low confidence on our decision-making process while the fear of rejection becomes an all too common presence in our lives. It causes many to adopt the values of the group and engage in otherwise undesired behavior.
Simply put, the need for love, belonging, and acceptance becomes stronger than the internal compass within us. And many unhealthy life choices begin to emerge.
In adolescence, this need for acceptance begins to show itself in substance-abuse, underage-drinking, dangerous sexual practices, or mischievous behavior.
As we get older, some of these habits remain… but new ones begin to emerge. The desire to find acceptance by impressing those around me with my possessions begins to motivate aspects of my life. And whether it be a certain home-size, vehicle-model, fashion-trend, or latest-technology, many of our purchases are made with a simple desire to keep up with the neighbors and not be regarded as “falling behind.”
Our need to impress and be accepted becomes more important than wise spending habits.
But self-confidence redirects our life. It begins to realign our desires with the unique heart inside us. It allows us to reject the trends of a culture built on consumption. When it is present in our lives, we begin to believe that we exist for a greater purpose than shopping on Black Friday. The need to impress others with our belongings is replaced by an internal desire to follow our heart and soul… and to embrace the desires deep in our soul is to reject the notion of shopping for acceptance.
To recenter your life, learn how to be more confident, and embrace a healthy view of self-confidence, consider these practical tips:
Stop comparing yourself. Reject the desire to compare yourself to others. When we compare ourselves to others, we always contrast the worst things we know about ourselves to the best things we know about others. The inevitable outcome always leaves us with feelings of inadequacy and despair. Become wiser. Tell yourself that you can’t possibly be making a fair comparison. And reject the idea altogether.
Celebrate your uniqueness. Your life was never meant to be lived like everyone else. You don’t look the same, you don’t sound the same, your talents aren’t the same… and your deep-held values are unique. Throwing that away just for the sake of being accepted by others is one of the cruelest things that you can ever do. And it will always prevent you from fully living our life. Instead, champion the things that make you unique and find confidence in them.
Focus on the positives. Change your thinking. Focus less on the negatives and more on the positives. Stop dwelling on the negative messages of the past and begin centering yourself on the positive traits in your life today.
See past failures as learning opportunities. We’ve all tried and failed at some point in our lives. Confident people look back at failures and view them as learning experiences. In that way, failures can actually provide greater self-confidence moving forward. Learn from your mistakes and try again. Remember that it’s not over when you lose, it’s over when you quit.
Help someone. One of the most important steps to finding self-confidence in your life is to give yourself to others. Serving another person almost always results in the healthy realization that you are important in this world, that you have something to offer, and that the world is more beautiful because of your presence. See a need around you? Whether it be a need for time, finances, or a listening ear, meet it today. And the life you change just may be your own.
Begin realizing a life goal. Intentionally and specifically, begin working towards a life goal. Know that taking the first step is a momentum builder and can generate confidence in your life. There is a powerful difference between “I want to…” and “I’m beginning to…” So write the first page, run the first mile, or meet the first person. You know what you want to accomplish and you know what the first step is. Stop telling yourself it’s out of reach and take the first step.
Accept your weaknesses. While dwelling on our weaknesses leads to a lack of self-confidence, accepting them is an important step in developing it. First, it keeps us from unhealthy delusions of grandeur. It embraces that we are not perfect and forces us to live our lives in a healthy need for others. Secondly, it provides us with the foundation to accept failures when they arise. We are not caught off-guard when we fail. Instead, we are simply again reminded of our need for others to compliment our weaknesses.
Be known and loved. There is no greater key to self-confidence that being intimately known and genuinely loved by another. Allowing another human being into the deepest depths of our heart is one of the single most difficult acts in the world today. But doing it (and being loved despite of it) breathes life into our soul and builds confidence in our inner-most being… and this confidence continues to grow as the commitment to each other deepens. (On a related note, take a moment this week to better know and love your child… it’s one of the greatest gifts you can ever give them).
Intentionally working on how to be more confident will provide you motivation to pursue your passions. It provides the foundation to reject the claims of a consumerist culture. And it provides the incentive to live the life you’ve always wanted to live.
Justin Guzman says
Begin to realize a life goal… What you say here is more powerful than at first glance. The difference between Im begining too… and I want to… is pretty significant. If we all used Im begining to when we start telling people of our ambitions and goals. We would be well on our way to realizing them.
Laurie says
Wow, Joshua, so many great things to think about. Joining the world of minimalism is helping me to become more confident every day. Thanks so much for helping me get there :)
joshua becker says
Well, thank you for joining the movement. Keep spreading the word.
Jason says
I also like to give myself tiny goals throughout the day – ones I know I will accomplish – that way I can build up to larger ones without the pressure of completing them. Productiveness is a great self-confidence booster.
Also, never look in the mirror between the hours of 11pm and 6am. ;)
Jeff Slobotski says
Great post and reminders of some of the more important things to think about in our life, yet so often are forgotten or overlooked.
Keep up the great work!
Misty Funk says
I love how timely it is in my life, especially when “Stop comparing yourself” and “Accept your weaknesses” will help to me come to terms with my own unique gifts and value! Thanks for a FANTASTIC post.
Kelly says
Joshua,
Very well said. Thanks for such great words of inspiration. I think too many times we are our own worst enemies. This post puts so much in perspective and is very enlightening! I sure needed a dose of this today!
I so enjoy your bog! Keep up the great work!
Kelly
Ed Buziak says
I enjoyed reading this because it has given me much more to think about than the simple Oscar Wilde quote, “Be yourself, the others are already taken,” I have scribbled in a notebook. You have added an extra dimension… thank you.
joshua becker says
That’s a great quote! Thanks for sharing it.
Debbie says
This is a brilliant post, I love the bit about ‘beginning to’ rather than ‘I want’, also ‘celebrating your uniqueness’. Thanks for sharing this with us all x
joshua becker says
I have seen too many never start projects because of a lack of self-confidence. And I think that’s a shame. Nobody has all the answers before they start. But just beginning creates the momentum and subsequent self-confidence to discover the questions and find the answers.
Gip @ So Much More Life says
Perfect post. Absolutely correct and very well written.
I like to think of myself as a person beyond compare and beyond comparison. If anything, I hope I lean toward delusions of grandeur. It’s better than the opposite.
I’ve been feeling a renewed commitment to blogging recently, and posts like this one remind me that blog posts can be useful and moving.
Gip
joshua becker says
I think they can be useful too. There is a large audience out there waiting to hear your message. Glad you are back at it Gip.
Shannon says
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for this post. I’m wiping tears from my face…
joshua becker says
The messages that connect the best are the ones we need to hear ourselves. We’re really not all that different…