“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” —Malcolm S. Forbes
Confidence is one of the most underrated but essential qualities we can pursue and grow. Think about how important confidence is—it shapes how we see ourselves, how we interact with the world, and how we make decisions.
Even more, when confidence is lacking, we become susceptible to the pressures of culture, the opinions of others, and the endless pursuit of external approval.Without confidence, we drift. We make choices based on what we think will earn us acceptance rather than what aligns with our values. We chase trends, accumulate possessions, and measure our worth by how we stack up against others.
But confidence changes everything. It helps us recenter our lives, reject cultural trends, and live with greater purpose and intention.
If you’ve ever felt held back by self-doubt or the need to impress others, you’re not alone. But there is good news you need to hear: confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you can build.
Confidence isn’t something you either have or you don’t. There are steps all of us can take to grow it. And the journey to greater confidence begins with a decision to pursue it.
Here are nine practical ways to build confidence and live a more intentional life:
1. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Comparison is the thief of joy—and confidence. When we compare ourselves to others, we inevitably focus on our known shortcomings while magnifying their imagined strengths. This perspective always leaves us feeling inadequate and stuck.
Instead of comparing, remind yourself that everyone’s journey is unique—including your own. You are not meant to live someone else’s life and you are not meant to measure your success by comparing it with theirs. Comparing yourself to someone else is always a losing battle. Instead, compare yourself to who you were yesterday and all the ways you are working to become better.
Your value isn’t determined by how you measure up to others anyway. Your value is measured by your unique gifts and passions and how you bring them into the world.
2. Celebrate Your Uniqueness
You are one of a kind. Your talents, experiences, and perspective are unlike anyone else’s. Yet, too often, we downplay what makes us unique in an effort to fit in or be accepted.
True confidence comes from embracing who you are, not who you think you should be. Celebrate your individuality. Lean into your strengths. And remember, the world doesn’t need another copy—it needs the authentic, unfiltered version of you.
3. Focus on the Positives
It’s easy to dwell on our flaws and failures, but doing so only erodes our confidence. Instead, shift your focus to the positive aspects of your life. What are you good at? What do others appreciate about you? What progress have you made, no matter how small?
This doesn’t come naturally. But by intentionally focusing on your positives, you’ll begin to see yourself in a new light—one that fosters confidence and self-assurance.
4. See Failure as a Learning Opportunity
Failure is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to define you. Confident people view failure as a stepping stone, not a stumbling block. They learn from their mistakes, adjust their approach, and try again.
Jalen Hurts, last night’s Super Bowl-winning Quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles, said it this way, “No losses, only lessons.” And I think that is the correct approach to life if we want to grow in confidence. A failure is only a setback if we don’t learn and grow from it.
When you reframe failure as a learning opportunity, it loses its power to discourage you. Even better, it becomes a tool for growth and a source of resilience.
5. Help Someone Else
One of the quickest ways to build confidence is to help someone else. When we serve others, we’re reminded of our value and the impact we can have. Whether it’s volunteering, mentoring, or simply lending a listening ear, selflessly giving yourself to others reminds us that we always have something meaningful to offer.
I also believe confidence grows when we see ourselves as contributors, not just as consumers. So look for ways to give back—you might be surprised at how much it changes you.
6. Take the First Step Toward a Goal
Confidence isn’t just a feeling; it’s a result of action. When we take steps toward our goals, no matter how small, we prove to ourselves that we’re capable of growth and change.
What’s one goal you’ve been putting off? Write the first page, run the first mile, or go meet the first person. Momentum builds confidence, and every step forward reinforces your belief in yourself.
7. Accept Your Weaknesses
Confidence doesn’t mean being perfect—it means being comfortable with being human, flaws and all. When we accept our weaknesses, we free ourselves from the pressure to have it all together. I’m not contending that we don’t work to correct our weaknesses, I am contending that we get okay admitting that we have them.
This acceptance also opens the door to collaboration. None of us are good at everything, and that’s okay. And confidence comes from knowing your strengths while leaning on others to fill in the gaps.
8. Be Known and Loved
There’s something profoundly confidence-building about being truly known and deeply loved. When we allow others to see us—our strengths, our struggles, our imperfections—and they love us anyway, it changes how we see ourselves. This is what makes a healthy marriage such a powerful relationship.
Invest in relationships where you can be authentic and vulnerable and accepted. These connections remind us that we are worthy of love and belonging, just as we are.
9. Reject the Need to Impress
Confidence allows us to let go of the need to impress others. When we’re secure in who we are, we no longer feel the pressure to keep up with the latest trends or accumulate possessions to prove our worth.
This shift frees us to live more intentionally. Instead of chasing the pleasing of people, we can focus on what truly matters: relationships, experiences, and the pursuit of our passions.
Building confidence isn’t about becoming someone you’re not—it’s about embracing who you already are. And that is a powerful reality because all of it can do that today. Self-confidence is about rejecting the lies of culture convincing you that you need to be someone different—and choosing to live a life aligned with your values and purpose instead.
So take the first step today. Celebrate your uniqueness, focus on the positives, and invest in what truly matters. Because confidence is the key to living an intentional life.
Thank you-vg food food for thought & practice!!!
Great article. I think the courage to live a life that is different to the norm comes from having self-confidence and a good understanding of self-identity.
I don’t have children, but I read something somewhere that is worth consideration: when boys are complimented, they are told they are brave or strong, but girls are told they are pretty. How early the emphasis on physical appearances starts on girls! Maybe we should be more careful with our words and choose creative, smart, and kind to cultivate these values in the future generations.
Very helpful & motivational!
Thanks.
Inspiring thoughts from all. I especially liked the comment by DanielW, regarding complimenting or giving positive constructive feedback to someone (preferably something they have done, rather than what they possess or how they look) and how this can not only boost the persons confidence, but also yours in the process.
This modern consumerist world seems to breed a lot of negativity e.g. Jealousy, envy, debt, addictions etc…
I would like to believe there is a rebellion against consumerism rising, were the confidence to live richer more fulfilling lives without excessive or unessesary material wealth grows stronger!
I might just have to get a copy of Josh Beckers book on living more with less.
Wonderfully written! Now to execute this plan!
We are always concerned about the self esteem of our children, especially when they are teenagers, but we rarely concern ourselves, with our own self esteem. Perhaps, if we ensure ours stays in tact, it will naturally rub off on our kids.
I agree. Although kids’ self esteem is important, there’s no denying that. But it seems once we reach adulthood it doesn’t matter if it’s not fixed, it’s too late and we’re damaged goods. But we’re not. We’re still important.
There’s a room for everything.. God relieves us from our everyday heartaches and mental stress so box-out all your frustrations! We can learn how to make choices thru life coaching. It creates life balances for a better living.
Why do people feel we need a higher entity to make us feel complete, happy, self-confident, worthy of another’s love and being able to give of our love and time? I used to feel less of all of the things I have stated when I “practiced a religion”. It was the people who I attended “church” with who made me feel less. I am a work in progress and will never be perfect ever in my lifetime . Even at my age. 50 plus .
It’s genuinely very difficult in this busy life to listen news on TV, thus I only use the web for that
purpose, and get the most up-to-date information.
I loved your post. I’m going to change everything. I’m not talking about not being who I am, I just want to get rid of my bad habits, and make a purposeful life for my self and being happy with the people around me. Again thank you…
i found this blog just a few months ago. My mom passed away on Septmber 19th- she was so attached to her stuff. I never want to be that way – stuff doesn’t matter. Your blog has helped me through my grieving process and sent me on my own journey to become a minimalist. I’ve started by getting rid of (both giving and donating) a ton of stuff but I’ve only just begun – looking forward to 2015 and continuing my journey to become a minimalist.
Me too Terese… I have only found “Joshua” a few months ago also!! My Mom recently went into a home and I had to do a big clean out… it is always difficult know what to get rid of and when it belongs to someone else. This blog helped me incredibly as I would have never thrown away or donated what I did!! I have learned a lot here not just about de-cluttering but just life experiences and taking care of ourselves and others and learning more each day what is ‘really important” in our lives of Family & Friends. All the Best of you Adventure!! :)
Thank you so much for this post! I tend to allow myself to get overwhelmed when in pursuit of something because I’m fearful of rejection or doubtful of my abilities. This post reminded me that I have something to offer and I just need to take the first step and keep going. But I do well with accepting my failures as learning experiences and moving forward. Great blog!
Thank you, great thoughts.
Hi joshua
I have been struggling recently with my inclination of comparing myself with other people in my workplace and as you said its not a fair comparison. I focus on my bad points and on best quality of other person. I know I shouldn’t do this but I feel trapped in my thoughts ..how to stop doing that ? Its making my life miserable
Y heart is telling me to sell my large home but I don’t know where I would love so I am frozen and not moving forward.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart… you gave my heart and soul a lift…
Please repost on Facebook. I tried to share and could not find it. A wonderful post.
Thank you.
Pandora
I just shared this with my daughter, who I think desperately needs to hear these things, as did I. Thanks.
Thank you so much u really touch my life.
Thanks
The first thing I did, before I started reading, was compare myself to the blonde woman in the photo with her awesome teeth, hair and fresh complexion and groan!!!! Sigh…..
Thank you for your daily postings. Every single line echos my every thought and helps clarify them. This page is changing my life.
agreed with all points nice post to gain self confidence
That was really helpful and trues. But its really difficult to stop comparing yourself. Everyone seems to be better than you. You start to believe you’re invisible and lonely. I’m bullimic and it feels impossible to reach the stage where I’m satisfied. But, I’ve to take the first step..
Hi Joshua,
I am launching my life coaching business. In that regard, I am doing a 4-hour seminar this Saturday entitlted, “Gaining The Confidence You Need To Get What You Want.” I am excited about this. I have used some of your information. I will cite you in my material.
Thanks for a great article.
I have a hard time doing any of these… You know how most people feel better about themselves when they’re complimented? Well, I feel worse because I truly believe that I’m not worth the compliment. So! I’m going to try to take your advice, but it’s going to take a VERY LONG TIME before I finally built any self-confidence.