“Simplicity, clarity, singleness: these are the attributes that give our lives power and vividness and joy.” – Richard Halloway
The minimalist life holds benefits for all.
Numbers of parents think a minimalist lifestyle is simply out of reach because they have children—as if the two are somehow incompatible. But that is not the case. As I explain in Clutterfree with Kids, the principles of minimalism are completely within reach no matter how many children you have or where you live.
And not only is minimalism completely possible with children, it is a lifestyle filled with benefits for them! Since becoming minimalist, I have been continually amazed at some of the lessons my two young children have learned. Over the past years, they have learned:
- That we don’t need to buy things to be happy. We own far fewer things than we did years ago. We purchase far fewer things than we did years ago. Yet, we are far happier than we were years ago. Go figure.
- That we don’t need to live life like everyone else. Even though they are not quite old enough to understand all of the intricacies of our minimlist life, they completely understand that we have made a decision to live different than most people in our neighborhood. Our lifestyle has given them permission to live a counter-cultural life.
- That we live within our means. Although our children are not balancing our checkbook, they do hear us speak often about debt, the joy of not being in it, and our desire to stay out of it.
- That we think carefully about our purchases. Because we believe in giving them ample opportunity to find/grow in their interests, we still need to buy things like toys, school supplies, art supplies, and sporting goods. We just think through our buying decisions more carefully. This is an invaluable lesson for children to learn as they get older. We no longer buy something just because we have the money, we buy things because we truly need them.
- That we gladly share with others. Since we became minimalist when they were young, they have grown up watching us donate many of our belongings to others. They have seen generosity in action.
- That clutter is a drag. They have seen how minimalism creates a home where clutter is scarce. And when it does show up, it can be quickly remedied—and usually is.
- That we love spending time with them. Our minimalist home has allowed us the opportunity to spend less time purchasing, cleaning, organizing, and sorting things. We have gladly replaced that time managing stuff with spending time with them.
- That we are in control of our stuff. Not the other way around.
Minimalism with children is entirely possible. However, it does require a little more effort, a little more thoughtfulness, and a lot more patience. As you embark (or continue) on the journey, here are some practical steps to consider:
1. Explain your decision. Your children are thinking human beings. Therefore, no matter their age (our son and daughter were only 5 and 2 at the time), sit down and explain your decision to them – include the reasons why you are choosing to become minimalist and the benefits you are hoping to receive from it. And because teenagers typically jump to far-reaching conclusions, assure them that your decision does not mean you are no longer going to buy anything… it just means you are going to intentionally think through your purchases in the future.
2. Begin minimizing your possessions first. Minimize your personal belongings first and your shared family belongings second. It would be unfair to ask your child/teenager to thoroughly adopt the lifestyle until you have done it personally. Also remember, you will learn valuable lessons when you remove your personal clutter – valuable lessons that will put you in a better place to help your son or daughter navigate their journey.
3. Remove the items they do not use first. Minimalism is about paring down to only the essentials. It is about removing the things in our life we don’t need so we can focus on the things that we do. And while most homes are filled with things that are not needed, they are also filled with things that are not even used. Start there. You can begin by removing the clothes they no longer wear, the toys they no longer they play with, and the other things they no longer use. That’s an easy first step. As you begin there and talk them through the process, they may begin to naturally start asking themselves the question, “How much of this other stuff do I really need anyway?”
4. Focus on the positives. As you begin to see the benefits of minimalism in the life of your children/teenagers, point them out and focus on them. Just because you are observant enough to notice them, doesn’t mean they see it quite as readily as you. Does their room appear tidier? Do they spend less time cleaning? Is it easier to find things? Can you notice less stress or less distraction? Are you more relaxed as a parent? Encourage each other with the positive benefits that you notice.
5. Treat them to fun experiences. One benefit of minimalism is that you spend less and have more time on your hands – so you should have some extra disposable income and the time to do something with it. Use it to create fun, family experiences. Do something new that everyone will enjoy. Take a trip to the beach, the amusement park, or a weekend in the city. You don’t need to spend all of your new found savings on one trip (especially if you are trying to get out of debt in the process), but a practical experience that highlights the benefits of your decision can go a long way in helping your children understand your minimalist decision.
6. Choose your purchases carefully going forward. You will still need to buy things going forward. Children will outgrow their clothes, their toys, their school supplies, and their sporting goods. They are not going to stop growing and developing. You are absolutely still going to buy things going forward… you are just going to put more thought into your purchases than you did in the past. Replace “Do I want this?” with “Do I need this?” And help your son or daughter ask the same question. It’s one of the most important lessons they will ever learn.
7. (A word about gifts). We have taken the approach of still allowing our relatives the opportunity to buy gifts for our children. It is an expression of their love. They desire to show their love by giving gifts and our children feel loved when they receive them. We did not want to take that away from our family. However, we have tried to communicate with our family ahead of time and offer them a suggested gift list of things they need prior to birthdays and holidays.
8. Be patient. Be patient with your family. Offer them plenty of time to adjust to minimalism rather than being pushed into it. Minimalism is a lifestyle that needs to be believed in and adopted. Show them plenty of patience. And after all, if it took you 30 years to adopt the lifestyle, it would be foolish to assume they will fully adopt it in 30 minutes… or even 30 days.
Let me assure you. Minimalism is completely achievable and beneficial for you and your family.
The Knitty Gritty Homestead says
Forwarding a link to this to my husband! I spent the day yesterday reducing our children’s clothing by half. Talk about liberating! We have four children and I feel like I spend all my time/energy maintaining/washing/sorting/picking up clothes. Now each child has one laundry basket full of clothes, and the bins/bags/boxes that used to be stashed under the beds and in every corner are GONE. I feel lighter! The baby’s clothes are next, then mine. Thanks for this…we’re making huge changes in our life and this reassures me that we’re on the right path.
Heather says
I say keep living your minimalist lifestyle and the rest will follow. My son is only 7 but already has way less than most kids, by choice, He loves his Legos, a few cherished stuffed animals, his art supplies and he loves to read. He also has a gaming system but I admit I play more than he does. : )
He cherishes life experiences, always asking to go to do an activity or visit a place. He is happiest digging in the sand at the beach and playing baseball. I am very grateful he is this way because it makes my life so much easier.
He is very good about getting rid of things, like the mountains of paperwork from school. He gets to choose what he wants me to keep and tosses the rest. And when he does, I praise him for helping him and that I love him, not material items. He gets that, which makes my heart sing.
As he outgrows clothing or toys, we sell or donate them. The money goes toward either a replacement (Like a bike, he needs a larger size) or goes into his bank account. I match the amount and he has a nice little savings account going on.
It can be done, Like I said, just live your life and the rest will follow suit.
Uta says
Hello, I enjoy reading all of your article post. I like to write a little comment to support you.
Ainhoa says
I’m just approaching to minimalism, and one of my doubts was how to become my whole family(two little girls, my husband and I) minimalist.
Your blog is an inspiration for me. I will continue reading it and trying to change our life for good.
Thanks!!
Leah says
Hi, my husband and I have two small children (5 years and 18 months)… we are aspiring minimalists and have started our journey about 4 months ago… anyway, how we explained our new ways to our daughter was with questions to her… “would you like it if we did less clean up and more family time?”, “how would you feel if mommy didn’t ask you to clean up so much?”, ect… she has been great with it.. her toys consist of 3 smaller bins, one for horses, one for barbies and one for babies, she has some stuffed animals, a tub of dress up, one shelf of books, 2 coloring books, some paper, paints/crayons are in one zip lock baggie.. I have explained to her that if she gets anything more, she has to get rid of something… meaning we will never over fill her bins, ect. and if she gets presents and then don’t fit, she will give older toys to little boys or girls who don’t have toys. It’s worked great and I do find she appreciates her stuff a lot more. My 18month old has one “treasure box” of toys and it will never exceed that, but like today we went to a friends house and he was able to play with all sorts of different toys we don’t have, so you could tell he appreciated going to another little boy’s house for a play date :)
nikki says
Just wondering how you go with hand-me-downs and hanging onto things for subsequent children. We have 3 kids; boys – 5, 3 and girl 18mths with a boy due in a couple of weeks. We keep toys clothes books etc as the kids grow out of them so that the next can have them but this makes for a huge number of boxes stored in cupboards and garage waiting for a child to be the right age. Not too mention hand-me-downs from friends and family…any help on this one???
Licia says
I came from a big family that was always strapped for cash, and thus a hit minimalist. My parents used the spaces in the top of the closets and under the bed to store the outgrown clothes that weren’t covered with stains. When I was young, I took on the role of going through the kid’s clothes every year in the summer and weed down to approximately one week’s worth. The rest were either boxed up or donated (we passed around the boxes to neighbors and cousins too). The toys did seem to be exploding, but that’s what happens with 8 kids. Even so, the toys were always bought based on a long-term approach so there aren’t any battery operated or Happy Meal trash pieces, and we did go through the toys every few years. Now I’m a mom, and I get 97% of my children’s toys from my parent’s basement. The winners that lasted over 15 years of weeding and fit kids ages 2-27: oldfisher price toys that don’t take batteries, a wooden train set, marble rolls and legos (duplos too), the chevron cars, and the box full of plastic animals/dinosaurs and my little ponies. (We never liked the barbies or dolls much, it was more fun to feed the bottle to the T-rex). A basket full of costume pieces (handmade from previous halloweens) and random woven belts and scraps of fabric and some wooden blocks and random tools and kitchen things we swiped along with some cardboard boxes was what we used for make-believe. After choking hazard age, we added a bag of aquarium marbles and pretend money to the make-believe. Stuffed animals were personal property (my mom did buy us lots of them, but she admits that was because she loves them, and we weeded through them every year.) Baby toys, bicycles, etc. got donated as soon as we outgrew it (and we’d get used ones when the next child seemed interested). Helmets and carsests were kept until they expired.
As for books, picture ones were carefully chosen for their readability as bedtime stories or the really good non-fiction, the rest donated. We ended up with only a small bookshelf for picture books. The chapter books belonged to each person and were usually only bought (as Christmas/birthday presents) after we’d read them (or the earlier parts of the series) at the library, usually several times. A library card is a wonderful thing. Puzzles and games filled our home too, but got regularly weeded, and I found out that my library’s PERC has frame puzzles and games for checkout too.
Robert S. says
Great article. It is actually much more beneficial when you are forced to live and explain the minimalist lifestyle to a young child who you love with everything you have. We must be constantly cognizant of practicing what we preach. Recently divorced, I found a small studio in downtown Seattle, and my 3 year-old loves it. Less stuff, more time to get out of the apartment, and an immediate cut in overhead, resulting in more liquid cash. Kids who grow up with parents who embrace minimalism, arguably, have a greater chance for understanding the simplicity of just being happy with what is in hand. How fun is “Movie Night” when it’s an actual event you plan for with your kids? Take your life back and spend more time with your children. When we’re on our death beds we’ll be smiling knowing we maximized our time with those we love.
MelD says
Great, I will be passing that website URL on to my daughter, who is expecting her 2nd child in the autumn.
I started out pretty minimalist, having been tipped off in an excellent little German book (I’ve meanwhile forgotten the title, unfortunately – it was 28 years ago!) about all that you don’t need… I thought that was brilliant. I had nothing anyway as a young, single mom and was grateful for all gifts and loans and not needing much.
However, more difficult was to stay with it. Everyone around me thought I needed stuff and we accumulated so much and totally lost sight of reality. Although I have to say there is much more rubbish to be had in Britain/US than we already had in central Europe!! Now it is worse than ever, we had nothing like a lot of the expensive junk available.
My wake-up call came when we were drowning in stuff after about 10 years and I gradually de-cluttered as my children got older and am now much happier. My daughters are actually all really good about not being influenced by brands and such, but there is such pressure from the society around us. Although my eldest daughter got off to a good start and was happy to do without a lot of things when she had her first child, gradually over the last 3 years she has also accumulated quite a bit through gifts and secondhand (though nothing as silly as a wet-wipe-warmer – gosh, how I laughed!). I think she would like to declutter a lot of them, really, so this website might help her to have the courage of her convictions.
If I were having my kids now, in my 40s, I would probably do things differently and be less influenced by others. I went to a baby store with my daughter and did not find one single thing I thought my grandchild might need. Not a single thing. The only thing we bought for him so far was a car seat, as you have to have those by law nowadays (my daughter travelled in a Moses basket on the back seat when she was small…). Otherwise, I find myself at a loss what to give when occasions come round, no needs and plenty of stuff. Sometimes I don’t give anything, just have him round to my place to play instead. He prefers that, I think.
Karmen Personett says
I used to be a minimalst and saw little value in stuff. And then slowly, or maybe not-so-slowly, we accumulated tons of stuff in our marriage and then more with kids. I think once we had a house, the rest of the family began donating all their unwanted items to us. 4 kids later I began my minimalist rampage. It has been a year long process. I’ve reduced the number of clothes/shoes that each person is allowed to have (we can just do laundry more often, right?), have donated bags and boxes and trunkloads of items we just don’t need. I would estimate that 70% of my kids toys have disappeared and the amazing this is that they haven’t even noticed. I was fretting this week about getting rid of all the little people toys….I thought maybe I should keep either the bus or the plane, but in the end they both got donated. My kids would rather make a “car” out of a shoebox. My dad made sailboats out of cardboard boxes with each of them recently and they had days of fun with these….and then when the excitement wears off, it’s easy to recycle that toy. I love uncluttered spaces. When I feel that I don’t have time to sit and enjoy my kids, play a game or go to the beach because I’m too busy picking up the house, I know it’s time for another round of decluttering.
kcar1 says
My mom laughed in my pre-minimalism days when we had our first baby at the amount of stuff I thought we “needed” for a baby — she used to work as an OB nurse and they would ask the moms if they had a place for the baby to sleep, noting that an empty dresser drawer would work.
If I had it to do all over again, I would beg and borrow the absolute minimum to get the baby out of the hospital (car seat, clothing, blanket) and purchased NOTHING because the rest accumulates pretty naturally on its own between gifts and hand-me-downs. People, myself included, are pretty happy to pass all that junk along as soon as baby has out-grown it and as others have noted, a lot of it is completely unnecessary (even bad for you and I discovered with the baby wipes and the worst case of contact dermatitis/diaper rash that just seem to get worse the more we changed her — duh!) .
I have moved from cute things (outfits, toys) to useful things (diaper covers, slings) to monetary baby gifts. A lot less warm and fuzzy but a contribution to a college savings plan is a lot more useful than another little outfit or toy. Plus, now I just can’t think of much that I WANT to gift them.