“When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said.” – Catherine Gilbert Murdock
The statistics remain nothing short of alarming:
- 50% of Americans have less than one month of savings saved for emergencies.
- One in four Americans has no savings at all.
- More than 30% of households earning over $100K still live paycheck to paycheck.
- Among indebted households, the average amount of credit card debt tops $15,000.
- The average U.S. household debt is 136 percent of household income.
- 57% of households do not have a budget.
- Almost half of Americans die with less than $10,000 in assets.
- In one survey, money more than sex, children or in-laws—was the most common conflict for American couples.
The statistics concerning our personal financial habits are downright sad. And yet, nobody is talking about it… at least, not in personal terms.
Money continues to remain one of the most least-discussed topics in our society. Just to be clear, there may be plenty of magazines, websites, and books written about money. But the topic is rarely discussed with any specificity in our interpersonal relationships. This truth exists for a number of reasons:
- We have been conditioned since a young age to not ask the questions.
- We have fears of looking foolish in our personal decision-making – that our spending will reveal too much about us.
- We worry about stirring up envy or comparison among our friends and family.
- We are concerned about how we will be perceived.
- It seems easier to just go at it alone.
But our silence is ruining us. We have so much to learn from one another in all aspects of life – including money. And it is clear that not having the conversation is negatively affecting us as persons, as families, and as a society. Personal finance is a conversation we need to be having with one another. We need to find the humility and the boldness to start asking the right questions.
Here are a few tips to get started:
1. Embrace humility and create a list of financial questions you need answered. How much money do I really need? Do I make enough money to purchase _______? How do I begin the process of getting out of debt? Should I be saving for retirement / my child’s college education? What is a credit score? How much money do other people spend on _______? Am I doing my taxes the right way? It sure seems like I spend a lot of money on ________, I wonder if that’s average? … You get the idea. Your specific questions are going to vary based on your lifestyle, but I think you’ll find the exercise to be far easier than you think.
2. Bring your best “I need some help” attitude. Find a friend you trust with these matters. Arrange a private moment to ask some of your questions. With an open mind and heart, begin asking any appropriate question from your list above. Take the high road of humility and ask for help using specifics – yours, not theirs. Keeping the focus on yourself will keep the pressure off of them.
3. Look for other opinions. Not every person will be an expert on every topic. In fact, most of them will simply answer your questions based on personal experience. It may be wise to ask the same questions of 2 or more different people to get well-rounded responses.
4. Seek out an expert. You likely have included a few questions in your list above that will require an expert opinion. For example, my list includes questions pertaining to taxes, online business accounting, saving for a child’s college education, and health care costs. While there are other questions on my list, these specific ones require an expert opinion. Pay if necessary, but consider your network of friends first. You likely have a friend that will gladly answer some of these questions for free. People love to help.
5. Include your family. Assuming your family is healthy and mature, don’t hesitate to ask specific questions of them. If you see members of your family acting foolishly with their finances, approach the subject. Likewise, if you are the one who needs the help making wise financial decisions, go to them. They love you the most and will be glad to help. Similarly, if your parents are aging, personal financial status is a conversation you need to be having with them.
6. Look for community help. Many local communities offer classes on personal finance. If you need help, look into your options. Sometimes these classes are offered through a local Parks and Recreation department. Others times they can be found available at local churches or nonprofit organizations.
No doubt, money is a great source of anxiety for many. Our world is filled with people making unwise choices. And most of us have a few questions about personal finance we’d like answered. Meanwhile, the answers are all around us… we just need to swallow our pride long enough to ask.
Image: Bohman
Jennifer says
Thanks for posting this! The conversations need to happen, the problems must be faced, I agree. We are currently going through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University course and while the things we are learning may seem basic, they are important! I wish I had learned this stuff years ago. I am trying to be more open and honest with friends and family and have those candid conversations. It’s difficult, but so worth it!
Thia May says
Jennifer, that was recommended to me just a few days ago. I think he’s got a couples’ class or something. You seem to like it. How long is the course?
Sandy says
9 weeks. Look up a class location on Dave Ramsey’s website: daveramsey.com. Best thing we ever did for our finances and our marriage. Now we coordinate classes in our area.
Thia May says
Awesome, awesome post. I got into a bit of credit card debt while in college (a bit = approx $1,000. I know that seems like nothing, but in 1991, when I was paying for books and food and had about $75 a week left after college expenses and food, it seemed like millions). The stress and sleepless nights worrying about this was so stupid. I was worrying about how to pay off clothes, music, dinners out, beer. Insane! A few years later, debt free, but clueless, I stumbled onto “Personal Finance for Dummies” thanks to some kind man at Borders. (Side note: nope, don’t work for either company) That book was a life changer. It’s filled with definitions and common sense for spending and saving. Looking back, I think it’s what got me started on a minimalist path.
Now, I’m in a relationship with a non-minimalist with lousy finances. We have just started talk about these very things. But how you wrote this and listed it out, I’m printing it out and bringing it to the table this weekend as we continue conversations about priorities and needs vs. wants. I never really believed anyone who said that money could be the biggest relationship changer/killer, but wow. It’s really the truth. Thanks again!!!
Kim Johnson says
If you would like to have a complimentary financial needs analysis done, contact a Primerica rep. Our company uses the same concepts as Dave Ramsey, Susie Orman and others, and after sharing the concepts with you, we also help you put them into practice. There is no obligation, but we have partnerships with the best financial products vendors in the country (and Canada, Puerto Rico). We are, in fact, the largest financial services marketing company in North America, but do not use paid advertising because we know that referral marketing is more effective. If you are serious about straightening out your financial house, do your due diligence and go to http://www.primerica.com rather than Google. Remember that anyone can put anything on the internet; it doesn’t make it correct. You owe it to your self and your family to find someone who will truly care about you getting the right help; we are passionate about helping middle income families become debt free and financially independent.
Tracey says
Will definitely be checking out Your Money or Your Life. I have read Financial Peace but still seem to struggle. We have had a history of layoffs through our 30+ years and catching up is tough. Our debt is not from new car or vacations, it is from broken water heaters and car repairs while raising 3 kids. Talking to family? That can be tough. Parents never spoke about finances (pretty common) and I remember being called an idiot once by a parent because we had put something on a credit card. Now I just try to follow they’re example (which I wish they’d share) behind the scenes :)
Thanks for your posts. I wish I’d had something like this 20 years ago!
Sally says
Its like you learn my mind! You appear to know so much about this, such as you wrote the ebook in it or something.
I believe that you just can do with a few % to force the message house a little
bit, however instead of that, this is excellent blog.
A fantastic read. I will definitely be back.
Alfonzo says
This design is incredible! You most certainly know how to keep a
reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved
to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Fantastic job.
I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that,
how you presented it. Too cool!
Daniel Aipa says
Joshua, again thanks for this post. I’ve been struggling with my finances. I feel this is the missing link in my journey towards a balanced life. I have to work on my “I need your help” attitude because I’ve been so used to trying to figure things out on my own, especially in finances. I have made decent progress but it’s inspiration like this post, learning more about personal finances, and me finding what is deep within me that is causing this struggle in this aspect of life.
Sarah says
Hi. This is my second time on your blog, I believe, but I enjoyed this article. My husband and I avoid debt. Other than a house and a car we aspire to pay off. But financial management is a tricky thing…there are people on one hand, who completely ignore it, and there are people, on the other hand, who let it consume them. I think this article fits for either though because it says, look, whatever you’re doing, think critically about it, talk it over with advisors and live intentionally rather than just flying by the seat of your pants.
Willow says
I’m glad you linked to Dave Ramsey. I’ve been encouraging my adult children who haven’t already done it to take the FPU course. Two out of four are already making their budgets and sticking to them. The other two seem to be doing the right things already. Maybe this is because my husband and I talked about money and discussed responsibility and budgets all the time with them. If you have kids, start today teaching them about how to be responsible with their money!
Rhiannon says
Great post! I think so many people struggle with finances because they don’t learn how to manage them from a young age. I wish life skills such as balancing a check book and learning about loans and credit were taught in school. I’m teaching my 8 year old to save his lawn cutting money into three categories – savings, spending and charity. And he has to be mindful about spending – no walking into the store with a wad of cash burning a hole in his pocket, but rather take the 30 day approach and wait a few weeks to decide if it’s really worth his hard earned money.