Never underestimate the importance of abandoning crap you don’t need.
Encouragement is important in all areas of life, but especially when trying to live a life different than those around us.
Encouragement provides us with motivation to persevere. It invites us to dream dreams of significance for our lives. And it begs us to work diligently with optimism and promise.
Overcoming the pull of consumerism is a difficult challenge regardless of our stage in life. Simplicity requires encouragement. To that end, I hope you will find motivation in these articles below.
Each post was intentionality chosen to inspire simplicity in your life. For maximum effect, find a quiet moment this weekend and enjoy them with a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
Lessons From One Family’s Quest to Buy Nothing New for a Year | Chicago Tribune by Heidi Stevens. When you’re not buying things that are new, you have a different way of looking at things.
The Secret to a Simplified Schedule | No Sidebar by Melissa Camara Wilkins. Saying yes to the best stuff means saying no to everything else, even some really good things.
Why I Got Rid of the Toys | Dallas Moms Blog by Denaye Barahona. “The answer to my problem was having fewer toys, and picking the right toys.”
Man (Dis)connected: How Technology Has Sabotaged What It Means To Be Male | The Guardian by Stuart Jeffries. Boys now spend 44 hours in front of a TV, smartphone or computer for every half hour in conversation with their fathers.
Rochelle says
I agree with the majority. While I enjoyed most articles listed here, I don’t see why the last article was included. I read the whole thing waiting to see how the ideas could possibly tie into minimalism and, besides the references to technology in the beginning, I didn’t find anything.
Leaving out the heterosexual bias, the subtle racism, and the extreme stereotyping others have already mentioned and focusing only on the applicability to minimalism, by posting it you seem to imply that the only solution for boys spending less time on the Internet is to have a father around. That the best solution for a single mother who wants her sons to spend more time out of their room is to remarry a man who will love her children only conditionally and enforce standards a mother’s unconditional love is apparently incapable of.
The article comes close to making some good points, but its biases and especially its complete lack of relationship to minimalism make it inappropriate for this list.
joshua becker says
Thanks for the comment and thoughts Rochelle. I certainly meant in no way to imply that the only solution for boys spending less time on the Internet is to have a father around. This article challenged me to become more intentional in the fathering of my son. And I hoped it would encourage others to do the same.
I have read each of the comments above. But I must admit, I fail to see how an article that exhorts fathers to play a more active and engaged role in the parenting of their sons is a bad thing. On the contrary, I think it is a vitally important message for all of us.
Rochelle says
Thanks for responding. I know you didn’t mean to imply it, since every article I’ve read that you have written was thoughtful and well arriculated.
I agree that spending time with our children (as mothers AND fathers, with sons AND daughters) is vital and one of the best benefits of a minimalist lifestyle. The article on having fewer toys at home inspired me to redo my daughter’s room this afternoon and we loved the time together. There are just many other articles I have read that make the point better, with cited research (and/or direct anecdote), and without implying that mothers (either single or lesbian) are incapable of raising decent sons on their own.
(For full disclosure, I am married and have a daughter. My husband is fully involved with her, so it is only on principle that I find the article problematic.)
Maria says
That part of the message – of encouraging the vital role fathers play, and the increasing disconnect of our boys and young men – is so important and so true! I haven’t read any comments that would counter thataspect of the article.
What people are finding difficult is the way this particular author has presented this argument: through sweeping gender and sexual stereotypes that don’t do any favours for either sex. Men are more than just rule-enforcers handing out conditional love, and women are more than just “I gave birth to you so nothing you ever do wrong will upset me” or “stop running around, I can’t handle physical activity”.
Moe says
As a veteran teacher of 20 years, and having worked both in an economically depressed area and a more wealthy area, I have seen it all. If we are speaking in an overall manner, the article is dead on – I believe, thank you Josh for having the courage to link it. Of course, there are always those instances where people, children, families don’t fall into the statistical average and I think that some people who live very nice lives don’t understand how the other half live and the struggles they face. My time living on a reservation was a very rude awakening. I will never forget the time that a boy student told me I was incredibly wealthy because I had a father…
Love says
I also appreciated the sobering article about boys and manhood. It probably makes some uncomfortable because the truth is painful. Thank you for posting it anyway.
Sammie says
Really disappointed in the articles chosen for this week’s post. Unable to access one and another is just too out there. Please vet your suggestions and recommendations more closely. There is also the danger of pushing out a stale message. You have inspired me, made me laugh, and challenged me to think carefully about my consumer choices. Please don’t dilute or confuse the message.
Juliana says
hallo
I read your blog with very interest and i learn from your articles every day something.
Mine questionnaires to you Joshua is how do you and your family live with minimalism? How does looks your house? How do you use minimalism in your every day life?
Thans
From
Juliana
Dmitri says
It’s discouraging that so many of your readers are so easily able to discount the importance of fathers. Keep up the good work Josh.
Frustrated Mom says
Nobody is discounting the importance of fathers. We are discounting the stereotypes he is giving without resources or data. My husband is a terrific father and I am so thankful for him! He does not fit into what is in the article, at all.
j says
Zimbardo claims that a majority of African-American boys have been brought up in female-dominated households for generations. “Sixty, 70% grow up in a female world. I would trace a lot of that poor performance of black kids to not having a father present to make demands and not setting limits. This is now spilling out of the black community to the white community.”
Sorry, but after reading this “statistic” I had to wonder if this was a joke article.
Dana says
I cannot access the Heidi Stevens article at all. Pop ups from the Chicago Tribune first obscure everything, and then when I close those down I am given their “front page,” not the article. :(
Alix says
Same here!
Gail Grant says
And here!
Angela says
And here!
Slackerjo says
A trick is if you have a facebook page, copy the URL into your feed and post it and then click the link. Then you can read the article. Just delete the post if you don’t want it in your news feed.
Stephanie says
Ditto.
Carol says
wow, and I had a completely different take on it. I know too many boys who either committed suicide or attempted suicide and too many boys on Ritalin because of their ‘hyper-activity’ to say the article is wrong. And see too many young people engrossed in on-line activities rather than social ones. Thank good for freedom of thought and expression.
Lisa says
I’m very disappointed in the suggestion of the article, “Man (Dis)connected: How Technology Has Sabotaged What It Means To Be Male”. I found it disadvantageous; filled with statistical assumptions and hurtful, gender stereotypes. I don’t disagree that children benefit from the participation of two caring, involved parents (when available)… but this article is a poor platform for encouraging that idea. I was very turned off by it.
Ama Johnston says
I really enjoyed the first few but that last one… Are you sure? That is one of the most deluded pieces of gender stereotyping, homophobia, and sex negative pieces of writing I have ever seen. Just wow. Are you sure this is a message you want to spread so widely?
Sam says
Thank you for saying this! That article was also included in the email newsletter, so I read it a few days ago, and it left quite an icky taste in my mouth. Such a load of phobic garbage.
joshua becker says
Thanks for the feedback.
I think it is vitally important for men to be involved in the lives of their sons. This article challenged me to become even more intentional and invested in mine. And I hoped it would encourage others to do the same.
Kayla says
No one’s disputing the importance that men are involved in their son’s lives. I’m interested how you found the article that bemoans “feminised schools” and characterizes a social ill (absent fathers) as “spilling out of the black community to the white community” inspiring to men raising sons? And what are we supposed to gain in mindfulness with quotes like, “So they’re going to have to have affirmative action for guys because obviously one reason you go to college is to find a guy”? I mean, the article asserts that boys are bad at self-reflection because they’re boys, and the worst thing we could have them do is journal…because they’re boys. Maybe the site should embrace the idea the article is putting across about feminised activities like writing and reflecting being best left to ladies and instead focus on where it can really shine according to the article’s expert: dance class.
Cassie says
That’s a very good takeaway, and the first paragraph in the article does say that…but then the rest of the article is Zimbardo blaming virtual culture in general (and single mothers rather specificially) for whatever “failture” boys are today. He doesn’t really talk about how fathers can connect with their sons at all.
The article reeks of Zimbardo’s own chauvanism. “Obviously one reason you go to college is to find a guy.” Excuse me? I went to college to get my Bachelor’s degree. If I wanted to get a guy, I think I could figure out a way that didn’t involve a bunch of student loans.
I could go on (because I practically hate every sentence in the whole article), but the biggest and funniest impression I get from the article is that Zimbardo thinks boys aren’t getting enough tail. He’s afraid porn will distort their view of women and prevent them from getting girls, He’s afraid virtual technology will make them uninterested in real girls. He suggests they learn to dance so they can get girls….sheesh.
Pamela says
I’m glad that your take away was inspiration to be a better dad. However, I couldn’t get past the first or second paragraph that said a father’s love was “provisional.” I really hope that’s not the case! That was *not* my experience with my father at all, and the though of that is horrifying. Both my husband and I can unconditionally love our daughter AND hold her to appropriate standards in life.
I usually love your site, but the link to this article is really really disappointing.
Also, when people whine and moan about “feminized” schools they forget that our current school structure was initially developed to educate BOYS. Not girls.
Lindsey says
Agreed! I generally look forward to all of the articles suggested in this series, but that last piece was utter nonsense. The entire article is centered around outdated, stereotypical definitions of masculinity and femininity – and offers little to no insight on how technology may/may not be leaving us disconnected. Glad to know I’m not the only one who had such a reaction!
Andrea says
“Glad to know I’m not the only one who had such a reaction!” [2]
Susan says
Why did you read so much into this post? It must have touched a nerve. No one wants to hear and believe the true facts anymore. They always hide behind statements like yours. Stop throwing around the “liberal” words and just look at it the way it is meant. A man should be a man and be taught what love, responsibility and compassion is. Far to few of them these days. Boys without fathers because they run away from the things I listed above. So they can have “their” life with no hassles of a kid. And by no means am I leaving women out if this. Same goes for a girl and a mom.
Frustrated Mom says
Totally. That is full of gender-based stereotypes. My grandmother was the disciplinarian and my grandfather was the one who unconditionally loved. If my kids come home with all C’s when they should be getting A’s, no. It is not okay.
Did he not learn the value of intrinsic motivation? If you Google intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation, we find that intrinsic is what causes the stronger learning of the behavior. That is basic psychology.
Why aren’t there more males in the classroom? My guess is that it was a result of many men going to war and boys no longer having men as role models in those positions to imagine themselves doing that work. It is seen as women’s work, which means they are respected less and paid less than other male-dominated career fields which require a similar investment in education.
Yes – ALL kids need to get their wiggles out. PE should not be removed from curricula any more than art or music – which all are threatened by budget cuts.
This guy had all kinds of ideas that he spewed, but no resources with which to back them. Perhaps a better description for this guy would be “pundit” rather than “psychologist.”
Maria says
Oh thank goodness it wasn’t just me. There was some good advice and information to think about in the last article, however it was so laced with sweeping generalisations and gender/sexual stereotyping I was frowning the whole way trying to work it out! Yes, boys need strong male role models. Yes, the ease with which boys can disappear into online worlds is hugely disturbing. However, I would strongly dispute the idea that fathers don’t love their sons unconditionally, and statements like the one about female teachers only modelling female traits and strengths. Not to list all the other grating generalisations.
Loved the first articles, for more on boys and men you’d be better reading the work of Australian psychologist Steve Biddulph and his books ‘Manhood’ and ‘Raising Boys’.