Rather than trying to “keep up with the Joneses,” try to “keep up with the person you want to be.”
It is, almost certainly, different than the life the Joneses are living.
Society has an interesting affect on us. Too often, it calls us to conform. Think of the changing styles and how quickly the masses adopt them.
We follow the new fashions. We watch the same shows and movies and read the same books. We buy the same automobile styles. We conform to modern styles of furniture, countertops, decorations, and even appliances.
“Keeping up with the Joneses” is, by its very nature, a pursuit of conformity. We want what they have, or buy what others are talking about, or click-to-ship the same product everyone else is buying on Black Friday.
But one of the rarely mentioned side effects of conforming to the life that others are living (what we buy, how we spend our time, and what we desire to have) is the complete and total loss of individuality.
But deep down, do we even want those things? Do we even want to change our clothing styles? Or buy the new car… or boat… or bigger house in the gated community?
Or would we much prefer our own life and our own choices? Wouldn’t we much prefer to pursue our own values? Because almost certainly your values are different than the Joneses!
When we take control of our life and begin pursuing the life we want to live, we discover the best way to overcome envy and jealousy of others is to live a life consistent with our values.
When our time and money are spent on things we consider important, we find an inner peace and calm that allows us to experience sufficiency, regardless of how much others have (or how they spend it). When our resources are spent on pursuits that bring us fulfillment, we find fulfillment.
Will others have more? Absolutely. But when we are doing the best we can with the resources we have, it results in the confidence and peace that the Joneses have probably been chasing all along.
Live your life ignoring conformity. Pursue those things that bring you fulfillment and significance and meaning.
Rather than trying to “keep up with the Joneses,” try to “keep up with the person you want to be.”
You certainly won’t get there trying to live the Joneses’ life.
Bill says
This is one of the best messages I have read anywhere in a very long time! I am sharing this with as many people as I can. I’ve been following ‘becoming minimalist’ for several months now just to understand and get comfortable with the concepts and lifestyle. I have in no way begun this process but am inspired and motivated. The good thing is we have hardly bought into the ‘Keeping Up with the Joneses’ concept during our 31 year marriage and have definitely ‘done our own thing’ in many aspects, including financial. The excess in our world! The expensive and extravagant homes and materialism in the area where I live is disturbing. My kids understood from the beginning to not be so materialistic as they may have seen in many school mates. So awesome to read this as further validation! Thank you.
Chuck says
This is a great article!
I am 75 years old and first heard about the Jones family from my parents when I was a kid. My parents were not interested in keeping up with them and told me I should not want to either. I internalized this early and also the idea that I could not be my own person if I did what everyone else did.
I try to avoid adopting behaviors that I see undesirable in others. I won’t be buying anything on Black Friday or for that matter anything online . . ever.
laura ann says
Chuck: My parents were like yours. Seems more parents were like that years back. Most people are in cliques anyway, and try to conform to their friends circle. I don’t compare myself to others, and avoid stores during the holiday season. Coupons are flooding the mail to get people to buy ahead of the 28th. Sales start early. I stay away from crowds.
Birgitte says
My husband and I in our late 60s have been living a minimalist life for the last 7 years or so – very freeing. Good post Joshua- and a good reminder to even “seasoned minimalists”. I always get renewed inspiration from you.
Barb says
It’s sooo hard to be the person we want to be with all the Black Friday deals tempting us. Is anyone finding it difficult? Everywhere we turn, there’s that word. (Black Friday deals) And wow, the temptation is there. How does one get the willpower to say “no”?
Alexandra says
I hear you …. I look at what I need first, then at my checking account. Can I afford it, do I really need it? Will it be useful in the long run? Also, delete all commercial spammy e-mails right away without looking at them, takes the temptation away. And don’t go to stores unless you have a goal, and there is something specific you want to purchase. Best of luck.
LB says
My husband and I are totally not tempted by Black Friday deals. We realize we do not need any of the things they are advertising, even if it is on sale.
Do you really NEED the things that they are advertising?
Helene Bennie says
Not trying to sound mean…but what “hole” are you trying to fill in your heart? Are you lonely? Do your grieve the loss of something? Are you feeling insecure?
Think about what the emotion behind these desires to buy. If we are feeling sad, lonely, insecure etc, then the glow of the purchase will wear off.
It is probably a long term process to address these problems – it is hard work, often painful and requires a lot of honesty. Perhaps the most important “minimalism” we can do is in our heart and emotions, since it is from there that we make many of our decisions to accumulate stuff.
Karin says
This is such a fab post not only for our exterior lives but also for the way to approach our emotional lives – I‘m going through an unforeseen breakup and focussing away from what was to who I want to be holds true in this level too! Thankyou ?
Kwame Michel says
Great post especially leading into the holiday season.
Anita says
Thank you for this, it was a light bulb moment for me! I have just started this journey and have a long way to go but this might just be my mantra.
Jana De Jager says
This is such a powerful way of putting it! Thanks for sharing this.
Cat says
Thanks for always knocking some sense and reminding us to re-evaluate. Not that easy if you live in a big city or around high-achievers and a goal-oriented or status quo community/culture.
Like your mention of losing individuality – wow. What a horrible effect on society to lose other role models, diversity in thinking, philosophy, outcomes. Life is complex. We could all use a little more simplicity and peace no matter what path we travel.
Roxy says
“Keep up with the person you want to be”.
Thank you, Josh, for continually reminding and encouraging me to stay on my path of being a minimalist.
Cecilia says
I enjoy your emails Josh.
I’m on the “same page” as you.
Reminds me to stay on track with your little pep talks :)
Thank you