Becoming Minimalist

Own less. Live more. Finding minimalism in a world of consumerism.

Lessons Learned From Intentionally Letting Go

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As my attachment to material possessions lessens, I am able to develop a greater appreciation for those things that could never be replaced.

“Use for yourself little, but give to others much.” —Albert Einstein

When I was in middle school, I flew with my brother and sister to visit extended family. I placed a backpack full of my stuff in an overhead bin and buckled up. My favorite cassettes at the time were inside, my favorite Minnesota Gopher t-shirt, my favorite sweatshirt, and a book.

After arriving and walking through most of the airport, I noticed a lightness on my back. I had walked off the plane without my bag. Despite spinning around and running back to the gate, the plane and stuff were nowhere to be found.

I was a bit too forgetful as a child (heck, I’m a bit too forgetful as an adult). I forgot my fair share of packed lunches, homework assignments, and textbooks back at the house.

But this moment felt a little bit different.

Those possessions in that backpack felt like everything to me at the time. I was devastated, and everyone around me—especially my brother and sister—could feel the disappointment.

My guess is that feeling is relatable to almost everyone. At some point in our lives, we all misplace or forget something important.

How we react to that loss is another thing. Despite being inevitable, most of us are surprised when it happens—humbled by an emptiness for something… missing.

When I first discovered minimalism and began clearing out my garage many years ago, fear gripped me. And I’ve heard the same from others. Each item I removed felt like a little, voluntary loss. Sometimes I gripped an item for a while, pondering, “What if I need this in the future?”

The “what if” mindset slowed me down. As if the George Foreman grill would one day come back to haunt me and say, “Told you so!”

Despite the discomfort, I learned to let go of my unneeded material possessions—repeatedly. Sure, some things were harder than others, and some things took longer than others. But slowly, by persisting and not giving up, I began to see how loss ultimately leads to gain.

Here are Five Lessons I Learned Intentionally Letting Go:

1. Everything is fleeting.

The passage of time shifts and modifies our perspective on loss. Fortunately, I’m not still reeling over the loss of my backpack as a student. While losses might be painful initially, it’s a fleeting sensation. Trust in this process and understanding.

If you’ve been hesitating to throw something away you’ve never used “just in case” you might need it someday, embrace the loss, let it go, and see how you feel a few months later. My guess is you won’t miss any of it once it’s gone.

2. Lighter is better.

Stuff can be burdensome—weighing us down. It’s not just the physical heft of objects, but it’s the time we take out of our lives to maintain, prop up, and care for what we own. To let go is to provide yourself the opportunity to feel the lightness from having less responsibility for material goods. Today’s losses are tomorrow’s freedom.

3. You can break the chain of materialism, intentionally.

There comes a point where we must question whether materialism allows us to live the life we’d like to lead. By choosing to let go, we push against the societal norms and messages that say we must consume more to be happy.

Something changed in me years ago, and by tossing extraneous goods out, I placed a stamp of commitment to become minimalist. This was the first radical step to more with less, but I needed to persist through the doubts, fears, and losses.

4. You define what’s important.

If the stuff we own doesn’t define us anymore, what does? Well, that’s for you decide. For me, “loss” allowed me to focus on my family, friends, and my larger community. It empowered me to start The Hope Effect, Simplify Magazine, Uncluttered, and connect with an entire network of simple living advocates around the world. We must question what today’s potential feelings of loss might be stopping us from becoming, doing, and supporting.

5. Losses can be reframed.

To eschew the materialist messages of our society, consume less, declutter more, and become a minimalist might involve loss. It’s a potent, powerful feeling that can prevent us from acting up and changing our ways. Inversely, we could actually move away from the very concept of loss altogether, see the act of letting go as giving back and making time for more of what matters most. In that light, loss becomes a positive force for good. Minimalism isn’t about the things you remove from your life—it’s about freeing up your life to add back in the things that are truly important.

These lessons have affected me—even today.

On a recent flight home, I got up to use the bathroom and briefly left my laptop in the backseat pocket. I didn’t think much of it. But when I returned to the seat, the person seated next to me leaned over and said, “Be careful where you leave that. Someone might take it.”

I thought about the statement for a moment and kindly thanked her. But in the back of my mind I was thinking, “I’d be okay—even without it. Besides, if someone’s going to risk stealing a laptop on an airplane, they probably need it more than me.”

Minimalism hasn’t made me flippant about stuff; rather, it’s helped me focus on what matters most. As my attachment to material possessions lessens, I am able to develop a greater appreciation for those things that could never be replaced.

Joshua Becker

About Joshua Becker

Writer. Inspiring others to live more by owning less.
WSJ Bestselling author of The More of Less.

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Comments

    • George Foreman grills we got, 2 actually, the original and bigger and better one, both of them are on a shelf (unused for a long time) in my laundry room, guess what is going next? It is amazing the value we place on things, I remember going to a bible camp as a teenager, on a small island in NY, for one week, guess what? My suitcase was lost, and all I had was the clothes I was wearing …needless to say, for 2 days I only had those items, I was very upset because there was a guy I liked working there, and the first night was a welcome bonfire/BBQ, and I had nothing else to wear, or dress up in…..needless to say, it didn’t matter, and when my suitcase finally arrived it was day #3 and the guy I liked left the island for a few days off, I didn’t see him again, until the night before I left……to say goodbye, clothes didn’t really matter. I had a crush on him, he attended our church, was older than me, and of course he had a girlfriend at the camp already. He, and nobody else noticed what I was wearing, only I did. Not having those clothes made me not want to go anywhere, and afraid to be seen by him, and others. I am a work in progress, thank you for your inspirational words.

  2. Thanks for this article Joshua!

    I like what you say; “Minimalism hasn’t made me flippant about stuff”.

    I agree, even though I can live with so much less than I did before I embraced minimalism, it doesn’t mean I’m flippant about stuff.

    I was probably more flippant BEFORE.

    Now I think a lot more purposefully and consciously about the stuff I choose to have in my life.

    Elesha :)

    • Reading about your lost backpack reminded me of a time when I put my camera 10 years ago outside and it was stolen the next day. I simply forgot to take it home. At the place where I was living steeling was something many neighbors complain about. I was trying to be careful but taking care of an infant at that time made me forget things because I was not getting whole night sleep. My little baby was was waking me up every 2-3 hours….Loosing those pictures made me feel like I lost a lot that day…I had a lot of precious to me pictures….I was really happy to have them….I think loosing something that meant a lot to us make us collect things and it is hard for us to let go because we are afraid that this will make us experience the feeling of loss we felt when we lost something that was very important to us….

  3. You inspire me. You speak to my mind and my heart. We must, as a people, see how we are overusing our planet. We must redefine what we need and even what is healthy for us. For example, I now find I no longer need a bed, as sleeping on a pallet on the floor is better than a bed.

  4. “To let go is to provide yourself the opportunity to feel the lightness from having less responsibility for material goods.” -This is what it’s been for me, more than anything. Thank you for this reminder, Joshua!
    -Michele.

    • Michele: Agree, we are downsizing to a two bedroom townhouse and selling a three bedroom w/ large yard we are tired of keeping up. As retirees we have been eliminating stuff for some time (fly lady agenda- room by room) and going thru each room over and over, still finding stuff we no longer use, incl music CD’s twenty plus years old, played many times, books, clothing, kitchen items, etc. Using the marie kondo view that it must bring joy/ is applied as I go thru each room. Minimalists stay in a de cluttering mode as a way of life, donating to various charities and have more time to enjoy things other than cleaning/maintaining their stuff. Less stuff means more time. Most retirees and younger I know are so bogged down with stuff mostly useless junk.

  5. Glad to see you mentioned those 3 words that are the bane of our lives—“Just In Case…”. They can prevent us from throwing stuff out, or make us buy something…J.I.C.! Once I told that to others, they had an “Ah hah!” moment. Everything my partner and I own fits into 25 small boxes. At present we’re travelling Asia with just carryons and a small backpack each, with no thoughts of returning to Australia yet. By the way, we’re in our mid-60s! We are happy Minimalists.

    • That remark hit me the same way. When I think about how many times I’ve thought “just in case” it makes me cringe. I’ve wasted so much time just having that single thought. I am on a mission now and there’s no turning back. Just to NEVER think ” just in case” again, is so freeing!!!!!!

  6. Each day I get up I try to at least remove one item that bogs me down in some way. We had a yard sale over the weekend. I felt great about every item that left our property. Instead of getting “gifts” for our 8 grandkids on their birthday…we are giving them an experience. These are small steps…but for me…they are a big step toward freedom from stuff!!

  7. Thank you Joshua for sharing your journey and insight with us. I have been following you for some time and find inspiration in all that you write about. I am a 56 year old woman, I have lived my version of a minimalist lifestyle for the past 10 or so years and can say that the gifts that have come from owning less and embracing this lifestyle are innumerable. I am a Life Coach and now that I have really owned this as the main ingredient in my inspired life, I am sharing my story with others. I have a beautiful big life, and it has much to do with the environment I have created.

  9. I have been actively getting rid of stuff for 6 months now. It has been great. I am down to the essentials. I would rid myself of more stuff but it is a balance in a family of 3. My wife does not clutter or hold onto items, but is less apt to clear out some of her things. It is a balance and one that is working fine. I can control my daily needs and she controls hers while we maintain our home and raise our son.

    I used to fear loss (material and existential) but have since accepted that it is part of life. With this also comes the realization that no one can make me happy but me. It is an internal compass and my reaction externally is completely controlled by me.

  10. Thanks for another inspiring post. My profession dictates that I naturally accumulate little, but it is always amazing how quickly “stuff” adds up over just a few years.

  11. What stands out to me in this post – but also this journey of living with purpose, health and joy – is the freedom that comes when we hold everything loosely.

    This might include stuff and when we hold it loosely it makes it easier to share with others, give away, reduces the need to acquire so much, lessens stress when something is lost or stolen, but also helps us live with deeper gratitude for what we have.

    But more than stuff, this idea of holding everything loosely means that we are more flexible when life changes. We feel the pain and loss intensely when someone we love dies, but we know that we will survive. Big kids leave the nest, our bodies change as we grow older, a work project does not succeed in the way we had hoped. But we hold it all loosely, enjoying what we have today but also knowing that our joy does not depend on circumstances remaining the same.

  13. It so amazing reading your blog. I have just started my minimalist lifestyle and the result so far is amazing. Thank you and keep motivating us. God bless you!
    Regards Noah

  14. hi.ive been a mimimalist from a very early age .im 65.i think it started because i was the youngest of 4 children and would always have things taken away from me hence i grew up to have the mindset” if I dont own much then little can be taken away from me”.that mindset has stuck i love reading any articles on Minimalism.well done Joshua! Thanks

  15. Joshua, thank you so much for your continued inspiration! Following a divorce I have spent the last 5 years downsizing. First I lived in a 2000 sq. ft. house, then downsized to a 1200 sq. ft. 2-bedroom apartment, then to a 782 sq. ft. 1-bedroom apartment and now to a 612 sq. ft. 1-bedroom apartment. I was able to pack all of my belongings in to 12 cardboard boxes, and even then as I unpack I’m sure I will find things I don’t need to keep. It feels so good to lighten my load!

  16. George Clooney’s character in the movie “Up in the Air” gives a speech titled “How Heavy Is Your Backpack?” He talks about all the stuff we put in our backpacks, weighing us down. Then he says, imagine emptying the backpack and filling it up with people, instead. I’d add, experiences, too. Life is moving. Life is loved ones. Great post today, Joshua. Here’s a link to the Clooney scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsRP9EUrXjo

  18. I’ve found that it’s easier to keep track of things I’ve decided to keep. Like, if I had 20 widgets, I couldn’t name where each of them is. But if I have 2 widgets, it’s easy to know exactly where I keep them. Good post, thanks.

  19. The one thing about learning to love having less is that the items that make the cut are treated with respect and lovingly cared for. Recently the airline “misplaced” my luggage for 7 of an 8 day trip. I was able to quickly replace what was in the bag thanks to the tools learned with living with less. However, I suffered a few days of mourning thinking the beloved items were indeed gone forever. When they arrived back it I was able to pass on some of the new items to others and retain the ones dear to me. A win win and lesson all at once!-Laurel

  20. I’ve done lots of decluttering over 5 years. The other day I found a stinky old cardboard box full of old Xmas decorations in our basement that hasn’t been touched in years. I was like – are you kidding me?? I thought I had dealt with most of the old crap lying around. Each trip of donations I make, the lighter I feel. And I swear the air quality in our house has improved with the old stuff gone. Who wants to breathe all that in daily? Yuck. At one point I actually found 2 urns that belonged to my mother in law who had owned the house previously and forgotten about them!!

  21. We don’t have a large house (1,150 SQ ft) and we’re working on downsizing. However, I have this addiction to school supplies and we no longer have a child at home. I don’t need more pencils, pens, lined notebook paper or 3-ring notebooks, so why on earth when I see these items on sale do I fill my basket with them and take them home and put them in a drawer? It’s really the only thing I hoard. What can I do to stop this addiction??

    • Hi Linda, School and office or art supplies are fun for me to! I have children in school, but still found we had an excess. I filled packets for several families with lots of children, and they were SO happy! We have participated in programs each year that fill and donate back packs to children for school. Perhaps you can do that. Just ask your local schools or teachers what they need. They will thank you! If you still want to keep supplies for yourself, keep a few of your absolute favorites…the ones you know you’ll use up over the year and know you can get new fun ones next year. Share the rest and you won’t waste those supplies! :) You may find one really nice refillable pencil/pen and a pack of refill lead/ink is more luxurious than a whole pack of disposables. It’s helped me, and I’m happy to be able to actually find the ones we need.

    • Keep purchasing if you must, and immediately donate them to local teachers, schools, and children in the communities that have very little.

  22. It is a journey, for sure. I am continually purging and trying always to live with intent. I want to get rid of much more…and I will. It’s so freeing and refreshing not to be burdened down by junk! :) I am very motivated for this…

    This website is a big inspiration for me! Thank you!

  25. Thanks so much for your insight. I’ve finished “clutter free with kids” and have started on the process of minimising. Definitely the things we value are more obvious when we start to shed all the unnecessary stuff. Even my kids are onboard with it and now playing better with (less) toys.
    My main aim was to tackle clutter but what i hadn’t realised is how liberating it would *feel* to not have it – like looking at the clutter was constantly looking at all my indecision/poor decisions!
    How apt this quote is by christina scalise: “Clutter is the physical manifestation of unmade decisions fueled by procrastination”
    My next and bigger challenge is to stop all the stuff coming into the house in the first place! That sai, i can already see that being more mindful of stuffs value (its true value to yourself rather than a supposed/societal/as-advertised/monetary value) is a game changer in halting mindless shopping/dependency.
    Thanks for sharing your tips and your motivations.
    It’s like that jar and marbles time/life analogy teachers are fond of. You pour in marbles, then sand, then water. You have to fill your life with the stuff that matters first, to make sure there’s room for that.

  29. I am a professional organizer and striving to help my clients declutter and find the peace of living with less. I share your words with them constantly…my favorite words in this article are “my favorite Minnesota Gopher T-shirt”! I did not know that in addition to being a brilliant mind, you are from Minnesota! Thanks for all you do, but especially for making me smile today! Much love from a fellow displaced Minnesotan–I will get back to the prairie someday!

  30. So true. My mom and I moved in together. We just combined out stuff. I got rid of duplicates in the first year. Now, i put stuff in boxes and say, If I haven’t used this in a year, the box goes to the Goodwill. The hardest has been my mom. She had over 20 coffee cups and 30 glasses. As we thinned them out to 5 cups and 5 glasses, she said “What will I do if someone comes over?” Our problem was that she would use one cup, leave it on the sink, get another cup, leave it on the sink, get a glass, sink and so one. By the end of the day there would be 4 cups and 4 glasses. Stopped that by putting only one cup and glass in cupboard.

  31. The process of moving made me see just how much stuff was accumulated. I was going to get storage space but realized that I’d miss nothing if I lost all that junk. I ended up giving away or selling most of it and haven’t regretted it.

  32. We did a lot of letting go over the years, but there are certain things I still insist we keep: the ones that mean something.

    Even if we don’t really use them anymore, if they were a gift from people who matter, we’re not throwing them away anytime soon.

    As far as the rest of the stuff goes, good riddance. Except my laptop, all my work is on it! :D

  33. Since my husband passed away in 2010, I have “downsized” three different times as I sold our “big” house, moved to a smaller house and now into a townhome. Got rid of so much STUFF but in the past year, I find myself not accumulating as much but not getting rid of stuff either. Your blog has been a God send as I now see my office space has become cluttered again, my closet is full again and I have things in my home that I don’t love – just taking up space. . . time to start over and try to once again live with the minimalist mentality.

  35. When my wife and I moved into a tiny house, it was hard to figure out what we would need and what we could give away. I was afraid to get rid of something only to find out later that I should have kept it. Well, two years later I do not miss a single thing from the boxes and boxes of junk we gave away. The fears we had of letting go were completely unwarranted.

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