I was once told by a mentor, “Each of us are living in the midst of a trial, have just emerged from one, or are heading toward another.”
It is phrasing similar to another oft-quoted truth, “Be kind to everyone you meet. You never know what battle they are fighting.”
There is truth in this statement. But it is particularly enhanced during the holiday season when loss, of every kind, is magnified.
So be kind to one another out there.
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But I want to approach this conversation from a slightly different angle. With all the weight and burden that each of us already carry in life, why would we ever choose to intentionally carry more?
Just consider all the things that weigh down our hearts and lives: death, loss, illness, worry, politics, financial hardships, grief, guilt, marital tension, traumatic events. Each a weight that we carry on our shoulders.
Many of these burdens are inevitable and entirely outside our realm of control. Regardless of their origin, we carry them—each of us, on a daily basis.
No wonder, in a recent survey when children were asked, “If you were granted one wish about your parents, what would it be?” The kids’ number one wish was that their parents were less tired and less stressed.
Life is not easy. It never has been and was never promised to be. And in our new society defined by instantaneous social sharing, not only do we carry the weight of our own trials, we also carry the weight of others.
A friend of mine, on the other side of the country, was rushed to a hospital Thanksgiving evening. Through text and social media, I was alerted to it almost instantly. A tragedy, on the other side of the country, involving a family not my own. And yet, a sadness… a weight… was felt in our home.
Life is hard. Why would we ever choose to make it more difficult?
But it seems to me that many of us choose to do that very thing simply by carrying excess possessions in our homes and lives.
Perhaps Randy Alcorn said it best, “Every increased possession adds increased anxiety onto our lives.”
Excess possessions take up residence in our homes and in our minds. They require care, maintenance, and attention. Every item we own must be handled and at some point, discarded—whether by ourselves or by a loved one. They add obligation, responsibility, weight.
Clutter is a contributing factor to the level of stress in our lives. For example, 1) Researchers at UCLA discovered a link between high levels of stress hormones and a high density of household objects; 2) Princeton scientists discovered that a cluttered environment limits our ability to focus; and 3) Psychology Today reinforced these studies back in March 2012, citing eight specific reasons how clutter contributes to higher levels of stress in our bodies.
With all the weight and burden that each of us already carry in life, why would we ever choose to intentionally carry more?
Unburden your life in the areas you can control. In so doing, you will find more freedom and capacity to navigate the trials and burdens that are outside of it.
Waldemar Cordero Bonilla says
It is interesting that the fabric of society is designed so that we increase the burden in our lives as we age. The measure of success in the popular culture is to acquire more and more no matter the consequences. Thanks for this words! Have a great day!
Marie Dawkins says
I just started embracing this lifestyle on October 5th. I have given away over 500 very nice “things or items” all useful or decorative, including some furniture. It is hard to say this, but it take time to sort, precious time.
After almost 60 days of doing a little everyday, I realize, I need to do so much more. So I plan to gather another 500 items before January 6th, and give those away.
I want to feel lighter and have more time for other plans for my life and not be managing “my things”. You have to store, dust, hunt, and retrieve things. Sometimes I can’t find what I need. I know this is a great decision, but it is very difficult and somewhat depressing, that I let this happen.
When my Mom died, I spent 6 weeks cleaning out her hoarding and clutter. It was a mess. I never want to go through that again.
Mary Ann says
I feel much as you do, Marie — about the time it takes, the need I feel to do it faster because there’s so much more to do, the desire to be rid of it all so I have more time and space… all of that. Plus how depressing it is, to see how much useless stuff I’ve accumulated, and the consequence of having to deal with it all now. And how hard it is, to have so much sorting and so many decisions to make.
I try to encourage myself by reminding myself that this is a worthy goal, that I’ve done difficult things before, and that there WILL be an end to it. All it is, is physical “stuff” — and once I push through this stage I’ll be free! FREE!
Amy Laughlin says
Thank you. I work in a retirement community and see the burden of loss first hand every day: loss of independence, loss of health, loss of spouse or beloved friends, loss of a long time home. The burden of loss is especially hard at this time of year. What I rarely see is pain caused by the loss of personal possessions necessary when downsizing from a house to a small retirement apartment or studio. It’s my privilege to help bring joy to their lives through opportunities, experiences and quality of life. Joshua, I appreciate your posts, you are one of my chosen few people I follow!
Mary Ann says
Amy, it’s an interesting and privileged viewpoint you have, into the lives of older people who’ve moved into your retirement community. Do you think that there is no pain around loss of personal possessions when downsizing? — or do you think the residents of your retirement community just don’t talk about that?
We’re at the stage of preparing for a major downsizing, and for me the process of parting with things IS painful. Mind you, once the things are gone, there are very few items that I actually miss having. But I’m still in the early stages of purging, so it’s been mostly “low-hanging fruit” that I’ve parted with, so far.
I’m curious about your perspective on how it may feel once this is over, after we’ve parted with about 3/4 of our possessions.
Judy Johnson says
The emotional hurdle is what holds many back from decluttering, plus the fact that they are frequently forced into it makes it many times harder. Once you get the mindset figured out, it becomes much easier.
Ann says
I would love to get rid of all of the junk (and useful items, too!) in our basement and attic that we don’t use, but my husband is a just-in-case-er. I’ve removed things from closets and put them in bags in the basement for a year, just to show him what we use and don’t. Then he’ll agree to let some things go. But there are things in those spaces that are obviously unused and could go to someone who needs them. It makes me want to get rid of them anyway, which I know isn’t fair to my husband. But I know he won’t even know they’re gone.
Andrea says
Ann, I know the feeling. There are many items in this house that I want to get rid of that my husband wants to keep. I resist the urge to remove them from the house without his knowledge because he would no longer trust me. Anytime he couldn’t find something, he would say “Have you seen such and such? You didn’t get rid of it did you?” And then I would either have to lie or confess that I had done it. Neither of those options appeals to me. I also remind myself that if I begin removing items without HIS knowledge, he could decide to remove items without MY knowledge creating more anger and distrust in the marriage. My only hope is that over time he will eventually agree with me about getting rid of some items, and that has happened several times already, so I am encouraged. My husband has also been open to listening to ideas about minimalism. We watched the documentary “Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things” which is available on Netflix. We went to see Courtney Carver when she gave a presentation in our city. I know we would go to see The Minimalists or Joshua Becker if they came to our city. So, that is our game plan. Instead of getting angry with each other over which items to keep or get rid of we just continue to open our minds to the concept of minimalism, and I believe our new mindset is making a huge difference in our lives, in spite of the fact that that dang such and such is still in our basement!
Mary Ann says
Ann and Andrea,
I’m in the same boat, and I’m approaching the situation in similar ways. I wouldn’t want to throw out husband’s things without his permission, even when I know he won’t even notice that one piece of the mass of clutter is gone!
We are making progress, although it’s slower than I’d like.
Jill BCC says
One of my best friend get suicide last year, and somehow since the i try to enjoy my life to the fullest. i know its weird but yeah,,
John says
In addition to household clutter, I think we need to consider emotional clutter. The endless chatter in our heads. Telling us that we’re not good enough. Or reliving a past trauma. Embracing mindfulness, decluttering our lives, and focusing on loved ones and passions is part of the answer. Many find that letting go of the stuff makes room for transformational, personal growth. Thanks for another insightful post!
Karen says
Well said!
Yolanda C. Summers says
Thank you for such an delightful article.
Amie K says
This is a timely message for me as well. I was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune condition. My cluttered home environment has contributed to increased stress levels that exacerbate the negative symptoms. My energy level is often very low but I’m determined to clear out all this stuff. Thank you for sharing this.
Christina Gomez says
That is very interesting! I wholeheartedly agree! I hope your friend will be well. Prayers being lifted up.
Christina
Emma says
Thank you for this. We’ve recently sold our large home and are now committed to the smaller home we downsized to. A part of me aches for the loss of that big home dream, but the reality is it had become a burden and we were able to eliminate that burden by selling. I know when the fog clears we will feel lighter.
I needed this perspective today, so thank you.
Mary Ann says
We’re about to do a similar kind of downsizing, Emma — from fairly roomy house, to much smaller condo. Thank you for acknowledging the loss that is involved in this process — I don’t often hear that acknowledged within the minimalist community.
We may feel a little cramped in our new condo, but we’ll adjust and, like you, I think we’ll feel much, much lighter.
Angie says
Emma, I did the same thing earlier this year–I sold my large house (formerly filled to the brim with excess crap) and moved into a smaller townhouse.
It is pretty darned glorious. :-)