Jim Rohn once famously said, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” There is wisdom in this statement. It is true that the people we spend time with influence who we are and who we become. And it is important to choose wisely the community we keep.
But in my case (and I’d guess in countless others), I have never found his statement to be entirely accurate. My friends influence me and my choices—no doubt. But my life is not a reflection of the five people I spend the most time with.
My life is a reflection of the men and women who shaped me from a young age. They have had the greatest and most significant impact on the man I have become.
So I thought I’d take a moment today to tell you about some of them. Specifically, the men who made me.
There are three:
Roy Becker, Father
My dad is a banker with a mind for numbers, a heart for loyalty, and a disciplined spirit. He grew up on a family farm in South Dakota, received a Finance Degree in Agricultural Lending from Northern State University in Aberdeen, SD where he met my mom. My parents, my siblings, and their kids all live there still.
Through hard work, determination, honesty, character, and a knack for ag-lending, he has worked his way up the banking ladder position-by-position—always remaining true to his passion for the farmer and their livelihood.
My father taught me about work and career, but also community and volunteering. From the moment I was old enough to notice, he has always found opportunity to serve—School Board, Church Treasurer, Kiwanis, just to name a few. He served the community and he served our family.
I have vivid memories of my father sitting on a stool at our kitchen counter, working on a project for the bank or the church. I learned to appreciate the value of a hard day’s work from him, no doubt.
But equally important, I have countless memories of being in the backyard playing catch, on the street learning to ride my bike, or being together watching the Minnesota Twins on television. He always found time for us.
My father has always been faithful to my mother and faithful to God. He has always been, and continues to be, a positive role model of giving, loving, and serving.
Harold Salem, Maternal Grandfather
I named my son after my grandpa. Not Harold (his first name wasn’t even in the running), but we named him Salem—taken from my grandfather’s last name.
My grandpa is 97 years old. He still works 50+ hours/week as a pastor on radio and television all over the world. He preaches from the Bible and answers countless letters from his desk. His love for people knows no bounds. For that heritage, I am eternally grateful.
He and his wife Beulah were married for 59 years before she passed away on Christmas Eve, 2005. All these years later, and there is not a day that goes by that my grandfather doesn’t think about my grandmother. He has told me this, and as often as he speaks of her, I know it to be true.
My grandfather came to age during the Great Depression—on a farm eventually foreclosed upon during troubled times. He knows of history and change and may be one of the most intelligent men I have ever met. His understanding of people, the world, and evolving decades has resulted in wisdom. Wisdom I have leaned on heavily in forming my own worldview.
My grandfather, on more than one occasion, gave his last dollar to another in need. And yet, he faithfully provided for his family—my mother and three siblings. He taught me that work is fulfilling, and the best work is one that improves the lives of others.
A documentary about his life, The Heart of a Shepherd, was completed in 2018.
Arnold Becker, Paternal Grandfather
My eyes well up with tears whenever I happen to hear Paul Harvey’s So God Made a Farmer. Because I know, firsthand, how well it accurately describes the life of those who feed us.
My grandpa farmed his entire life—on a family farm in South Dakota that has since passed to his son (my uncle) and will soon pass to his son (my cousin).
Paul Harvey describes the life of a farmer this way during the speech:
God said, “I need somebody strong enough to clear trees and heave bails, yet gentle enough to tame lambs and wean pigs and tend the pink-combed pullets, who will stop his mower for an hour to splint the broken leg of a meadow lark. It had to be somebody who’d plow deep and straight and not cut corners. Somebody to seed, weed, feed, breed and rake and disc and plow and plant and tie the fleece and strain the milk and replenish the self-feeder and finish a hard week’s work with a five-mile drive to church.” So God made a farmer.
If you have a farmer in your family tree, you know as well as I do, truer words have rarely been spoken. That was my grandfather. Up at dawn, work all morning, lunch in the small farmhouse with his wife, before heading back out to tend to the fields and animals in the afternoon.
My grandfather taught me the importance of farming and a steady hand—that the hardest working hands in America are often the dirtiest, and sometimes the poorest. My maternal grandfather worked behind a desk, my paternal grandfather behind the steering wheel of a tractor.
From beginning to end, and in all aspects of his life, he lived with uncompromisable integrity. He was faithful to his wife. He was committed to his children. I never knew him to sacrifice his character for an easy dollar or a worldly pleasure. He hid no secrets. He valued his integrity above everything else. And he lived in such a way that should never go overlooked or unnoticed.
In a world that has seen far too many lives disgraced and families destroyed by the sins of the father… I am eternally grateful and infinitely blessed to have a grandfather who taught my father those same life lessons.
—
I am, by no means, a self-made man. None of us are, really. We all stand on the shoulders of generations past. It is their accomplishments, sacrifice, and legacy that have laid the foundation for our lives today.
I am grateful today for the men who made me. It is my hope that my life will be as honorable as theirs.
I just found your blog today. Thank you for honoring your father and grandfathers. Being grateful and finding worth in the investments that have been made in shaping your character will continue to serve you well. After reading your post, I somehow feel that you, too, would spend an hour helping an injured bird….
I should have known that you were from South Dakota! There is just something special about them. My mom was from Mitchell.
Thank you for sharing your story. ?
My grandfather moved to this part of the state with his brother after the Depression to do what they’d been trying to do in south Arkansas- farm rice. This Delta region in the strip from SE Mo all the way to the Ar/MS/La border corner had the right conditions and soil for it. he was first generation,my dad was second,and my brother and I are third on our farm,my cousin is forth on what was my grandfathers farm. We are all the last generational farmers of that land,as the three of us had no children, I know what it is to have strong men as well as women,at the helm all my life and I thank God for the blessing they were and still are.
Joshua, I’ve been following your blog and FB posts for the past year, impressed by the balance and practicality of your approach to minimalism, as well as your frequent references to the realities of family life, hard work, and a genuine understanding of the vital role spiritual commitment makes in this life. I’ve made some significant changes due to your suggestions, and my life is moving toward a simpler, more manageable level because of the work you do!
But, the following is really quite amazing to me! Reading your thoughts here about the “three men who made me” I saw my own background mirrored. My own beloved dad and both grandfathers were all ND farmers with the same work-ethic and faithfulness to their family and community. When I read your grandfather’s name, I called across the house for my husband to come look!
My mother, age 87, has been widowed two years this month. Since his passing at age 91, we’ve watched her rally from losing her husband of 64 years with remarkable strength and grace. Part of that positive process has been her weekly encouragement from a television pastor named Pastor Harold – her wise and Gospel-focused “Heart of a Shepherd” preacher! I have donated to his ministry, purchased his video, and thanked God MANY times for the help my beautiful Mama has found in Pastor Salem’s weekly Sunday service!
Keep writing, keep emulating these influential men, and keep on the family tradition of helping and encouraging others! I’ll be here in Indiana cheering you on, Joshua!
What a great tribute to the men you made you who you are today. I rented the video of your grandfather’s life, what a testimony! You are a blessed man to have such Godly men to look up to and point you to the love of Christ. Thank you for sharing.
So many males remain in a kind of masculine adolescence.. disrespecting women, using anger and violence in response to adversity, or in some cases just putting career before family, money & sucess before relationships and community.
Manhood is a wonderful thing, but I think all boys need good fathering, mentoring good example and appropriate consequences.
Sounds like you are one of the lucky ones!
I have been thinking lately good people need to be sending the message that values and family should be celebrated. There is so much negative messaging. We need to shout from the rooftops that values, families, and healthy relationships (whatever they may be) should be sought after, treasured, and celebrated!! Thanks for doing this.
Very well written and beautiful. It is wonderful you had such great men in your life.
Sadly I do have to disagree with your sentences “We all stand on the shoulders of generations past. It is their accomplishments, sacrifice, and legacy that have laid the foundation for our lives today.”
There are many who do not or can not stand on the shoulders of generations past because they were alcoholics, abusers, criminals or not around at all.
Thanks for the feedback. My post centered on family members that have been influential in my life. But I do believe we all stand on the shoulders of generations past. Even if our family of origin was not healthy, past generations have still worked to create the world we live in today.
What a lovely tribute. I often feel that I stand on the shoulders of the leaders
who came before me. I’m so grateful that I (like you) came from a family of faithful men and women. I pray that I will be a steward and role model for my descendants as my precious family was for me.
Your tribute just brings me to tears. I would so love to meet these admirable, faithful men. What a gift of legacy.
You are a rare breed, sir. Continue to live your legacy well, and be blessed.
Thank you for sharing this!! It was beautiful and very touching! I couldn’t hold back the tears (and like you said, rarely can when I hear God Made a Farmer). I was also raised by an amazing man who had a passion for farming in his blood and loved to share that passion! He loves to see the new life of a field of tiny green shoots! I grew up directly north of Grand Forks, ND, in southern Manitoba and have been to Aberdeen a few times! I no longer live on the farm I grew up on but I was fortunate enough to inherit the land my mother inherited from her father when she turned 21 in 1955! My husband and I treasure it and the blessing we have received from those that raised us!! Thank you for this beautiful reminder!!
This is so beautiful, Joshua. What an amazing heritage you have. Thank you for sharing. xo
A beautiful post once again Joshua.
I too had a wonderful father.
These people play a huge part in who we are.
Joshua,
What a privilege and an honor to have such a wonderful heritage.
Thank you for sharing a part of you.
Hi Joshua,
What a treasure and wonderful tribute to your father and grandfathers! Your post speaks volumes to the important roles, men have in their families. Love the Paul Harvey piece too! These men are leaders, in every sense of the term, and I so appreciate you sharing their legacies with all of us. We are truly missing men of character, within our society today. Humble, hardworking souls, who want the best for the families and communities. I see how they’ve greatly impacted you!
I, too, am impressed with your tribute to these wonderful men. What a terrific family tree…and the acorn does not fall far from the oak. I love your books and your blog and recently discovered your U Tube channel. Thanks for all you provide for us to make the journey.
What a beautifully written tribute to some most remarkable people. It brought to mind the many people who have influenced me along my way (for good and bad), and, especially at this time of the year–Valentine’s Day–when love and friendship is on almost everyone’s minds, it’s an especially good time to honour and remember them. Thanks for a great post.
I love this post. What a wonderful tribute to the men who helped you to become who you are. We all have many influences in our lives and this post is a great reminder to take a moment to honor a few of those people. Beautifully done.
I’ve never commented on your posts before and I rarely do at all in reading blogs but this was so beautiful that I feel compelled to post. I add my disappointment and share in the sentiment of Brenda’s comment that just b/c this focused on the men in your life, it doesn’t have to imply anything negative about women. I”m sure that you will have a post about the women in your life, or have done one in the past. I”m sure that you feel similarly blessed and guided by the role of women in your life. As a women, I did not feel excluded by your focus on the men in your life. This cultural trend of taking exception about everything is getting ridiculous.
Well said Dot. I couldn’t agree more!
Such a lovely post of simpler times when men were men. I, too, have such memories although on just a tiny, country farm. We were poor, but worked hard, and grandparents were a big deal and important in our lives. Aunts and Uncles, too.
It is disappointing to me to read the comments here saying you left out women. Although not harsh words, they seem so typical of the feminist movement. This was an article about the MEN in your life.
It doesn’t mean that there weren’t women who shaped you. For all we know, you could even be planning a separate post on the women who shaped you. But, even if not, this article was about the men.
Agreed ?
I enjoy your writing and I entirely agree that we are shaped by our experiences and the people in our lives. I wish you had titled it differently. You reference that women shape us to, but that is one statement among very many and all of your examples are men. In a world where women are still not recognized adequately for their achievements, it takes all of us to be aware of the impact the choice of our words can have.
You can read more about my mother here and my grandmother here. Just because I chose to write about the men in my life does not mean I have forgotten the women. The title for the post was the exact correct one.
I come from a line of farmers who passed on their love of the land to me. There is no harder working group of people on this planet. I love the piece by Paul Harvey. I tear up whenever I hear or read it. Thank you for sharing such precious thoughts and memories of those who shaped you. It sounds like you come from “good people”.
It was hearing that speech again recently that prompted this post.
You have a rich heritage. Thank you for sharing these people with me. What an amazing man, your ‘maternal grandfather’. God is still using him for His glory! It brings tears to my eyes!
May the Lord continue to use you and carry on such a legacy!
Surprised and disappointed that no women made it into your list and stories. One of the evils of patriarchy is that it is perpetuated by the routine omission if women, whether intentionally done or not.
Maybe you were not lucky enough to have similar influences from women. If you did, I think you owe them a heartfelt apology for exluding them. If you didn’t, I’m sorry and hope you will find such women going forward.
I work hard in my life to do whatever I can to raise consciousness about all of the “isms” of patriarchy. Unfortunately, the world’s religions are most guilty of oppressing women and minorities. Please pay attention to this in your life and join me in this important work.
Thank you.
Thanks for the feedback Dot. I have wonderful female influences in my life. You can read more about my mother here and my grandmother here.
This was not a post about the women in my life and the amazing significance they have played in shaping me into who I am. This was a post about the men in my life. I am thankful to have been shaped my both.
Such a wonderful post and what terrific role models. Thank you so much for sharing this, I would like to see the documentary about your grandfather. You too are a terrific role model. I just finished reading your book The minimalist Home, it has really impacted me. I also read The More of Less and I’ve been telling everyone about your books. I also really enjoy your newsletter. Thanks for all you do!
Thank you for the kind words Lynn. Glad you enjoyed the books.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to stop and reflect on my own parents and grandparents in my life. Your post was wonderful to read and makes me appreciate the people in my life so much more. Thank you!!
Joshua, this is by far the best and most moving post of yours that I have ever read. What a Godly heritage you have been given! This was such a wonderful tribute to the men who most poured into and shaped your life. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Beautiful. Loved reading this. Wouldn’t it be nice to read this about all the people we love?
What a lovely, calming, and inspiring read to start the day. We forget that people like these exist when the alternative seems too readily abundant!
My hope is that people like these inspire more than their own families. We would all benefit.
Hi Joshua, beautiful piece and wonderful tribute to these men that made you. However, it has spiked my curiosity to the women who made you! Would be great if you could share that as well :)
Joshua, what a graceful, beautiful post. Thank you for sharing those stories with us. I enjoyed disappearing into those very different worlds, and your words served to convey the specialness of each man.
Evidently, you carry them with you in a very real way.
Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.
This was truly beautiful. Thank you for sharing so that we can also be thankful for these men and the testament to faith and hard work that they are.
I recognize your grandfather as someone who I watched many times on TV here in Minnesota. He was very knowledgeable, the sermons were based on scripture, and God’s love was made evident. Such a contrast to the high profile TV preachers who miss the mark. His persona was one of kindness, acceptance, and love of people. What a great role model you are fortunate to have.
Nice to hear you’ve seen him. Not only was his persona one of kindness and acceptance, it continues to be today as well. As I mentioned, he’s still on television today and no different than the man you remember.
That’s wonderful. We have moved now and because of the river valley we live in, aren’t able to receive too many stations, so haven’t watched him since. It’s great to know that when you are living your calling, retirement is not necessarily the reward.
What a beautiful tribute to the “men who made you.” I so enjoyed reading about them. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing. Nothing minimal about these treasures, your family!
We all learn from the example of those who are in authority over us. Parents and grandparents being first. It is a fine thing to be able to point out the character of those who shaped ours. Especially when ours is admirable. Yours is. Thank you.
A lovely tribute to the 3 men in your family. To give this balance, please also tell us about the women who made you.
You can read more about my mother here and my grandmother here.
Joshua thankyou for these links too, blessings from a recently retired farmer!
Joshua thankyou for these links too, blessings from a recently retired farmer!
What an inspiring tribute to those men who helped make you the man you are. Thank you for sharing that Joshua. Who our heroes are reveals a great deal about who we are.
WOW…that was such an amazing share…I am a woman raised in a family of 4 other sisters..I understand the mentoring and example of strong caring dads…my dad was an attorney..we all became attorneys..so his influence and love of the law and ethics was strong. The take away in your words is men rise up be true Shepards to your sons…wives and daughters…God Bless.