Jim Rohn once famously said, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” There is wisdom in this statement. It is true that the people we spend time with influence who we are and who we become. And it is important to choose wisely the community we keep.
But in my case (and I’d guess in countless others), I have never found his statement to be entirely accurate. My friends influence me and my choices—no doubt. But my life is not a reflection of the five people I spend the most time with.
My life is a reflection of the men and women who shaped me from a young age. They have had the greatest and most significant impact on the man I have become.
So I thought I’d take a moment today to tell you about some of them. Specifically, the men who made me.
There are three:
Roy Becker, Father
My dad is a banker with a mind for numbers, a heart for loyalty, and a disciplined spirit. He grew up on a family farm in South Dakota, received a Finance Degree in Agricultural Lending from Northern State University in Aberdeen, SD where he met my mom. My parents, my siblings, and their kids all live there still.
Through hard work, determination, honesty, character, and a knack for ag-lending, he has worked his way up the banking ladder position-by-position—always remaining true to his passion for the farmer and their livelihood.
My father taught me about work and career, but also community and volunteering. From the moment I was old enough to notice, he has always found opportunity to serve—School Board, Church Treasurer, Kiwanis, just to name a few. He served the community and he served our family.
I have vivid memories of my father sitting on a stool at our kitchen counter, working on a project for the bank or the church. I learned to appreciate the value of a hard day’s work from him, no doubt.
But equally important, I have countless memories of being in the backyard playing catch, on the street learning to ride my bike, or being together watching the Minnesota Twins on television. He always found time for us.
My father has always been faithful to my mother and faithful to God. He has always been, and continues to be, a positive role model of giving, loving, and serving.
Harold Salem, Maternal Grandfather
I named my son after my grandpa. Not Harold (his first name wasn’t even in the running), but we named him Salem—taken from my grandfather’s last name.
My grandpa is 97 years old. He still works 50+ hours/week as a pastor on radio and television all over the world. He preaches from the Bible and answers countless letters from his desk. His love for people knows no bounds. For that heritage, I am eternally grateful.
He and his wife Beulah were married for 59 years before she passed away on Christmas Eve, 2005. All these years later, and there is not a day that goes by that my grandfather doesn’t think about my grandmother. He has told me this, and as often as he speaks of her, I know it to be true.
My grandfather came to age during the Great Depression—on a farm eventually foreclosed upon during troubled times. He knows of history and change and may be one of the most intelligent men I have ever met. His understanding of people, the world, and evolving decades has resulted in wisdom. Wisdom I have leaned on heavily in forming my own worldview.
My grandfather, on more than one occasion, gave his last dollar to another in need. And yet, he faithfully provided for his family—my mother and three siblings. He taught me that work is fulfilling, and the best work is one that improves the lives of others.
A documentary about his life, The Heart of a Shepherd, was completed in 2018.
Arnold Becker, Paternal Grandfather
My eyes well up with tears whenever I happen to hear Paul Harvey’s So God Made a Farmer. Because I know, firsthand, how well it accurately describes the life of those who feed us.
My grandpa farmed his entire life—on a family farm in South Dakota that has since passed to his son (my uncle) and will soon pass to his son (my cousin).
Paul Harvey describes the life of a farmer this way during the speech:
God said, “I need somebody strong enough to clear trees and heave bails, yet gentle enough to tame lambs and wean pigs and tend the pink-combed pullets, who will stop his mower for an hour to splint the broken leg of a meadow lark. It had to be somebody who’d plow deep and straight and not cut corners. Somebody to seed, weed, feed, breed and rake and disc and plow and plant and tie the fleece and strain the milk and replenish the self-feeder and finish a hard week’s work with a five-mile drive to church.” So God made a farmer.
If you have a farmer in your family tree, you know as well as I do, truer words have rarely been spoken. That was my grandfather. Up at dawn, work all morning, lunch in the small farmhouse with his wife, before heading back out to tend to the fields and animals in the afternoon.
My grandfather taught me the importance of farming and a steady hand—that the hardest working hands in America are often the dirtiest, and sometimes the poorest. My maternal grandfather worked behind a desk, my paternal grandfather behind the steering wheel of a tractor.
From beginning to end, and in all aspects of his life, he lived with uncompromisable integrity. He was faithful to his wife. He was committed to his children. I never knew him to sacrifice his character for an easy dollar or a worldly pleasure. He hid no secrets. He valued his integrity above everything else. And he lived in such a way that should never go overlooked or unnoticed.
In a world that has seen far too many lives disgraced and families destroyed by the sins of the father… I am eternally grateful and infinitely blessed to have a grandfather who taught my father those same life lessons.
—
I am, by no means, a self-made man. None of us are, really. We all stand on the shoulders of generations past. It is their accomplishments, sacrifice, and legacy that have laid the foundation for our lives today.
I am grateful today for the men who made me. It is my hope that my life will be as honorable as theirs.
Brenda says
Such a lovely post of simpler times when men were men. I, too, have such memories although on just a tiny, country farm. We were poor, but worked hard, and grandparents were a big deal and important in our lives. Aunts and Uncles, too.
It is disappointing to me to read the comments here saying you left out women. Although not harsh words, they seem so typical of the feminist movement. This was an article about the MEN in your life.
It doesn’t mean that there weren’t women who shaped you. For all we know, you could even be planning a separate post on the women who shaped you. But, even if not, this article was about the men.
Elizabeth says
Agreed ?
Tara Cree says
I enjoy your writing and I entirely agree that we are shaped by our experiences and the people in our lives. I wish you had titled it differently. You reference that women shape us to, but that is one statement among very many and all of your examples are men. In a world where women are still not recognized adequately for their achievements, it takes all of us to be aware of the impact the choice of our words can have.
joshua becker says
You can read more about my mother here and my grandmother here. Just because I chose to write about the men in my life does not mean I have forgotten the women. The title for the post was the exact correct one.
Ellen says
I come from a line of farmers who passed on their love of the land to me. There is no harder working group of people on this planet. I love the piece by Paul Harvey. I tear up whenever I hear or read it. Thank you for sharing such precious thoughts and memories of those who shaped you. It sounds like you come from “good people”.
joshua becker says
It was hearing that speech again recently that prompted this post.
Marilee Crowell says
You have a rich heritage. Thank you for sharing these people with me. What an amazing man, your ‘maternal grandfather’. God is still using him for His glory! It brings tears to my eyes!
May the Lord continue to use you and carry on such a legacy!
Dot Everhart says
Surprised and disappointed that no women made it into your list and stories. One of the evils of patriarchy is that it is perpetuated by the routine omission if women, whether intentionally done or not.
Maybe you were not lucky enough to have similar influences from women. If you did, I think you owe them a heartfelt apology for exluding them. If you didn’t, I’m sorry and hope you will find such women going forward.
I work hard in my life to do whatever I can to raise consciousness about all of the “isms” of patriarchy. Unfortunately, the world’s religions are most guilty of oppressing women and minorities. Please pay attention to this in your life and join me in this important work.
Thank you.
joshua becker says
Thanks for the feedback Dot. I have wonderful female influences in my life. You can read more about my mother here and my grandmother here.
This was not a post about the women in my life and the amazing significance they have played in shaping me into who I am. This was a post about the men in my life. I am thankful to have been shaped my both.
Lynn says
Such a wonderful post and what terrific role models. Thank you so much for sharing this, I would like to see the documentary about your grandfather. You too are a terrific role model. I just finished reading your book The minimalist Home, it has really impacted me. I also read The More of Less and I’ve been telling everyone about your books. I also really enjoy your newsletter. Thanks for all you do!
joshua becker says
Thank you for the kind words Lynn. Glad you enjoyed the books.
Michelle says
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to stop and reflect on my own parents and grandparents in my life. Your post was wonderful to read and makes me appreciate the people in my life so much more. Thank you!!
Cheryl says
Joshua, this is by far the best and most moving post of yours that I have ever read. What a Godly heritage you have been given! This was such a wonderful tribute to the men who most poured into and shaped your life. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Sara says
Beautiful. Loved reading this. Wouldn’t it be nice to read this about all the people we love?
Tiffany says
What a lovely, calming, and inspiring read to start the day. We forget that people like these exist when the alternative seems too readily abundant!
My hope is that people like these inspire more than their own families. We would all benefit.