I am thankful for social media. Because it exists, I am allowed to do the work I do. And I hope that I have been able to make a positive difference in your life through it.
But I think we all need to be reminded from time to time (myself included) that we’re not going to find our greatest mentors on social media.
In fact, when I look back on the people in my life who have made the biggest difference in my growth and development, social media influencers are nowhere near the top.
The men and women who have shaped me the most are the men and women I have chosen to spend time with in-real-life. My parents, my grandparents, the family who took me into their home during college, my first boss, my second boss, my friends… these are the people who have shaped me the most.
They knew me best… and I knew them best. And the relationships changed me.
We are interpersonal creatures and positive social relationships affect our physical, mental, and emotional health.
Now, this isn’t to discount the fact that we can learn many things from people we follow on social media and the Internet. Because of the people I follow, I have become a better writer, a better leader, a better influencer, more productive, and a better husband and father. All good things.
There is value in blogs, podcasts, social media, YouTube channels, books, music… There is a lot of information online that can and should benefit us. We live in wonderful times.
But the most significant transformations that have occurred in me were the result of the relationships I sought. I have been informed by social media, but I have been transformed by people I see on a recurring basis.
This is why personal relationships are so important. And why we are wise to invest time and energy in cultivating healthy ones.
Influencers on social media share only the parts of themselves they want to share. But close relationships in life allow us to see all sides of a person—the good and the bad. They allow us to see in real-time how someone responds to a trial, a temptation, or a sudden turn in life. There are less secrets to hide and more opportunities to learn.
Unlike following a personality or influencer online, relationships require give-and-take. They require us to show up even when we don’t want to, and they require us to face truths we might otherwise avoid.
And these real life interpersonal relationships provide significantly more support than our relationships on social media
They enhance our lives.
No doubt, many of you are nodding your head in agreement. You will attest that the most influential people in your life are those you know the best who have provided a positive example for you. If that’s the case, make sure you thank them.
If that’s not you, let me challenge you today to look around. Find somebody in your life that you know and admire and desire to emulate. Choose a family member, a co-worker, a member of your church or social club, and work to become a closer friend.
Or, find new places to look for positive mentors. It’s not easy work, but it’s important:
Do you like reading? Find a local book club.
Is faith important to you? Get involved and active.
Do you enjoy scrolling the feeds of your friends on social media? Text someone you saw recently and reconnect.
Eating lunch alone at work? See if a co-worker wants to join you.
Has life been unfair in the number of positive examples that have been present in your life? Don’t fall into the trap thinking they aren’t necessary. Instead, search diligently for those positive examples and be open to including them in your life.
In the end, our real-life interactions will always play a greater role in our development than the people we follow on social media. And we all need to work harder (especially these days) on pursuing lasting, life-giving relationships.
My closest friends are actually those I met online – back before social media, where we found each other on shared interest communities and then moved on to being email penpals and instant messaging, following and commenting on each other’s blogs, with occasional snail mail and sending gifts to each other. I’ve known two or three of them for almost 20 years now, and they have been an immense source of support and friendship (and mentorship, in some cases), even though we live halfway across the planet and I’ve not met them face to face. We helped each other through some of the toughest points in each others’ lives, and I’d definitely count them among the most influential people in mine.
In contrast, my real life friendships have been much shorter lived – people have come and gone as we moved to different stages of life – different schools or universities, jobs, churches, moving houses or countries, and eventually we lost touch as new friends entered those social circles. But my online friends have always been there for me, and I’m really grateful for them.
You’re right about social media though; those interactions feel much shallower and limited, even with friends I already know, and I deeply miss the pre- social media internet. There was more room then to really have deep conversations, build relationships, form communities and get to know more about each other’s lives in our own private corners of the internet, but those spaces seem mostly gone now.
Well said. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for the great reminder of the importance of relationships.
I have been on board with you for going on 3 yrs( I believe) I have shared you with lots of friends, I have made lots of changes. I don’t buy things for home like I did and almost no clothing.. I was on the black attire for awhile. I’m still in the process of downsizing. This week I will drop off more boxes of book to local book rack . Made many trip to local charities . Given lot to people in need . Im selling a lot on market street etc, My husband and I were in full time ministry for over 50 years…. There’s lots of books. He recently lost his eye sight so a lot has changed. I help a lot With my younger 6 grands( have 8) . We are at home alots) you have Inspired me that things are not as important as family, Friends . I’m 70 years old .. still active but all responsibilities on my shoulder sometime drags me down . But hopefully I will not leave a lot of stuff to be rummaged through at the end of my life. Keep inspiring and helping . I’m still on the road of living with less! Hopefully my downsizing will be complete in 2022, Blessing… Kay G
That’s great Kay. Glad to know the changes that minimalism has brought in your life. Wishes for the completion of downsizing in 2022. Your life is an inspiration as you help the needy. God bless!!
Even I feel fortunate to have known the concept of minimalism…..I am slowly learning to really LIVE the life with less.
“But the most significant transformations that have occurred in me were the result of the relationships I sought. I have been informed by social media, but I have been transformed by people I see on a recurring basis.”
Gold!!!!
I agree. Great message – thank you Joshua Becker.
This was so beautiful and such a powerful reminder, especially in the way we are living currently! Thank you!! This article really helps put things into perspective.
I totally agree with you, but you have influenced me also, I was always on the thought that less or more, have thought that most of my 66 years, lived in a very disturbing house too embrassed to have any one over, grew up that way, so never ever wanted to live like that, through out the years have seen this many times when people die or had to be in a care home, lots of people are so overwhelmed with all that stuff so they would ask for my help, I would let them no mercy, they are relieved that I’m there, there are tears but tears of joy, so yes Joshua you have been an influencer, in those cases , but you have helped with social media face book etc, which was on too much in the past, allot of people that I know don’t understand me for not wanting there stuff or gifts, and I get anxious when I go into there homes and there’s stuff every were, so with the free people that I know if rather meet at a public place, so won’t have to see that, I really do enjoy reading your articles, and the many writers that you share,thank you.
Fred Rogers’ commencement speech: “Would you just take, along with me, 10 seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are — those who have cared about you and wanted what was best for you in life,” he begins. “Ten seconds of silence — I’ll watch the time.” After a powerful pause, he continues: “Whomever you’ve been thinking about… how pleased they must be to know the difference you feel they’ve made.”