I am thankful for social media. Because it exists, I am allowed to do the work I do. And I hope that I have been able to make a positive difference in your life through it.
But I think we all need to be reminded from time to time (myself included) that we’re not going to find our greatest mentors on social media.
In fact, when I look back on the people in my life who have made the biggest difference in my growth and development, social media influencers are nowhere near the top.
The men and women who have shaped me the most are the men and women I have chosen to spend time with in-real-life. My parents, my grandparents, the family who took me into their home during college, my first boss, my second boss, my friends… these are the people who have shaped me the most.
They knew me best… and I knew them best. And the relationships changed me.
We are interpersonal creatures and positive social relationships affect our physical, mental, and emotional health.
Now, this isn’t to discount the fact that we can learn many things from people we follow on social media and the Internet. Because of the people I follow, I have become a better writer, a better leader, a better influencer, more productive, and a better husband and father. All good things.
There is value in blogs, podcasts, social media, YouTube channels, books, music… There is a lot of information online that can and should benefit us. We live in wonderful times.
But the most significant transformations that have occurred in me were the result of the relationships I sought. I have been informed by social media, but I have been transformed by people I see on a recurring basis.
This is why personal relationships are so important. And why we are wise to invest time and energy in cultivating healthy ones.
Influencers on social media share only the parts of themselves they want to share. But close relationships in life allow us to see all sides of a person—the good and the bad. They allow us to see in real-time how someone responds to a trial, a temptation, or a sudden turn in life. There are less secrets to hide and more opportunities to learn.
Unlike following a personality or influencer online, relationships require give-and-take. They require us to show up even when we don’t want to, and they require us to face truths we might otherwise avoid.
And these real life interpersonal relationships provide significantly more support than our relationships on social media
They enhance our lives.
No doubt, many of you are nodding your head in agreement. You will attest that the most influential people in your life are those you know the best who have provided a positive example for you. If that’s the case, make sure you thank them.
If that’s not you, let me challenge you today to look around. Find somebody in your life that you know and admire and desire to emulate. Choose a family member, a co-worker, a member of your church or social club, and work to become a closer friend.
Or, find new places to look for positive mentors. It’s not easy work, but it’s important:
Do you like reading? Find a local book club.
Is faith important to you? Get involved and active.
Do you enjoy scrolling the feeds of your friends on social media? Text someone you saw recently and reconnect.
Eating lunch alone at work? See if a co-worker wants to join you.
Has life been unfair in the number of positive examples that have been present in your life? Don’t fall into the trap thinking they aren’t necessary. Instead, search diligently for those positive examples and be open to including them in your life.
In the end, our real-life interactions will always play a greater role in our development than the people we follow on social media. And we all need to work harder (especially these days) on pursuing lasting, life-giving relationships.
Gayle says
Joshua,
I have subscribed to your e-mail for 5+ years now. Yours is one of the first mailings that I open. It’s always inspiring, concise and just what I need to hear.
I am still in the process of downsizing. It’s been a process, but a journey I never regret starting.
I feel lighter, more freedom and I even stand up straighter. I’ve had less than great posture all my life. Who would have thought that your emails would improve my physical health ?!
Forever Grateful,
Gayle
John P. Weiss says
Through social media, I connected with someone in another country who shares my love of monochromatic photography. Our shared interest led to wonderful, daily WhatsApp conversations. He has taught me a great deal, and despite having not met in person, we have become friends. Unlike following some obscure “influencer” I am enjoying an enriching relationship of collaborative sharing, teaching, laughing, and learning. I think this is the best of social media, when we can truly connect and foster relationships.
ÉRICA FERNANDA PACHECO DE MELO says
Aconteceu bem desse jeito comigo! Goiânia, Goiás, Brasil. It happened exactly this way with me!
JOT says
Thank you for this article. You are a great influencer in my life and I totally get the message.
Janet says
This truly resonated with me. I find my happiest days are ones spent off of social media and with people in real life.
Budzbudz says
Thank You for sharing this,. This is exactly what I needed to hear,even if deep down I know this. I never follow through. covid has given me reason to stay home. I don’t leave the house, I’m afraid of getting sick, even though I’ve gone into depression. i’ have my groceries deliverer. all Dr. Appointments are video, therefore I go nowhere. I no I need a a therapist But they are all Video. I know I need to get out not more isolation. Thank You, I’am hoping this will motivate me to get out.Brendabudz.
Mary says
So true.
Kathy says
Parents might want to share this piece with their children. Especially the sentence regarding influencers ONLY showing the parts of their lives they want their followers to see.
Cynthia says
Your focus on in person/authentic relationships as being the key to connection is core to the research findings on how these relationship enhance our resilience. I just gave a talk about Activating Resilience (https://vimeo.com/666138968/aca02ca6e9) at the Catalyst Summit and its supports your comments. One of the most important elements is the support we get with connecting with people not resources. Thanks for the reminder. Cynthia
Kasturi says
I was constantly nodding my head while reading this. I have moved to a new country a few months back and took it as an opportunity to make a change in my life. I started connecting more with real people while becoming less available on social media. What I received in return was magical. I made some wonderful friends and connections and shared moments that will remain with me as important memories. I feel less alone despite the pandemic because of these real connections.