Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Patrick of PatrickRhone.com. I’ve been begging Patrick to write something for Becoming Minimalist for years. I’m grateful that he finally did.
$18,685.00
I’ll never forget that dollar number. The year was 2003. I had gotten laid off from my job at a software company when they decided to close the local office. I was on vacation when it happened. There was no warning.
On the way home, driving back, I got a call from the President of the company. He gave me the news. Said it was effective immediately but I’d receive some severance. He said it was a hard decision and he wished me the best. I was a full time single dad to two boys. I had a home, a minivan, and all of the normal costs of supporting a family of three.
Still, I had a plan. Before the layoff, to make ends meet, I had been doing some technology consulting on the side. I had a handful of clients and enjoyed helping them a lot. They seemed to appreciate me and were recommending me to others. It had long been a dream of mine to build my own business, work for myself, and do consulting full time. So, when I found my paycheck job gone literally overnight, I took it as a sign.
I had the severance—about six weeks pay—and a little bit of savings. I gave myself a deadline to see if I could chase that dream. I marked it on the calendar. I had exactly one year to stick it out and give it a shot—to see if I could build something that could feed my sons and I and keep a roof over our head. Only after that year, giving it all I had, would I then try to find another job.
That dollar number above is the gross total of what I made. Not the net. Not after taxes. That was it. Between August 2003 and August 2004 that was my gross income for a family of three.
That’s how I became a minimalist.
It wasn’t a choice. It wasn’t a grand statement on our consumerist culture and not wanting to run forever on the capitalist hamster wheel. I didn’t have credit cards because my credit was ruined by financial misdoings during my marriage. I didn’t want them either, but not for lofty reasons. Mainly because I was now very wary of them.
It wasn’t my love of simplicity and rejection of the tyranny of choice. I was broke and hungry and scared out of my wits that the heat would get turned off, our home taken away, the car repossessed, and I’d lose my sons because I couldn’t take care of them.
To be honest, I’m still not quite sure how we survived without any of that happening. That year is still very much a blur. I’m sure I blocked a lot of it out.
I know there were many days I only had one meal in order to make sure my sons had three. They got free breakfast and lunch at school, so I only had to worry about having enough money for dinner. I know there were times when friends would invite us over for dinner, without saying they knew how bad I was struggling to make ends meet. I became a ninja at cherry-picking sales at the grocery store and coupon cutting. I learned that, if you call phone and electricity companies before your bill is overdue, and explain your situation, they are more likely and able to work with you to figure something out than if you do so after it’s due. I can’t explain how the mortgage got paid. It did, somehow. Magic, perhaps.
We made it through. Exactly one day after my one year deadline I had two job offers immediately. Both for very good money. One with better benefits. I took that one.
Even though I then had a steady job and more than enough money to go back to business as usual, I had learned during that hard year how to live on very little. It had taught me a valuable lesson—the difference between want and need. And, while I now could afford to eat three meals a day like my sons, while we were no longer living in poverty, I had no desire or reason to spend money on anything we didn’t need or that didn’t add true value to our lives. That same ethos remains with me today.
So, why am I telling you all this? Well, I think we who consider ourselves minimalists, or those of us who are striving to be, need to be mindful of how we talk about it. We need to keep in mind that the very fact that you have the power to *choose* and decide what is enough for you and live with less, means you are in a position of privilege.
To many of us, choosing to “live simply” is to others living in poverty and they may not have a choice. We should be mindful of this when we talk about it to others because, many times, we come off sounding like elitist jerks.
Look, I get it. You’re happy about how a choice to live with less has made your life less stressful. You’re proud of the money you’ve saved or how you live debt free. You’ve made a life where you’re sure everything you own has value and the life you live is full of meaning and you want to share that with as many people as you can. You’re excited. It’s OK. You have reason to be. I’m simply trying to say there should be a level of understanding of what a privilege it is to be able to have such a life when we talk about it.
The desire should be to help others consider such choices, if they have the ability, for themselves and to have compassion for those without. We should live our lives in such a way that strives to provide others with the same opportunity to enjoy such privilege.
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Patrick Rhone writes on the blog Patrick Rhone. I should also mention that he has been highly influential in my personal pursuit of minimalism and I have referred to his fabulous book, Enough, on countless occasions.
Thank you for your thoughts…my favorite part” We should live our lives in such a way that strives to provide others with the same opportunity to enjoy such privilege.”
One of the most honest and moving articles/posts I have ever read. Thank you for sharing your story and for the powerful reminder of the blessing of “choice” when it comes to minimalism.
Thank you so much for your honesty, and willingness to share your story. I think you open the floor for a desparately needed conversation, and I deeply appreciate it.
Thank you for this. It describes a state of mind and provides a perspective that in fact is often missing in the realm of “minimalists by choice”.
The fact that I have the priviledge to choose to make minimalist decisions does not make me a better person. Instead I should be
a) more grateful for this choice and
b) look up to those making ends meet and providing without calling it a “lifestyle”.
Thank you for your clear message!
I love my minimalist lifestyle. I started out of necessity— but now I do it with intention :)
It is so freeing!
I agree with so many others, this was beautiful. What a powerful reminder of the fact that for some it is a choice and for others it is a necessity! Thanks for sharing this message.
So true, It was because of a friend who turned me on by sharing her journey and struggles in what she called simplifying her life. She also shared her struggles as well as the victories in the journey which encouraged me to keep working at it.
She never made me feel I had to, or even should do the same but just shared the excitement and it was contagious.
Thank you for sharing this prospective.
Jean
I’m so glad this is finally on a platform where it will be heard.
When I was a minimalism blogger, I tried to point this out to many, but was rejected. Owning and understanding your privilege when it comes to minimalism is of main importance when trying to help others. Now with my own organizing/decluttering business, understanding privilege is the main factor that helps me help my clients.
Regarding the minimalist penchant for “experiences” over “stuff”: you need to remember, if it weren’t for all those people working minimal wage jobs in the tourist and hospitality industries – think tour guides, hotel staff, restaurant staff, the people that take away your garbage, etc. – you wouldn’t HAVE much of an “experience”.
So if Black Friday is the only time they can afford something they want ( or need) who are you to disparage them?
I think you missed the point. Minimalism isn’t about telling someone they can’t buy something. It’s about curtailing excess, and that, regardless of whether you want to see it or not, is something much of America suffers from. I can’t speak for Patrick, but my guess, just a hunch, is that he is the type of person who would advocate for a living wage for those people who work in “experience” industries, such as the ones you mention.
Also, an experience doesn’t have to be any of what you mentioned. I took a 2.5 mile walk with my three year old son this morning. It was free. No purchase necessary. And it was an experience.
Perhaps you should re-read Patrick’s post.
Powerful, thoughtful post!
He’s absolutely right.
Thank you for your post. Puts a lot into perspective for me. We are VERY privileged to be able to ‘choose’ to live with less, you have encouraged me to find more ways to help those who don’t have a choice.
Thank you for sharing your process and helping me to realize that I am blessed to be in the position of having a “choice” to become a minimalist! I truly needed to hear that today!!
Me too! Very confirming.
Thanks for the reminder to be careful about how I talk about my minimalist lifestyle. Really, regardless of how you choose to live, you have to be conscious of how your comments are perceived by others, how those comments could be unintentionally hurtful. I will check my own excitement and appreciation for minimalism to make sure it doesn’t get twisted into a critic, judgement, or insult of other people’s way of life.
Thank you very much for your clear words! I have experienced a flash of shame when I showed my Zambian guest around a high end supermarket here in Germany. She had asked me for this trip and I felt a constant need to apologize for and also ridicule the superabundance of erverything there. This amazing lady put an end to this attitude by telling me how blessed I am to have VARIETY. This stuck with me and I realized that minimalism has been my personal cure but it might not be someone else’s. This experience has softened me towards my parents, too, who I used to harshly judge for their mad hoarder-like house that contains trillions of THINGS. I tried to help my mother get rid of some of it but she never felt the uplifting lightness I feel after decluttering. She only feels a stinging pain that she has done the wrong thing. I come from a family of war survivors, like most Germans do, so having too little is a familiar feeling and hurtful memory for them just like it is an everyday reality for my Zambian guest. Minimalism doesn’t seem to be a way of life that meets their deepest needs. None of this we do can ever be about being right, but only ever about balance.
Patrick, thanks for this post. It was a good reminder for me to simplify while it’s a choice, rather than a desperate imperative forced upon me by unforeseen circumstance.
BTW – I always enjoyed you and Myke Hurley on MinimalMac.
What a passionate post Patrick. I can see how this is not your choice but the experience has definitely transformed you from the inside out. Without that, you cannot be a blessing for other people. Thanks for sharing your story. I was inspired and moved.
Thanks for sharing this great story! Needs vs wants is something that seems to be lost on many in our society. This is an incredibly inspiring story. Instead of being down on your luck and giving up, you did what you had to do to get by. You sacrificed the short-term for what sounds like long-term success now. Great job!
We had a very similar income for the most recent tax year as my wife & I changed careers to pursue self-employment.
While being in the 10% tax bracket & qualifying for the Earned Income Credit are two things we do not want to repeat in 2017, we too learned how to scrimp by on very little & save for major purchases.
Thankfully we have an emergency fund, otherwise, I can really understand how people are financially sunk after one huge expense.
So thoughtful and wise.
Never thought of it from this point of view. Food for thought, isn’t it?
Thank you for sharing.
This was wonderful. Thank you.
I am so thankful for your honesty. I have seen so many “minimalists” who treat others as morally inferior to them. You have never been that way and that’s why I appreciate this website so much. It’s a joy to read!
You learned some tough lessons at the time, and I’m glad they’ve stayed with you.
I was a resident physician in 2003, and I earned twice what you did, but not enough to live anything beyond a decidedly middle class lifestyle, and of course I had a negative net worth due to student loan debt.
Although I have experienced a bit of lifestyle inflation since then, I know I was happy then on an average budget, and happy with what I had in medical school and college, which was a shoestring budget.
Eleven years removed from residency, I am financially independent on a cushy middle class budget, and happy as ever.
Cheers!
-PoF
Thank you for this blog post. I always enjoy reading your blog, but this one really struck a chord with me. I believe this is something a lot of people needed to read, including myself. Looking forward to reading ‘Enough’.
I enjoyed him in the movie Minimalism! I had no idea it was him who wrote this until the very end. Even though I’m sure it was really though, I think it’s amazing what we humans can do when we really need to. BTW Joshua you were standing right by me at Fincon and I was too shy to come to talk to you. Ugh! I regret that now!
Thank you for the sharing and reminding how privilege I am now that I could make spending choices.
I am interested in knowing what did you usually have for a meal. During college, I survive with one cream roll a day but I couldn’t do that when I started working. It’s not only about going hungry, but I couldn’t find the energy to move so I am amaze how you pull it through with 2 kids.
This is so key. Doing something because you choose to and doing something because you have to are two very different things. One decision comes from a place of empowerment, the other from a place of scarcity (which is where I was when I started writing about all this money stuff–so I hear you, Patrick!) Also, when you’re choosing minimalism from that place of empowerment, you’re likely simultaneously building up assets on the side–something that doesn’t happen when you’re facing the situation out of necessity.
Wow! What a great yet humbling reminder. Thank you!!
Very powerful. Thank you for the reminder.
Beautiful words!
That was a great reminder not to be elitist. It’s a trap that sneaks up on us. Thank you! I heard what you said and it will stick with me.❤️
Thank you so much, Patrick, for sharing your story. It encourages me greatly and also challenges me.
Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective. I work as a Holistic Nutrition & Joyful Living Educator and often I come up against a similar reality (not the same but this is what jumps out at me)… I can encourage people to think for themselves and make choices that align with who and how they choose to be (vs. following the crowd) but we all also live with very real, sometimes painful limitations. These might be geographical, physical, financial, etc. But to discount the reality of these limitations is unfair to people and ends up being divisive rather than encouraging and hopeful.
My current “simple” involves buying essential oils and some organic produce and meat from local farms. But there are people who are just trying to keep the heat on and put some food on the table and need to know that they are not excluded from “living with purpose, health & joy”. My husband grew up in poverty in West Africa and I grew up in a family of 14 in rural Alberta (not in poverty but certainly without a lot of money) and I mostly want to encourage all of us to love and accept ourselves and keep moving forward but with lotsa love and compassion.
Anyways, much food for thought.
Simply Wow!
I admire your appreciation for what you have and that you think of other people’s feelings in the process.
I really enjoyed this post and at first when I clicked on the link I thought it might be something else. I had read a previous post that only fortunate individuals or people that were financially savvy could make the choice to be minimalist. That it was trendy to be this way in 2016. Well this post goes to show you it’s not about the newest internet buzzword. It is about real life and comes from realizing that you can get by with so much less. With the clarity of needs vs wants the path for a successful and hopefully much less stressful life can be achieved. Great guest post Joshua and thank-you Patrick
Thank you so much for posting this. As a social worker who tries to view a lot of things through an equity lens, I sometimes find the minimalist message to carry the theme of “I used to make so much money, but now I’ve chosen not to because now I’m a minimalist” which is certainly a fine message, but not something everyone can relate to. So many folks aren’t given the opportunity to leave their job and pursue their dreams because financially it isn’t possible. Some people can’t shop at the nicest grocery stores because their budget doesn’t allow them to. Some people don’t have the privilege to choose to leave their jobs because they are living paycheck to paycheck. I’m so happy that this was sent out to such a large audience. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Phenomenal post. Period.
Thank you for this post! In my financial peril I often told myself “We don’t buy/do that becuase we don’t have enough money.” It was a depressing thing day in and day out. BUT when I found minimalism I changed my perspective and instead started to tell myself, “We don’t buy/do that becuase we are minimalists.” Once this outlook changed I had confidence in wearing the same thing every Sunday to church. IF someone was to say something (which no one ever did) I no longer needed to be embarrassed but instead confidently share that I’m a minimalist.
Thank you for the post!!
im so happy to finally read an article about minimalism that acknowledges just how much of a privilege it is. as a nowhere near middle class person it’s been endlessly irritating to here rich people talking about how great it is, and how they just love living with their perfect well made stuff. omg and then with the tiny houses. I love then I do, but it would be a dream come true for me, or anyone I know, to be able to afford living in a tiny house. I imagine that just about everyone I know will never own any kind of a home. we just don’t have that option. so it’s really refreshing to see someone in the minimalist movement to really talk about that. also I love the idea of minimalist as an option. my goal would to someday afford that kind of a lifestyle.
I recognised this when I travelled through South America for a year. I chose to live with few belongings and eat simple food, but many of the people who I saw on the streets everyday did not have that choice. I was privileged because I had a comfortable life and chose to step away from it, but many people have never known comfort & plenty. As I romanticised their simple lifestyles, they lived every day with a longing to be comfortable and rest a while. That’s not to say that they were unhappy or unloved – just that they did not have a choice. I am neither rich nor poor but I have choices.
I am now back in England. I try to remember that minimalism is a choice. I am free to choose to change my perspective and embrace a simpler lifestyle. My life is very different to a life where there are no choices. I value my freedom to choose and wish the same for others.
I understand what the poster is saying and I mostly agree. However I find a slightly different perspective on minimalism serves me better. Many come from the perspective that getting rid of stuff leads to a more fulfilling life. This is considered a “privileged” perspective because of our initial over-consumption and because of our choice. I get it. But what if the message of minimalism is that you never needed to acquire it in the first place? What if the message of minimalism is that a truly abundant and fulfilling life can be had for, say, $25,000 a year instead of $50,000 or $100,000—all arbitrary figures and coming from a USA perspective? Doesn’t that open the door for a broader section of society to thrive? And isn’t that a good thing? Maybe the discussion shouldn’t be so much about whether we are under- or over-privileged, as this seems to get political really quickly. Maybe the discussion could just be more simple—how to live a truly fulfilling life with less.