Note: This is a guest post from Colleen Mariotti of Livology.
“Your life will be simplified when you choose inaction when no action is required and choose action when action is required.” —M.M. Ildan
We are what you might call extremist when it comes to minimalism. In 2013, my husband and I sold all our belongings, packed one carry-on bag each, and set out to wander the world with our three young children.
As we traveled, we learned so much from other countries about simplifying our material possessions to find a richness never before unearthed.
In Italy, we prepared and feasted on seasonal meals, consisting of only a few fresh ingredients.
While teaching English at an ashram orphanage in Indonesia, we participated in a meditative chant and yogic practice at sunrise and sunset each day, our toes digging into the dirt floor calling us to be present and give thanks.
While housesitting at an organic farm in New Zealand, we were profoundly reconnected to nature, collapsing in our beds after long, hot days of honest work under the blazing sun of the Southern Hemisphere.
Year after year, as we moved through the world freely, with little more than the clothes on our backs, we thought we had this minimalism thing figured out.
Then, we came home…
After nearly six years as a nomadic family of five living in more than 30 countries, we returned to the USA with three teenagers and only the belongings we had in our bags.
Without forks, plates, or blankets, we dove head-first into setting up this American life determined not to fall back into old consumer patterns. It was hard. It is hard.
The United States of America is a country brimming with convenience, opportunity, and stuff! Wading through it, after being gone for so long renewed our commitment to living a minimalist life. However, without the comfort of our carry-on limitations to keep things simple, the challenge was often overwhelming.
With a house, rooms to fill, and a growing family, we learned a few things about minimalism in America that we hope may resonate with others.
Why Minimalism in America is Hard
Endless options.
It is true the USA offers greater convenience than any other country we have lived, but convenience is often overrated.
It is said that the average adult makes 35,000 remotely conscious decisions daily. A Cornell University study estimated we make 221 decisions each day regarding food alone!
Before our travels, we walked through superstores, without lists, getting some of what we needed and much of what we did not. The first time we entered a supermarket after our return in 2018, we had to leave as most of us started hyperventilating. My son asked why the cereal boxes were so big and my daughter came back from a hunt for socks, saying there were at least 100 from which to choose.
Options can be paralyzing but even when they are not, adding options means we have to make even more decisions. It’s hard.
The promise of an escape.
Shopping in the US offers an escape from the heightened levels of stress Americans experience in their lives compared to many of our global neighbors.
In a Gallup Annual Survey of Global Emotions, American stress levels were significantly higher than the world average of 35%. Shopping can give us a false sense of control and many people have a dopamine response to shopping during the anticipation of purchasing the shiny new toy.
The high is typically gone by the time we check out, which is why it becomes a bit of an addiction. Online shopping during this “stay at home” era has shown similar consumer patterns. It is not an escape with any lasting benefits. It’s hard.
State of the art marketing.
Carl Sagan wrote, “One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. The bamboozle has captured us. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken.”
This was perhaps the biggest shock returning to the USA. Targeted savvy marketing is everywhere. It is in our social media feeds, on our phone notifications, and on our car GPS screens. It is very challenging to prevent the advertisers’ messaging from reaching us wherever we are in our day. It is easy to become bamboozled.
In many of the countries we lived in, phone connectivity and WIFI were sporadic at best. Often, we were the only people using a handheld device and many of the homes we lived in, from villas in Tuscany to straw-roofed huts in South East Asia, were not wired for much of anything. Connectivity in the USA is one of the greatest hurdles when it comes to minimalism. It’s hard.
Four Strategies to Practice Becoming Minimalist in America
1. Opt outside.
We learned the Norwegian concept of friluftslv while living in Scandinavia. It loosely means get outside, even if it is cold and dark. No excuses.
What we loved about the Scandinavian commitment to spending time outdoors is that it doesn’t apply just to physical activity. We often saw neighbors bundled up in blanketed layers having tea outdoors together. Any time in the natural world will suffice in a wide range of contexts and climates.
When we get outside we are less likely to be on our devices and it is even better if we can get far enough into nature to disconnect completely. It’s possible.
2. Log on with purpose.
Use the very technology that fills your feed with advertisements to find new ways to acquire what you are looking to buy.
Neighborhood sites and social media groups are incredibly powerful when we ask for things we need and/or give things away to neighbors. Repurposing is cool. It connects us with items that have a story to tell from the people with whom we give and receive them, strengthening our ties in our community.
As we all know, there is no such thing as throwing something away. Everything we toss goes somewhere so it is our calling to consume responsibly. It’s possible.
3. Focus.
Always write a list and stick to it.
What is your purpose for shopping on any given day? Identify your purpose before you go. If you can’t, you may want to use your time for something else.
Impulse shopping is dangerous. Those $10 jeans are not as inexpensive as they appear. We have traveled to many of the developing countries where much of the “fast-fashion” in the USA is produced and the price is much higher than the ticketed item. The environmental destruction, violation of labor laws, and lack of international standards for safe manufacturing practices mean as consumers, we need to vote with our wallets.
American consumer supply and demand drives the destruction in these developing countries, often behind closed doors. We need to do our homework, make our lists, and stay on track. It’s possible.
4. Flow.
When people ask us about giving things away versus holding on to them, our answer is always the same. It is about the flow.
It is not about the stuff, but about creating a home by surrounding ourselves with select things we love. Our definition of home is not static, even if we stay in one place, so our stuff needs to keep moving too or there is a sense of misalignment.
Keep it flowing, even if it is only a small portion of what you own, and you will see the momentum start to pick up, no matter where you are on your minimalism journey. It’s possible.
The quote at the beginning of this blog is plastered onto the inside of our doors at home. We read it every time we prepare to walk out into the world. Since the pandemic, it is also posted on internal doors where computers loom and consumption is possible.
When action is not necessary, and we don’t need to run errands but we go anyway, we are giving up precious moments we will never again have in our experience; time that could have been spent in ways that restore us through connection to ourselves and others.
Conversely, when we act when action is necessary, it is inspired action, and our lives, and the lives of those around us, will be richer for it. Yes, becoming, sustaining, and maintaining minimalism in America is hard, but we, as a people, are no strangers to hard work.
Even more profound is our cultural thirst for possibility. The minimalist journey is intimately personal but some threads connect us all and the possibility inherent in living a minimalist existence is one of them.
For us, becoming minimalist is about freeing ourselves every day, through action or inaction, to become the best versions of ourselves, capable of living in the direction of our wildest dreams with excited anticipation.
Whether that is to live as nomads and wander the globe, or to grow where we are planted, to act or not to act, that is the question…
***
Colleen Mariotti is the founder of of Livology. A nomad, writer, and minimalist at heart, you can find her guided journal Ebook, Livology: A Global Guide to a Deliberate Life here.
Tony Gojanovic says
Interesting. My mother was born in Europe and came to this country after WWII as a displaced person. She told me when she was growing up she never thought they were poor until they came to the United States.
As she told me once ” Americans are obsessed with money. Money doesn’t make you rich, what’s on the inside does. We didn’t know about fancy cars or anything growing up. Only when we came to the United States and were bombarded with goods and advertising did one develop a sense of inadequacy. Why do we collect so much stuff through our lives, I just don’t understand. I judge a person on their character and not on what they have. I never judge people with lesser means than me because I’ve lived it before. Just be yourself, don’t impress with clothes or cars, just be yourself.”
Colleen Mariotti says
Hi Tony,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my article here on Becoming Minimalist and for sharing a bit about your story. Your mother sounds like a very wise woman. We learned so much living in Europe, and on other continents as well, about how much time we spend in the USA acquiring, taking care of, storing, and getting rid of STUFF. It has been such a shock to return and we are learning every day how to hold onto those values from abroad while also honoring American values that were not founded on consumerism although some days it feels that way.
Those you meet are lucky that you greet them with an open heart and mind that is not related to the clothes they wear of the car they drive.
Take care,
Colleen
Kristin Munger says
Wow what a timely story and so well written. The more we have the less we live in many ways. Thank you for this story. New inspiration to resist the flow into the raging river of consumerism.
Colleen Mariotti says
Thank you so much for reading the article, Kristin, and for sharing your thoughts. I love the analogy of the raging river when it comes to consumerism. I think it really speaks to that out of control feeling that can be all-consuming at times. Your insights add so much to the conversation so thank you for taking the time to comment.
Mary says
This might be my favorite post on this blog. Excellent perspective, and advice. I am currently drowning in items that FEEL very necessary. We have 8 children, the majority adopted, and things have even more meaning because they came with nothing. It often it feels like wading through mud. Though I live very simply, I’d even say a soft minimalist, and keep things streamlined, I never get around to being outside, which I know makes a huge difference to all of us, but maybe even more important for the mental health of a mom, the “keeper of all the things”.
Anyway, thanks. Loved your story!
Colleen Mariotti says
Dear Mary,
I love your term, soft minimalist, and feel like that is a masterful accomplishment as the mother of 8. What a gift you are giving your family by being a keeper of their things – something your adopted children have not been able to do before making their way to you. I also think that finding some time in nature, as a mom, is the fastest way to ground oneself and regain that much-needed perspective that slips away when others needs come first so often.
The fact that you took the time out of your busy day to read my article here on Becoming Minimalist, and then took the time to comment, means the world to me.
I wish you all good things on your minimalist journey and beyond.
With appreciation,
Colleen
Annette says
Hi Colleen!
As always, your words resonate deeply. We’ve been opting outside every morning and it has improved our mindset dramatically.
I’m working on focusing on being present and have started a daily yoga practice. I’m putting some systems in place to keep me on track to be productive in the areas of life that I find most important.
I’ve started keeping a list of items that I need vs want. Shopping online is dangerous for me so I unsubscribed from all of my favorite apparel companies and have kept a running list of what clothes I wear most. The clothes that I don’t wear frequently end up being gifted to friends, dropped off at a local consignment shop, or donated to a local charity.
We’re purging the basement & garage again in hopes of getting back on the road when the pandemic is under control.
I look forward to hearing more about your minimalist journey- the good, the bad & the ugly.
Cheers,
Annette
Colleen Mariotti says
Thank you for taking the time to read my article here on Becoming Minimalist, Annette. It is always a gift to hear your perspective on many of the subjects we both value in our lives.
Good luck on the basement project and just keep your goal of hitting the open road in mind when it feels daunting!
Here is to new adventures in 2021!
Linda says
Interesting and helpful suggestions. Reading about friluftsliv made me wonder if that was one reason my Grandfather left Sweden and came to Texas back in the 1930’s. (It’s definitely warmer in Texas for sure.)
Colleen Mariotti says
Hi Linda,
Your post gave me a chuckle. It is true that we did not find ourselves basking in the sun much in Sweden, although it was stunning. I am sure your Grandfather was much warmer as a Texan. Thank you for taking the time to read the article.
With appreciation,
Colleen
Anita Sacrey says
I have discovered that it is much easier to stick to my shopping list when I do the grocery pickup rather than going in the store. It helps not to look at all of the things I really don’t need.
Colleen Mariotti says
Thank you for sharing your experience, Anita. That is one upside to on-line grocery shopping I hadn’t thought of. Thank you also for taking the time to read my article here on Becoming Minimalist. It means the world to me.
Judy says
Hi Colleen, I really enjoyed your post and you gave me a new perspective on some things. I found it interesting and fun. I will peek at your website and look forward to reading your blog.
Thanks so much for the inspiration—- can’t wait to see the benefits in my life from some of your ideas!
Colleen Mariotti says
Hi Judy,
Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to read the blog and sign up at Livology for updates. That means the world to me. I am excited to hear about what you learn by implementing some strategies from the article. That is wonderful!
Take Care,
Colleen
Maria Pinto says
Thanks Colleen for interacting with us all. There are two very important books that are special to me in my journey of a Simple Life that I wanted to share. The first is by Duane Elgin, Voluntary Simplicity, & the second is by Cecile Andrews, The Circle of Simplicity. I met Cecile years ago in Oakland Ca & she and Duane have been such an inspiration to me.
Colleen Mariotti says
Maria, it is my pleasure and the reason for my writing is the connection. Thank you for connecting and for sharing two books that have been important to your journey. I am looking forward to learning more.
Ms.HappyHiker says
I was so impressed by the journey that Colleen and her family took for those six years abroad. Wow! I can just imagine how life-altering that was and I, personally, would be disappointed to have to come back and have to deal with this consumerist culture. I appreciate the honest evaluation of just how difficult it is to remain minimalist after having lived the ultimate minimalist life, learning and practicing its benefits, and the valuable experience under their belts.
I love how Colleen ended the first few sections with “It’s hard,” helping us feel understood in our struggles to fight consumerism. Then in the section on strategies, she ended each section with “It’s possible,” assuring us that we can do it if we put in the necessary work! :-)
Endless options is a huge obstacle for me, ending in paralysis, more often than not. I hesitate to make any major decisions without thorough research, yet I can’t find the desire or motivation to do the research and when I finally do, I feel I still don’t know enough. I become overwhelmed. The result is (switching up the introductory quote: I choose inaction when action is required.
It’s hard.
Colleen Mariotti says
Your kind words about my article are so appreciated. I absolutely know the feeling of option paralysis. I think asking myself the question of why I am buying something or running a certain errand helps me end the decision making before it starts in many cases. I am a researcher as well and now, I think, we spend a lot of energy wading through the good information and bad which takes so much energy that we never get to decide. For me, inaction, when action is not required, has made a huge a difference in freeing up time for what matters most. I wish you all the best on this journey. Thankyou for sharing your experience.
Shelly says
A wonderfully written piece. It is my life as well … continuously. Always thinking what more I can give away, do without, and when I think I’ve ‘cleaned house’ (so to speak), I am always amazed that I find more to part with. Simplify, simplify, simplify – it brings clarity of mind.
Colleen Mariotti says
Thank you for your kind words, Shelly. You are so right that simplifying brings clarity and more peaceful moments. It is a lifelong practice.