“People are effective because they say ‘no,’ because they say, ‘this isn’t for me’.” —Peter Drucker
In his book, Essentialism, Greg McKeown reminds us of an important truth, “You can do anything, but you can’t do everything.”
When I married my wife 23 years ago, I committed my life to her for better or worse, in sickness or in health. In front of many witnesses, I vowed to be hers until death do us part. And when I said yes to her, I effectively was saying no to 3.5 billion other women.
Similarly, when I chose my career, I said no to countless others that I could have chosen. I write and I speak and pursue the promotion of minimalism. I will never fly a Boeing 747. I will never perform open-heart surgery. And I will never play professional tennis. This is okay with me. I have chosen to make my life about something different.
Every day we are presented with countless choices of how to spend our time, our energy, our effort, and our money. The wisest of us recognize we always have the power to choose. And they choose to pursue their life’s greatest mission by repeatedly saying ‘no’ to things that distract from it.
Donald Miller is the New York Times bestselling author of Blue Like Jazz and StoryBrand. Recently, he wrote a Life Plan program to help people plan and live a meaningful life.
This past winter, while meeting with Donald in San Diego, he said something I have not forgotten. He said, “My goal is to take 1,000,000 people through the Life Plan program. And these days, I am saying ‘no’ to anything that doesn’t get us closer to reaching that goal.”
I have often reflected on this approach to life. It is no different than the advice of Peter Drucker, Greg McKeown, or countless other thought leaders on leadership and influence.
Successful people are adamant about saying ‘no’ to things that do not align with their mission. (tweet that)
Of course, sometimes the choices are obvious (I never was that good at tennis nor was there a long list of women asking for my hand in marriage). But the hardest work is done in the trenches.
Staying on mission is about learning to say ‘no’ to the urgent requests, the popular requests, and the countless opportunities in front of you to make an extra dollar.
What is your purpose? What goals do you have for your life? On what mission do you desire to live? And what plan have you developed to help you get there?
Go, pursue it with your heart and your life. And learn to say ‘no’ to all the countless opportunities that will only distract you from it.
kat ~ frugalvoices.com says
Many years ago I decided to start saying “no” to everything. It was a lot easier changing my mind to “yes” later on than the other way around. When you say “yes” and then change your mind later, people get pretty miffed. If you say “no” first and then change your mind, people are happily surprised. I found saying “no” first gave me the time I needed to decide what I really wanted to do without the usual “people pleasing” pressure. I no longer get sucked into doing things I would rather not do. I’ve been so much happier ever since. :)
joe says
Thanks for sharing, Josh.
Jacqueline says
I think fear of man, is a massive stumbling block, and people pleasing and comparing etc, in this very insecure world, i think of what Proverbs 3v5-6 says Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and He will direct your steps, kept me safe, not easy but true, one day at a time was a hymn played at my mums funeral her choice, wise words for my life too. love Jacqueline :)
Jody Stevenson says
Joshua, Thank you for all you do. You speak clearly which makes your thoughts easy to understand. One thing I was just contemplating is minimalism with our information. I think we are more distracted in what we do because we have a constant onslaught of information. i.e. media via TV, internet, radio, books, podcasts and the list goes on.(and on) If you are a person who is interested in anything you can get information on it 24/7. We’ve programmed ourselves into always needing more current data and/or a credentialed education for every area of our life. I’m beginning to realize more information is not always helpful and often just a distraction from getting the “real thing” done. Anyone else noticed this?
Rebecca says
Could someone offer me some advice about how to find purpose, goals and a plan when you are constantly assailed by the needs of others? I am a SAHM to two young boys with various special needs including autism. They are fabulously funny and energetic, but we are like a little boat in a storm. The storm is not of our making or under our control. Our goal is just to keep the boat upright and react to the waves as they hit (our eldest son currently has no school provision due to lack of places, a paediatrician did the opposite to what they said they would, one son develops seizures, etc, etc).
Liz P says
I hear you. I’m a SAHM to five kids, one of whom has autism and has had seizures. Right now, think simple. Your purpose right now is to do the best you can with what you have. To teach and love and nurture your precious children. To build and maintain a loving home. There will come a season when you can pursue bigger dreams but right now, just keep it simple.
Judy says
Good advice for many, Liz. :)
Rebecca says
Thanks, Liz. It’s good to hear from others who have been there. It’s not the time to think bigger or different (both those ideas work for me because my ideas would be related to my community so different and bigger than my home). I just need to stop being impatient. It doesn’t help with all the “seize the day” type messages that we get. I guess I need to seize the day by doing less.
anne says
Don’t forget to look after yourself.. even if it’s just sitting down to drink that cup of coffee or putting some flowers in a vase, painting your toenails… what ever it takes to make you catch a breath.
Judy says
One day at a time and no day without God. My best advice. :)
Jody Stevenson says
I agree with Liz except I would choose one different word. Later in life you will have a chance to pursue “different” not “bigger” things. There probably is no “bigger” thing than helping to mold a life and in your case multiple lives. You are exactly the parents God chose for your children. It’s a worthy calling.
Liz, I am not picking on you. What you said was right. Thank you for encouraging her. I’m just adding another perspective on your thought.
Karen says
Last week I stepped back from my part time job so I could focus on my health as I am having some health issues.
Felt so good, then wrong, then I felt guilty & couldn’t sleep last night. My husband assures me I’ve done the right thing & now your lovely article has put the icing on it all for me.
Thank you for writing such beauitful words.
Dulce Taylor says
“You can do anything, but you can’t do everything.”
I really needed to hear that!
Judy says
I started on a minimalist path two years ago when I had a health scare and didn’t die but it was close. I decided then to change my life. After being scared to do much for a long time, I am now realizing that this moment is all that I have and I need to make the most of it. My plan is to retire (again) the first of the year. Until then, I have some vacation to use up. After that, I will do what I want to do. There is nothing I “have” to do but take care of me (and my dogs). Today my boss asked me “what would you do anyway?” if you quit work. It was too stupid a question for me to even respond.
Toni - Reclaiming Your Future says
It took me a nervous breakdown to find the courage to start saying ‘no’ more and you know what? There isn’t a day goes by when I’m not thankful for saying it more!
Being more selective in agreeing to invitations rather than blanket ‘yes’ responses serves me better because I get more enjoyment from the invitations I do accept and my friends and family get a happier me because I’m pursuing what I love – writing and helping others!
Beth says
I love this! What a great reminder! I believe we were all created with a specific purpose in mind, with certain gifts and talents and abilities. If we can get into the flow of that, and focus, we will produce the most fruit.
I needed to be reminded of this today. Thanks Joshua!