It is difficult for me to articulate how blessed and thankful I am for my past. My parents love me, love each other, and love life. They provided me with stability, security, acceptance, and love. They continue to provide the same even today.
My grandparents could be described in the same way. All four of them were faithful to each other, faithful to God, and involved in my life growing up. Two of them are still alive today—and continue to be a part of my life.
The education I received was valuable. A private Christian school in South Dakota for elementary, a public school in North Dakota for high school, a four-year university in Nebraska for my Bachelor’s degree, and a four-year private university in Minnesota for my Master’s degree.
I am thankful for a mind that allowed school to come easy and a body that allowed me to participate in sports.
In high school, I met Kimberly. Shortly after graduating college, we married—20 years ago. And I couldn’t be happier. She is loving and patient and selfless and kind and beautiful. She has supported me every step of the way and I hope I’ve done justice in supporting her.
I have never worked a job I did not find fulfilling. I am thankful for the men and women who offered opportunities and mentorship along the way.
My two kids are 16 and 13. Both are healthy, do well in school, participate in extracurricular activities, are active at church, and have close friends they can rely on.
Not every day of my life has been perfect, certainly not. To live is to suffer strife and trials of every kind. But in almost every imaginable way, my life until now has been richly blessed.
I am thankful for my past, but I am not moving in that direction. My past has been lived and can never be re-lived.
Forward is the only direction we can live our lives.
This is true whether our past is something we want to remember or something we want to forget.
If our past was difficult, we learn from it. We redeem our past mistakes by learning from them. And we overcome wrongs committed against us by serving others and vowing to chart a different path forward for ourselves.
If our past was positive, we honor it most by living our best life in the current season and the next.
This is something we need to be reminded of often. It is easy, over the course of life, to collect more and more possessions from previous seasons of life: objects that were passed on to us by our parents, things that were used by our children when they were young, or items that signify accomplishments in life and career. Items that, by nature, represent the past—whether it be a season of life, a relationship, an accomplishment, or an experience we want to remember.
But the possessions we keep should represent the person we are trying to become, not the person we were.
Sometimes we think we’re honoring our departed loved ones by keeping their stuff, but let’s ask ourselves if they would want us to be burdened by their belongings. Doubtful. The best way to honor those who loved us is to live our best life possible, not to be weighed down by their things.
In the same way, we do not do ourselves favors when we cling to past seasons of life after we have entered into new ones.
You may have loved mothering young kids, for example, and look back on those days with great fondness. But if your kids have grown and have families of their own, you are in a new stage of life and should embrace it fully. Holding on to a lot of mementos of motherhood and longing for those days may be hindering you from fully entering into the potential of your new time of life.
Minimizing possessions from our past is not a sign of disrespect. Quite the opposite. It is the most honoring thing we can do. Because no matter how sweet the memories, our lives are not moving in that direction.
Just because something brought you joy in the past doesn’t mean you should carry it forever. (tweet that)
D.G, says
As I near the 50th anniversary of my beloved father’s passing, I weep at the thought that I only knew him as a child and so wish I had known him as adult. He passed away the day after my birthday. My memories of him are fading and, due to multiple concussions over the years, they are fading even faster. I cling to physical items of his, as well as those of other family members, fearing someday that I won’t remember them at all. My children never knew him and I doubt that they want any of the “family” items. I have been to counseling, but I just don’t know how to get beyond this.
Maggie says
It’s okay to keep things that bring you comfort or you find useful or beautiful~minimalism is only ridding yourself of the excess or things that weigh you down.
Gail says
A hearty amen to Maggie’s comment.
D.G, says
Thank you to Maggie and Gail. Your thoughts really help.
Laurel Wenson says
This was a gift to read today; after a year of cleaning out my mom’s house, which was filled with 60 years of “memories”, I realized during the process just how little I wanted or needed to take home with me. I chose a few truly useful things that will bring her to mind daily, but the estate sale can pass on the rest of her stuff to others. Embracing the life ahead daily, and working at decluttering that which holds me back in my OWN home!
Doreen L Eckerty says
Just because something brought you joy in the past doesn’t mean you should carry it forever. (tweet that)
That is the only part I disagree with(for me, of course) the things from being a mother. All of the things (well, of course not ALL) my children have made for me over the years, they, in fact, STILL bring me joy. Every time I look at them. I smile so big. My heart swells up. These things bring me joy.
The rest I love. Especially the part about ” I am thankful for my past, but I am not moving in that direction”, I love that.
Thanks for writing all these books and articles. It is great motivation.
Gail says
If they bring you joy, hang onto them. The idea of decluttering is to get rid of things that weigh you down. Some people enjoy reminiscing more than others, and neither person is wrong. You can feel joy looking at sentimental things and not be trapped in the past. We all tend to universalize whatever personality we ourselves are. If I feel burdened by things that belonged to my mother, then everyone must feel that. If I love looking at the artwork my kids did in first grade, then everyone must. Be who you are. But I think from your comment, you already know that.
Marsha Donaldson says
Wow! As I sit here reading this, a person who holds estate sales is going through my belongings and pricing them. I recently had an accident and have been in a wheelchair, then a walker and now a cane. It was the 3rd time that I have been incapacitated within 6 months. The Lord speaks to me in 3’s, and this last time He really knocked me to my knees literally!
We moved here less than 2 years ago, and my husband passed away unexpectedly 6 weeks later. I have a large 4 bedroom house, a 2-acre yard, and a swimming pool to maintain (plus 2 goats), and will soon be 70. It took this last fall for me to accept the fact that I need to move on to the next season of my life, and I’m ready. I sold my house without even trying by mentioning it to one neighbor, found a lot in a garden home community, and will be moving to an apartment while my garden home is being built. In the meantime I am planning on getting rid of over half of my possessions! I was already motivated by the decluttering course, and this article is absolutely perfect for me to read today! Thank you, Joshua Becker!!!
joshua becker says
I am touched by your story Marsha, thank you for sharing it with us. The later years of life are so often categorized by loss: loss of loved ones and physical abilities, just to name a few. But always remember, as my grandfather says, “The best fruit grows on the oldest trees.” There is not a doubt in my mind after this estate sale and move you will be freed up in ways you never dreamt imaginable to live your life to the fullest and to finish strong.
Melissa says
I commend you . It takes a lot of courage and faith to take action to Create a new life. You are a very wise woman. May God bless you I. Your new adventure, it sounds like it will be a wonderful one
Alicis says
Thank you for writing this! For years I spent living in a museum of my great-grandmother’s & grandmother’s furniture. I’ve been letting it go & have noticed that my children are so much happier with less stuff. I still have a ways to go, but I’m making progress.
Karen Burgess says
Joshua, this was a good read. Everything you wrote hit home, Thanks.
Lori says
This came at the perfect time as I am again reviewing the things in my home. Some of them are creating a bit of anxiety but I keep avoiding them because of sentimental reasons and not even my sentimental reasons. It’s that I am expected to keep them and treasure them (but I don’t). I keep hearing, “What, you gave away your grandmother’s ———!” or “Why did you get rid of all your baby clothes?” So I will remember this article as I begin to look at these items and clear some space for joy and eliminate the anxiety. Thanks!!
Lisa S. says
I have for a longtime ascribed to the philosophy not ro look backwards.,.that is not where I am going. My upbringing was filled with strife and abuse that impacted the relationships I had with grandparents, parents and siblings..but finding my faith in the Lord opened my heart to forgiveness and the ability to let go of the hurts and stuff that was holding me back from God’s plan for me. I have embraced the many aspects that minimalism (in all of life’s journeys) teaches. It is something that I pray on for my siblings and friends. Keep up your amazing calling Joshua.
CW says
I’m having trouble getting rid of the baby stuff. ?
Joy says
CW, don’t beat yourself up. My babies are 42 and 39 years old. I still have some baby things. These items don’t keep me in the past, they honor my past…I smile when I touch them and remember. I doubt if I will ever get rid of them, and I’ll let my ‘babies’ decide what they want to do with them.
Julia says
Well-written perspectives on the power of emotional attachment to items. So helpful in reconciling responsibility for heirlooms and memorabilia, or items only with memories but no current or enduring value, and perhaps even a negative impact on current choices. Thank you!