It is difficult for me to articulate how blessed and thankful I am for my past. My parents love me, love each other, and love life. They provided me with stability, security, acceptance, and love. They continue to provide the same even today.
My grandparents could be described in the same way. All four of them were faithful to each other, faithful to God, and involved in my life growing up. Two of them are still alive today—and continue to be a part of my life.
The education I received was valuable. A private Christian school in South Dakota for elementary, a public school in North Dakota for high school, a four-year university in Nebraska for my Bachelor’s degree, and a four-year private university in Minnesota for my Master’s degree.
I am thankful for a mind that allowed school to come easy and a body that allowed me to participate in sports.
In high school, I met Kimberly. Shortly after graduating college, we married—20 years ago. And I couldn’t be happier. She is loving and patient and selfless and kind and beautiful. She has supported me every step of the way and I hope I’ve done justice in supporting her.
I have never worked a job I did not find fulfilling. I am thankful for the men and women who offered opportunities and mentorship along the way.
My two kids are 16 and 13. Both are healthy, do well in school, participate in extracurricular activities, are active at church, and have close friends they can rely on.
Not every day of my life has been perfect, certainly not. To live is to suffer strife and trials of every kind. But in almost every imaginable way, my life until now has been richly blessed.
I am thankful for my past, but I am not moving in that direction. My past has been lived and can never be re-lived.
Forward is the only direction we can live our lives.
This is true whether our past is something we want to remember or something we want to forget.
If our past was difficult, we learn from it. We redeem our past mistakes by learning from them. And we overcome wrongs committed against us by serving others and vowing to chart a different path forward for ourselves.
If our past was positive, we honor it most by living our best life in the current season and the next.
This is something we need to be reminded of often. It is easy, over the course of life, to collect more and more possessions from previous seasons of life: objects that were passed on to us by our parents, things that were used by our children when they were young, or items that signify accomplishments in life and career. Items that, by nature, represent the past—whether it be a season of life, a relationship, an accomplishment, or an experience we want to remember.
But the possessions we keep should represent the person we are trying to become, not the person we were.
Sometimes we think we’re honoring our departed loved ones by keeping their stuff, but let’s ask ourselves if they would want us to be burdened by their belongings. Doubtful. The best way to honor those who loved us is to live our best life possible, not to be weighed down by their things.
In the same way, we do not do ourselves favors when we cling to past seasons of life after we have entered into new ones.
You may have loved mothering young kids, for example, and look back on those days with great fondness. But if your kids have grown and have families of their own, you are in a new stage of life and should embrace it fully. Holding on to a lot of mementos of motherhood and longing for those days may be hindering you from fully entering into the potential of your new time of life.
Minimizing possessions from our past is not a sign of disrespect. Quite the opposite. It is the most honoring thing we can do. Because no matter how sweet the memories, our lives are not moving in that direction.
Just because something brought you joy in the past doesn’t mean you should carry it forever. (tweet that)
Vishnu says
Thanks Joshua, a very timely reminder that living in the present moment does the most justice to the past. We honor the past by living our best in the present.
We can’t welcome in the new when we are still holding onto the old.
Dee says
Joshua – this post today is so meaningful as my husband and I are ready to move in one week. We sold our large home and are moving to a fully furnished much smaller place.
Withnthe help of my daughter I threw away momentos from my two children, one of whom died as a young boy, plus boxes of his things from his room I saved after he died – 35 years ago. I threw away letters I’d saved from my mom, who wrote me weekly for the last 20 years of her life. And she’s been gone now for 22 years. I am in my early 70s and finally realized it is time to let these things go. It’s time to look ahead – not back. I have boxes of photos from my mom that she saved of her children and of her siblings. Most of those people are gone now. I’m still having a hard time deciding what to do with them. I reason – They did not originate with me so why am I keeping them. Yet it seems sacrilegious to destroy photos from the past of loved ones long gone. We have donated all our furniture and 90% of the content of our home. And we are under the gun to finish in a few days. This has been the hardest thing we ever had to do. And it sure has been an eye-opening experience.
Torrie @ To Love and To Learn says
The stuff that reminds you of the good stuff in the past is always the hardest to let go (I burned some of the stuff that didn’t have good memories associated, ha ha…surprisingly therapeutic way to deal with it, too!). Most of my clutter problems deal with saving something because I might need it in the future (and it’s perhaps not surprising then that I struggle a bit with anxiety, which is future-focused, rather than depression, which is past-focused).
Interesting read!
ReaderRita says
I salute your wonderful life! That is a lovely way for life to be lived- fully, committed, and with joy.
However, some of us had to deal with some very big issues when we were very young- divorce, deaths, impermanence, instability, illness; for us, it is harder to let go of the things that gave us hope or helped us to envision a life without the above mentioned problems. I find that I am viscerally attached to some of my possessions, as they are my only link to a long dead relative, friend or dream for my own life- most of which I find have frighteningly faded from my memory as time has worn on.
No, I am not my past, and I do not want to relive it, but I do not want to forget it, either. I miss the dreams that the mere act of staying afloat displaced, and I want to spur them on again.
D.G, says
I really understand what you are saying Reader Rita! I am trying to select a few things that remind me of “the dreams” and gave me “the anchor of hope” during those times, and releasing the rest. It’s a slow process, don’t beat yourself up over your decisions. And realize that some day, we may feel differently about the pieces, and then be able to pass them on.
Judy says
Thank you, Joshua. This meant a lot to me.
One of your best postings! :)
Birgitte says
Very good article I will read again and again to remind me. – My husband and I are in our mid- 60s and 7 years ago we gave away all our furniture and most possessions and turned to full time RVing. Best decision ever !!! Memorabilia are digital and so are important papers et. We live a minimalist life and focus on experiences with family and friends, healthy living and our Faith.
Celine Spackman says
I agree with Gail and Maggie. I have a file for some of my kids drawings. On the other hand my son taught me a lesson. Growing up he was a gifted artist so I held on to many of the poster size art he made. He lives in another city and on his last visit I told him it was time for him to take his art home. He said sure – we had fun as went through it together. He culled some of it and then laid out the “keepers” on the ping pong table, took out his phone and took pictures of them, then gathered them all up, rolled them up and threw them out!! My chin fell! I’ve since been giving thought of taking pictures of furniture etc.. that I’ve inherite and getting rid of those pieces that just take room.
Doreen L Eckerty says
Thanks so much Gail for your reply. I truly appreciate you taking the time out to respond. :)
Blessings!
Brittany Olson says
I could not agree more with this post. Sometimes minimalism can be its own tribute to lost loved ones!
Barbara says
This was really helpful. I struggle with the burden of “things saved” by previous generations. Thank you!