I was introduced to minimalism in a sentence. But that sentence was quickly followed by a question.
On a Saturday afternoon, after spending many hours cleaning my garage while my 5-year old son kept asking me to play catch in the backyard, I began complaining to my neighbor about the project and the time it had taken to clean my garage.
She responded with a sentence, “Yeah, that’s why my daughter is a minimalist. She keeps telling me I don’t need all this stuff.”
I looked over at the pile of dirty, dusty possessions in my driveway. As I did, in the corner of my eye, I saw my son swinging alone in the back yard—where he’d been all morning. Suddenly, I realized something important:
My possessions were not bringing joy into my life, they were actually distracting me from it.
I was struck in that moment with a burning question that I had never asked myself before, “What could my life look like if I didn’t own so much stuff?”
My entire life (growing up middle class in the middle of America) I had been told, “Make more, buy more, enjoy life more.”
But in that moment, everything changed. The truths that I believed to be true about life were replaced with an entirely new question, “What would happen if I owned less?”
The answer was not hard to imagine: If I owned less stuff, I’d have more money, more time, and more energy for the things that matter most.
The existence of an entirely new worldview was discovered… by asking myself a question I’d never thought to ask.
I have found, along my path to becoming minimalist, that learning to ask new questions is a powerful and effective strategy to owning less—almost essential. And that many of the obstacles to minimalism can be overcome by learning to ask different questions.
For example:
Instead of asking: “What if I throw out something I need later?”
Ask: “What if I keep a whole bunch of stuff I never end up using?”
Suddenly, you begin to see your hard decisions in a new light. Living your whole life with a house full of stuff you don’t use adds stress and anxiety and robs someone else of the opportunity to use it. There are negatives to holding on to things “just in case” we need them. But we rarely think of the negative consequences because we never ask the question.
Learning to ask a new question helps us overcome this obstacle to minimalist living.
The strategy can be tried in countless scenarios.
Here are some more:
Instead of “What if I lose friends because I choose a minimalist life?”
Ask “If my friends stop hanging out with me because I no longer buy the same things they do, are they really my friends in the first place?”
If you need nice things to impress your friends, they probably aren’t worth impressing anyway.
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Instead of “Will I regret not making this purchase today?”
Ask: “What could I do with the money instead?”
Because there is a good chance you could find more happiness and meaning not buying the thing you don’t need.
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Instead of “What if so-and-so gets mad because I got rid of the gift they bought me?”
Ask “Would my friend want me to keep around something I don’t need just because they gave it to me as a gift?
If you gave a gift to a friend and found out they no longer wanted it, would you want them to keep it just because you bought it? Probably not. Most people don’t give gifts to be a burden. Like you, most people would be upset that you kept something you didn’t want just because they gave it to you.
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Instead of “What if my kids get jealous because they don’t have as much stuff as the neighborhood kids?”
Ask “What life lessons are my kids learning if I buy them every toy they want?”
I’ll never regret the life lessons my kids have learned while we pursued minimalism. They have learned that you don’t overcome envy by giving into it. And they have learned to find contentment and happiness with what they have.
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Instead of “What if I get bored owning less?”
Ask “What might I be able to accomplish if possessions were not weighing me down?”
Rather than assuming you will be bored, trust in yourself and all you can accomplish. You’ll never know how far you can fly until you loosen the weight holding you down.
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Instead of taking no steps because “What am I going to do with my partner’s stuff?”
Ask “Which of my own stuff can I minimize first?”
You may be surprised how much of a difference you can make in your home by focusing on just your own stuff.
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Instead of “How am I ever going to minimize _________?”
Ask “Have I seen owning less benefit my life? Well then, how am I going to apply the principles here?”
You see, you don’t need to have all the answers before you get started. Where there is a will there is a way. And it’s true. If you’ve seen the benefits of owning less in other areas of your life, you’ll be able to find a workable solution for your book collection, paper piles, or yarn stash.
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Instead of “What am I removing from my life?” Ask “What am I adding?”
And rather than wondering “What if I fail?” Consider “What if I succeed?”
The next time you feel stuck, test out this little strategy. Try thinking through the problem from the other side and discover a brand new question to ask. You may be surprised how it changes your outlook.
Brenda says
The clutter I have left after minimizing tends to be Just In Case things for emergencies. I LOVED the question, “What if I keep a Bunch of stuff I never end up using?” That really puts it more in perspective! Thank you!
Norma Nikutowski says
Great new questions to ask. It reminded me of when vacations or the weekend ends and I feel sad that it is over instead of feeling happy for the great time I had and the wonderful things that lie ahead.
Ariel says
Years ago, when I began minimizing, I began with my own items first, and then addressed much of what my (very young – 3, 18 month, 1 month) children had. My husband was so furious, it was beyond anything I could grasp. We had one incredible argument over a suitcase I had had since I was 14, and was badly ripped. I put it in the garbage and he took it out. It was awful.
I kept going, very slowly. . . very consistently. Same arguments over and over. It was so hard. But so worth it.
I often used these questions when we argued. Slowly are heated debates became discussions, and discussions are now conversations.
The reality is that much of what we hold on to is based in a combination of habit and fear. We now have a house that is 80% minimized. I did most of it over 2 years, and then kept going for another 2. We’ve been at 80% for 2 years, and that is just fine, b/c now my husband is more on-board, and he is very slowly dealing with some of his own things.
Changing the conversation and perspective with different questions is so much of the work!
Karen says
That is a strange phenomenon Ariel. My partner is not a cluttery person but when we were getting rid of the last of a storage unit it was a stressful time. I felt happy and free but he seemed to be oddly agitated. He’s a fairly calm person. Now most of the major clutter and excess is gone after my working many months on it. I wonder if our excess crap can sometimes be the tether or security blanket that keeps people together? Interesting!
Cat Geraats says
This was just what I needed to hear. I’ve recently retired & am facing a mountain of things from past hobbies, clothes that don’t fit etc. that I want to edit way down. I have been learning about minimalism for a few years now and found this perspective on asking the reverse question to be very illuminating. It, for me, gets to the crux of why I want to hang onto things & how to circumvent my fears. Thank you!!!
JoJo Bean says
Thank you. Very motivating article. My question, “What’s wrong with holding onto things until they sell on FB marketplace/OfferUp?” is becoming “Won’t you feel so much more free if you just donate them now and get them out of here? Do you really need the extra $$?? It’s just $$…to buy more stuff”.
joshua becker says
Nice! That’s a great one JoJo.
Barb says
Jo Jo, some people MAY need those extra dollars due to unemployment ! So selling their possessions may be a necessary act!
Laurel says
This! This is what I’m asking myself right now. Is $20 worth it? $40> What amount is worth the hassle of taking pictures, storing it until sold, meeting up with someone (or going and they don’t show?) Sometimes it’s worth it when I’m saving for something specific, but usually it’s so not worth it for me.
Ashton says
That is such a wonderful mindset when it comes to donating clothes have a good day
Breanne M says
This spoke to me on a fundamental level. I am going to write down all the questions and review them frequently. Thank you for your emails. I look forward to reading your articles and incorporating them into my life. Your articles are inspiring and soothing. I feel like it’s a coaching and not a demanding lifestyle change. Thank you.
Diane S says
This is one of the best articles I’ve received on my emails from becoming minimalist.com. So true, It made me look at things differently. I really enjoyed it, thank you.
joshua becker says
Thanks for the kind words. Glad you enjoyed it.
Becky says
This is so true. It’s just so hard to get motivatedI’ve dine baby steps and do like the feeling when I go into that space.
Gayle says
Any ideas on becoming a minimalist eater? To nourish our bodies we need high-quality nutrient filled food but I find that the amount of food served in a restaurant is preposterous. It is also laden with heavy creams and sauces which I love by the way. I would like to become a minimalist eater, put nourishment in my body when it needs it not when I am stressed, and perhaps lose a little weight in the process. ?
Ariel says
Years ago, I simplified my choices for most of my eating out. I simply told myself I would order an entree salad, or some kind of soup/salad combo. Occasionally, I’ll get the special, but 9 times out of 10 I go with my usual. By reducing my choices, it made ordering simpler – and actually, I kind of like the routine. Maybe you could try something similar?
Julie says
You don’t need to be a minimalist eater if you eat a whole food plant based diet. You can eat all you want of unprocessed plant food. You will be healthier and lose weight too.
Gwen says
Gayle, you might check out Dr. Joel Fuhrman’s, “Eat to Live” and Dr. John McDougall’s website. They both advocate simple, nourishing plant based foods. I am like you, I prefer more plain fare which is the exact opposite of how I was taught to cook by my grandmother and mother-in-law. And, I am also of the generation that had to take Home Economics in school. You were told you had to have a certain number of dishes at each meal and sauces and fancy presentation were encouraged. Now that my children are gone and my husband and I are retired, we eat much more simply. Still sometimes I feel guilty that I don’t go to more effort like I was taught. Your comment about wanting to eat more simple, nourishing food helps me see the link between what I eat and my overall efforts to simplify my life. Thanks so much for for your comment!
Jamie Schilmiller says
This was perfect for me this morning. Everyday, my kids are begging for my husband and I to play with them…but yet we never have time: we need to clean out the garage, we need to clean the kitchen, I need to get all the laundry finished, etc. We have too much! If I can’t take a 15 minute break to throw a ball, then I’m doing too much. Thank you! I feel I have a new goal, a new way to think in getting my home and life in order.