First off, I fully realize this is a very personal topic. For a variety of well-thought-out reasons, not everyone who stumbles upon this post desires to become a one-income family. That’s fine. This is not written to change your thinking or convince you otherwise.
Instead, it is written to encourage those who do desire such a lifestyle. I have known a number of dual-income families over the years who desire to become one-income – typically experienced in conjunction with the birth of a child. This post is written with them in mind.
My wife and I have lived our entire married lives (13 years) on one modest income. We have proven it is possible. And if we can accomplish it, so can you. This post is written to provide you with practical thoughts and encouragement to take the very step you’ve been desiring all along.
Ten years ago, our first child was born. As my wife had always intended, she immediately resigned from her position as an administrative assistant and became a full-time homemaker. At the time, my gross income was less than $40,000/year + health insurance benefits. I offer the numbers only as a frame of reference… there are surely one-income families that live on more and some that live on less. Over the years, I have experienced a number of pay increases (as one might expect), but my career in non-profits was never chosen for its level of compensation.
Still, we were able to survive and thrive on one-income because we took some very intentional steps with our lives, finances, and decisions:
1. Ask when and why, not if. I’m all for careful planning and crunching the numbers, but I’m also all for taking risks and learning to figure things out. When my wife quit her job to stay-at-home, we looked at the financial inflow and outflow. But our intentions in analyzing the numbers were never motivated by the question “Is this going to work?” We had already made the decision. The when/why had already been determined. Budgeting was approached as the means needed to make the necessary adjustments to accomplish it… not as the determining factor.
2. If possible, prepare ahead of time. My wife and I received valuable advice when we got married. A good friend of ours told us, “Decide now to live off one income… even if both of you are working. Put the entire second income directly into savings.” This decision to live off my income alone contributed significantly to our first home’s down-payment. But more importantly, it kept our lifestyle at a level that provided options when our first child was born (or if an unexpected job loss would have occurred). If possible, begin making choices today (avoid debt, lifestyle creep, and high mortgage payments) that will accommodate one income in the future.
3. Be content with less. A one-income family will, by definition, earn less money than a two-income family. The pursuit of possessions will need to be tempered. You’ll own a smaller home with less-fancy cars. Luckily, you won’t be missing much. There’s far more joy to be found in pursuing less than can be found in owning more. *At the time, we were not living minimalist lives (that decision came later). But if we had been, the transition to one-income would have been even easier.
4. Be convinced of the benefits. There are countless benefits to staying at home with young children that motivated our decision: stability, relationship, experience, educational opportunity, scheduling flexibility, consistent discipline, fewer expenses. We recognized these benefits and used the opportunity to make one-income a reality.
5. Budget. A healthy understanding of budgeting is required in most every case. But from my experience, there are only a small variety of expenses that keep families from living on one-income: too costly mortgage, car payments, eating out frequently, exorbitant entertainment expenses (tickets, vacations, and/or alcohol), and credit card debt. Start there and you’ll solve 85-90% of your financial problems. To embrace healthy budgeting techniques, you’ll find countless budgeting tools online. But the one that works best is the one that actually provides you with the tools to live within it. *Additionally, a one-income family is one that treats all incoming revenue as “shared,” not “yours” or “mine.” If you need to change your thinking on this, do it now.
6. Find an outlet for relationship. One difficulty of removing oneself from the workforce is the loss of a built-in network of relationships. Interpersonal relationships with peers are absolutely essential to our well-being. Be intentional in seeking out a place to find them: church, community groups, mom/dad groups, activity groups, etc.
7. Find an outlet for service. You have gifts, talents, experiences, and education that our world needs. And likely, you still desire to use them. Just because you have decided to stay at home does not mean you resigned from using your gifts to change the world. Look for opportunities to use them on a broader scale. There are, after all, countless organizations (schools, community, nonprofits) that need your giftedness. Find one as an outlet for your talents.
8. Embrace temporary or part-time. If there are some internal reasons keeping you from fully becoming a full-time, stay-at-home parent, consider the options of part-time or temporary. You don’t need to leave the workforce permanently. You can still keep a toe in it by finding a part-time employment arrangement that fits your schedule/desire. And as your family becomes more self-reliant, you can always make the decision to return back to work.
Again, this post was motivated by the countless conversations I have had with families who desire to become one-income. It is not the perfect solution for every family. But it has worked well for ours on a relatively modest budget. And if it has worked for us, it is completely achievable for you.
Image: Keoni Cabral
Brooke says
Great post! I’ve been a SAHM for almost 9 years, from the beginning of motherhood. There’s been really tough years financially but God has always provided more than we need. We live in Sunny San Diego, not cheap – sunshine tax ;)- but it’s totally doable. I wish more mamas were home with their babies. Even with our last one starting kinder in the fall, I’m keeping on the SAHM train so I can be home for my family.
Joshua, thank you for your encouragement through this blog. Keep it up!
M says
Thank you for telling people this!! I have been a single mom for the past 20+ years with very little or unreliable child support, with no choice but to live on one salary. It is easy, so doable. It is a choice for married people. I would have loved the leisure to have so much extra time and freedom if I had adults to contribute, still on one income. The extra stuff and excess spending is not at all necessary. If I can do it, anyone can. Go for it!
Meg says
I agree. As a single parent you are forced on one income and realize how little you can live on and still have a full life. I love everything they post on this site. It’s changed how I see life 100%. I’ve always been a minimalist at heart but kind of felt the need to keep up with others. Not anymore. We are happy and content.
Tina says
Joshua….THANK YOU! I am scared to death and about to make the leap from a full-time job to SAHM. I know finances will be tight, but it is so good to hear from someone who has done it! I have always let fear rule my life, and this is a extreme Leap of Faith….but I think I am ready!
Brooke says
That’s awesome you’re making the leap! As a SAHM myself, it’s so completely worth it. The time you will have with your children and to be there to bless your husband is invaluable. God Bless you
Michelle says
I believe with all my heart that the years I spent at home raising our four kids were the best years, despite a tight budget. As a stay at home mom you will struggle at times. You might question the choice you’ve made sometimes. But you won’t ever wonder where your kids are, if they are being nurtured as passionately and carefully as you know they need, if they are being influenced by adults who may not have their best interests at heart. It’s the very best investment of your time!
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Phil says
My wife and I decided that we would be one-income family with my wife staying at home with the kids (and eventually homeschooling them) while we were still engaged.
A couple months before our first child was born, my wife resigned from her job. What did it take for this to work? Keep in mind that I live in New York State, so my expenses are high, taxes are ridiculous, and heating bills are outrageous. First, I changed careers. I was a schoolteacher, and I immediately saw that my salary was only four times my property taxes, so I had to do something else. I got into computers and worked my tail off. In 5 years I earned more than double my teaching salary. Also, I sought hard (and finally got) an adjunct teaching position at a local community college teaching computer-type things, and I make sure to do a great job every semester in order to keep the side income. It’s easy, minimal time and adds over $1000 per month net. I live in a two family which is a far cry from the beautiful home and neighborhood I grew up in. At 36 I’m still dealing with that, but it’s nevertheless a choice that has allowed us to live on my income only (supporting my wife and three children) easier than if we had no rental income from the upstairs apartment.
My bottom line is that supporting a family on one income is hard but absolutely possible. It takes the one income earner to either have a high paying job or probably a good job with something on the side. That means work. Hard work. It also means used cars, modest vacations ( and fewer) and living without much of the stuff the TV says I’m supposed to have. It means stress sometimes, and it means having a budget. Despite these things, though, it’s 100% worth it, and I wouldn’t trade all the material things I could have for the family lifestyle I do have.
Jody says
We have been a one income family for almost 5 years with a 2 year old, 4 year old and 15 year old step, whom we pay child support (17 percent of income plus health insurance and extras) as well as take care of 50 percent of the time. Our budget almost exactly mirrors this blog in salary and how we choose to budget. What I would like to share is everything we gain from choosing our one income life style; we learned to love to cook and maintain healthier weights than most of our peers who go out to eat frequently, we enjoy free /low cost activities like going for walks, camping, inviting friends over to play/dinner, going to the library, attending workshops at museums, and stores like home depo. Most recently I’ve decided to reduce the amount of recycling we put out to the curb by making our own laundry detergent, yogurt, bread, etc. which also saves money. When I had babies I made my own baby food, diaper rash cream and babywipes. I involve my kids in baking, building and diy projects as there is so much learning in measuring, following directions, problem solving etc. I often remind myself how valuable it is to stay home and play , discover our backyard and neighborhood. As I enter deeper into parenthood, it amazes me how other parents will pay for play and lessons that they themselves can teach. We are our children’s best and first teachers. I am grateful for my kids who often show me the simplicity of life. I hope you can find it too.
Lucy says
Another great post Joshua. I’m wondering though, how do you manage holidays/travel? Do you still manage to have holidays abroad? I’m hoping to apply your principles to many areas of our life but I find the thought of not being able to explore other countries/cultures/climates on our holidays a real loss…
joshua becker says
Our vacations tend to be visiting our extended family in the Midwest. And probably 1-2 day-trip or weekend trips with just our family to any number of drivable locations. Every 5 years, my wife and I spend an extended holiday on the beach. It works for us just fine.
Wendy says
We are a one income family. My husband is in the military. He’s an officer, a major, and between that and a generally lower cost of living (disclaimer: we are both from Los Angeles and I know that changes our perspective dramatically) it’s not really a struggle. However we do have two small children now (2 year old and a 4 month old) and very few people have unlimited amounts of money. It’s the little things that suck money. Large purchases are usually planned and budgeted for but little things add up so quickly and that is the problem. Often there is the feeling that something needs refreshing (new tablecloth!) or you can’t find one of your 12 white t shirts so you just buy a new one. It’s things like that, and this blog and the books have helped us target those areas. As our kids grow so will expenses. So far we’ve been very careful in buying things for them and I hope to have our habits more solidified before they are really really paying attention. Our two year old son does not ask for more than produce when we shop anywhere. Toys at target are something I take off the shelf, look at with him, and return to the shelf. The part of the process I’m focusing on right now is groceries. We don’t eat out very often and nearly everything is cooked from scratch but we tend to waste produce, meals are haphazardly planned and so on. I worked the first year we were married and we have far more discretionary income now because we do watch all of our spending and the feeling you have less can actually add up to having more.
Barbara says
I love the idea of being a one income family and my husband and I have been trying to figure out how to make that work. Unfortunately, most of our debt is in student loans (we pay about 1500 a month just for this). Right now we live pretty minimalist with one car (we’ve been doing that for a while), a small house with a small mortgage, almost no credit card debt, very little entertainment expenses. All of our money from our checks basically goes to daycare and student loans :(. Do you have any advice on how we can achieve a one income household?
Wendy says
Well you wouldn’t have to pay for daycare first of all. Something you might haven’t taken into consideration is that if you remove one salary you may fall into a different tax bracket. I ran those numbers and realized we’d have less money with my salary just from a higher tax bracket and daycare. You can also have your student loan payments reduced if you make less money. It’s debt, and not ideal, but it sort of falls into a separate category from credit cards. A smaller house means lower utilities. In theory you have way more time to coupon, plan meals, and cook them frugally if you aren’t working. There are a lot of websites that address all of these things. My brother in law and his wife have learned to make do with very little – and they also have student loans. Their kids are on board. Most of their clothes come from second hand shops, they buy older cars, but my BIL is a great mechanic. I’m 40 and I remember how few things I had as a child than I do now, primarily speaking of clothes. I remember clothes being a choice of a few nicer things or more cheap things. I always chose fewer and nicer….my clothes shopping is my biggest struggle but I was always so content with what I had as a child. I don’t know when I changed but it was easier 30 years ago!
Mr. Dad says
Joshua, thank you for a great post. I share your views on many of your points, but especially the decision to be content with less fluff. As I recently mentioned on my Thrive on One Income post, we simply cannot live above our means. My family has been living with one breadwinner for almost two years and it’s been great. Tough…but great. Thanks again.