In March 2008, my wife’s grandmother passed away. In many ways, Irene was a hero to her. Kim respected her zest for life, her love for family, and her faith.
When she died, Kim joined the rest of her family in taking home some memories from her apartment—two cardboard boxes full of memories.
When my wife returned home from the funeral, the boxes accompanied her. And like so many other items in our home, the boxes were placed on shelves in the basement where they would remain for the next several years, until we began our pursuit of minimalism.
Years later, I found myself on a call-in show for a Canadian radio station. The format consisted of a short introduction followed by 45 minutes of live questions from callers.
“How do I part with the objects in my home associated with memories?” The question arose early—it always does.
I made my usual case for decluttering sentimental items and how owning less of them brings more value to the ones we keep. I offered some helpful thoughts and tips to get started. The phone call ended and we moved to the next.
The next caller also wanted to talk about decluttering sentimental items and began by sharing her story of minimizing them. In one sentence, the caller summed up everything I had tried to say for the previous five minutes. It is a phrase I have repeated to others (and myself) countless times since that conversation.
“When it comes to minimizing items with sentimental memories attached,” she began, “my philosophy has been to adopt an ‘Only the Best’ strategy.”
She went on to explain, “We all have people and moments in life that we desire to remember. For each of them, I have tried to keep ‘only the one best’ item that represents each memory. When my grandmother died, rather than keeping an entire box of things from her home, I decided I wanted ‘only the best, most representative piece’.”
As she spoke, I remembered our own experience years earlier, decluttering the contents of the boxes Kim brought home from her grandmother’s house. Our process was the same—an intentional decision to keep “only the best.”
While Kim and I cleared our basement, we came across those boxes of memories. It was almost a shame to see such an important box of memories covered in dust, in the basement of our 4-level home.
Kim eventually selected three items from that box—the items she found to be most representative of her grandmother’s life.
- She selected a candy dish that we placed in our living room. It now proudly offers a sweet snack to anyone who enters our living room—just like her grandma used to use it for.
- She selected a butterfly broach to pin on her jacket—just like grandma used to wear when she would visit.
- And she kept her grandmother’s Bible. It now resides in our nightstand—just like, you guessed it, where her grandmother used to keep it.
In keeping fewer sentimental items, we brought greater value to the memory of her grandmother. We use the items daily and are continually reminded of that special relationship. Because we sorted out “only the best,” her legacy lives on even stronger than before.
An only the best approach to possessions is beneficial, but can still be difficult, especially for people with particularly sentimental personalities. If that is the case, here are a few tips to help you along in the difficult process.
Four Steps to Help You Move Forward with an “Only the Best” Approach
Try one-half.
Less does not necessarily mean none. Paring down your sentimental items allows you to focus on the most meaningful. If this is difficult for you, but a step you know you need to take, try limiting your sentimental physical items to half their current amount. Rather than two boxes, keep one. These self-imposed boundaries often help us quickly realize which items mean the most.
Take pictures.
Digital clutter, if organized well, is less intrusive and burdensome than physical clutter. You may find relief in archiving digital photos of items before you remove them. Your memories are not stored in the object, the memories are in you. In that way, a photo can serve the same purpose as the physical object.
Give it life again.
Recently, some of my relatives removed an antique dining room table from their basement. It was the table they grew up around celebrating countless birthdays and holidays and special occasions. Nobody in the family could bear the thought of getting rid of it.
That was, until, a need arose in their local community. A friend of a friend was in need of a table and the difficult decision was made. The table would finally, ten years later, be given away. The receiver was blessed, the giver was blessed, and the table was given life again. If you are holding on to sentimental objects that could be used by you or someone else, honor their memory by giving them life again.
Remind yourself what brings meaning to your life.
Almost all of our sentimental possessions belong to one of three categories: relationships, experiences, or achievements. We hold on to these things because they remind us what brings joy and meaning into our life: the people around us, the experiences we share, and the accomplishments of growth and achievement.
Unfortunately, too often, the physical possessions we accumulate in our lives keep us from those very things as they burden us with unnecessary stress and care.
Lighten your load. Unburden your life. And go create more moments of relationship, adventure, and accomplishment.
You’ll never reach for anything new if you are too busy holding on to yesterday’s things. Keep only the best.
FatCatAnna says
Thank you for this article! And the comments from the above! I’m trying to downsize, and finding it rewarding most times, and sometimes difficult … but I’m getting there. I always hope that what I do not keep, and give to charity organisations that need help … that someone will fall in love with the item as much as I did. I like the fact of taking a picture of the item as Leslie stated above!
Mary in Maryland says
I have my grandmother’s colander with one bent leg and the pie pans–both the big one with fluted edges and cut marks from hundreds of pies and the small one she used to make a sample pie for just the two of us. I feel lucky that others are responsible for the china and silver. Oh, and I have the card table and chairs where the grandparents, aunts, and uncles played thousands of games of whist. My father worked in a men’s clothing store and brought home empty plastic bags that my mother used for sandwich bags in packing our lunches. I still have one–a sixty-year-old Robert Bruce sweater bag holding my twill tape in the sewing room. And a needle case where the pages are flannel from the pajamas my mother made him my first year in 4-H–seventh grade.
Leslie Perry says
When my maternal grandmother got married in 1915, she carried a Battenburg lace hanky, which was handmade for her by her Sunday School teacher. I also carried it when I got married in 1963. In 1986, I had it professionally framed, and hung it on a wall in my house. Then, in 2016, I decided it should go to a cousin’s daughter who had the same last name as my grandmother. Before passing it on, I took a photo of it. The photo now comes up as the background every time I check my e-mail!
Bill Earle says
And that…exposes the truth about all the “things” that we hang onto!! And…I mean “we”!!
The “things” represent the thoughts and feelings (love, joy, fun…) that we try to recapture from a time that doesn’t actually exist!!! There is only “now”…a concept that is easy to express but difficult to truly comprehend!
Dianne says
Now that is the way to preserve and pass on such a special memory. Good for you!!!
Susan Copley says
Thank you to all those who write and post their own experiences of “Becoming Minimalist” which have helped me immensely. I confess I’m still just plain stuck about sorting out everything connected to my son’s tragic death at 24, and that was a long time ago. I open a box and just start to cry.
However, I do have one tip to share, though it may seem like heresy to some. I’ve given away hundreds and hundreds of books, etc. to younger friends (and our local book store’s Used Book dept) and sent many boxes of ‘hardly worn’ clothes to my younger sister. But my tip is to donate older items of some to considerable value to local Antique stores. They are appreciative and I am relieved.
Diane Pfeifer says
When my father-in-law passed, there were several things that my husband took that were his. But what I liked was that my mother-in-law asked our son (11 at the time) if there was anything that he wanted of PaPa’s. The funny thing was that he wanted something that really didn’t mean much to the rest of the family (would not have been the “best” for us)….it was an inexpensive gold clock given to him by his company when he had retired a few years before. I realized was that it had been there almost my son’s whole life and it was always at PaPa’s on display in the livingroom. So when my father passed I told my mom to ask each grandchild & great grandchild if there was anything they’d like as a remembrance. The “best” can be different for each of us. My mother-in-law says now ….”if there’s anything you’d like speak up now. If it’s something I am still wanting …….you’ll just have to wait!” ;-) Oh……I took gardening tools of my father-in-laws. I loved when we “walked” his yard to see what all was blooming!
Jane says
Thanks for sharing – I especially liked the bit about waiting if she was not ready to part with an item. Sounds just like my mother!!
Kathleen says
My little brother, who loved playing his guitar, was killed in an accident when he was just 21 years old. Following his death all I asked my mom for was one of his guitar picks. 41 years later I still have that guitar pick, I keep it in a little leather match box that was his. When I look at it it brings back all the memories of him playing his guitar in our house during family gatherings or playing under the big tree at the park near our home with his young friends-that is all I have ever needed over all these years to keep his memory alive.
Barb Huston says
In January we started the process of “downsizing” in preparation of our move to our retirement home that we are building on our dream property. Decluttering was so freeing. However, when selling the family home a little earlier than expected and moving into a smaller rental townhouse it got a LOT harder. We took on this “only the BEST” philosophy. So now, even though it’s not our home, we are wrapped in the things we just LOVE. My heart is happy and I feel so much joy and we’re not even to the good part yet. Thank you so much for the articles; we are well on our way to a more “rich” life with less stuff.
Rosanne Penley says
I would like to know what you did with the rest of Kim’s grandmother’s things that you did not keep. Did you offer them to others in the family, donate them, or throw them away? Those of us with few remembrances of our grandparents would love to have had more of their “things,” and perhaps pass them down to future generations. In a recent declutter my husband found a single golf tally card from the last time he and his now-deceased best friend played golf. When my husband passes it will be given to his friend’s daughter to pass on to her children, etc., a small tangible item that showed his love of golf with his best friend, my husband. These smaller things can be very important and don’t take up much room. Happy to report that he ditched several plastic totes of items during this process.
Gina says
When my dad died, his girlfriend took care of all his belongings. Sometimes this bothers me. However, other times, I am glad I did not need to sort through all his stuff. He tended to collect a lot of things and I live 1500 miles away. I do have two items he made – a painting and a little cabinet – and those are special to me. I see and use them everyday. I also have a violin he gifted to one of his friends. The fact that his friend would think of me and send that to me is very meaningful. I also have a cross necklace that was blessed on the altar during his funeral Mass. This has become one of my most treasured items related to my dad. Whenever I wear it, I feel close to him. So all in all, it worked out. I agree – you do not need a ton of things from someone to remember them. A few special items is enough and just right!
Heather M. says
I have been working to declutter sentimental items (especially those of my relatives’) for years now. I no longer have any living grandparents but for each of them I have kept one item that reminds me of them…
One of my grandfather’s striped ties (he always wore a suit and tie to church), my grandmother’s bible with its hand-quilted carrying case (and her handwritten notes inside), a pair of silver and turquoise earrings my other grandmother (who loved all things Southwestern) made, and a small, framed photo of my other grandfather sitting in the cockpit of his helicopter in Korea (he was a highly decorated pilot for over 50 years).
I have various photos of them all as well, but these other tangible items bring me a great deal of happiness and take up little physical and mental space.