Recently, I attended an event at my daughter’s high school. She was receiving an award for academic success.
The awards ceremony took place in the school gymnasium.
There were two folding tables on one end of the gym for the principal and guidance counselors who read off the names and explained the significance of the award.
In the middle of the gym floor were two simple folding chairs set up to mark where the students were to walk.
The parents sat on bleachers on one side of the gym.
Before the ceremony, we ate a dinner of ground turkey tacos. On our way home, we got some ice cream. Nothing fancy, just a small treat to celebrate.
After returning home, I watched a few innings of a baseball game before going to bed at 10pm (which is about all the later I can seem to stay up these days).
In almost every imaginable way, there was nothing extravagant about the night.
It seems to me there are three approaches I could have taken during the evening:
1. I could entirely unappreciate the night, begrudgingly attend the school event, and complain about the whole thing.
I could have been upset that I HAD to go out another night of the week.
I could have thought about how tired I was from work, how many things needed to be completed around the house, or how I just didn’t want to attend another thing.
Rare is the parent who would choose option #1 and begrudgingly complain about attending the night (although they do exist).
2. I could appreciate the beauty and meaning of the night for what it was.
The night was simple, but meaningful and beautiful.
There is a lot of beauty to be found in ordinary things.
3. I could daydream about how much better the night could have been with a few upgrades.
We could have gone out to eat for a steak dinner before the ceremony… that would have made the night even better.
They could have hired a professional speaker, local media personality, or special music for the event. They could have had a fancier queue line for the students… that would have been better.
We could have sat on more comfortable chairs than bleachers… that would have been better.
We could have chosen a fancier dessert, driven a newer car, or returned home to a bigger screen television. Certainly, any of those upgrades would have made the evening even more luxurious and enjoyable, right?
I could have spent the entire night looking for all the ways it could be better.
But what benefit does it give my life to do that?
How does it increase my happiness or joy in life to constantly think my life would be better if I just had x?
None, whatsoever. Nor would more comfortable chairs, a newer car, or fancier meal have changed the accomplishment and meaning of the evening.
Too often we miss the beauty of ordinary things by wishing for something better.
It is a gift to yourself to see the beauty of ordinary things. To not constantly look around you and your circumstances and dwell on all the ways your life would improve if it were upgraded.
Our world encourages discontent at every turn and our minds too often embrace it. Even though it seems unwise to discount the beauty right in front of us, we do it all the time.
We wish the house was bigger, the restaurant was fancier, the vacation was more exotic, or the television was larger.
We wish the furniture was fancier, the clothes were more fashionable, the phone was upgraded, or the mode of transportation was more luxurious.
We wish the boss was more understanding, the weather was warmer, the stomach was flatter, or the bank account had more zeroes.
But when we live life constantly desiring more and better, we miss the beauty of the ordinary right in front of us.
It is one thing to work to improve your lot in life. It is something completely different to miss the beauty and blessings of the life you are currently experiencing.
Wise is the man or woman who chooses to see them.
I really enjoyed this post and I agree with it. I struggle with this at times as I grew up in a poor home. Often we had a utility go out or home went into foreclosure… anyway, when I got older I grew up and my husband grew up the opposite way. When we were dating he wanted to give me the world and his family had luxuries. I’ll never forget him taking me to the ballet I loved, the nice restaurant, or getting an item for me that was pricey. It made me feel special and loved. Does it mean he doesn’t love me if he didn’t no but it sure does mean a lot to me. I don’t have to have a lot. I’m actually the minimalist one and fight for simplifying in every area. I guess my prospective is off when it comes to these special items/ events. I would love to hear insights that could help me grow past this.
I think you have a very generous husband who enjoys giving and who truly adores you. You are the minimalist so just use your persuasive charm. I’m sure he will be receptive
I really enjoyed this post and I agree with it. I struggle with this at times as I grew up in a poor home. Often we had a utility go out or home went into foreclosure… anyway, when I got older I grew up and my husband grew up the opposite way. When we were dating he wanted to give me the world and his family had luxuries. I’ll never forget him taking me to the ballet I loved, the nice restaurant, or getting an item for me that was pricey. It made me feel special and loved. Does it mean he doesn’t love me if he didn’t no but it sure does mean a lot to me. I don’t have to have a lot. I’m actually the minimalist one and fight for simplifying in every area. I guess my prospective is off when it comes to these special items/ events.
Joshua Becker has changed my life too!! I’m so very thankful he continues to do what he does so well, and change so many others lives as well!! Forever grateful!!
I love this post! I really needed to read this today. Thank you for sharing.
Sounds like the absolutely PERFECT evening! There is nothing better than celebrating family and children. We’ve sat on many bleachers, in gyms, on folding chairs, rainy days and nights on athletic fields, in middle and high school auditoriums celebrating our kids. An ice cream cone afterwards. As long as it’s with the people you love, that’s all it takes. IT’S THE BEST!!!!!
I have been remembering lately the Christmases that my husband was unemployed. Those are the ones that standout as joyful seasons. Spending time singing Carols, reading Christmas stories, watching Christmas movies, playing games , cooking together. All these were happy moments. What is the reason for Christmas anyway. When we stop to think about the root of the activity then we drill down to how to really celebrate that moment. This is a year they propose meager pickings for toys, electronics and such. Why not look inward and celebrate the real reason and give what we give with a heart felt appreciation for the receiptant. Congratulations to your daughter. Your pride in her accomplishment is worth more than a steak dinner
Funny, I was just having a conversation about ‘upgrades’ with my husband. We are different; he wants nothing to change that doesn’t really NEED changing (eg. laminate countertops), while I’ve shopped around for a very reasonable quartz – something I’d like pretty much for aesthetic reasons. Oddly, I’m the one leading the charge on decluttering while he sees ‘boxes going out the door’ and is unsettled (Why can’t we leave things alone? Why are you ‘always having to change things?’). In truth, we’ve been married almost 33 yrs, and i’ve bought ONE couch/loveseat set for the living room. (Okay, had it recovered a few yrs. ago). It bothers me to be considered profligate when I consider myself prudent and consultative. I’m an artist and keenly aware of how things look. Both clutter and ugliness bother me. This post is a bit off topic but wonder if others feel quenched when they do want some reasonable, well- considered indulgence? Yes, I can live with my countertops; is that always the best choice? Is upgrading a dirty word?
Hi Sheila, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Two things came to mind: a) While I embrace Joshua’s philosophy, I also share yours about indulging and upgrading as long as these choices are well-considered and intentional. I love to cook, so having nice tools and surfaces in the kitchen creates a better experience. Not because they look better but merely based on how they make me feel. At the same time, I cherish the few days every year that I get to cook with my Mom in her tiny kitchen using cooking utensils that we’ve used for decades. I find joy in both experiences and don’t wish they were different. b) The way you and your husband view change makes me wonder about the different needs we all have. I’m like you; I have to move things around. It’s how my mind and body function. Others don’t have such a need. It’s admirable when two people can make these two approaches converge for 33 years. Thank you again, Sheila, for starting this conversation.
Thoughtful article! I have been in “clearance sale” mode in my life for the last 10 years. The frustrations of stretching your resources and peace of mind…to “attain” a false sense of nirvana..is not worth it! A few days ago I spent a day with my grown daughter. After a few schedule snafus…and an overcast day….I allowed myself to just relax and “wing it”…rather than have an itinerary to follow. We wandered into shops I used to take her to when she was a preteen…and shared small talk with the owners of the shops as well. Enjoying the small talk and camraderie we have always shared…I realized later how much fun it had been, Nothing fancy. Just me and her sharing Dad/Daughter love. Indeed, the simple joys are the most priceless.We all need to disconnect from the stress of overextended life. Get off the treadmill! Simplification and minimalism is the key!
I agree so whole heartedly!!
I’ve lived with a bit of money and I’ve been poor.
Being poor taught me so much more!!
When I was poor and I was given an apple or a cup of coffee I was truly thankful and I felt totally blessed.
Having money did not teach me the same lessons at all.
Amen to that!