“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” —James Baldwin
An interesting story is told of Monterey, California, a coastal town, that quickly became a pelican’s paradise. As the local fishermen returned each day to clean their fish, they would fling the unused internal organs of the fish to the pelicans. The birds graciously accepted their gift and as a result, quickly grew fat, lazy, and contented. Eventually however, when the fishing industry in Monterey took a downturn, the free meals began to slow for the pelicans.
When the change came, the pelicans made no effort to fish for themselves. Instead, they waited around and grew gaunt and thin. Many even starved to death. Because of the free handouts, they had forgotten how to fish for themselves.
To remedy the situation, an unprecedented solution was sought: import new pelicans from the south accustomed to foraging for themselves. These new birds were placed among their starving cousins, and the newcomers immediately started catching fish. Before long, the hungry pelicans followed suit, and the famine was ended.
My son is 12 and my daughter is 9. Right now, and for a little while longer, we live together as a family. This, then, represents my great opportunity to prepare them for life. Whether we like it or not, our children are soaking up values from us as parents about how to live, how to work, and how to achieve significance. We serve as their most trusted examples for life.
Embracing a life content with fewer possessions has modeled for them the important truths that personal belongings are not the key to happiness, that security is found in their character, and that the pursuit of happiness runs a different road than the pursuit of possessions. These are, of course, valuable life lessons they will never learn in a world that often promises short-term happiness in ready-wrapped packages.
There are countless truths I desire to pass on to my children: being content with less is among the most important.
Since embracing the principles of minimalism, I am overjoyed at some of the lessons my children have learned. They have learned:
They don’t need to buy things to be happy. We own far fewer things than we did years ago. We purchase far fewer things than we did years ago. Yet, we are far happier than we were years ago. Go figure.
They don’t need to live life like everyone else. Even though they are not quite old enough to understand all of the intricacies of our minimalist life, they completely understand we have made a decision to live differently than most people in our neighborhood. Our lifestyle has given them permission to live a countercultural life.
They can live within their means. Although our children are not balancing our checkbook, they do hear us speak often about debt, the joy of not being in it, and our desire to stay out of it.
They ought to think carefully about their purchases. Because we believe in giving our kids opportunity to find/grow in their interests, we still need to buy things: toys, school supplies, art supplies, and sporting goods. We just think through our buying decisions more carefully. This is an invaluable lesson for children to learn as they get older. We no longer buy something just because we have the money, we buy things because we need them.
They should gladly share with others. Since we became minimalist when they were young, they have grown up watching us donate many of our belongings to others. They have seen generosity in action.
Clutter is a distraction. They have seen how minimalism creates a home where clutter is scarce. And when it does show up, it can be quickly remedied—and usually is.
The joy of spending time together. Our minimalist home has allowed us the opportunity to spend less time purchasing, cleaning, organizing, and sorting things. We have gladly replaced the time we spent managing stuff with time spent together as a family.
We are in control of our stuff. Not the other way around.
Wanda says
Wow, I have seen the opposite in action where the kids had to have the latest and greatest of every techno gadget and phone that came out on the market. It left the parents bankrupt, the kids poor in spirit and parent dependent even into their 30’s and very, very discontent. They were never content for a moment with what they had and are still not as adults. Breaks my heart for them. Hope people read your articles and take them to heart. Being a minimalist sets one free to truly live life and truly enjoy less stress, pressure and strife!!!
AGS says
Perhaps the example is that there is an alternate way to live. And that you have a CHOICE. What your kids ultimately choose as adults is their own business. But the opportunity to see folks live a counter culture lifestyle – which is what debt/clutter/longing-for-more is, gives an advantage.
Nice article.
AGS says
Meant debt-free
Mandy says
I needed to read this again today to re focus. I’m so upset with myself I failed today on this front. On a shopping trip to buy a gift for someone I let my daughter get away with demanding various items for herself and against my better judgement purchased it for her when really I should not have, particularly given her poor behaviour demanding/yelling in the store. She was pushing my buttons and I got flustered and upset with her, yet I rewarded the poor behaviour. I’m really down about it, I handled it poorly. I normally set a boundary before we go shopping and she will usually accept this. How do I rectify this now?? I feel I’ve allowed it once she will repeat the behaviour. I’ve told her we won’t be buying anything new for a while and if there is something she wants she can put on her christmas wish list. Other ideas, help please!
Cathryn Pratt says
You did reward the poor behavior but we all make mistakes. Use the frustration with yourself to remind you not to give in again. If she tries this again, remove her from the store and go home. If she’s old enough to remind you that she got the toy last time, gently explain that mommies make mistakes, too, but that you are not doing it anymore. Hang in there!
Sheila says
I am a mother raising children in a relatively affluent part of the country (while being non-affluent), and this post resonated with me. The self-entitlement, one-more, bigger, better attitude of some of my children’s peers is a force my husband and I battle with every day. I thank you for your encouragement!
Barry says
I like this blog a lot. It brings children to think more about what they can produce than what they can consume to live a minimalistic lifestyle like this. And production instills self confidence!
here’s my blog: http://barrymannilow.org
g says
Article on seniors and minimalism??? Transition from living a life that may have been different.
Cathryn Pratt says
I don’t have access to any such articles, but after my sister passed at age 49 and my mother, siblings, and I had to sort through her house, we all realized how much stuff one accumulates. (I’m also an avid watcher of “Hoarders”, which also helps). My mom is a packrat but has since purged bc she’s realized that things don’t make you happy. If you don’t have stuff to be stolen, issued, locked up, and stored, a huge weight is lifted off of you.
Kellen says
Some minimalism seems to have consumerism attached to it, ironically enough. When I see photos of “minimalist” living spaces, it looks like the house/apartment itself and its contents cost a fortune. It doesn’t matter that the place is sparsely populated with items, but each item looks very expensive.
There’s little talk in the minimalist movement about the horrors of capitalism underpinning all this wild consumer acquisition. It would not surprise me if most minimalists ARE capitalists. How they square that in their minds is anybody’s guess, since by definition capitalism is about acquisition, exploitation, and growth. I’m guessing this is an uncomfortable subject for minimalists.
But much of the minimalism movement seems to be competitive in its interpretation, but capitalist society in general tends to do that to people, even minimalists.
Graham says
I guess there is no real way to separate capitalist consumerism with the philosophy of minimalism. Just by living in this system we are all bound to the god of money, even if you have little to none.
This is a deeper discussion that very much involves children as kids are a big driving factor for a lot of people chasing after money.
What I see is that as long as we continue to show and tell children that money is the only way, they too will become devote worshippers of the money god, thus perpetuating this twisted system.
To ever see this truly change we need to start discussing the ills of worshipping money and encourage children to brainstorm, reform or all together change the way we trade goods and services. It would be a radical shift away from a system that has disenfranchised and disempowered so many.
Real human worth and empowerment shouldn’t come from what the # in your bank account says.
Sheila says
Gosh, I love this blog. THANK YOU!
Jenny Kim says
Those are real strong lessons for your children to learn. But I would also stress that having a good nest egg is another important lesson to teach. I have a new saying for my child, “Money doesn’t buy happiness, but Money does buy options”. When you have money you can bring back the control into your own life. You no longer need to be dictated what to do by a unfair boss. You can make your own decisions and forge your own path. You also get the option to live where you want to live, instead of having the lack of money dictate your lifestyle. Minimalist is fine, but good school districts, and safe environments for your family are the things that only money can buy. So I stress to my child that money is not evil in itself, but it won’t make you happy to only focus on it. But it’s still important to being reach your full “Happiness”.
Kellen says
Those kinds of options are open to certain classes of people but not others.
Graham says
Exactly.
John P. Weiss says
We filled my son’s room with good books when he was young, and a wall sign from Elbert Hubbard that says,” Boredom is a matter of choice, not circumstance.”