“I am not concerned that you have fallen. I am concerned that you arise.” —Abraham Lincoln
Life is never, always a comedy. At times, it is tragedy.
Life is experienced as a constant, never-ending shift between successes and failures—sometimes occurring within moments of one another. To be human is to fail. We know this to be true from personal experience.
We experience hardship both because of our faults and because of the faults of others.
We fail in the small things: staying on a diet, running a 5k, keeping a New Year’s resolution, or controlling clutter in our homes. We fail in the larger things: overcoming an addiction, finding employment, or holding on to an important relationship. And sometimes our failures negatively impact the rest of our lives: keeping a marriage together, persuading a child to make better choices, or overcoming a lifetime of debt.
But in each setback—whether small or large—we find opportunity for growth. And as long as a glimmer of hope remains, so do we.
Some of the most influential people in my life have cemented their legacy through their failures. This should come as no surprise. After all, some of the most inspirational stories ever written (or lived) center on personal triumph over weakness or loss. As one screen writer once told me, “If the hero in your story does not experience tragedy, the audience will never relate to him or her.”
Failure is a necessary part of life. We would be wise to allow it to change us and shape us. How then, can each of us redeem failure for good?
An Encouraging Guide to Overcoming Failure
1. We admit that we experience it. Despite the universality of failure, our world goes to great lengths to hide it. People always have and people always will. Our default position too often is to downplay our weaknesses, but those who find growth in failure begin by simply admitting its existence in their lives.
2. We recognize failure is common. And because we know all experience it, we find comfort knowing we are not alone in it.
3. We look for personal responsibility. Our initial tendency is often to blame others or uncontrollable, external factors. After all, to admit defeat is to admit defeat. But rarely are the failures in our lives entirely the responsibility of someone else. And until we take personal responsibility in some capacity, we can never move on to the next step.
4. We process our weakness. Socrates once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” This holds true in both success and failure. When failure occurs, which it always will, the wisest of us journey inward to determine the cause and intentional steps we can take to learn from the experience. And in time, we learn to champion humility.
5. We let go of the factors outside our control. One of the most hope-filled moments in life is when we find the courage to let go of what we cannot change.
6. We grow through pain. We live in a society passionately committed to avoiding pain. But there is benefit to be found in discomfort. While I would never encourage anybody to intentionally seek pain through failure, it will arise. And when it does, it will be okay. In fact, it will teach us things we could never learn elsewhere: patience and perseverance for example.
7. We forgive. If our pain is partly a result of someone else’s failures, we find freedom in forgiveness.
8. We turn to others. Nobody successfully navigates life alone. When the hope inside us begins to fade, we look for it in others. We turn to family. If family is not available, we turn to friends. And if friends are not available, we look for intentional communities around us to find support.
9. And then, we share our stories. It may not happen right away—some failures take longer to process than others. But eventually, we find opportunity to share our story. When we do, we share it with honesty and humility. Through it, we discover opportunity to provide hope, strength, and encouragement to others. We find influence for good. And we begin to make sense of our failings.
Failure is never the end. It is instead, a necessary part of the journey. May we keep hope alive. And find redemption through it.
Thanks these comments,repliesyou posted are helping me.At my 50 a Zulu man devorce,no job living at mother’s house is a disgrace.I with Lord Jesus glory will be what i wanna be again in full force.Thanks.Dzefry
I had been leading a charmed life till the year 2020 when I lost my wife. Since that time, quite unexpectedly my relatives and friends started to shy away from me as I had lost my job and I was almost broke. Between then and now, I did some jobs but was never able to earn enough to fulfil my teenaged son’s wishes and his education. At present, nothing has changed and if this was not worse, my son fell sick a few days back and I did not have enough money to buy medicines if needed. I sent a spam message on a social media platform to my contacts for some financial help (one of many in these years). One of the contacts (who was am old friend of my wife) also unintetionally got the message and it to my in-laws who called my son and told him everything about it. Now I am not able to face him and am feeling very very lonely and a bad loser. I accept I made a mistake but I had never taken any money from my wife friends ever. I just dont know what to do now. every time, I think I will come up something or the other pulls me down back to the drain. I have already worked 20 hours a day and am still willing to do it but after some many years my colleagues whom I helped are very well off and I am still there where I was. It pains. Dont know how long it will last…any advice for a loser like me. Kartik Vishwanath from India
I’m a failure and I need help
I haven’t worked in years and it makes me constantly ashamed to see ‘normal’ people going about their lives while I sit and feel sorry for myself. I am 54 years old, getting nowhere fast, with no savings, no retirement, no plan for later on. I get no interviews, no interest in my job applications. I lost my business, money, house, wife, and self-respect when my “dream” of opening a restaurant turned into a nightmare of debt, loss, and failure. 8 years later, and I still feel shame and regret every minute. My greatest shame? Not having the foresight to see what would happen to me/us if my plans did not work perfectly. Not thinking about the future until it is too late to do anything, then wondering what the hell I am supposed to do once it arrives. I am screwed and there’s no going back. I just realized that I haven’t been out to a restaurant, a party, any kind of social event whatsoever in over 5 years. Things that are normal to most are beyond reach for me. Whatever. Take another pill. Read another book. Get some more useless advice about “just do all the things you should all the time” or “don’t act depressed and you won’t be”. Great. Now what?
Thank you. I receive such balance from your teaching.
Life is throwing repeated disappointments…sply personal life..i am clueless…i really dont know what should i expect from life…people come in my life …they raise some hope in me …and when i start feeling something abt them…thr priorities changes…shld i blame myself for expecting…or shld i blame them….
Don’t allow people to come near yourself stay away from people which make u worry or abandoned u don’t have feelings for anyone once u distance people Faraway from urself ur pain will surely be less
Im struggling to motivate myself , since I have been unemployed for 2years , been to job interviews and not getting hired. I have never felt like a failure ever in my life until now. Is there a lesson to be learnt with moving back to my mothers house at 34 being broke and the constant rejection?
Hey Sam,
So you’re 34, unemployed for 2 years, broke, been turned down repeatedly for various jobs, moved back to your mother’s house and you wonder what lesson is there to be learned in all of this?
That depends on if you pass these tests, or battles. And you will!
Remember that you’ve “never felt like a failure until now”? And now you’ve experienced that which you’ve never felt before. And you’re wondering “What’s the ‘flipping’ point in all of this”? That’s the point, to really experience total “failure”.
It’s only when we experience a massive setback in life, that eventually, we’re given the amazing experience of a tremendous win! We cannot have a great victory without a great battle!
And here’s why I KNOW that you’ll, even if you haven’t already, win! And I seen it in your own words.
You said that you’ve “been to job interviews” and didn’t see any results. You went to your first interview, and didn’t get the job. And then you went to another interview, and didn’t get that job. A “failure” wouldn’t have gone to the first one, much less any others.
And once you’re “back in the saddle again”, and you will be, you’ll be able to relate, and even better to help, others that’re going through the same thing.
I could tell you about situation after situation, where people faced even greater odds against them than you’ve faced. I know them personally and what they faced. And they overcame those odds, in ways that defy logic and reason, yet they did. And now they’re internally stronger, financially better than their relatives and friends, and they reach out and help others win their own battles.
You’ll overcome all that you’re facing right now, and be a better, stronger and more compassionate person than you ever were!
And that’s what you’ll learn from all of this.
Have a great life!
I look back and see now so much that mattered back in my 20s is definitely not what matters today. what matters is how you feel inside your head and heart–your natural instinct. Go with it. Don’t think you need to seek everyone else’s advice.
Be confident within yourself.
Hello, please I need serious encouragement right now. I failed my bar exam and I’m in shock, didn’t even expect less than 2.1 , im depressed, sad, confused I wish I can just quickly rewind the time nd the result should change can’t even think about late night reading, not eating going for lectures and after all I failed, I feel like going somewhere no one can see me cos im ashamed of myself, feel like I disappointed a lot of people, and all my friends passed so why me.
I had two exams today.. nd i did my worse.. was totally blank for the first time… i don’t know what happened… i am getting negative vibes .
I needed to read this. Thank you.
These couple past months has really hard for me i quit my job of 5 years for what i thought would be a better opportunity but turned out to be a nightmare that i deeply regret as a result im suffering with depression, anxiety and insomnia i wish i could go back in time and not quit my job but with all that’s going on i still have my family support witch makes coping a little easier each day i won’t give up cause in life we all make mistake but learning from them and moving forward is the true lesson this to shall past
plz help me….I have made decision to ans entrance test again….but my parents are not supporting me…and I am feeling ALONE…I am teenager and really wants my parents support. Since they are not supporting me I am not able to concentrate on my study…plz help me to be focused on my goal n also suggest some method to give moral SUPPORT for me which I am nt having…
confucis said ” our greatest glory is not in never falling but rising everytime we fall” .i used to be a bright student back in the days .but ever since i started my grade 4 in senior school things have changed.and the pain of being outcompeted i can no longer bear .i blame myself each and every day .but one thing i am sure of is that am the best .its just that there are some things am not doing right and i am still searching for them .can i get inspirations on life so as i can keep going ?
People say I am dull in achieving goals ,I accepted myself dull , People say I am nothing and I accepted but time proved that I am the successful man in my life and in my job too. Believe me seven years before I was nothing , had no plans , had no way what to do and what kind of things were needed to do , I always accepted what does people commented upon me , And that was my mistake and If I might not have believed on them ,May be today I would be more successful than to my current position , My friends , People’s work is to condemn good and praise bad , it depends upon you that how do you utilize your time and skills . Life needs nothing but a quality time to plan what to do and when to do and implementation of that plan. Thank you,
I’m so distressed right now. I failed two courses in my first semester in the university and I ended up with a second class lower. I promised myself that I was going to be a better student the next semester and i started well but along the line I got distracted. I checked my result and what I saw was a clear indication that I had gone from bad to worse. I failed six courses. After seeing my result, my dad got angry and has made up his mind to abandon me and focus on my siblings who are more serious with their books. I can’t blame him at all, infact i feel i deserve it. Every time i think of this, it makes me sad and most times am in tears. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
because of some family problems i wasn’t able to pass class 11th and now its too shameful for me. now i can’t face my mom,my dad and especially my brother who had high hopes from me. my brother thinks i am nothing more than a big failure and shame. i know that somewhere its my fault too but they only blame me for this. i feel so helpless. i have decided that i will do my 11th again and this time i’ll do my best but the fact that i have failed once is making my life very difficult for me. i don’t know what i should do……
I have no work for 2 yrs. After graduating in college. Right now I have a training I can’t go travel because of my weak body and most of all my ulcer problem. My sis is so mad at me I’m 27 still no work its my opportunity. Am I unlucky and failure? But I keep positive bout it. Reading all the post here.
Stop focusing on looking for a job and think of a bussiness you can do on your own. You dont need a job to be successful. You not getting a job does not mean you a failure. All you need is a commitment and persistency in anything bussiness you choose to do and success will come running to you.
When I was succeeded I didn’t ask why is that ? But when I was failed I asked why is that ? A few months ago, one fine morning while I was sipping my morning tea and reading the newspaper… I asked myself Why is that failure ? Why is that failure ? Why is that failure ? Then I realized that I should not ASK Why is that failure ? I have to SAY that is why that failure. When you stop asking an question why is that? You will realize that is why… Once you realize that is why… Then success is waiting for you.
It is not easy to overcome the fear of failure, but once you build up the confidence to not let fear hold you back you’ll acheive much more.
I’m not sure how much insight you can give me. I’m 1 week shy of graduating a nursing program and it all crumbled before me as I’m on the clinical floor and failed to report a condition of a patient to the primary RN. (everyone is alive btw). Her story of what happened was much worse than the truth of what happened, nevertheless I’m out. I had a meeting with the Director and instructor and they deemed me unsafe to practice. I had a perfect record on the floor prior to this. One goof up and now the next few months of my life are out of control.
I saw this article in hopes of figuring out how to move forward. I am re-applying to other schools and not giving up on all the hard work i already put in. I hope to get through this and look back at these struggles as a bump in the road.
I will refer to these 9 things to help me overcome my failure in this arena. I’m successful in other ways, though, maybe that’s one that you might want to add.
10. Appreciate the ways that you have succeeded in life
Thank you Anonymous Bird for sharing your story – it was very brave and it’s not too far from my own experience. It’s been nearly a year since you’ve posted this and I hope things have turned around for you. Thank you for giving me the courage to try again.
How can all you young people let yourselves think that you’ve failed??? What you have done is to try something that wasn’t for you – ie an exam in a subject that you didn’t enjoy is going to end in the realisation that you don’t want to have a career / university place studying or working at something that’s boring or unfulfilling. This is about what YOU want to do. Not what your parents want you to do. What’s happened is that you’ve had some help and practice sessions to realise THEIR dreams. You have to be mature and brave enough to speak out and tell them what it is YOU want to do, otherwise you’ll end up in a life that someone else wants you to live and be unhappy! It’s hard to speak out sometimes, but the worst that could happen is that they tell you they’re disappointed. They may even shout. The best that could happen is that they recognise and admire your honesty and maturity and help you to find and study the path that best suits you. You’ll probably find, as I did, that you try loads of things that you think you want to do before finding your path. And no one fails if they try their best. Each thing we try is a little practice leading up to doing the thing we love most.
I wish you all, all the best in whatever you end up doing.
I am shocked at the sadness I hear in so many of these posts also. I am in my 50s, and can tell you that my failures made me as well as my success. I too am a disappointment to a parent, but with age I have come to see that as more her problem than mine. Endeavor to do well in what you try, but know that failure is a part of living.
Really nice article on a subject that everyone will face sooner or later. For me it’s the one area I’m actually most proficient in. I take failure very seriously and have reached height I never dreampt were possible…Thanks for the good perspective and helpful hints! Failure Later :)
2 year’s ago I had really worked hard to get promotion but I didn’t get. II was very disappointed so I had clashes with my immediate supervisor, who said that I deserved the promotion but he doesn’t know how I didn’t get it. So I asked for an internal change. Now this year I have things went much worst. I’m really hopeless now. Don’t know what to do. Feeling like ending this life. All other’s are growing in their lives. Except me. What should I do. I’m unable to face other’s due to my failures.
I experienced a very difficult job loss last year and went through similar emotions. Unfortunately we will all encounter failures in life, but they never have to be final. You are always able to keep writing your story. It doesn’t have to end in failure. This does not have to be the end. Though hope and any optimism may seem lost, still reach out for them and hold them intently in your mind to move forward. Negativity may keep knocking on the door of your mind, but you just have to keep shutting it out. Be patient with yourself and kind to yourself as you would with a close friend. All of our journeys will look different, but there is always hope as long as you believe there is.
If you fail, never give up because it is only a First Attempt In Learning; end is not the end, it only means that Effort Never Dies; if you get no as an answer, it just means there is a Next Opportunity.
“The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.” -Theodore Roosevelt
“The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall.” -Vince Lombardi
“Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never — in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.” -Winston Churchill
“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” -Thomas Edison
“Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our full potential.” -Winston Churchill
There is always a fear in everyone’s mind,fear of loss which keeps our life changing. sometimes things go worst than you expect,we find no hope anywhere, and when we fail and fail we gain patience,preservance and the strength to face a bigger strom, tragedies shape our story and pain give it a depth and when we rise again we find new life with new oppournities. i will give you an example from my own personal life,,i am an mbbs student. when i newly joined my college i always had a fear of the books i have to read and the boring studies. i was a good student in my school times i was always scoring good grades but when i joined my college i got some new friends i was always a cool in what ever situtations i may face but when i spend one year with them and when there was a one month left for exams i got stuck from where to begin now syllabus was huge and time was short then stress started building in and i thought as if my mind is going to blast up. i didnt perform well in my studies and i hardly passed witi low grades. My mom and dad didnt even disscussed it once they thought these things will disturb me ,but my friends relatives kept on shouting there non sense frustation on me . then i got a chance for a change life stared getting pace again , but after a year again i got some problem with my new freinds and a realtionship i had that time again things got worst i again found a chance of change now with the blessing of God things are going right now but the taste of life i had in my past i just want those things to happen again bcoz pain is the real factor of strength and power we gain . so dont let things go worse accept the failure and get ready to change. Failure is the best teacher that can build your life to its maximum you can live..live this life through its depth and always hope for the best. ”’After every hardship comes ease.